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@bipolaroldersibling
Hey, your bipolar older sibling here. PFP and header made by me: @glacierruler
This is where I'll hold my rants on being bipolar, my thoughts, my opinions and how being bipolar effects me.
Along with that if you've got any questions, I'm willing to look things up and educate where I can!
Some of the worst delusions I've ever had were the ones where I was certain specific people I knew were out to get me.
It got really bad. Sometimes I was certain they were going to torture me in different ways, and others were going to kill me. Thought about finishing myself so they couldn't get me first.
And so I don't take it lightly when content creators send fans after people to 'enforce boundaries'.
If your partner is uncomfortable with something, they should block those tags. Maybe ask you to do so as well if they're really not great with it.
But to literally send fans to report to you if a 'boudary' (rule) is broken... that's so heinous.
I get that the creator in question probably isn't viewing it from this angle. No one does. But it's something that needs to be said.
Sending fans after fans will *kill* people. For varying reasons. This is not healthy for anyone.
Some of the worst delusions I've ever had were the ones where I was certain specific people I knew were out to get me.
It got really bad. Sometimes I was certain they were going to torture me in different ways, and others were going to kill me. Thought about finishing myself so they couldn't get me first.
And so I don't take it lightly when content creators send fans after people to 'enforce boundaries'.
If your partner is uncomfortable with something, they should block those tags. Maybe ask you to do so as well if they're really not great with it.
But to literally send fans to report to you if a 'boudary' (rule) is broken... that's so heinous.
I get that the creator in question probably isn't viewing it from this angle. No one does. But it's something that needs to be said.
Sending fans after fans will *kill* people. For varying reasons. This is not healthy for anyone.
Happy disability pride month everyone!
ohhh that's annoying. I'm glad tumblr has a get help thing. But like, when searching up disorders in general with no concerning words in the search bar (search was literally just: bipolar) I do not want to see "Are you okay, do you need to get immediate help?" pop up fully on my screen. istg
This is kind of my little bipolar vent/ramble blog. Has to do with MCYT discourse.
Very grateful I was not experiencing hallucinations/delusions when I read the: "I'm always watching and have spies, so if you ship me with anyone I will take action against you."
Because OMG that would have easily spiraled into a CC is trying to kill me delusion. Like???? I know he probably meant it as a joke, but after a serious discussion like that, and with how the MCYT space *is* you need to like. Not joke about that.
Because joking about harassing fans of your work is not a good look.
People with certain disorders will be harmed by statements like those no matter what.
Look, if you want to ask people not to show you being shipped with other characters/any characters that is fine. But that was seriously crossing a line right there.
Can we stop using hallucination and delusion in a fandom sense please.
It makes it so much harder to actually talk about how dangerous they can be
Like I hate that a term that is used for me and what I experience is being used because someone is imagining two people kissing.
It makes me so mad actually.
There are actual terms for when fans believe dynamics should be different: fanon. Fan canon. You don't have to use delusion.
Delusion is when I'm certain that my father is trying to kill me despite no evidence of it
Hallucination is for when I literally see a person who is not there walking down the road where I'm driving.
They aren't things to be taken lightly
I hate AI for many reasons, but I think it's actually made it harder for me to engage with anything in general. I mean, I already deal with unreality problems, especially when off my meds. And with how I'm constantly having to discern: Is this an artist or Is this AI, just all the time feels like what I do whenever I'm having delusions.
And I mean, before my meds delusions were just a thing that I believed until I couldn't??? And it always left me so disoriented and worse for wear.
And with this fear of interacting with anything ai. I just stop engaging because I'd rather not engage than be tricked sometimes. Which isn't fair to the real artists out there.
Recently got my antipsychotic meds dosage increased.
"I was having a manic episode" "oh yeah I've had those too!"
what I mean: I ruined my entire life in a month
what they mean: I feel silly goofy sometimes
I feel like we don't talk enough about the effect AI's misinformation has on psychotic people. Like, not even just from people getting misinformation directly, but moreso the pervasiveness of misinformation that becomes so filled with shit it's impossible to tell what's true from what's false.
I'll constantly see people list of disorders that cause psychosis and talk about how they're highly stigmatized and somehow they never ever mention bipolar disorder? ever? and it's almost certainly because people online tend to have this perception of bipolar as the "socially acceptable sad happy disease" and it is not. it is just not. bipolar disorder is so incredibly stigmatized and its symptoms go so much deeper than just "sad and happy"
did you know bipolar causes psychosis?
do you know what mania actually is? (hint: it's not "extremely happy"!)
did you know bipolar causes hypersexuality?
did you know bipolar causes aggression?
did you know bipolar causes generally socially unacceptable behavior?
did you know bipolar people are more likely to kill themselves in a manic episode than in a depressive episode?
did you know bipolar causes a thousand other highly stigmatized symptoms?
did you know that after my bipolar disorder diagnosis people started gossiping about how I was "unstable" and therefore "untrustworthy" and I was "erratic" and "a liability"? would you guess that these things were said by a progressive activist group who were "anti-ableism"? does this all sound like an destigmatized mental illness to you?
does it????
Stop saying…
“Psychotic/Schizophrenic” when you mean: unpredictable, unrestrained, unreal, etc.
“Bipolar” when you mean: polarized, scattered, fickle, unstable, etc.
“Delusional” when you mean: unrealistic, unreasonable, close-minded, stubborn, etc.
“[insert “R” slur in relation to intellectual disabilities]” when you mean: unreasonable, ridiculous, scatterbrained, immature, etc.
“OCD” when you mean: particular, neat, overbearing, etc.
“Narcissistic” when you mean selfish, abusive, manipulative, etc.
Note: I’m NOT saying that these are synonymous. This is also not an exhaustive list.
What are some personal achievements you've made recently?
I've been learning how to code recently, picked up the html and css pretty easily.
One of the things I don't like about my bipolar meds is how fatigued they make me. It can make it very hard to focus in the day, and sometimes I can't even drive. I take them at night, because they put me to sleep. But the effects last all day.
It's worth it, so that way I don't have manic episodes or hallucinate... but it's tiring being stable. I don't know how non mentally ill people do it honestly.
Anyways another reason I might not be too active on this blog is because I'm learning to code on main. Which has been taking up all of my time
I think one of the things that is the most terrifying when it comes to mental illness, is it always feels like you're going through it alone. Especially if no one you know has it or is talking about it.
It's a bit more isolating when the people in your family who do have said mental illness, refuse to talk about it because they see it as a religious failing.
And, I know I don't talk on a regular basis on this blog. But I do want to make this a place where we can talk about our struggles and achievements when it comes to mental illness.
