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CHRIS BROOKS' FRICKIN' AWESOME WORLDS REVIEW

DID YOU WATCH WORLDS?????????????????? DIDN'T I TELL YOU?????????????????????? I SAID WE'D TOTALLY ROCCCCKKKKKKKKK DAAAAAAAAAAAA HOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!! AND WE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY BRO JONATHAN HORTON TOTALLY KICKED AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IN ALL-AROUND!!!!!! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT KOHEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXT TIME JONNY WILL KICK YOUR AAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND WATCH OUT GREEK BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXT YEAR STEVIE IS GONNA HIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU WON'T HAVE A FREAKIN CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COME ON EPKE!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ON KOHEI!!!!!!!!!! COME ON FABIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ON ZHANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL TOTALLY KICK YOUR ASS ON HIGH BAR NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!! COME ON BOY!!!!!!! I CAN TAKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COMMMMMEEEEEE AWWWNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

IT'S TTEEEEEEEE SHIRT TIME Y'ALLLLLL YEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

RIES OF EVIR CAPITARISTS MAKE KIM VERY ANGRY

HERRO! I HAVE MUCH NEWS. OUR DEAR LEADER KIM JONG Il COACH GREAT RHYTHMIC GYMNASTS OF PEOPLE'S REPUBRIC OF NORTH KOREA AND THEY BEAT UGLY KOREANS AND FAT AMERICANS! YES, UGRY KOREANS AND FAT AMERICANS TRY TO CHEAT. THEY MAKE DEAR WITH RICH RUSSIAN RADY. THEY HERP RUSSIAN RADY WIN GORDS AND RICH RUSSIAN RADY HERP UGRY KOREANS AND FAT AMERICANS CHEAT. BUT IT NO WORK BECAUSE WE MUCH BETTER. DEAR LEADER CREATE MASTERPIECE, TO SONG OF KIM IL SUNG. JUDGES SAY THEY NEVER SEE SUCH BRILLIANCE. THEY IGNORE CHEATING OF RICH RUSSIAN RADY AND FAT AMERICANS AND UGRY KOREANS AND BRING GORD TO GLORIOUS NATION

BUT NOW EVIR CAPITRAISTS ANGRY AND SAY RIES AND FEDERATION OF IMPERIAR GYMNASTS BAN GREAT GYMNASTS OF PEOPERS REPUBRIC OF NORTH KOREA!!!! THEY SAY HONG SU JONG FAKE AGE!!!! HONG NO FAKE AGE!!!! IS PROT OF EVIR CAPITARISTS TO STEAR SECRETS OF DEAR LEADER! THEY DISCOVER CLONING MACHINE WHICH CREATE MANY CLONES OF HONG. YES DEAR LEADER KIM JONG IL PERFECT ART OF CLONING AND WILL NOW MAKE GLORIOUS TEAM WHO ALL CAN DO KIM JONG IL VAULT WITH 4 TWISTS AND DO KIM JONG IL SALTO ON FLOOR WITH 5 FLIPS AND 5 TWISTS! FAT AMERICANS JEALOUS OF GENIUS OF DEAR LEADER. THEY WANT MACHINE BUT WE NO GIVE THEM. THEN THEY SAY WE CHEAT AND WE MAKE FAKE AGE! BUT FAT AMERICANS CHEAT MORE. YES! UGRY GIRR WHO DATE UGRY PLAYER OF FAKE FOOTBALL REARRY DO JUMP OF YAMASHITA BUT SHE TERR JUDGES SHE VAURT HARDER. EVIR JUDGES OF FEDERATION OF IMPERIAR GYMNASTICS HELP FAT AMERICANS CHEAT, SAY UGRY GIRR MAKE JUMP OF TSUKAHARA. BUT IS AWR RIES!

An update... I guess...

