叛徒 (traitor)

nemo unquam sapiens proditori credendum putavit.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

like for a starter!

may be selective to keep myself from getting overwhelmed but don't let it deter you!

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy sat down next to her as she tugged softly on his hand, chuckling weakly. Everything she said was true. How often had he torn himself apart for his flaws or his past? How many times had he paced circles into the dirt on Lian Yu when he had betrayed Slade? How many nights had he spent chasing down anyone and everyone he could blame for Sara’s death. He took everything upon himself. Everything was his to carry.

But everything wasn’t his to carry. Not really. If he would let go of the unnecessary, maybe he could carry this, support Sara.

“I’ve got ya,” Billy said with a smile. He wanted to be reassuring, let her know everything would be okay, but he didn’t want to make a promise he couldn’t keep. Not again. Not after Slade. “I’ll be right here. And Laurel’s just in the next room.” Cautiously he leaned forward and gave Sara a gentle kiss on the forehead. “So get some sleep.”

[birdonawiresara]

“You laugh because you know I’m right,” Sara murmured, “Because I know you.” Once she and Billy had started to become teammates and friends, she’d taken the time to get to know him, to understand him. And while she’d been dead for a year, Billy had not changed at his core. If anything, said ‘core’ had run rampant, unchecked. His guilt and his despair had gotten the better of him. And she wouldn’t let that continue to be the case.

A contented smile pulled at her lips as Billy placed a kiss on her forehead. She grabbed hold of her blanket, tucking it around both her and Billy before settling with her head against his shoulder. It wasn’t long before her breathing evened out and she was fast asleep. But as time ticked by, she started to kick her feet, to buck against the blanket like it was a lead weight. Then she started to murmur and moan, her actions becoming more desperate as she dreamed of being in the torturous place where her soul had been trapped.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

"Yeah, you do, don't ya?" he said, sitting cross-legged on the floor. He stayed awake, alert, truly alert, for the first time in months. He felt alive. Like her coming back to the realm of the living brought him back as well. And he knew it wasn't healthy, wasn't good, to not feel like he could survive without her, but he was happy.

Billy waited for a while when he saw the nightmares begin. He hoped he could just wait them out and she would fall back into a dreamless sleep. But when it became apparent that she wasn't going to just move past the nightmares, he shook her gently. "Sara, Sara..."

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

“It’s walking distance from here. Couple of blocks. Might be new since you, ah…” Billy waved his hand in the air as if to fill in the blank, face paling some. He hadn’t really wanted to bring that whole thing up. “Anyways, it’s not that far.”

Billy walked towards the exit but paused before leaving. “You might want to bring some kind of small weapon. I mean, this place is PRETTY sketchy at times.”

Oliver gave him another look.

“But entirely safe!” he shot back across at the other man.

To Sara he whispered, “Entirely unsafe, really. Bring nunchucks, or whatever it is you League ninjas use.”

[birdonawiresara]

Seeing as giving Billy a hard time was one of the highlights of her life, Sara teased, “Kicked the bucket? Pushed up daisies? Swam with the fishes?”

Sara didn’t even try to hide the laugh that escaped her lips as Billy continued to provoke Oliver. She then whispered back to Billy, “I always carry a weapon with me. Or have you forgotten?”

Bo staff already tucked away on her person, she offered Oliver a brief wave of the hand and then headed out of the new lair. As they walked, she already started to work on her food order, “I’m thinking a burger and fries. Two burgers and fries? Oh, and a milkshake. And maybe some onion rings, I’m not driving.”

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy paled even more at her words, awkwardly trying to laugh it off. He was still so thrown off by how nonchalant she could be about such serious matters like her own death. "Yeah, that bit."

Walking alongside her, he laughed. A sword was more than a little difficult to conceal so he had brought his handgun instead, tucked away. He was one of the few members of team Arrow to utilize a gun but it had its (nonlethal) uses to him.

