Sometimes when every memory of you is flooded with bitter sweet melancholy I feel like the only remedy for my aching heart besides chemically fabricated numbness is you. You telling me that you love me one last time But deep down i would be scared that if these syllables dripped from you lips like teardrops in the ocean they would become less significant or even worse irrelevant because they are not true anymore And my longed for remedy would evaporate in the desert that I used to call my heart That’s why I stick to my effectively poisonous chemicals Before you left I had turned every word I knew in to bricks trying to build a road through the void between us But you kept throwing those same bricks through every window of our house and insisted that the shattering glass sounded like a lullaby. “Hush baby hush I’m not going anywhere” you whispered as you walked out the door and I had no choice but to wordlessly believe you. those broken promises left bullet wounds on my skin and you fixed them up with a playful smile. As if you liked how much i needed you As if you enjoyed my helplessness And when I was desperately looking for a hand to hold, relapse found me lured me down that same old rabbit hole. And whenever I had fought my way back to the edge you pushed me further down. eventually I was stuck in an endless cycle where recovery and relapse kind of were the same And now I am here I am at 04:00 AM painting a picture of you in the darkest colours I can imagine still my heart my eyes and my smile can’t help but to light up at the thought of you. Becase in all honesty I know you never were evil I just was and still am desperately trying to stop loving you But I gues I am failing miserably
nice try

















