Living With Demons

My name is Lydia. I am 19 years old. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ptsd, and severe anxiety. I also have tendencies of borderline personality disorder, but not yet diagnosed. This blog is my journey with my demons.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

I give up. I can't do this shit anymore. I'm killing myself. I cant grow thick skin and this world is too full of hate. Be kind to one another. Remember to spread love to one another and to yourself.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

This weekend I engaged in a lot of illegal activities. I went to Jacksonville, NC to pick up heroin and meth. This was my second time trying heroin. I didn't try the meth just because there wasn't much left once I got the courage to try it. But wow! This new world of drugs is crazy. The highs you can reach are incredible. I watched two people shoot up heroin, while I smoked it. I never saw this happening in my future. I never even thought I'd see heroin in my life. But now, it's just something I do.

[captainsmolboy-deactivated20180]

I think I’m gonna start making comics to help me deal with bpd… here’s one

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

I really love my boyfriend. And I can tell that he really loves me, but we have a big problem now. He's older and just doesn't crave sex. Yet, I crave sex almost every second of the day. This is really difficult for us. He feels as though having sex is more like something he has to do rather than wants to do. I honestly throw myself at him anytime we're laying down and he just pushes me away every time. I'm just horny. I like sex and I want it. I don't see the harm in that. But he insist that I have a problem, a sex addiction. I don't see how I can be with someone who just can't please me. What the fuck do I do? I want to be with him, but I also NEED sex. This is making me feel unwanted. I don't know what to do.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

Today I feel strange. Yesterday, I felt loved and happy. But now it feels like everything has changed overnight. Now I feel like no one cares about me and everyone is trying their hardest to leave me. I'm starting to fall into this strange lie I've made. Or is it a lie? Ugh. I just feel so terrible. I just want it to end. I think my depression is coming back.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

Hyper sexuality is my enemy

So, right now my boyfriend is living with me because he's basically homeless. We are both looking for jobs but haven't had a lot of luck. Because he doesn't have a job and is living in my house with my parents, he doesn't feel like himself. One thing this affects is his sex drive. He just doesn't want to have sex. He feels like sex isnt something he should be thinking about right now. I understand why he doesn't want to and I can't blame him.....but it's not fair to me. My hyper-sexuality is just too much. I can't even please myself because I'm around him 24/7 now. If I don't cum in the next 12 hours, I'm going to scream. It's been over a week since I've been able to cum. I can't take it anymore.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

I cut again

I cut last night. It had been 6 months since I cut last. But once I started, I couldn't stop. Lately I've just felt so......mad. At myself. I'm mad about how fat I am, I'm mad about my bf not having sex with me in over a week, I'm mad about not being enough for him, I'm mad about being who I am. All these thoughts kept popping up in my mind and I just needed to make them stop....so I cut. Over and over and over again. I had to get my boyfriend to help clean up the blood. Why am I like this? I just want to be normal. No one should have to worry about wearing long sleeves in the summer to cover up the shit they did to themselves.

[champagnewithpapi]

[boredbarbara-deactivated2019073]

This right here is the realest shit I’ve ever read

[khadds]

Tbh

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

My confidence has been through the roof lately. I usually would NEVER wear this out the bedroom. Look out world, time for me to conquer.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

The look in her eyes could conquer the world. Made my me ☺️

[d1ssimilis]

i basically assume that people don’t like me unless they explicitly tell me they like me and then periodically remind me

[wormtitty]

“what the fuck is wrong with me?” i ask, fully aware of the mood, personality, and anxiety disorders i have

[dailyinspirationquotes]

My blog posts relatable quote pictures! Follow for more.

[haunt-me-x3]

Me: reaches out to someone for help Me, beating myself with a pole: 🔪THIS🔪 IS 🔪NOT 🔪THEIR 🔪PROBLEM 🔪LEAVE 🔪THEM 🔪ALONE🔪 STOP 🔪DRAGGING 🔪OTHER 🔪PEOPLE 🔪DOWN 🔪WITH 🔪YOU🔪

[misa-nthropy]

Me to my friends despite doing the same thing: COME 💕 TO 💕 ME 💕 WITH 💕 YOUR 💕 PROBLEMS 💕 YOU 💕 ARE 💕 NOT 💕 A 💕 BURDEN 💕 I 💕 LOVE 💕 YOU💕

[garden-of-growth]

“oops. sorry”

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

My life.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

100 followers!!! ✌🏻️☄👽

I know it’s not much, but 100 followers is kinda a big deal for me. I hope that my blogs/experiences can help educate and normalize mood and personality disorders. Another big goal I have for this blog, is to encourage people to get help. Getting help with any type of mental illness can be a intimidating, but it is worth it. You should never be scared to help yourself. Thank you to everyone who has followed me so far! There's much more to come.

[bipolarbitch1313-blog]

Bipolar and hyper sexuality

1 out of 4 people with bipolar disorder have hyper sexuality. My experience with hyper sexuality has been fun, yet frustrating. I've masturbated 5 times today and I still don't feel content. I'm just not satisfied yet. I want more and more. I'll do anything to get off. It's almost turned into a hobby. How do I fulfill my needs?