sheepfilms
roma★
izzy's playlists!
Love Begins
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Keni
will byers stan first human second
JVL
we're not kids anymore.
tannertan36
noise dept.
One Nice Bug Per Day
Claire Keane
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Kaledo Art
d e v o n
Cosimo Galluzzi
Game of Thrones Daily
oozey mess
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@badjokesbyjeff
occasional posts from users
reblog if you make occasional posts
Sometimes I still hear my voice
I mean I show up and yell about comics and wrestling so yeah
@badjokesbyjeff
I show up occasionally to remind everyone that my sense of humor still hasn’t improved
The baby was born without a chin
Little Johnny’s mom sits him down before they go visit their neighbor who just had a baby boy.
“Listen to me very carefully,” she says. “The poor baby was born without a chin because of a rare genetic condition. His mother is extremely sensitive about it. If you make even the tiniest comment about his chin, you are grounded for a whole month. Got it?”
Johnny nods obediently.
They arrive, chat for a while, and then Johnny turns to the new mom with a sweet smile and asks:
“When your son grows up, will he move out of the house one day?”
“Yes, of course, hopefully when he goes to college.”
“Will he wash his own bedsheets?”
“Well, who else is going to wash them? Yes.”
“And will he iron them too?”
“Yes, he’ll iron them.”
“And put them away in the closet?”
“Obviously, where else would they go?”
“So, how is he going to fold them?”
English to become the official EU language
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
My wife just phoned me, and the conversation went like this:
Her: “You know that Gladiator movie that I got you for Christmas…?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Her: “Fast-forward one hour, 16 minutes and 28 seconds.”
Me: “Right, I’ve done that.”
Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion…?”
Me: “I can see that, yeah.”
Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other…?”
Me: “Okay, I see them.”
Her: “Well, behind those two, on the left-hand side of the screen, there’s a gladiator holding a spear…?”
Me: “Yes…! I can see him.”
Her: “Right…! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday.”
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud "THUD," he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he stopped to pick him up
The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer jogging up ahead, and immediately regretted picking up the priest. "Surely I can't run over a lawyer with a priest in the truck!" he thought.
Then he had an idea. He would pretend to fall asleep. The driver pretended to nod off, the truck drifted to the right, and he heard that satisfying "Thud."
"Did I hit that lawyer? Did I hit that lawyer?" the truck driver asked, pretending to wake up suddenly.
"No," said the priest. "But I got him with the door."
Farewell online privacy
What happened?
Trump happened.
just get a VPN?
You can’t just tell people to ‘get a VPN (Virtual Private Network)’. Buying a VPN is like buying a house. It’s very very important. Having no VPN or having a ‘wrong’ one can seriously damage your life. Especially for Americans because their privacy laws are garbage. I am going to try explain why you should get a VPN but bare with me, I am from Germany and my English is far from perfect.
Let’s start with a simple test. Click this link here: https://whatismyipaddress.com/ It will tell your IP adres, your ISP (internet service provider), and your location. The location might not be very accurate, but then again, it’s just a simple website. Imagine what the government can do!
So basically, everyone can find out where you live. But there is more danger. Your ISP. Your ISP logs your every move online and they are required to keep it in case the government wants access to it (or if a 3rd party wants to buy your data (yikes). They have everything. What websites you visit. How long you stay on a website. What you download. Your search terms. European laws are more subtle on this but if you are from the US you are #@*#&, especially because Trump doesn’t support the open internet. It’s scary but maybe in the future you can’t get a job because the recruiter knows your searched on ‘how to deal with depression’ or anythings else that’s supposed to be private because it’s your f*cking right. Or you get a $100k fine because you pirated a movie 15 years ago. You need a VPN. You’re dumb for not using one. but what does a VPN do?
A VPN encrypts all your data so if it were be intercepted no one can ‘crack the code’ and damage your privacy.
Usually being online goes like this (simplified): Your computer —-> ISP (—–> keeps data —–> sells it)
But with a VPN it goes like: Your computer —–> VPN (encrypts data)—–> ISP (ISP can’t see shit)
Furthermore, a VPN hides your IP address and location by giving you another IP address located in Spain for example (you can often choose from a list and change as many times as you want).
