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New thing in me unlocked

Kenapa ya, I am never be someone that is perfectionist, definitely not. But, how come? I keep trying to make things right, should always look good, give critics to small or big business. Hhhh so tiring for the brain, those brilliant ideas keep coming but having a very little time and energy, not only for me, I guess for people around me too. I make them tired. Oh no :(

Guess I take the pressure too serious. I made complicated things simple BUT now I make simple things complicated. Please, bring back the old me.

I guess I have found my value of life, ah finally

Source : my inner soul

#bemeaningful

Been a long time!

Actually I have a lot lot lot stories I want to write, but it feels like I have no spare time everyday, once I have it I don’t open my laptop, so, the idea goes away lol. Well, I just want to thank Allah that He has sent me nice people around me and I hope I am one of those nice people for others too! Ok! Till next time, I still have a research to write and a K-Drama to watch. Phew

Random Speech for Today’s Morning Activity at School

So, I was inspired by some things about the topics I want to share today, one of them are the password of today's zoom meeting, yup it's inspire.

This week I was asking my students in my class to share any quote they've know and surprisingly it's beyond good, full of hopes and motivation and somehow inspire.

I remember one of a quote that my student share this week "be the moon and inspire people, even when you're far from full." you know who you are.

I guess I have to agree with that simple quote 130%!

Because, who are we that always feel full everyday? Who are we if we think that this feeling is full already? Maybe not now maybe never, we don't know... but, one thing for sure, it shouldn't stop us to inspire people..

Can we?

Because inspire is always feels greater than telling, explaining, or demonstrating... it does.

Then, can we? In this small ages, in this imperfect self? I believe we can.

Just like today, I was inspired by simple little things a zoom password also my students' quotes.. everyone or everything can inspire others..

Ok, then I have thinking and summarize 3 simple things of how to inspire people!

1. Think in a good way

2. Say something good

3. Do good to yourself and others

Think good,

Everything must have at least 2 sides of a story, no matter how bad it is, train your mind to see positive thing in every situation. Husnudzon, I am not prefer to make situation more complicated than it seems, calm and you'll find a way. By that others might think the same way, then checked congratulation you have inspire them with your mind.

Say good,

Well, it is really common to hear that words are really powerful. It can motivate someone or break someone's hurt too. There are a lot of good words we can say: giving compliments, appreciation, stay honest, stay true, or choosing a good word to say. It helps you to feel happy when we see people happy, happy from within.

Do good,

Oh there is a lot of things you can do in this world.. charity, caring, motivate people, keeping promises, or as simple as listening to others. InsyaAllah this is also what our prophet taught us to be a good moslem, as he inspires people, moslem or non-moslem.

Lastly, it seems like we do it for others but no, the others is just the effect of you doing being good. It is actually for your self, if you can train your self to be good (those 3 things mentioned) you will feel the full like the moon and it is always feel nice when you do good. Be good and feel good.

I hope this little time also can inspire you somehow, now or later. But, I feel good today. Thank you for listening.

Don't wanna cry. Don't wanna give up.

Rupanya

Bercakap- cakap dengan seorang teman, membahas hal yang menyuratkan rupanya menjadi dewasa tidaklah mudah. Kata dunia, masa seperti ini disebut quarter-life crisis, bahagia atau sedih, cukup atau kekurangan, punya atau tidak punya, tidak menjamin seseorang tidak mengalaminya.

Lalu aku bertanya pada diriku, quarter? Not even half! Bagaimana mungkin diri ini kuat untuk hidup selama 100 tahun di dunia ini? Tidak pernah terbayangkan.

Kata temanku ia pernah berharap tidak pernah dilahirkan, ia berharap dirinya tidak pernah ada, entah apa yang melatarbelakangi nya, hanya saja aku dapat mengerti. Segala ketidakpastian hidup dan trauma di masa lalu pastilah berat sampai-sampai diri ini tak sanggup lagi. Akupun pernah terucap, berat sekali menjadi manusia, mungkin akan lebih baik jika aku terlahir sebagai malaikat saja. Aku tidak akan membenarkan atau menyalahkan pemikiran seperti ini. Hanya saja, rupanya dunia ini semakin terasa sesak, rupanya menjadi dewasa tidak seperti apa yang kubayangkan, rupanya dunia memanglah tempatnya ujian, entah akan ada apa lagi di depan, entah lulus atau tidak.

Entahlah.. Entahlah ...

Everything will never feel the same again. The more I know, the more I miss You. Oh Allah, I am here at Your service - Labbaikallahuma labbaik..

DHIS SECONDARY TEACHERS

Well, it's been 6 years I am not going anywhere and travel everywhere at the same time. I fell so much blessed with this one in and out of the frame. My teacher fellas, come and go, but the best are staying in this heart. Well, happy teachers day for all of us and all of our teachers 😊

Lembang, 25-11-2019

Hmm..

