Our last day at the centre has been very emotional. I am ready to go but am feeling miserable that I will be going so far from all these people who have become part of my life now. This experience gives you a load of people with whom you quickly develop a close bond.
The other volunteers become your gang, all supporting each other and sharing the ups and downs of a day at the centre over a bowl of noodles and a Hanoi beer in the evening. I will miss that gang and the inspiration I have gained.
The Vivps team made up of Terry and his band of incredible local women, all playing their role to bridge the gap between the programme and the centre, all in that team because of their unique personal qualities and desire to make a difference. I will miss those women who are strong feminists in a country where feminism is yet to be a named concept.
The Creative Therapy trio as it has evolved.Me,Jen and Muoi, a threesome of determined women, with a serious mission played out in the most dynamic and positive fashion. How we have laughed and cried together and formed a united front that I didn’t believe was possible. So proud are we.
Then, most importantly, the children and the older residents at the centre- my tribe. The love and laughs and heartbreak, the joy of seeing changes, the utter despair at conditions we were powerless to change. The human connection that was a simple as just being alongside and seeing what came up. And so much arose from just being. When I think of them, my mind envisaging certain faces, certain gangs, certain cots full of immobile bodies I am stung with a sensation that burns through me and has made tears every time. I love them all and am so grateful for the opportunity to grow in their world. I have nicked a bit of their resilience for myself, their ability to find pleasure in the littlest thing. I will be buoyed by the thought of them for a long time.
Of course it was never my intention to become attached but I am only human and there is one, and I did fall head over heels with him and I will always want to know he is ok. A child who due to his mother remarrying when he was 18 months old and due to her new husband refusing to take her child and his disability, found himself left at the centre. Completely healthy but for missing arms this 4 year old represents the whole picture of what it means to be disabled in a developing country. I have had to dispel my fantasy of what could be for him if he were to come to the west and benefit from the opportunities there to live a fully functioning life. It is not possible and so a pointless exercise. In his world he will need to stay strong, he will need to find a way through a childhood that is fast becoming feral. He will need to get a sense of himself in order to push for some rights. I will not lose sight of him, and I know there are others who are equally interested in his well being. Perhaps his supporting family will consist of parties who are remote and probably unknown to him.
I have not been a fan of singling out one child but I do see the potential in this little boy and would like to think, as an on going thing, that I could perhaps sponsor one child in some way.
No, I have been very against any kind of favouritism and tried to stay above that. There is a tendency at the centre for new volunteers to gravitate to a couple of kids who are very responsive, pretty and photogenic and then ignore the others who are less attractive in various ways. I understand that it is not for all to move beyond comfort zones but I am also not sure they are encouraged enough to do so. The issue of adoption has come up whilst I have been here and I have thought long and hard about that. There is a three year old who was adopted by a French couple and then found to have a heart defect and so was bought back. What can I say? I would like to meet them… There are people who want to adopt healthy, attractive children and their desire to take that child to ‘a better life’ overrides the bigger picture and an important question which might be 'how could I make life better for that child here?’ All is not lost for all of these kids. Some have families in the community who given the chance, the resources, would have their child home today. The children are attached strongly to there raggle taggle band of family members formed in the rooms that has to be taken into account. Who knows, soon there may be a new director and the centre may come up to standards, the rights of the children may become a priority. Vietnam is developing fast, I know it is a fantastic country. I do believe it will go forward in human rights issues. I have to.
So I am gone. What will I miss? All the above , of course. The delicious Vietnamese food and the hospitality. Hanoi, one of the most fun cities to visit. The provinces, the scenes as I travelled in and out of the centre.
There is loads, I can’t think now.
What won’t I miss? Dogs packed in cages, any kind of animal husbandry apart from the adoration lavished upon water buffalo. I will not miss the scrutiny from women who blatantly prod and pinch and fat shame me and the attention from rice wine sodden men who ask if I am Russian and stare into my bosom. A mixed message which is a lose lose situation for a dismorphic woman like me. Jen gets told she is too thin and too dark, like a field girl. Ha! She works hard to be slim and have a tan.
I thought I wouldn’t miss the hotel but I will, it became a haven to us at the end of the day and my crazy lady was the best part of it all.
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