When they made me, they broke the mold. ✘✘ @billienotbilly - Tumblr Blog

Favourite character meme • 3/3 traits: Nurturing A person who takes care of, feeds, and protects someone, especially young children, and helps them develop.

#Shameless #Fiona Gallagher

To the man who continuously helps navigate the collapsing world around me and the complex world inside of me. The man who validates the intensity and vast spectrum of emotions that neurotypicals do not experience. Thank you for teaching me how to live, especially throughout my traumatic teenage years. You empathized with me when no one else did. It felt like time stopped the night I told you my story. You grabbed my shoulders, pulled me in for a hug and said “I understand you.” as you squeezed me tight. My first crush, my first love, my first enlightenment. The man who ignited the process of my ever-escalating critique of America. You have had more impact than anyone or anything else in my life. Growing up with you has been my saving grace. You have elicited the best memories of my life. You have gifted me with lifelong friends. You have given me more than a petty social media post can unpack. “Lucky” doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel to be alive at the same time as you. You will always manage to blow my mind. Now and forever. Forever and now. 💚 #1972 Happy 50th Birthday, @billiejoearmstrong! (at Anywhere & Everywhere) https://www.instagram.com/p/CaGbhxMtKYv/?utm_medium=tumblr

#1972

geekgirl78

#probably the only thing that would make me feel even remotely okay would be this #billie joe armstrong

blackwoolncrown

I want to say this bc it does not get said enough: most grief you experience in your life will have NOTHING to do with death.

This is not talked about enough and as a result ppl struggle to process grief bc the world is telling them that grief is something else.

Grief is about loss, and IF you’d like to define it as a loss of life it is not restricted to loss of life via death. Even then I’d implore you to not view grief as about death or life but again, just loss.

Grief is also about having a shitty childhood that nothing can fix even if you have healed from it as an adult; your childhood was shitty and there’s nothing retroactively you can do about it. You grieve the loss of thriving your past self was denied.

Grief is about friendships that ended abruptly, confusingly and again, there’s nothing you can do to change that. You just have to sit with it. This is the only way grief can ultimately be processed and all it wants by the way: to be accepted and sat with. That’s it.

Grief is about opportunities that have passed, experiences you can’t have because of the way situations have ended up, and having to accept that while you do have your whole future ahead of you, there were some things you wanted to be a certain way then and they weren’t, aren’t and will never be.

Grief is being estranged from your family and missing family closeness even though you do not want to be closer to your parents, because you’re grieving the fact that there is a healthy part of human life you will not experience through them.

Grief can be the job you lost, the plans that fell through, the events that spiraled out of your control

If grief is strictly about life and death, understand that it includes grieving the life you never had and the death of who you used to be, too.

But moreover, grief is about loss.

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If my writing helps you consider > donating here,< as FOSTA/SESTA has taken most of my income and I need support as I finish school so I can establish my work.

#i needed this #but why has my entire life been straight up grief?#i’m tired

I’ve lost touch with everyone and everything I know and I dont know if I will ever get it back. I dont know if I will ever get myself back to who I was before C-PTSD and chronic illness. I dont know how to relate to people anymore. I am not confident anymore. I am afraid of friendship. Talking to people makes me self-conscious and uncomfortable now. I know I am easily forgotten about, but I have nothing to talk about that wont weigh down on others, so why bother reaching out? Right now in particular, I need to reach out but I don’t know how. I dont know who. I can not openly speak without feeling shame. I have felt myself wither away over the course of years. I think about unaliving myself daily because I believe I have lived enough. I have made enough bad choices, but never enough good ones. Now I am stuck here struggling to live for myself. I wish I wasn’t brought into this world only to raise myself. A neurodivergent person trying to navigate a neurotypical world. The only reason I have not unalived is due to my mother and cat needing me. What if my unaliving attempt fails just like everything else I have tried to succeed at? I wish I didn’t isolate myself from the people and things I love bc I felt the need to withhold joy from myself until I believe I have earned them. I wish I didn’t stay in an emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years then transition to a neglectful one. Putting the pieces of the puzzle together, once my mother deteriorated, I became too dependent on a significant other….because I still needed my mom but she was a million miles away…just like when I was a child….but so much worse. I wish I had the power to save my mothers life. I wish I could give her the strength for sobriety as I have chosen for myself. Would things change if I moved back home? I dont feel like my life belongs to me anymore. Each decision I make is fueled by the desire for feeling safe, secure and straight up surviving. I am scared to death. I just bought a home with someone. Only to cry every night since we closed on it. I am full of fear that I have made a massive mistake. Between the sarcasm, constant putdowns, undermining and judgmental tendencies, what should be the most exciting time of my life has become so fucking depressing. I wish I had a support system. I wish all of the friends I’ve ever had didn’t move away or live so far away that I am no longer involved in their lives. I wish my partner cared about my emotional needs. I wish I didn’t buy a house with someone who is invalidating me daily. I wish he didn’t put his hands on me tonight after I finally snapped. I wish I had the strength to exist alone. I wish the old Bethany didn’t die a slow painful death. I feel I have been stripped of who I am. I am too far gone and this is not a life I want to live anymore. I have been thinking back to a TikTok I saw, the person said “Look at a photo of yourself when you were a child. Would you let someone hurt them or treat them poorly?” I have failed her.