Now that you know why you should get a VPN and what is does it is important to educate yourself because people often choose the wrong VPN. VPN providers are also businesses and have to obey the law. If you choose a VPN provider located in the US then you are throwing your money away because the laws in the US shits on your privacy. If the US gov wants the provider to give all their logs they have to obey. The ISP still can’t see what you are doing online and sell your data but the US gov can interfere with your VPN provider so NEVER CHOOSE A PROVIDER LOCATED IN THE US.
I just wanted to make that very clear so my followers don’t buy false security.
There is still more danger! Who says your VPN provider isn’t selling your data? You need to check their logging policy. Do they keep logs? If yes, what for? For how long do they keep them? Tip: Choose a provider who doesn’t keep logs
More about law The US is part of the Five Eyes program (the worst):
The Five Eyes, often abbreviated as FVEY, is an intelligence alliance comprising Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States. These countries are bound by the multilateral UKUSA Agreement, a treaty for joint cooperation in signals intelligence (source)
There is also a Nine Eyes (bit better) and Fourteen Eyes Program (better). You don’t want a VPN provider who is located in one the Five Eyes countries. If you had to choose go for a provider located in a country that’s part of the Fourteen Eyes Program or even better, go for a country that isn’t part of any program!
I know this is a shitty explanation and please pardon my english but now it’s time to do your own research. Take your privacy seriously. Maybe WWIII breaks out and you get killed for liking the ‘wrong’ FB-page.
Go to this website: https://thatoneprivacysite.net/simple-vpn-comparison-chart/
Make sure that your future VPN provider both has green boxes for Privacy Jurisdiction and Privacy Logging.
I recommend ovpn.se and trust.zone. ovpn is located in Sweden so they are part of the 14 Eyes Program and they keep minimal logs. Their business ethics, however, are alright.
Trustzone is located in the Seychelles. No country can interfere and their privacy jurisdiction is the best you can get. The US want your data but needs to get it from Trustzone? The Seychelles will simply give them the finger and wave them goodbye. However, this makes this provider very appealing for people who torrent and criminals because they keep no logs (and that is how it shoud be) Also, there are almost no marketing efforts so this provider is one the cheapest)
Also, often providers such as ExpressVPN are being called ‘The Best’ on websites about VPNs but know that this is just marketing which also makes those provider more expensive (and they too shit on your privacy)
This must be the worst article you have ever read but please, please take your privacy very seriously.
EDIT: I got many people asking me which provider I use. For those who want to know, I use Trust Zone. They offer a free 3-day trial with no strings attached. But still do your own research!
I am also with Trustzone but I think you forgot to explain one of it’s most important features. It protects you when you are using someone else’s Wi-Fi. If you are at Starbucks and you use their Wi-Fi your privacy is at risk. Anyone with ill intentions could steal your information. Especially if you are using an unsecured Wi-Fi hotspot. With a VPN your data gets encrypted so no one can steal it.
Wait, what’s going, on? Did trump destroy internet privacy with a bill or something? Where’s the news? Oh wait, why am I getting visions of Alex Jones and selling water purifiers?
He hasn’t yet but he says he wants to. And if he is serious about it it would be really easy to do. Since all our data is already recorded, as the person above explained.
Trump wants more surveillance of Muslim Americans. This in a country where internet privacy is already close to non-existent.
Trust.Zone has a free trial. Use it.
btw this post only has 11k notes? That’s quite disappointing for something this important.
Don’t reblog this post to save a life. Reblog this to protect an entire family!
@earth-ruins @writing-prompt-s Should I get trustzone for my mobile device?
If you use public Wi-Fi, then yes. Which VPN you use is up to you, amigo. Take @earth-ruins advice. Do your own research first.
@elvesfromthedeep just brought the current situation in the US to my attention (March 30, 2017).
Sources
Anger as US internet privacy law scrapped
Congress just voted to let internet providers sell your browsing history
To all my friends in the US, please read this entire post. Making everyone aware of VPNs is going to be my mission. Your privacy matters. Please reblog this post.
Don’t tell me you just wanted to scroll past this. Stop looking at pictures of cats for a moment, okay? Don’t you realize how important this is? This is dangerous! ‘America, the best FREE country in the world’ my ass.