"I miss the Outback," he stated dramatically. "Grilled kangaroo and poached platypus eggs every day for lunch. Mmmmm. No idea what you're missing out on." Billy shot her a grin.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy’s first, and practically only, word to Laurel was an awkwardly mumbled “hey”. He managed nothing else for the car ride except to answer that, yes, he was staying overnight for Sara. Apologies could come later. If Laurel didn’t kick his ass first. She wasn’t as good as her sister, not yet, but she was definitely a fighter.

The ex-mercenary did nothing to reassure Laurel, allowing Sara to do the convincing. Once Laurel had gone Billy turned to allow Sara to change in relative privacy, feeling that awful, awful feeling bubble up at her words. Shame. Always ashamed. Why couldn’t he just get things right for once? Forever the one to disappoint everyone around him. His father. Slade. Team Arrow. Sara.

“No. No, it wasn’t,” he whispered, eyes downcast, not turning back when she was done changing, needing a moment to take deep breaths and steady himself. He couldn’t be weak and pathetic and sad. Not now. He had to be here. For her.

“I can work everything else out later. But right now you need rest.” He turned back to her, giving her a small smile. “I’ll stay up. Watch you. Or, ah, watch over you. Whichever sounds more protective and less creepy.” His smile grew into a more genuine grin then, no longer forced, as he rubbed the back of his neck.

[birdonawiresara]

The clothes Sara had been wearing were starting to feel like a claustrophobic, second skin. She’d died in them, and then she’d come back soulless and fought in them, only throwing on a sweater to better conceal herself. But now, changing into a pair of sleep pants and a tank top… She felt free. Like she could breathe again. Like she was truly back. So she tossed the other clothes into the trash before falling back onto the couch.

When Billy refused to turn back to her, she reached out for his hand, “Don’t. Don’t do this. You’re just as bad as Oliver, you know? You take the weight of the world on your shoulders, you turn your mistakes and your vulnerabilities into crosses to bear. …But difficult things happen. They shake us, and we don’t always act rationally. We’re human.”

Billy finally turned to look at her, and she pulled him back to sit beside her. She laughed lightly at his words, “I knew what you meant. And I would appreciate that. I don’t…” She trailed off, trying to find the right words, “…If you and Laurel are here, I can rest. I can sleep. I know you’ll protect me. And I hope…” She swallowed hard, “I don’t want to fall back into that place where my soul was trapped. I don’t want to be forever drowning. So I need you both here, just in case.” She knew what she was saying probably didn’t make sense to him, but that didn’t change the way she was feeling. She was afraid of closing her eyes and being lost. Drowning, or dead.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy sat down next to her as she tugged softly on his hand, chuckling weakly. Everything she said was true. How often had he torn himself apart for his flaws or his past? How many times had he paced circles into the dirt on Lian Yu when he had betrayed Slade? How many nights had he spent chasing down anyone and everyone he could blame for Sara's death. He took everything upon himself. Everything was his to carry.

But everything wasn't his to carry. Not really. If he would let go of the unnecessary, maybe he could carry this, support Sara.

"I've got ya," Billy said with a smile. He wanted to be reassuring, let her know everything would be okay, but he didn't want to make a promise he couldn't keep. Not again. Not after Slade. "I'll be right here. And Laurel's just in the next room." Cautiously he leaned forward and gave Sara a gentle kiss on the forehead. "So get some sleep."

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Since the one I drew in watercolor at Roger’s got thrown away in the shuffle of my sudden move out--a digital version. Billy as a coyote (code name Dingo) and Sara as a canary! For @birdonawiresara ! Thank you so much for being such a sweetheart and support!

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Looking up as she walked out, Billy flashed her a grin. “Ten minutes on the dot! That’s rather impressive, you know. One time we were stuck down here HOURS waiting for Oliver to get his hair just right.”