Still related with the National Teacher's Day ambience, where I saw some of my friends' posting (which is also a teacher) saying grateful of becoming a teacher, also saying thank you to their past teachers. Well, I feel grateful all the time like literally all the time I had by being a teacher, it is wonderful. But, when you're asked to be something more, I really want to. Being a lecturer? Na'h I dont think I would enjoy, a PNS? Hmm maybe no. Which those are the career that most of people wish to become, but not me. However, I can't really think of myself right now, it's like talking nonsense which actually it wasn't, I realize that the time is keep ticking, it does frighten me indeed but... when someone ask me, do you feel enough? what do you want to be? And force me what to become, I guess I will close my ears for a while, because for now I just want to be... a mother 🙂

Does birthday mean anything to you?

Well, to me up until now, I don’t really celebrate birthday and I am not that party-birthday-girl since I was a little. However, I never miss to ask for wishes on my birthday, I thanked to my friends and family that sometimes they make my birthday memorable. It is basically just like another day, unless I change the age and that is enough to do a serious self-reflection.

It was this year, May 22, 2019 turns out to be one of my most emotional and memorable birthday ever. Which actually no one intentionally celebrate my birthday, so it is just me. Cannot sleep well since a week before, waiting for a good news on my birthday date.

So, it was my students graduation day where the committee will announce the result of the competition that I was joining, as the Best Teacher at my work place. Which maybe for some people it was not important, but not to me. I don’t even had a clue about the result, but I felt nervous all the time.

And finally the time has come, they finally mentioned my name, as the first winner. Oh God, couldn’t hold my tears down, speechless :””( I was training my self what to act if they called my name but when it happened, all my training seems useless. I still crying, not believing that it was really happening. I cried in front of graduated students, governor, city mayor, parents, all teachers, a bit embarrassing but I just happened all of sudden.

Unfortunately the internet was down at that time, remember? When the chaos about President Election announcement. So it was a bit dramatic when I should tell my family, even my husband knew from another teacher and my parents knew it from my relative. It was really dramatic..

I finally feel relieve so much after those sleepless night during the competition, it was not easy at all. When I had to compete other 30 best teachers from another school, in terms of Islamic knowledge, school information, teaching skill, personality, and made a paper in the middle of my busy work. I only had one purpose at that time, to win. Then, Allah let me made it. Alhamdulillah.

Do I deserve this? Among the other sinless people, I feel I don’t. But Allah really gave me a chance to fix my past, which always haunt me all the time :”( . He gave me a chance to make my life better, oh Allah.. I am so grateful, thank you for the birthday gift this year.

Hopefully all the preparation run well and I can worship Allah deeply and absolutely be a better person as the title they gave me. Thank you.

Was one of the happiest and stress-free moment in 2019. We do all deserve a little escape after a hurricane of works. It’s nice when you have your colleagues as your travel-mate. Lovely trip with lovely friends and food! ;)

Penang, April 22, 2019

#holiday #penang #penangstreetart

Dia abis cerita ke orang terdekat tentang gimana caranya biar tetep harmonis..

Malah jadi aku yang deg2an, sepertinya dia beneran bahagia hidup sama aku xoxo :)

(Oh dear, I'm glad we are on the same page)

"I know you're a fighter, Bin."

Ms Binar, saya tau dan saya dekat dengan semuanya, mereka yang (gesture: membicarakan) you in the back, pokonya harus tetep semangat, saya tau Ms Binar, niatin ibadah

#I was not expecting anything but he just so true and it really means a lot

Stay strong, love.

So here we start. . . again.

It was a lot of big things happened since the last time I wrote here. I don’t know but mostly sadness, and here’s the only place I can describe my feelings and thoughts about everything. Oh well.

2018 was definitely NOT my favorite year, I don’t usually judge a year- life but it’s just become my least favorite when I close my eyes on December. January was ugh, tough. February - March, the same, April - May super busy with works, even my birthday was not great. and so, it was on July when I decided to make a move, then the result was not as I expected. Lowest point they said, and I do feel that way.

Prepare for the worst, they said. But, have you really prepare? When the worst thing is actually happen? No, I haven’t.

Hope for the best, they said. But, have you ever imagine that impossible is real for human? Now, I know.

Blaming my past, for what I did, it keeps haunting me, killing from the inside. Everything happen for a reason, maybe I am the only reason. Can’t forgive my self over and over again. Almost losing this sane mind, but I promise to myself that I will never do stupid or make a deeper regrets.

This will make me tougher, tho I am not, even until now. Can’t hold my tears down. Nightmare comes true. Tho I am still glad that I have a good support system, won’t let me down. But, to change the fact, they can’t.

To me, it is so easy to share laughter or smiles, good moods, positiveness, happiness, energy, all-easy. Even when I am sad, I am still me. But, I do feel sad, sorrow, hurts. Nobody said it was easy.

I wish a lot for this year, with all the happiness and sadness that will come to my life. One thing I am sure, He always with me :)

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