With this new law your ISP can sell your Internet history which could include passwords, usernames, religion, credit card numbers, race and much more to the highest bidder. So here is what I want you to do. You are going to read the whole thing and before you think ’this is so important. Let me reblog this real quick and go back to admiring cats again-’ NO! Don’t reblog this. Take action first. Then reblog. Sign up for a free trial! Trust.Zone offers one (here). Yes. It might be difficult to set up a VPN for some people. But is that going to stop you from protecting yourself and your family? 30 minutes. 30 minutes is all that it takes. 5 if you know how to install software. The problem with some of you is that you see ‘difficult’ as something negative. I want you to see difficult differently. I need you to push through this stuff. You are going to protect yourself. There is nothing negative about that. VPNs are fun and costsaving too! A VPN bypasses geographical restrictions so you can access websites you normally can’t or you could start Netflix’s one month free trial over and over again- forever. And it’s legal! (unless you use it to buy weapons etc.,) Don’t tell yourself that you are too tired and that you will do this tomorrow. Because that isn’t going to happen and you know it. You have to do this right now. You only have to click on it. Don’t let this/shit/life just happen to you. Take yourself seriously. Get a VPN.
Privacy is not a privilege, it’s a fundamental human right
Hey is thatoneprivacysite still good? The link works and it does take me to an article about vpns, but it just looks like an ad for expressvpn with extra steps.
No they switched to https://thatoneprivacysite.xyz/#simple-vpn-comparison a couple years ago
Welcome to the VPN Comparison! This section is meant to be a resource to those who value their privacy, specifical...
I had Trust.Zone when this post first started making the rounds on Tumblr and I forgot about it after Biden took office. I recently sent them an email asking why my subscription wasn’t automatically renewed and why their website hasn’t changed since 2017(?). Their answer:
Shady people, good people, this company only cares about privacy and doesn’t care who it serves. But now with Trump and Musk this is the only VPN I’ll use.
I understand some people might not want to use this VPN on moral grounds, but it’s genuinely one of the very few VPNs set up in a way that no authority can touch you. ExpressVPN and other ‘popular’ options operate in jurisdictions favorable for profits but their privacy is just a band-aid our government can easily rip off if it demands information. I’m a trans man, I’m afraid of our government, and at this point, I simply don’t care anymore.
For a second I was like noooooo, not this long post again! Haven’t seen it in years and I always thought it was a bit extreme and exaggerated. Now that we are in 2025, I am like, nahh, these people knew what they were talking about all along. First time I am reblogging this.
Also I don’t think anyone has said this yet but the free trial only requires an email address. No credit card details or anything. Refreshing.
Could someone please put the link to the free trial here? I don’t want to scroll back up 10 miles. Thank you.
here you go @foxbridgeni
Trust.Zone Free Trial
The argument against VPNs has always been, “but I have nothing to hide.” Now that an unpredictable lunatic is in charge, purging based on whatever whim strikes him, that sentiment is quickly fading. VPNs aren’t just about hiding personal secrets; they’re about protecting freedom, autonomy, and your basic right to live without unjust scrutiny or arbitrary persecution.
Reblogging again bc this is important
A man walks into confession and says “forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”
“Go on, my son.” The priest replies.
“I have taken the Lord’s name in vain and used profanity.”
“Tell me more about this my son.”
The man says “I was playing a par four this past weekend. I shanked the tee shot to the left and into the woods.”
“I see.” The Priest says. “And this is when you used profanity and took the Lord’s name in vain?” he asks.
“No. Not then. The second shot I overshot the fairway and the ball went into tall grass and settled behind a rock.”
“Ah.” Says the Priest. “Then you took the Lord’s name in vain and used profanity.”
“No.” The man says again. “The third shot hooked back over, hit the ball washing station, bounced off a branch and somehow landed on the green just a foot from the cup.”
The Priest pauses for a second.
“Jesus Christ, don’t tell me you missed the fucking putt.”
Tumblr when they see a random post that’s very sfw and innocent
A man foolishly asked his wife why she kept staring out of the window.
Taking a very deep breath she replied, "I'm really fed up with the state of Mrs Brown's blinds. Mrs Perkins' aren't much better. And that Mrs Lewis - scruffy cow. Look at them - filthy. They're just not house proud like me. Dirty blinds are such an eyesore. If you were a real man you'd go over and get them to do something about it. In fact, you must - I won't stand for it any longer."
"I'll tell you what," her husband said as he peered through the window beside her, "I'll see what I can do."
