IIt IIs hard KankrII, you don't understand. EverythIIngs been hard for me for a very very long tIIme. II'm so confused and so unsure about myself, and you don't understand, IIt's so, so, so hard. II'm not who II used to be. II'm not sure of myself, and cocky, and reckless wIIth my decIIsIIons. II'm not even sure II'm ME anymone, and IIt hurts, and IIt's hard, II don't thIInk you understand. II thought and hoped II could stay myself and not break when becomIIng a helmsman, II thought my hatred for the Empress and everythIIng she dIId and stood for would let me stay myself IIf not purely out of spIIte, but then she was nIIce. II dIIdn't know what to do wIIth nIIce. And II became confused, and started to LIIKE her, even though everythIIng II grew up knowIIng told me II should hate her, and IIt was so hard. And now II'm out, SHE took me out, and II was rescued by RufIIoh, and II lIIked HIIM, but he hates the Empress as well, and that was so hard. And now you and hIIm are fIIghtIIng, and IIt just makes IIt harder, and II'm so scared KankrII. IIt's stupIId and unreasonable, and that just makes IIt even harder. II'm afraIId of people, but II'm afraIId of beIIng alone, too. II'm afraIId of the future, but the lack of clarIIty scares me. My emotIIons and what II'm feelIIng scare me, but II'm afraIId of havIIng no feelIIngs at all lIIke how IIt felt for some tIIme IIn the helm, and II'm so scared KankrII. IIt's so, so hard.
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