Oliver shot him a look but Billy seemed completely unperturbed. He’d settled back in just fine after everything that had happened. An apology, a talk, and he was back on the team.

He laughed. “Of course. There’s a pub down near my apartment. It’s, ah, a little ‘dive-y’, but the food is great. Absolutely bathed in grease.”

[birdonawiresara]

Sara smirked, “Well, ya know, it takes a lot of effort to make it stick up like that.” Like Billy, Oliver’s glares didn’t affect her; they hadn’t affected her even before the Gambit went down.

But she was glad to see Billy fitting right back into the team, to see him and Oliver giving each other a hard time. When she’d first come back from the dead, she’d worried that they would never be a team again. She was glad that she was proven wrong.

Sara’s smirk grew into a grin, “Sounds like my kind of place. How are we getting there? Bikes, car, walking…”

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

"It's walking distance from here. Couple of blocks. Might be new since you, ah..." Billy waved his hand in the air as if to fill in the blank, face paling some. He hadn't really wanted to bring that whole thing up. "Anyways, it's not that far."

Billy walked towards the exit but paused before leaving. "You might want to bring some kind of small weapon. I mean, this place is PRETTY sketchy at times."

Oliver gave him another look.

"But entirely safe!" he shot back across at the other man.

To Sara he whispered, "Entirely unsafe, really. Bring nunchucks, or whatever it is you League ninjas use."

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy’s expression matched Sara’s, the same small sad smile. He knew what she was getting at and he understood why. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders when she asked if they could go, he led her towards the door, pocketing his phone and keys with his free hand.

“Guess I oughtta lock up this time,” he commented almost sheepishly. He gave a quick look around to make sure things outside were safe before locking up and heading down the steps to Laurel’s parked car. He made sure to stay close to Sara in case she was in any way unstable physically.

Mentally he steeled himself for seeing Laurel again.

[birdonawiresara]

“So happy to see that you’re using your brain again,” Sara muttered. Normally, she would be frustrated by anyone hovering over her, but in this case she appreciated it. In fact, she stayed closed to Billy as well, using him to stay on her feet.

At the sight of an exhausted Sara, Laurel didn’t comment on Billy’s presence. They drove to her apartment in relative silence where, after Sara assured her multiple times that she was all right, Laurel finally allowed herself to drift off a bit in her room.

Now that it was just the two of them again in Laurel’s living room, Sara started to change into a pair of her sister’s pajamas. As she did so, she wearily commented, “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy's first, and practically only, word to Laurel was an awkwardly mumbled "hey". He managed nothing else for the car ride except to answer that, yes, he was staying overnight for Sara. Apologies could come later. If Laurel didn't kick his ass first. She wasn't as good as her sister, not yet, but she was definitely a fighter.

The ex-mercenary did nothing to reassure Laurel, allowing Sara to do the convincing. Once Laurel had gone Billy turned to allow Sara to change in relative privacy, feeling that awful, awful feeling bubble up at her words. Shame. Always ashamed. Why couldn't he just get things right for once? Forever the one to disappoint everyone around him. His father. Slade. Team Arrow. Sara.

"No. No, it wasn't," he whispered, eyes downcast, not turning back when she was done changing, needing a moment to take deep breaths and steady himself. He couldn't be weak and pathetic and sad. Not now. He had to be here. For her.

"I can work everything else out later. But right now you need rest." He turned back to her, giving her a small smile. "I'll stay up. Watch you. Or, ah, watch over you. Whichever sounds more protective and less creepy." His smile grew into a more genuine grin then, no longer forced, as he rubbed the back of his neck.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

starter call!

like for a starter or message to plot!

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy nodded, leaning against the wall to wait. It was good, relieving, to see Sara in rather good spirits. The bloodlust caused him little concern, though it should have caused him more. It was simple hard for him to see Sara, perfect Sara, as being capable of unchecked violence.

