reaper

broke down, thought that i would drown. hope that i've been found, 'fore i hit the ground. some days out the corner of my eye, i saw you weeping, saw you creeping, saw you sneaking in the shadows.

[snailtongue]

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Paul Valéry, tr. by Hilary Corke, from The Collected Works of P. V.; “Laura,”

[coral]

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“i don’t know if there’s a way t’do that,” she shook her head, trying to hide her amusement at bird’s reasoning. she eyed her when she laid down, leaning back on her hand and shrugging at her question. “y’gotta give ‘er a break. she’s, like, a stranger in a house full’a people who’ve known each other forever,” she shook her head, “she talks t’me enough that i know i can trust ‘er around my kids, s’all,” she added, shrugging. “i didn’t find her. she’s joe an’ leo’s half sister. y’know that.”

bird sighed when cody seemed to shut her idea down. “fuck,” she muttered, curling up with one of the pillows from the bed. she shook her head when cody told her to take it easy on tj, “no way, dude. she fuckin’ hates us. i try n’talk to ‘er n’she jus’ fuckin’ gives me the death glare n’runs up to the attic like a fuckin’ roach or somethin’,” she laughed softly. “y’had t’find ‘er somewhere. ain’t sayin’ she’s not related to ‘em ‘cause they look the fuckin’ same, m’jus’ askin’ why she came ‘round now n’not, like, ever before. y’knew ‘bout ‘er ‘fore y’got ‘er?”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

cody just rolled her eyes when she went to double check, though she wasn’t sure she could blame her. she eyed her when she sat down on the bed, shaking her head and sighing. “s’just, like, scary. i dunno. it’d be weird if it wasn’t,” she shrugged. “we keep ‘em around just in case. i dunno,” she shook her head, “tj’s here. or joe. or nix. better safe than sorry.”

bird nodded when cody validated that the tests were meant to be scary. “s’shitty. they should make ‘em so they ain’t like that.” she walked over to the bed and laid down, letting out a dramatic sigh. “s’weird,” she shook her head. “does tj even, like, talk to people? she hardly ever says nothin’ to me or joe whenever we see ‘er,” she laughed, “where’d y’even find ‘er at, anyway?”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

cody glanced up when bird came in, picking up the towel and looking at the test. “one line. you’re in the clear,” she shook her head, standing up to toss the test in the trash. “there’s always a few of these things under the sink, if y’ever need it again,” she added, shaking her head, “but there’s condoms an’ shit down there too. those work even better.”

bird shook her head when cody told her that there was only one line, not sure she actually believed her. she walked over to check it once she’d tossed it in the trash and let out a heavy sigh when she saw that cody was right. “fuck,” she sat down on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands, “why’s that shit so fuckin’ scary for? s’jus’ a fuckin’ pee stick,” she shook her head. “don’t those, like, expire? why d’you got ‘em for? no one ‘round here’s gettin’ with dudes.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“i will,” she nodded softly when she said to text her when she goes, “it takes real quick if y’go at the right time.” she just laughed when she said she was never having kids, “yeah, yeah, i said the same thing. so did nette,” she shook her head, rolling her eyes when she told her to fuck off. she pushed herself off the counter, “alright, alright, take the damn test, then,” she motioned to her, nudging the door open. “i’ll be across the hall.”

bird nodded when cody excused herself and shut the door behind her when she left, locking it before cody had the chance to come back in. she took a while building up the courage to actually open and take the test, but eventually made her way out to find cody with the test wrapped up in a towel. she tossed it onto the bed next to her and shook her head, “i ain’t lookin’ at it. what’s it say?” 

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“i wouldn’t let ‘er,” cody shrugged, shaking her head a few seconds later and glaring at her, “you’re stalling.” she rolled her eyes when she kept going, leaning her head back against the mirror. “i got, like, all the right, considerin’ i know how much it fuckin’ sucks t’have a kid at your age. y’got no clue,” she shook her head, glancing at the trash can to make sure she hadn’t thrown the actual test away. “i dunno, like, next week, probably. think m’almost out,” she shrugged, leaning over to pull open one of the drawers and count her pills, “yeah, yeah, got like, ten days left,” she tossed them back in. “my brother, like, punched me in the face when he found out but he got over it. fran’ll do the same. but she ain’t even gonna find out unless you’re actually pregnant and actually wanna keep it, which would be, like, dumb,” she shook her head. “dunno, man. sounds like you’re jealous,” she raised an eyebrow at her, half amused, “are you bein’ hard t’deal with?” 

