𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬 : you’re guarded you have to be,— you can’t just let anyone into your life.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : photographer!billie x spoiledfem!reader, mom reader, reader is harsh yet gentle, obviously readers boyfriend left but it doesn’t go into detail.
𝐚/𝐧 : although reader is 23 it explains teen pregnancy and i am not whatsoever promoting it!! also billie being a photographer literally boost nothing but i just wanted it to match the photos.
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you weren’t always like this, closed off, hard headed and hard to read.
before everything happened, the silence of the apartment, and the double checking every single door at night while your daughter slept. before you learned how to read a persons thought as easy as reading a child’s book. you used to laugh, and not the fake laugh you use when someone compliments her shoes, your daughter. you used to actually laugh. back when love didn’t feel like a risk.
now being twenty-three you walked through life clutching glass against your chest.
lilah was the only place where the glass didn’t break..didn’t cut. didn’t even try.
lilah was four, very stubborn for her age but her sunshine personality over powered her stubbornness. you don’t know where lilah learned to be bright and colorful but— it was better than whatever you had going. lilah would talk to everyone, strangers in the grocery store, on the side walk, waved at dogs that would pass by in their walks. you envied that behavior but at the same time, she was terrified of it.
‘mama, that lady smiled at me.’ lilah points out as she points towards the lady. her small hand wrapped around your hand which seems to have tightened her grip.
you snap her head towards the lady her expression falling seeing her. nothing like she had expected.
dark long hair that seemed like it was quite literally fake from it’s shine. her clothes..interesting yet looking amazing on her. her face seeming to be natural but not being able to make out her features from this distance.
the lady gives a gentle nod to them both when they’re eyes meet which catches you off guard.
‘stay by me.’ you tighten your grip even more without being to rough. a soft ‘i am’ slips past lilah’s lips as she continues to stare at the lady.
the lady makes no move to approach them, no move to start any conversation just giving lilah gentle smiles every time she looks. she just paid for her coffee and walked away.
you noticed everything she did, you always do. you noticed a lot of things…too many things.
that lady’s name, was billie.
you learned a lot of things in those weeks that passed. billie was a photographer. not necessarily of people, it could be whatever. you saw her photographing cats, flowers, the sky it could be whatever she wanted. but she did it.
‘she’s taking photos again mama!’ lilah exclaims excitedly. pointing towards billie. who was taking photos of the river. looking towards the river it was..interesting. nothing special. just the glimmer of when the sun hits it right. how could that be interesting to anyone.
‘stop staring its rude lilah.’ but it was like today was opposite day. instead of obeying. lilah decided to take it a step further. she slipped out of your grip and wandered towards billie.
‘lilah’ you exclaim in a whisper not wanting to draw attention. but it was far too late.
lilah approached billie who was now sitting on the bench. her small hands were resting on billies thigh wanting to see into the camera.
‘can i see the photos’ lilah adds a tilt trying to persuade which she always did.
‘lilah’ you mutter approaching her grabbing onto her arm gently sending billie an apologetic smile. ‘sorry’ you mumble to billie avoding eye contact as you try to tug lilah away gently.
‘oh don’t worry’ billie shakes her head before showing lilah the photos she took.
‘see the shine…pretty hm..?’ billie says gently her eyes drifting up towards you at the last part before quickly looking back down to the camera in her hands.
‘looks sparkly!’ lilah says a little too excitedly as she nods eagerly.
‘sparkly is a better word for it’ billie agrees clearly just wanting to go along with lilah for her sake.
‘lilah stop bothering people, ‘member it’s rude.’ you nod gently pushing her out from in front of her eyes trying to guide her away.
‘no— it’s okay’ she smiles gently towards you and lilah. ‘she’s not bothering at all’
there was something in the tone of her voice, that made you want to believe her. she wasn’t pushy or defensive she was just…soft.
‘i’m sorry’ you denied anyways grabbing lilah’s shoulders guiding her away. ‘we’ll leave you alone.’
you couldn’t shake the feeling..i mean this was the first time since lilah was born..that you hesitated.
after that it was like the world had plans that you couldn’t imagine for you.
you kept running into and avoiding billie like a plague. the cafe, the bookstore, the park you and lilah go to every weekend. of course billie was never in their space, she was just there.
she would wave friendly to lilah and nod respectfully to you. nothing more than that.
months past before you even thought of uttering a word to her.
a random saturday you were bringing lilah to the park and there she was. sitting on a bench. no camera, just her.
after letting lilah go play you decide to do the unimaginable. you go sit next to her.
