Professional Yapper

The act of sex should only be performed for the sake of comedy

[billy-cockblock]

I’m trying to get to sleep in a barely air conditioned office (because I have to get up at 1:30 in the morning) in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and there’s a dead crab next to my inflatable mattress because I guess they’re just like roaches in this area. I love this internship

[billy-cockblock]

How to explain to my coworkers who are double my age and jaded with the job how it’s gonna take me a long time to get sick of it because it’s so gender affirming

[billy-cockblock]

hey dude you wrote my two favorite phm fics. i'm a sucker for body horror and the tragedy of dying and coming back wrong. i am going to eat your fanfiction whole, like a snake. i owe you a life debt for your literary works of art. i will ride into battle under your flag

I accept life debts in cash or card, or nice comments like this that feed my ego ;)

Body horror is my specialty, it’s the goooood shit. The whole fic idea stemmed from me thinking “I really want Grace and Rocky to be able to physically touch each other when they hug :( How can I change one of their body’s to be able to survive they other’s environment?” And then it naturally spiraled from there

[billy-cockblock]

hello mx. anonymous author from hit ao3 fic phagocytosis i am going to eat your wet, wet brain

/compliment

Hello Mx. Anonymous asker on my blog, you will have to get in line behind the worms piloting my body like a mech

[nezumithewriter]

Okay sharing my concept for this

After Grace comes back for Rocky and the two start making their way to Erid, Grace ends up eating a sample of Taumoeba that had surviving Astrophage samples still in it or something. That or it ends up on his skin. He ends up making skin contact with the stuff somehow. Anyways, this usually wouldn’t have done anything, but God is a cheeky bitch and the astrophage somehow learns to use the carbon dioxide and body heat present in Grace’s body to slowly replicate within his body. This leads to some bad side effects like trouble breathing, chills, nose bleeds, and hypocarbia. Grace chocks it up to malnutrition to ease Rocky’s concerns but knows there’s something else at play.

It’s only when Grace’s veins start growing darker that he realizes what’s happening and mentally kicks himself for what he told Stratt once upon a time.

Him and Rocky try to come up with a plan to cure himself, breeding a separate strain of taumoeba to possibly act as a cure, but Grace is getting worse and worse. Rocky makes sure to watch him while he sleeps, as always, but the black mucus he keeps coughing up is disturbing.

Sometimes Grace sleepwalks now. He gets closer to the xenonite glass and leans against it, against the warmth. Sometimes Grace wakes up confused and mumbles about being cold. He gets a fever at some point, as if his brain is actively trying to make him warmer.

The ending involves him making a cure using taumoeba and injecting it into himself. Another Hail Mary. Either he dies due to the Astrophage or the Taumoeba eats his brain. Rocky stays with him as he vomits up astrophage-laced mucus and blood as the cure does its job.

I’d like to think it works! He’s weak and has constant headaches, but he’s cured.

That or I could go full phagocytosis (go read the fic it’s pretty cool) and have it eat him alive but i actually think a happy ending would be better for this one

[t00thpasteface]

how fake sacrificial lambs look when real martyrs come at them

[gayhoediaz]

the best fic you have ever read in your entire fucking stupid life: written by anonymous

[gigglinkreblog]

@billy-cockblock

[billy-cockblock]

[billy-cockblock]

Felt the closest thing to lust that I think I’ll ever feel. Got sent to a training for something I’d never heard of, thought it might’ve been an acronym, but then I walked into the shop and saw her. The scag. Holy moly she’s a beast and I get to ride her

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

you have this superpower! BUT you have this side-effect

is it worth it?

yes!!

the side effect is bad but ITS WORTH IT

meh it's okay

the side effect makes it unusable/not worth it

Results/option I didn't think of

Voting ended onMay 20

[billy-cockblock]

I got asked “would you like your usual” at my favorite brunch place this morning, this is how I know I’ve made it

[wazzappp]

Have YOU ever wanted to read a man burning to death and mutating afterwards via the evolution of an alien microbe detailed on a chemical level? Of course you have. Read phagocytosis by my goat @billy-cockblock I am no longer asking. This vanta black slime man has my entire heart.

[billy-cockblock]

​I forgot to reblog this the other day but you have KILLED ME YOU KILLED ME WITH THIS BECAUSE I GOT TOO EXCITED AND DIED. THATS MY GOOPY GOOBER!!! MY GOOPY GUY AND HIS ROUGH GLOW UP (or down since no light gets through astrophage haha) PHASE!!! I put him through so much but at least he’ll get to give Rocky a real hug once he’s over the whole dying and coming back wrong and being a highly volatile substance and no longer human 😁

[no-nic]

finally 🧪 a leaky space blob

another excursion into watercolor body horror ^^

illustration for the fic Phagocytosis by an anonymous ao3 author; content includes gore, body horror, a human in contact with hot ammonia, astrophage evolving in real time, regular horror, and a hopeful ending

[billy-cockblock]

Hey I’m exploding hey I’m blowing up HEY I’M COMBUSTING-

TAKE MY SOUL, TAKE IT!!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!

It looks so GOOD!!!! You drew Grace’s hands exact how I imagined them, and how he’s curled up and vulnerable in the bottom one- GAH!!!!! SO AMZE AMAZE AMAZE!!!!!

[billy-cockblock]

When will they invent a spring semester that doesn’t suck your soul out through your asshole

[poo2utoo]

Here's the second phm comic since many liked the first one B⁠-⁠)

[birbliophile]

made a thing.

[billy-cockblock]

Will I look up real world case studies with graphic photos of chemical burns just to make a few lines in a fanfiction more accurate?

Yes. Yes I will.

[aroace-ryland-grace]

pondering my orb (rocky) #myorb