So taking this trip and I'm happy to see my family. Ill be giggly and silly and love on each one no matter the past. At times it's sad though, the trauma we all endured from our childhood suppressed till adulthood. Just trying to be normal has made ruined adults who know God but a distorted feeling or view of Father God. Though I have found healing & freedom they have not. Some indulge further in unhealthy lifestyles and act ok,one just falling apart at the seems. My mom who is just getting a real revelation of the Heart of God,which is beautiful, she is just heartbroken over the abuse I'm sure she did not know was so severe,she had an idea but she couldn't have. She looks appalled when I have my breakdowns and tend to go over events,almost scared at the mess she sees unraveling before her,contrary to my norm. She says my older brother does it everytime they talk also. I'm not sure if she is bothered or just overwhelmed with hurt and guilt. I PRAY FEARLESSLY especially for my brothers. On the flip,my biological father will be there at my brothers wedding this weekend also. I will smile and I LOVE HIM ,I DO. it's not unforgiveness its hurt...WHERE WERE YoU? AND STILL YOU FEEL IM JUST IDK, YOU CANT NE BOTHERED. and that hurts,cause you never could. The father in your place did a number. They all brought me to church. The same God who makes me the Woman and mom I am able to be. Who makes me feel loved and well taken care of..blessing after blessing,convicts and corrects so gently when I'm wrong. HOw ? is all? I would be lying if I said it doesnt hurt when I speak of my dad out loud. Or cry often. #DADDYISSUES Fighting to trust God better through the distorted view of Father.. with an abusive step dad and a father who neglected to see,or care past his own life(the emotional side) BUT I'll keep praying. I forgave Him because I know He had his childhood issues and obviously still hasn't gotten freedom or even tried. God will prevail in my life and I pray he finds their heart even the abusive one. I will be set free from all hurts concerning the above. JUST SOME THOUGHTS........I AM FREE #HONEST #THEPROCESSOFAJEWEL
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