First, let it be known that I'm not writing more than one hundred words since I'm not getting paid. I'm only doing this blog as a favor to the ex-wife of my zemlyak, Valentin Mogilny. Right then, so yeah. So I finished third at Russian Cup, yeah whatever. There's no money involved, and I'm still going to Worlds. I hit everything except pommels. What about the others, why should I care? They're no threat to me, and they sure as hell ain't winning medals at worlds. Who do I think will be on the world team? Well, me of course because let's face it, we suck without Yuri. And Khorokhordin since he did win this competition. And I guess we have to take that dick Golotsutskov since he's the only one who wins medals these days. As for the others, I'm not going to bother thinking about it since I've gone over the one hundred words I said I'd write. Goodbye!

Dragulescu: Try to Find Me, FIG Fuckers!

Dragulescu flees WADA in his house

The International Gymnastics Federation "severely warned" Romanian gymnast Marian Dragulescu for not registering as an active gymnast in 2009, which left him off the list for out-of-competition drug testing.

The AP wrote, "Dragulescu also failed to give details of his whereabouts for visits from testing teams earlier this year."

According to the geniuses who run the FIG, they "found little or no whereabouts information for the first three trimesters of 2010."

Dragulescu, who is of gypsy or Roma ethnicity, does not have a permanent address. Instead he lives in gypsy encampments, where he spends his time vaulting over actual horses and practicing how to fall at the Olympics.

While the doping control teams were driving all over Romania this year in seach of his pee, Dragulescu said he remained one step ahead. "When I heard they were coming, we got into our houses and drove away," he said. "Try to find me, FIG fuckers!"

He said it is not true he did not go to the European Championships in April because he was taking steroids and didn't want to get tested.

"At the time I was busy beating my wife," he explained.

Dragulescu said they don't want his urine to test it for steroids, but because of its street value. It's well known that gypsy tears prevent AIDS, and gypsy urine cures retina damaged caused by watching Jana Bieger.

The FIG said it will attempt to capture the elusive Dragulescu pee at the 2010 Worlds, or by simply offering him a couple euros.

Shannon Miller's Diary: August 8, 2010

I visited Edmond this week, to promote my new company. Rocco came with me. Rocco liked Edmond a lot.

Rocco cried a lot on the plane. The guy sitting next to us was mad.

Then Rocco fell asleep. So I decided to read "The Jungle"

Laysan's Updates On Her Fabulous Life

Oh hello there. I see that, like Miss Bitcherova, you are interested in hearing about the latest adventures of me, Laysan Utyasheva, 6 time world champion, Olympic champion, and certainly one of the greatest gymnasts of all-time. And most beautiful too.

This has certainly been an exciting month. Can you imagine my surprise when, on my birthday, I was officially declared an Honored Master of Sport. While I have, rightfully so, referred to myself as an Honored Master of Sport in all interviews, the poor people at the ministry of sport never quite got around to actually bestowing the title upon me. Imagine that! After everything I have accomplished, they somehow forget to do it. Fortunately, the great Irina Viner set them straight.

The birthday bash was certainly an entertaining evening, thank you very much. Many guests such as Nikolai Tsiskaridze Oksana Fedorova, and Andrei Malakhov came to pay tribute to me. Yes,this was certainly very flattering that such celebrities acknowledge my many talents. It's true none of my former teammates showed up. Not even Irina Tchachina. But my manager (and dear mother) said they're not important, and they would only be jealous of me and ruin my day.

And undoubtedly, you have heard the news that I have a new boyfriend. I'm sure you've seen his picture. Very handsome, isn't he? Certainly more so than Yagudin, Orlando, Leonardo, Jake, Dolph, and the rest of my former paramours.

But my life is not all glitz and glamour. I recently performed in Luzhniki to honor the gold medalists of the 1980 Olympics. It is true they were considering asking one of the local sports schools or one of the current RG stars to perform, but I told Navka, who was hosting the event, that it was only fitting that an Olympic champion perform in a ceremony for Olympic champions. Fortunately, she saw the logic.

So whats next? I have many TV projects going on so you will certainly see and hear plenty of me. No doubt, you will hear me lend my vast expertise in rhythmic gymnastics at the 2010 World Championships. There certainly is no one more capable of providing insightful commentary than yours truly, one of the most decorated gymnasts in rhythmic gymnastics history.

