The Angst of being Me.

[bistambay]

Will it always be this way?

Few nights ago, I was thinking of deleting this app in my phone since I’m no longer using it. Read all my post and it make me understand why I started writing here. I fell to a guy I’ve seen only once.

Few months ago, I met a guy and last Valentines Day (2020) gave him a card with this on it (PS. There have been some changes on what was written on the card as I was making revisions along the way but the idea is the same).

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Hey Cutie,

It has been months since our path crossed. And every conversations, chats and time we spent together is a learning process to know you more and more.

Remember the almost two weeks that we haven’t talk/chat? I was down during those times. Though, I know that it will happen because of your status then. I just don’t expect it too soon. So when you tried to reconnect, I was hesitant at first to reply because I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I’m trying to get things back into what it was and everything was making sense until that one Good Morning message.

One day, I will ask you what am I to you? What do you feel about me? If there’s any. What do we have? If we have something. And maybe many more questions. One day, once I find the courage to accept whatever your answers will be and face the consequences that comes along with it.

If you’re wondering, yes I’m falling. I’m sorry or maybe I don’t. I don’t know.

I always believe that things happen for a reason. I just don’t know what’s that reason right now. Maybe in time I will know. And I know, I will.

One thing’s for sure, you will always be a part of my life from the day we meet.

I’ll always hope and pray of only the best for you. Everyday. That whatever you heart’s desire will be given in the right time.

I will always be here...

as long as you want me to and as long as I can.

From You.

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Today, it has been two weeks since I last received a message from him in Whatsapp. I don’t know what’s happening but I don’t want to be the first to message him. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I need to do this for my own sake. 😓

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Life is never in my favor...

I never thought of being in front of a computer/laptop, 8hrs a day 5days a week (or if I’m lucky enough it would extend to 7days T_T).

But life has its own plan for me. After 10yrs of being in this industry, I hardly find the urge to continue what I’m doing as self fulfillment is getting harder to feel day after day. I just hope that 2018 will be better for me career-wise.

Or hopefully the universe will conspire and let me do what I want to do.

[bistambay]

Is it time to let go?

I’m not a Twitter person not until I meet this guy that response faster in this platform compare to any messaging app. I like him and wanted to get to know him better and twitter is the only way I can get an insight in his daily life with the tweets that he post in a timely basis as we’re 300+km away from each other.

I knew he was dating someone before so I decided to be happy for him. Sad to say it didn’t turn out good. And now he’s dating someone again. I just can’t explain why I felt sad and empty this time around. 😔

Anyways, I just wish him all the best. And btw, I wont be around in Twitter until I can read all his tweets again without feeling hurt. 😔

[bistambay]

I’ve been hearing Ed Sheeran’s songs before but I started to be a fan after hearing “Thinking Out Loud” I was pessimist at first but I just gave in in the end. Aside from that, this song reminds me of someone I felt crazy and stupid with. Learn the ways of falling in and the games of love. #edsheeranliveinkl2017 #edsheerandividetour

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It’s Monday!!! I woke up to a bed weather morning and wanted to extend sleep but just like most of you, I need to work. 😢 Anyways, we’re too FIT to QUIT. Cheers to this week of full of surprises. 😊

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I’m not into competitive run as my legs can not take it but joined two fun runs this year. The feeling is awesome blending with a crowd of fitness enthusiast and young ones. 😉

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Being who and what I am this past few years, group classes are the only thing that I look forward to even on weekends. I love the sweat that comes along with working out with a bunch of crazy energetic people and cute/good-looking instructors. 😜

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Be Happy for him.

Initial plan was to skip workout that Saturday but my feet dragged me at the gym for the usual BodyPump class. Since it was workshop weekend for the upcoming release, the crowd was fewer compare to normal. This new guy caught my attention as he was standing in front of me facing the mirror. He was such a distraction. I did the usual routine and finish the class with instances taking glances at him. But swear I’m focus with the workout (believe it or not). Ended up following each other in social media.

And now, he seems to have someone whom he can be with for I don’t know when, maybe forever who knows. I felt something strange but I know that this too will pass.

[bistambay]

The start of a new beginning.

I’ve been feeling empty these past few days and was thinking of writing what I feel and what I’m thinking. Today, I’m making it a reality and hopefully will discover things that I never thought I have. Cheers for today and for more days to come.