bird threw her hand up defensively when cody accused her of stalling and groaned, “ain’t.” she just rolled her eyes when cody said some more cryptic shit about being better than everyone else and tuned her out. she didn’t really care, to be honest. she watched her open the drawer and eyed the pack of pills when she pulled them out. “shit,” she nodded, “okay. cool. jus’, like, text me when y’go or somethin’.” she listened to cody’s experience and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from saying anything stupid. she knew she shouldn’t be acting the way she was, but she also knew cody could take it. “ain’t keepin’ it. m’never fuckin’ havin’ kids,” she groaned softly, shaking her head. “fuck off,” she muttered, shaking her head again. “no, fuck you. m’bein’ regular. they’re hard t’deal with.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“don’t think leo’s the person y’should be worried about findin’ out,” she just shrugged, laughing softly when she glared at her. she just rolled her eyes at her next comment, shaking her head, “that shit’s different. don’t speak ‘bout shit you know nothin’ about,” she shook her head curtly. “all y’gotta do is prove to ‘em that you’re, like, ain’t about havin’ babies at ten years old. last thing they want s’us havin’ more kids an’ gettin’ more money from, like, taxes, or whatever,” she shrugged, running a hand through her hair and sighing heavily when she still seemed to be resisting taking the test. “the longer y’put it off the more painful gettin’ rid of it is gonna be, so…” she motioned to her halfheartedly. “she won’t kill you. nette got knocked up an’ she didn’t kill her.” she shook her head when she asked if she’d heard about brai having another kid, raising an eyebrow at her, “why? you jealous?” 

“jus’ cut it out, fuck. i ain’t want anyone findin’ out who ain’t gotta know. nette’d run t’tell fran so fuckin’ quick if she knew.” she groaned softly when cody tried to correct her and shook her head, “whatever. y’still ain’t got room t’be shittin’ on everyone else for it.” she pushed herself up out of the tub and dumped the test out into her lap before tossingh the box into the garbage can. “when’re y’goin’ next?” she glanced up at her skeptically, still not sure if it would be as easy as cody was saying to get birth control. “fuckin’ damn it,” she hated that cody was right. she got up and sat on the edge of the toilet seat, “nette ain’t her fuckin’ kid n’she was nineteen, not fifteen. ain’t the same,” she shook her head. “fuck off, ain’t gotta be jealous of a fuckin’ baby. m’jus’ sayin’, like, they got enough shit t’deal with already with harley bein’ fuckin’ annoyin’, n’she’s always been sayin’ shit ‘bout how i’m hard t’deal with when they ain’t think i can hear ‘em.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“leo ain’t know what that is,” cody shook her head, eventually just shrugging and hopping up to sit on the sink. she raised an eyebrow at her as birdie realized what she’d been told might not have been true. she’d find it amusing in almost any other scenario—but she just sighed and shook her head. “nette’s a dumbass. don’t take advice like that from someone who had a kid at 19,” she shrugged, “you can get pills from the clinic for real cheap. s’where i get mine. y’can come with me next time i go, if y’want,” she nodded, pausing to eye the test, “y’just gonna stare at it all day?”

bird shook her head when cody disagreed with her yet again, “i still don’t need ‘er bein’ fuckin’ annoying, okay? damn,” she groaned, glaring over at cody when she threw nette under the bus. she may not be nette’s biggest fan, but she was definitely annoyed that cody was being completely hypocritical. “says the one who got knocked up at fifteen,” she muttered, looking back at the test again. “yeah, probably” she nodded, “they jus’ give ‘em out t’people? y’ain’t, like, gotta get a fuckin’ hospital note or somethin’?” she honestly didn’t know much about how the clinic worked, she’d only ever heard about it from other people. “i don’t wanna take it if it’s gonna, like, come out bein’ positive. shit’s fuckin’ stupid.” she ran her hands through her hair and shook her head, “the fuck am i gonna do if it is? fran’s gonna kill me. brai’s already havin’ another fuckin’ kid, y’hear ‘bout that? ain’t like they got enough shit t’deal with already.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“really?” cody raised an eyebrow with her when she threw the test in the tub, shaking her head to herself. she hopped up to sit on the sink, pausing for a moment to eye her when she spoke up again. “who told you that shit, nette?” she sighed, shaking her head at her, “that’s just some lie dudes tell so they can get off quicker. ain’t true. y’should start taking the pill or something so y’don’t even have t’worry ‘bout that shit.” 

