screw everything @bitchmanahahahahahaha - Tumblr Blog

why do i never see anything funny on tumblr

My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks.

When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise.

merak-zoran

corvigae

What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!!

fire-is-her-water

I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D

She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed:

Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?”

I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since.

New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night:

She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days.

And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention.

ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe

dwendog

THIS TED TALK WAS NOT LONG ENOUGH I NEED MORE INFORMATION!

misterdoctorironstrange

Awwwwwww bless

bitchmanahahahahahaha

this is too sweet

I'm gonna pop some stabs

only got twenty daggers in my pocket

I’m- Imma hunting, witches got me running

this is fucking Scotland

#macbeth luckypiggyqueen parody

so I googled if Santa Claus had a pilots license...

“Santa Claus receives airplane pilot's license from Assistant Secretary of Commerce. Although there may not be sufficient snow for his reindeer sleigh, Santa Claus will still be able to deliver his load of presents on time this Christmas by using the air route. The old saint called at the Commerce Department in Washington today where he is shown receiving an airplane pilot's license from Assistant Secretary of Commerce. for Aeronautics William P. MacCracken, while Clarence M. Young (right) Director of Aeronautics, Department of Commerce, looks on. Airway maps and the assurance that the lights would be burning on the airways Christmas Eve were also given to Santa “

ok...

#christmas

what do you call Jason Bourne when he gets on an airplane

Air-Bourne

#dadjokes

bitchmanahahahahahaha

so anyway

ok so I was watching this stupid Mexican spinoff of The Exorcist, and its hilarious cuz the possessed girl is like, flailing around on her bed growling and screaming and stuff and its actually kinda scary- but then the Mexican exorcist pops in and says “Hola chica” and the possessed girl stops shrieking and moving around and she just looks at him and says “que?” I don’t even know anymore

bitchmanahahahahahaha

this is the best post ever people plz just laugh even a fake laugh down in the reply section is wonderful just laugh HAHAHAHAHA this is hilarious what do u want from me

bitchmanahahahahahaha

I’m a huge fan of the Detroit: Become Human series, BTW

I ship Connor and Kara but I don’t think anyone else does is that weird?

bitchmanahahahahahaha

bitch i will reblog my own stuff ifs i wants to

bitchmanahahahahahaha

does anybody ever get like…

water hungry?

bitchmanahahahahahaha

no wait its thirsty i figured it out

Fuck you.

luckypiggyqueen

ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF. UR AMAZING THE WAY YOU ARE. EVEN IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING WITH SOMETHING RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL BLOSSOM INTO SOMETHING AMZING SOON. APPRECIATE YOURSELF. love yourself

How things work at a bee-keeping farm.

Beekeeper: *keeps bees*

Bees: *is keep*

#im sorry #i found it funny

:(

it makes me so sad, knowing that i am fans of a bunch of different celebrities but knowing that they’ll never acknowledge my existence, nor will i ever get to meet them

send me a message if you agree or follow i need friends

#makesmesosad