Fidgeting momentarily with his swords he thought back on how they had met–how she’d kicked his ass and probably would have killed him. Hard to believe they had come this far. Hard to believe he had become something more than a coward and mercenary.

[birdonawiresara]

Sara turned the shower handle all the way to the right, making it as cold as it could go. She quickly showered away the dirt and grime of the day and then climbed out, toweling off. She put on black leggings and boots, a grey sweater, and pulled on her leather jacket before piling her wet hair on top of her head. True to her word, she exited the bathroom in exactly ten minutes.

Tossing her workout clothes in her gym bag, she offered Billy a teasing smile, “Where did you want to go? And you asked, so you know you’re paying right?” And she was notorious for her ability to eat mountains of food, especially if said food was free.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Looking up as she walked out, Billy flashed her a grin. "Ten minutes on the dot! That's rather impressive, you know. One time we were stuck down here HOURS waiting for Oliver to get his hair just right."

Oliver shot him a look but Billy seemed completely unperturbed. He'd settled back in just fine after everything that had happened. An apology, a talk, and he was back on the team.

He laughed. "Of course. There's a pub down near my apartment. It's, ah, a little 'dive-y', but the food is great. Absolutely bathed in grease."

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

“Yeah.” It came out hoarse, his mouth dry as he remembered Lian Yu. He’d nearly died on that island, twice. But he hadn’t. He was afraid to die, not that he would tell her that now. He had always been afraid of it. Was it Kirk who had told Spock that it was a fear of death that kept humans alive? For Billy that was undoubtedly true. “You don’t have to be lonely again, alright? Not like you were after the Gambit, or with Ivo, or on Lian Yu, or with the League. And God help me you’ll never feel alone in death either. Not again.” He couldn’t imagine what it was like to face the inevitably of death after having already died once.

Her request was met with no hesitance. “Of course, Sara. Of course. As long as Laurel is okay with it, I’ll stay.” He knew though that whatever animosity Laurel felt for him would be far outweighed by her love for her sister.

[birdonawiresara]

Sara offered him a sad smile, “It’s a nice sentiment.” But everyone died alone; it couldn’t be avoided. Still, that didn’t meant she wouldn’t appreciate his company while she was here. “…But I’m happy to stick with you until…” She trailed off, but she knew he understood what she meant. And she fully intended to drag him along with her on quite the ride until then. She was going to make the most of being back. She was going to be something – someone better.

“Good,” Sara whispered before a sigh escaped her lips. Still holding onto him, she said, “Then can we – I’m tired… I’m so tired…” She knew Laurel would be all right with Billy tagging along – if for nothing than her own sake. And all she could think about was a bed. A couch. Hell, a floor would do. And she would be safe. Safe from the darkness, from the hell her soul had been lost in. Because Laurel and Billy would be there to watch over her.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy's expression matched Sara's, the same small sad smile. He knew what she was getting at and he understood why. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders when she asked if they could go, he led her towards the door, pocketing his phone and keys with his free hand.

"Guess I oughtta lock up this time," he commented almost sheepishly. He gave a quick look around to make sure things outside were safe before locking up and heading down the steps to Laurel's parked car. He made sure to stay close to Sara in case she was in any way unstable physically.

Mentally he steeled himself for seeing Laurel again.

[ohthevillains]

Sara Lance in Progeny

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Things had calmed down since Sara’s return from the dead. Billy had rejoined the team, they were fighting crime, life was back to normal, or as normal as it ever was for them.

This night had been particularly slow. Giving Oliver a tap on the shoulder, Billy asked if he needed himself and Sara for the night. A quick shake of Oliver’s head was the answer that he needed and he wandered over to Sara, giving her a smile.

“Want to go grab some dinner?”

[birdonawiresara]

Logically, Sara knew that slow nights were for the best right now. Trying to keep her bloodlust in check was a constant battle, so the less she fought the better. But it certainly didn’t feel that way. So she was going up and down the salmon ladder in an attempt to burn off some of her excess energy.