So until we meet again, you may peruse youtube and watch many of my memorable performances. But for now, so long!

Love,

Laysan

BROGGINGS BY KIM

HERRO! I HAVE MUCH NEWS. FIRST, READER ASK ME IF OUR DEAR LEADER SPEND 6 HOURS TORTURING OUR SOCCER TEAMS. IS OUR RIES BY EVIL AMERICANS AND PEOPOR OF UGRY KOREA. THE MEETING WAS SO OUR SOCCER TEAM CAN THANK DEAR LEADER FOR PROVIDING THEM INSPIRATION FOR OUR VICTORY IN WORLD CUP. WE NO TORTURE OUR PLAYERS AND OUR PLAYERS NO DEFECT TO EVIL CAPITALISTS.

EVIL CAPITALISTS TELL LIES. YES, THEY PROMISE US JUSTIN BIEBER COME TO GREAT COUNTRY AND GIVE CONCERT. ME AND CHOE WERE VERY EXCITED. WE BUY TICKETS. THEN NO JUSTIN BIEBER. CHOE AND ME VERY ANGRY.

OUR DEAR LEADER SHOW TO US AFTER WORKING IN COAL MINES FOOTAGE OF CHAMPIONSHIPS OF FAT AMERICAN GYMNASTS. WHY THAT UGLY AMERICAN WHO SCREW UP IN GREAT CHINA OLYMPICS COME BACK? SHE LOOK VERY AWFUR. WHY SHE THINK SHE CAN BEAT HONG WITH ONRY A YAMASHITA? HER YAMASHITA LOOK VEWY BAD. AND WHY UGRY AMERICAN GYMNAST WITH BAROON VOICE WHO ROB RI OF GORD MEDAR COME BACK? HE NO BEAT RI ON VAULT.

WHY AMERICAN TEAM NOW SO UGRY? YES THEY WERE UGRY BEFOW EXCEPT FOR DAUGHTER OF GREAT COMMUNIST GYMNASTS BUT THEY ARE MORE UGRY NOW. ESPESHLY THAT VERY UGRY GIRL WHO CHEAT AND WIN WORLDS RAST YEAR.

AND I SEE VERY UGRY GIRL WHO ROB HONG OF GOLD ON VAULT NO COMPETE. DEAR LEADER SAY HE PUNISH HER BY PUTTING CURSE ON HER. SHE GET THROWN OUT BY GREAT FORMER COMMUNIST GYMNAST AND GO TO GYM WITH SEKRET OPRATIVE WHO HAS MADE MANY UGRY AMERICAN GYMNASTS DISAPPEAR! DEAR LEADER SAYS SEKRET OPERATIVE NOW MAKE THIS UGRY GIRL WHO ROB HONG OF TITLE ON VAULT GO AWAY. HOORAY FOR DEAR LEADER!

CHRIS BROOKS' FRICKING AWESOME PREVIEW OF VISAS!!!!

NATIONALS ARE COMING UP!!!! ARE YOU EXCITED???

COME ON!!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU???? I SAID, ARE YOU EXCITED??? I TOTALLY AM MAN!!!! YEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

ME AND MY OKLAHOMA BOYS ARE GOING TO ROOOOCCCCK THE HOOUUUUSSSSE!!!!! YEEEEAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

WHEN UCHIMURA AND HAMBUCHEN SEEE WHAT ME AND MY BOYS HAVE COOKED UP, HE IS TOTALLY GOING TO SHIT IN HIS PANTS!!!!! YEAAAHHH!!!!!!

AND WHEN HYPOLITO AND FAHRIG SEE WHAT STEVIE L HAS PLANNED FOR FLOOR, HE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM!!!!! YEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

HYPOLITO HALF? IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO MATTHIAS??? COME ON!!!! COME ON!!! GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!!! I DARE YOU!!! COME ON MATTHIAS!!!!! COME ON KOHEI!!! COME ON DIEGO!!! I CAN TAKE ALL OF YOU!!! BRING IT ON!!!! YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

FIRST WE'LL ROCK HARTFORD!!!!!! THEN WE WILL KICK SOME MAJOR BOOTY IN ROTTERDAM!!!!!!! THEN WE'LL SHOW THOSE PANZIES UP IN TOKYO UNTIL WE FINALLY TAKE THE GOLD IN LONDON!!!!!!!

YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuri's Totally Bitching Video of the Day

Dude! I seriously have no recollection of doing this. All I know is that I woke up on the floor of a bus wearing a blue leotard and blonde wig. Wait, wah? This isn't me? Phew!

Shannon Miller's Diary: August 1, 2010

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. He wanted a cookie. I told him cookies are bad. He cried.

I cooked seared salmon for dinner today. My husband said it was good.

Nothing was interesting on TV, so I decided to read a book. It was the Jungle.

#Shannon #Miller #Gymnastics

Yuri's Totally Bitchin Video Of The Day

So Awesome Man! Iniesta's goal was way more awesome than the other night when I partied at Epke's apartment. Wait, what? Iniesta plays for Spain? And Spain won? Bummer dude...

Things Shayla Thinks Are Like Totally Lame

Fina Fucking Ly they plug that oil leak. What took them so long? When that Mercedes my fans gave to me had an oil leak, I just brought it to Billy Bob's auto shop and got it fixed in an hour for $100.

And so like what is the big deal about those Mel Gibson tapes? Ok, he sounds like a freakazoid, but if you were married to that ugly hag who looks like the Octomom, wouldn't you freak out and start screaming as well?

So like I was so looking forward to seeing those hotties from the World Cup, but I find out, almost all of them play in Europe. WHY???? Who the f*ck wants to live in Fulham? Where is that anyway?

The State of Ukrainian Gymnastics by Irina Deriugina

I am very pleased Miss Bitcherova has added a rhythmic perspective to her blog, and of course, I am pleased she has acknowledged that nobody in the rhythmic community has as much expertise as me. Definitely not that tasteless mafia wife over in Russia, nor that crass and vulgar wannabe actress who has been choreographing for the Spanish team, and certainly not that famewhore Utyasheva who has never met a camera she didn't like. This season has been difficult for us. 19 year old Alina Maximenko is still too young to pose a sufficient challenge to 19 year old Daria Kondakova, 20 year old Evgenia Kanaeva, and 16 year old Melitina Staniuta, but she improves daily. As for our group, we are currently in a rebuilding process. You know, I must have changed the group at least 15 times before Thiais, even making a change one week before the competition, yet none of the combinations seemed to work. So, I figured I should just get rid of everybody and start anew. The financial situation remains volatile. We cannot pay the coaches, nor have we paid rent in the last six months. The girls' parents have to pay for their trips abroad. Worse, Tiffany could not have her own seat in first class and had to count as luggage. Can you imagine that? Despite assertions by that vile mafia wife in Russia, we have plenty of gymnasts in reserve. I mean, I would never have rid myself of the group if that were not the case. Maximenko is not our only hope. For example, there is Anna Rizatdinova. I am still working to make her style more acceptable to the Deriugina school, but we are getting there. I have no doubt that with my choreographic genius, she will be a suitable replacement for the second greatest gymnast Ukraine has ever produced. And you know, Skaldina is just dying to come back. If she had only listened to me and not run off and married that guy, she'd have a great job working for 1000 griven a month. You know, I wish I had an easier time finding lesbians to coach. The minute my best gymnasts decide to retire, against my advice mind you, they find some random schmuck and run off with them, giving up a great career in the process...

