the vast emptiness of space

somewhere to blog about my bipolar disorder and other brainweird things. plz don't reblog unless you are also bipolar call me faile. 22/female/cis/ace/biromantic

[bipolarburgan-blog]

I know I like never post things on here bc I never use tumblr much anymore and Twitter is nice for venting brainweird things, but. I cast a spell last night for a friend, tho she doesn't know I did it. She's been having a hell of a time finding a job and a new apartment for a lot of reasons, and she's verging on becoming homeless. Even if she gets a job, she may not be able to afford rent anywhere, because all the job are part time. Today, after I cast the spell, two full time jobs that she is perfectly qualified for popped up, as well as an affordable apartment she can actually GET. I'm just sooooo happy for her, and I hope her luck holds up. She's had a really shit time lately.

[bipolarburgan-blog]

Peel my skin off pull my hair rip my nails out break my bones free the galaxy inside its swirling and hurting and he's never coming back he left his keys my dad is gone gone gone

[bipolarburgan-blog]

If he's gonna leave I wish he'd just go ahead and do it so I could sleep I can't tell if I'm seeing things bc I'm tired and drifting in and out of consciousness or bc my brain is doing things again

[bipolarburgan-blog]

Why would you sit me down as tell me that it's not all my fault and you don't want me to think that it is if you haven't felt that it is my fault. Why would you put that thought in my mind. Who have you told about this and blamed it on me. Why would you say that unless you wanted me to think it IS my fault. There are so many reasons you don't know it's not "just" depression.

[bipolarburgan-blog]

I want. To pluck my skin. Like you would pluck feathers from a bird. I want to pick it off in pieces and toss it aside. Underneath is not muscle nor bone. Underneath is stars. Galaxies. Yearning for their freedom. Endless light and darkness intermingling within me. It is so hard to keep it all in.

[bipolarburgan-blog]

I'm sorry I only use this blog when I'm in a bad place I'm sorry

[bipolarburgan-blog]

Hahahah holy shit I'm manic af and I can't sleep bc of it and I'm p sure my dad is moving out and just waiting to make sure I'm asleep before he does or maybe he's waiting on laundry bc it's 4 am and the laundry is going and I know he's leaving bc he's never awake at this time like I am and I'm so fuckin manic I would love to tear the skin off my arms in pieces

[funyeah-blog]

- something my grandma said this morning

[bipolarburgan-blog]

Idk maybe I'm not RLLY a person

[bipolarburgan-blog]

I want meds so so bad bc maybe they'll help but I'm so scared of meeting a new psych bc I'm 22 and living w my parents and jobless and scared and small and what if they look at me and decide I am Not Fit For Society what if they take away my phone and my way to talk to Kali I'm so scared that I can't make appointments

[bipolarburgan-blog]

The fact that ect is still commonly used and sometimes even RECOMMENDED is horrifying to me like. Shock therapy is terrifying and makes me scared of going to psychs please don't try to electrocute my brain into being "normal"

[bipolarburgan-blog]

It's soooooo weird to me that doing spells calms me and just gives me this. Idk. It's a good feeling and a good way to get anger out or hope for something better and. Yeah

[bipolarburgan-blog]

seeing someone with ps*cho in their url: omg, i bet they Get It and we can be friends and talk about things other people don't get or even want to hear, i wonder if we have any common interests, i hope

they're not psychotic: oh

[bipolarburgan-blog]

Feeling low-key manic but also stable af wow I love this

[bipolarburgan-blog]

A couple of months ago I was wildly fluctuating between manic and depressed. It was ridiculous. I would go between them multiple times a week, and it was exhausting. I've been stuck at manic for about a month now. It's so much easier to deal with.

[demiprynce-blog]

can someone tell me why actuallydisorder is a tag now? like i don’t get why -disorder- isn’t a good enough tag or why we have to specify we’re actually have whatever? like it isn’t a prof diagnosed vs self diagnosed thing is it? bc i don’t support that fight and think self diagnosis can be beneficial. i know that sometimes ppl post in like the bipolar tag about the weather but i don’t search the tags enough to rlly get this actually____ thing? idk i’m just tryin to understand bc i feel like i have to convince people in my day to day life enough that i actually have my disorders and i’m not just faking it bc ppl love to be judgmental towards the mentally ill and accuse them of faking their disorders so i just don’t understand why i have to stress that i actually have my disorders while i’m blogging 

[tiniestsunflare-blog]

i know in things like the bipolar tag you get a lot of stuff w suicide and things that don’t actually relate to bipolar at all in there

the actually____ tags are sort of a safe haven from the unrelated posts.  just a place for ppl, self diagnosed or professionally, to read others’ experiences and connect w other ppl who share their illness

[bipolarburgan-blog]

yeah. plus, if you search 'bipolar' you have to deal w tumblr being like ARE YOU OKAY PLEASE DON'T DIE and it's rlly...... idk it makes me unhappy. also a lot of people who AREN'T bipolar use that tag and will attack people, etc, whereas the people in the actuallybipolar tag generally want to support each other

[bipolarburgan-blog]

love being judged for the things that i buy when i’m super super manic

love getting calls from my dad to tell me to stop spending my own damn money