At the sound of Billy’s voice, she dropped to the ground and turned to face him. She picked up her towel and hung it around her neck as she responded, “Sure. Just give me ten to take a shower and change.” And then she moved to grab a fresh set of clothes and headed for the bathroom.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy nodded, leaning against the wall to wait. It was good, relieving, to see Sara in rather good spirits. The bloodlust caused him little concern, though it should have caused him more. It was simple hard for him to see Sara, perfect Sara, as being capable of unchecked violence.

Fidgeting momentarily with his swords he thought back on how they had met--how she'd kicked his ass and probably would have killed him. Hard to believe they had come this far. Hard to believe he had become something more than a coward and mercenary.

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

Billy nodded. Sara was right, and he wanted to go back, to be a part of her second chance at life. Sara had become home for him, and when she’d died, he’d been lost. Having her back… her second chance, and his.

He held her tighter to him still, closing his eyes. He couldn’t imagine what she had been through, suffered. Sara had never deserved that. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, okay? And they will never take you back,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “I’ve got you.”

[birdonawiresara]

“Death takes everyone eventually,” Sara murmured. And, given their line of work, sooner rather than later. “There were so many moments – After the Gambit sunk, when I was with Ivo, when I was on the island, when I was with the League… So many moments of loneliness. Or, what I thought was loneliness. God, I didn’t have a clue. When you’re dying, when everyone you care about is out of reach… That’s loneliness.” The thought of anyone she cared about enduring that - and they all would - made her stomach twist into knots.

A beat passed and Sara gripped onto Billy’s arms to support herself as she looked up at him, “I know - I know things between you and Laurel probably aren’t the greatest. So I know it’s asking a lot but… Will you come back with me? Back to the apartment, I mean? You won’t have to stay long. Just until I fall asleep…”

[billy-wintergreen-blog]

"Yeah." It came out hoarse, his mouth dry as he remembered Lian Yu. He'd nearly died on that island, twice. But he hadn't. He was afraid to die, not that he would tell her that now. He had always been afraid of it. Was it Kirk who had told Spock that it was a fear of death that kept humans alive? For Billy that was undoubtedly true. "You don't have to be lonely again, alright? Not like you were after the Gambit, or with Ivo, or on Lian Yu, or with the League. And God help me you'll never feel alone in death either. Not again." He couldn't imagine what it was like to face the inevitably of death after having already died once.

Her request was met with no hesitance. "Of course, Sara. Of course. As long as Laurel is okay with it, I'll stay." He knew though that whatever animosity Laurel felt for him would be far outweighed by her love for her sister.

[myliobatoidei-blog]

update!

hello my lovelies! I’m officially at my treatment center! I’ll be around less than usual, so replies might be once every couple of weeks!

[books-n-quotes]

Even the strongest and bravest must sometimes weep. It shows they have a great heart, one that can feel compassion for others.

Brian Jacques, Redwall (via books-n-quotes)

[books-n-quotes]

Fear cuts deeper than swords.

George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

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(via books-n-quotes)

[myliobatoidei-blog]

important announcement !

it’s pretty much a done deal now. I’m next in the wait list for a residential OCD treatment facility and will probably be admitted into the program next Wednesday. I have a lot to get done before then, and a long drive, and I don’t know what my internet access will be like there.

so this is a formal announcement of hiatus for my blogs. I love you all and I expect to be back in a couple months or so. (and be much, much healthier!)

I’m nervous, I’m scared, I’m excited, and I know this is what will be best for me. I’m very lucky to have the chance to take part in this program.

while I’m there, I do know I can receive mail, so if you would like the address and info, I’ll gladly give it to you once I know what it is. just shoot me a message and I’ll compile a list of who to inform.

thank you all for how understanding you have been. I’ll miss you guy, but I’ll see you on the other side of this very rickety and scary bridge I need to cross.