bird motioned defensively when cody eyed the test in the tub and shook her head, “don’t need leo comin’ in here n’tellin’ the whole world i got a fuckin’ test in my hand. fuck off,” she muttered, leaning back to pick up the test from behind her. “i mean... yeah...” she said slowly, only now realizing that she might not have been told completely true information. “s’what everyone says, ain’t just her. ain’t true?” she groaned, sliding backwards into the tub and groaning dramatically. “’course s’jus’ a fuckin’ lie. guys ain’t ever tell the truth ‘bout nothin’,” she muttered, staring up at the ceiling. “i ain’t got money for pills.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“i’ve had two kids, smartass,” cody shook her head, “you’re as stubborn as nette, damn,” she sighed, glancing behind her. “fine,” she slipped out of the bathroom and returned with two of the juiceboxes they always put in leo’s lunch, passing them to her. “i wouldn’t stress too much if s’just a couple days late. shit’s always irregular when you’re, like, young. ain’t you use protection?”

bird just rolled her eyes dramatically when cody pointed out that she’d had two kids. she reached over to smack her arm when she compared her to nette, but moved out of the way when she slipped out the door. she sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared at the test until she heard her coming back, throwing the test into the tub when the door opened jsut in case it wasn’t cody. she opened one of the juice boxes and shook her head when cody asked if she’d been using protection, “y’ain’t gotta use nothin’ if they pull out fast ‘nough.” she groaned, leaning forward to rest her forehead in her hands. “i ain’t stupid, y’know.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

“alright, hey, lose the attitude. shit’s just irregular sometimes, don’t always mean anything,” she shook her head, eyeing her reaction when she passed the test over her. all she could do was roll her eyes at her questions, just crossing her arms and leaning back against the counter. “they only expire after a few years,” she shrugged, “plus you don’t know shit, so, jus’ take the fuckin’ test. unless y’wanna go to the clinic n’get blood drawn,” she added, eyebrow raised. “drink some water, or something.”

bird groaned when cody snapped at her and rolled her eyes, “shit’s never been this irregular, fuck off,” she muttered mostly to herself. she shook her head and let out an annoyed sigh when cody told her she didn’t know anything. “y’had one fuckin’ kid n’y’think y’fuckin’ know everythin’ ‘bout gettin’ knocked up, fuck.” she leaned her head back against the door and sighed, eyeing the test again. “don’t got water. y’ain’t got, like, fuckin’... juice or nothin’? coffee? that shit always makes me fuckin’ pee all damn day.”

[birdgdi]

okcody‌:

cody just let herself be dragged up the stairs, already used to this kind of behavior from bird. she just leaned against the sink in the bathroom, raising an eyebrow at her. it took her a few seconds to make out what she’d actually said, and she just sighed heavily, shaking her head. “how late is late?” she asked, eyeing her for a moment before rifling through the medicine cabinet, finding a pregnancy test and scanning the back of it. she glanced back up at her, “found out ‘bout joe only a couple days after i missed mine. but it ain’t always accurate,” she nodded, offering her the box.

bird shook her head when cody seemed unfazed by her question. clearly she didn’t think this was as big of a deal as it was. “shit, i dunno? like, four days? five fuckin’ days? s’it matter? s’fuckin’ late,” she leaned back against the door and ran her hands through her hair while cody searched through the cabinets for god knows what. “it ain’t ever late, like, more than a fuckin’ day.” she stared at the test when cody handed it to her and shook her head again, “this shit even still work? when’s the las’ fuckin’ time y’been with a dude? s’probably fuckin’ expired or some shit,” she groaned and continued to read the back of the box, “i ain’t even gotta pee, y’sure s’the only way t’make it work?”

[alyciajazmin]

[birdgdi]

bird let herself in the back door of cody’s house and pushed past everyone else as she made a beeline straight for where cody was sitting on the couch with nette and leo. she made eye contact with her as she got closer and practically shoved leo off of her lap so she could drag cody upstairs with her, ignoring nette’s rude comments the entire way up the stairs. she pulled her into the small bathroom and shut the door behind her, leaning against it while she tried to catch her breath. “how long y’gotta wait after y’ain’t got your period t’know if s’jus’ late or if you’re fucked?”

[bled]