#Deriugina #Bessonova #gymnastics

Things Shayla Thinks Are Like Totally Lame

Dude like this summer has been totally lame so far. I am so pissed. How can Georgia not qualify for NCAA's? Like, we've won the National Title for the last five years. There should totally be a rule that the most successful team should automatically qualify for NCAA's. Or else NCAA's would be like so totally suck. Like I'm sure it sucked so bad this year. I mean, like I'm the only one with a World Title in the fricking NCAA. How can anyone take NCAA's seriously without me? And was I not robbed for NCAA freshman of the year? I mean, everybody knows who I am. I'm a World Champion and would have totally made the Olympic team if not for that stupid broken leg. But who ever heard of Ashanti or whatever her name is? And like I was so looking forward to lying on the beach, but I totally had to scrap those plans because of that retarded oil spill. Like what is taking so damn long? Couldn't they just find some plug at Wal-Mart for $12.50? And so like Nastia went on this totally awesome trip to Italy. And duh, like, you know, I'm Nastia's BFF. But like, cause I'm a college student and am totally broke I like couldn't buy a plane ticket so I could hang with Nastia. I was going to ask my fans for money, like last time, and they so totally would have given it to me. I mean, they're always giving me cool stuff like Juicy bags. But then Jay has to have a total stick up his butt. He says the NCAA might get suspicious, and they were already peeved about that whole Beijing deal. But come on Jay, will they kick me out? What would NCAA be without me? And dude, I like so cannot believe the US lost to Ghana. Where the hell is Ghana? Is that like next to Brazil? And what's up with that German guy Oorzil? Like, aren't all Germans named Hans and Adolph? There's some black guy on the English team named Johnson. I wonder if he's related to Shawn. I didn't know Shawn had black relatives!

#Shayla #Worley #Gymnastics

Yuri's Totally Bitchin Video of The Day

Dude! This is like totally awesome. First, he jumps into the box. And then he jumps out! And then... He jumps in again... And then he jumps out!!! And then he jumps back in! This is, like the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

#Yuri #Van #Gelder #Gymnastics

A Brog by Kim Gwang Suk

IS GREAT HONOR OUR DEAR LEADER WHO INVENT BROGS AND WIRELESS INTERNET RET ME WRITE BROG FROM COAL MINES. AND IS VEWY HONORED GREAT COMMUNIST GYMNAST OLGA PUBLISH MY BROG. GREAT COMMUNIST GYMNAST OLGA IS NO FAKE AGE. I NO FAKE AGE TOO. I NO CHEAT. AND CHINESE GYMNAST NO CHEAT. DONG CORRUPTED BY EVIL CAPITALISTS, THEY MAKE HER SAY LIES. DONG NO FAKE AGE AND YANG NO FAKE AGE. WHY EVIL AMERICAN GYMNASTS GET RUSTY MEDAL AND CHINESE GYMNASTS NO MORE MEDAL? EVIL AMERICAN GYMNASTS CHEAT. NOT POSSIBLE FOR FAT AMERICAN GYMNASTS TO WIN MEDALS. ME NO UNDERSTAND. AND WHY EVIL AMERICAN GYMNASTS GET CEREMONY FOR NOT GOING TO GREAT COMMUNIST OLYMPICS? WE GET NO CEREMONY FOR NOT GOING TO UGLY KOREA OLYMPICS. ME 15 YEARS AGE WHEN UGLY KOREA OLYMPICS HAPPEN. I BETTER BARS THAN ROMANIAN WITH POODLE HAIR. I WIN GOLD MEDAL IF I GO TO UGRY KOREA OLYMPICS. BUT EVIL AMERICAN GYMNASTS NO GET GOLD MEDAL IF THEY GO TO GREAT COMMUNIST OLYMPICS. NO WIN VAULT. THEY NO DO HANDSPRING DOUBLE FRONT LIKE GOOD FRIEND AND FORMER CLASSMATE CHOE. GOOD FRIEND CHOE VAULT BETTER THAN UGLY FAT AMERICAN. SHE WIN GOLD MEDAL IN EVIL AMERICAN OLYMPICS OTHER GREAT COMMUNIST GYMNAST OLGA WHO REARRY FAKE AGE AGREE WITH ME, ALSO SAY CEREMONY VERY STUPID.

#Kim #Gwang #Suk #Gymnastics

Yuri's Totally Bitchin Video of the Day

Dude this is like so totally gnarly man. Reminds me of the time 15 years ago when I crashed on high bar. My coach then said "that's why you only do one event" hehehehe Man that was funny. hehehehe

#gymnastics #Yuri Van Gelder

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