‘why are you here?’ you mumble quietly as you sit next to her.
she shrugs nonchalantly. ‘i enjoy typical routine.’ she turns to look at you a casual expression on her face.
‘th-that’s all?’ you stutter out not believing her.
‘and.. the weather is pretty’ she nods before turning away.
you studied her like you do with everyone you expression laced with confusion.
‘okay what do you want then’ you say in a harsh whisper your eyes locked on her side profile.
‘nothing.’ she mumbles turning her head towards you. ‘nothing from you..’ she nods gently.
you stare at her trying to find any trace of deception but.. not finding any.
‘bullshit..everyone wants something.’
‘yeah maybe’ she nods slipping her rings on and off and she studies your features with precision. ‘but not everything has to be taken from someone else.’
your heart clenches in your chest staring at her not knowing what to say. you open your mouth for a comeback but finding nothing to say back.
lilah’s laughter being the thing to fill the silence.
now the first time lilah had met billie you were very close to say no.
‘please mama she’s nice’ she whines tugging on your sleeve as you stand in front of her.
you visibly shuddered at that word ‘nice’. you didn’t trust it. not since him.
but what you did trust in was patterns. and billie had been very consistent. she was patient and careful around the two of them. it felt like an awkward piece of a puzzle trying to make it’s way into the correct spot.
‘only five minutes’ you told billie staring at her firmly. ‘and i’m here the whole time.’
‘yes ma’am’ she nodded gently staring at you.
she then moved to sit cross legged while lilah started to show her how to make a dandelion wish. she listened like it was the most fascinating thing ever. hanging onto every detail. like what lilah was saying mattered. like she mattered.
you watched every living second of it.
not once did billie cross the line they drew, not even tried too.
and for some reason, that made it even harder for her.
‘you don’t like her mama?’ lilah speaks up holding onto your hand as the two of you walk home.
‘i never said i didn’t.’ you shake your head tightening your grip on her hand your cheeks puffing out as you stare in front of you.
‘but when you smile it’s not the same one you use for me’ she says likes it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
‘that’s different baby’ you mumble holding the apartment complex door open for her.
‘why?’ she stares up at you when you both step into the elevator.
you look down her your expression softening, her features more like…her past than you.
‘cause your my girl’ you nod brushing her hair out from in front of her face.
she nods gently before turning away clearly pleased with that answer— you however are not.
it started happening..slowly but— surely happening.
more and longer conversations at the park while lilah played. less inches between you on the bench. billie had begin to join you on your walks even without invite which lilah found to be more exciting than ever.
and for you every step felt like a step on very thin ice.
one evening on your way back home from the park, billie deciding to walk you both home. the sun low and pink painting the sky and the very few clouds moving slowly.
‘you don’t have to..let me in’ billie speaks up gently keeping her eyes on lilah who is skipping in front of the two of you completely oblivious to whats happening behind her. ‘you’re careful i know..and you should be.’
you’re heart clenched at her words as you stare up at her my cheeks puffed out seeing her continue to watch lilah like she was hers.
your question lay flat and open ready for any response that she was going to give you. the silence drags on for a few more steps before she finally speaks up.
‘cause i’m not trying to break anything..open’ she says gently. ‘i’m just waiting here..if you ever decide theres room for another.’
you stared at her for a few moments longer before looking away my hands clutched together behind my back.
you let out a long sigh feeling yourself slowly begin to feel your feet hit the ground each time. something you haven’t felt in a long time. too worried about your surroundings— to busy worrying about the future and even the past. never really allowing yourself to live in the moment.
‘i’m not sure— how to do that.’ your voice wavering ever so slightly.
billie nods slowly finally turning her head to see you ‘that’s alright— you don’t have to know right away’
for the first time in a long time you felt yourself soften. just a little but..progress is progress.
and this time.. you weren’t gonna rush anything.
this time you were gonna allow yourself to grow slowly— carefully like something fragile but something very real.
like the glass that was clutched against your chest, maybe, just maybe didn’t have to break.
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