🫂

“i can be your pdf” -12/6/25, 12:28 PM

[birdpal]

mobile tags, get yer mobile tags here

she/her | adult | crow enthusiast | now emitting 270 msv/hr in your neighborhood

HELP ME FIND THIS FISH VIDEO

[birdpal]

Sorry to do it to you bestie but the truffle cat intern isn't real he's ai

could you point me toward a source for that? having trouble finding one and i want to confirm before i allow this joy to be stolen by The Machine

[deadpowol]

[tahthetrickster]

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

when I choose the most popular response in a subjective tumblr poll: oh hell yeah I chose the correct response. I am going to get a good grade in tumblr poll, a thing that is normal to want and possible to achieve.

when I choose the least popular response in a subjective tumblr poll: I am a tastemaker. a trailblazer. avant-garde. the uncultured masses cannot fathom the secret depths of my genius.

[clockoftheheart]

thank you journalism

[pronouncingitwang]

[ID: 2 screenshots of interview text. The first reads

PLAYBOY: Do you ever get tired of talking about your friendship with Matt?

AFFLECK: I understand the questions. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, they're friends, they're pals, they grew up together, isn't it great and cute? I get all kinds of questions, like, "So how's Matt?" or "What's Matt like?" And I don't know what sort of answers are expected.

Instead of saying Matt's fine and he's doing his thing, I'II be like, "Well, let me tell you about Matt. Matt can give a blow job in a way that's incredible, really special." Most of the time it's like Entertainment Tonight, and they can't air it. But then sometimes you think you're safe, but someone writes it down and it ends up being taken out of context in Out magazine.

PLAYBOY: Does Matt ever get pissed off about that?

AFFLECK: Matt gets it. We have a similar sense of humor, which I think is the main reason we're compatible as friends and in terms of writing. He always thinks it's funny. It's just a question of the rest of them.

PLAYBOY: Let's see if you've learned your lesson: What is Matt Damon really like?

AFFLECK: [Laughs] He gives a really great blow job.

The second reads

PLAYBOY: In his 1999 Playboy Interview, Affleck jokingly said of you, "He gives a really great blow job." Care to return the compliment?

DAMON: I do give great head. I definitely give a better blow job than Ben. I mean, I'm not lucky enough to be able to blow myself, but if I could, I'd never leave the house.

/end ID]

[grimeclown]

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

[grimeclown]

Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay

[pangur-and-grim]

accidentally stayed up until 2. they got so tired waiting for me to go to sleep

[pangur-and-grim]

[memeuplift]

[ammnontet]

hitchhiking

[sapphling]

let's all have a fun time looking up new words when we encounter them to see what they mean before incorporating them into our vocabularies

[orcboxer]

by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....

[lokaror]

we dont chaos kill that many people.

[orcboxer]

Well If You Say It's Not That Many

[userfish]

[eggnogtoast]

trying to bed a knight like: *unbuttons your jupon* *unbuckles your cuirass* *unbuckles your gorget* *takes off your hauberk* *stops to catch my breath* *unbuttons your gambeson* *takes off your shirt*

[angelicguy]

[contemptible-scoundrel]

tch... so it's an alliance out of necessity, huh...?

[coelii]

[kaiasky]

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

[biggestzam]

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

[kaiasky]

i want you on my team holy shit

[scissorsaint]

(flirting) i could be your problem