The following morning, she approached him, beaming.
"I can't believe it. The blinds. They're all immaculate. What did you say to those women?"
"Nothing," he told her, "I just cleaned the window."
This reminded me of the time my dad's wife panicked in the shower that she was starting to go blind and when he rushed in to help her he found she was wearing her glasses.
That one time as I was about to take a shower, took my shirt off and instantly went blind. I was fucking hysterical as I couldn't see anything at all, just all black. Then I heard my father downstairs scream: " Power is back!"
A tourist is hiking through the Scottish Highlands and stops to take a drink from a stream.
He hears a voice call out "Dinnae drink frae that, meester, it's a' fu' o' coo piss an' shite!".
Turning, the hiker sees a Scottish shepherd leaning on a stick, and he replies "I'm terribly sorry, but could you kindly repeat that in the King's English?"
And the shepherd says "Two hands sir - cup your two hands together or you'll spill it!"
In England, when you turn 100, you get a royal letter from the King or Queen. When you turn 16, you get a text from Andrew.
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and a Prada purse.
The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
She tells the doctor, "I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind ... but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
A blonde is waiting table for a couple of guys, and one of them is telling a load of really obnoxious blonde jokes.
When he goes out to the men's room, the other diner beckons her over and says, "You know, I think Jack could stand to learn that blondes are smarter than he thinks. When he comes back, I'm going to write something on a napkin and ask you a question. Just remember to say 'one-third x cubed', okay?"
She mutters "one-third x cubed" a few times and then goes away. When Jack comes back, his friend calls her over, writes something on a napkin and says "Say, could you tell Jack what the answer to this is?"
The blonde looks at the napkin and reads out "...kind of a long S, x with a little two next to it, dx... Oh yeah, I know that one. It's 'one-third x cubed' ".
And as she turns to go, she looks back and adds "plus a constant of integration".
A lion was walking through the savanna. He comes across a boar.
"Hey, boar, who is the mightiest creature in the savanna?", asks the lion.
"You, sir, of course", said the fearful boar.
"Correct", said the lion, and moved on.
He then comes across an antelope.
"Hey, antelope, who is the mightiest creature in the savanna?", asks the lion.
"Y-y-ou, s-s-ir", said the trembling antelope.
"Damn right", said the lion, and moved on.
He then comes across an elephant.
"Hey, elephant, who is the mightiest creature in the savanna?", asks the lion.
The elephant, without saying a word, grabs the lion with his trunk, spins him around, and tosses him into a nearby muddy watering hole.
The lion slowly crawls out, mud dripping, and mutters under his breath, "the temper some animals have... he could have just said, 'I don't know!'"
Monday morning at school, the teacher lined up all the students to present their weekend homework assignment:
“Sell something, and explain your sales strategy.”
Sally went first. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and made $30,” she said proudly. “My approach was appealing to people’s sense of community and supporting local troops.” “Excellent, Sally,” said the teacher.
Next up was Jenny. “I sold magazines and made $45,” she said. “I told people it would keep them up to date on world events.” “Very good, Jenny,” the teacher nodded.
Then came Little Johnny, lugging a giant cardboard box that he plopped on the teacher’s desk. Out spilled a mountain of cash.
The teacher blinked. “Johnny… how much did you make?” “Two thousand, one hundred sixty-seven dollars.”
The class gasped. “What were you selling?” “Toothbrushes.”
The teacher blinked again. “Toothbrushes?! How on earth did you sell that many?”
Johnny grinned. “At first, I couldn’t sell a single one. Nobody cared about toothbrushes. So I changed my strategy.”
“I set up a free chips and dip stand downtown during the lunch rush. Everyone who came by tried the dip.”
He paused. “And every single person said the same thing” “Ew! This tastes like dog crap!”
Johnny nodded. “‘It is, I told them. Now… would you like to buy a toothbrush?’”
The class erupted in laughter.
The teacher, barely keeping a straight face, said, “Johnny… that’s disgusting! But… oddly impressive. What do you call that sales strategy?”
Johnny shrugged. “The government method: give people something crappy for free, then make them pay to fix it.”
A math professor noticed his kitchen sink at home was leaking.
A math professor noticed his kitchen sink at home was leaking.
He called a plumber.
The plumber came the next day, tightened a couple of nuts, and the sink worked perfectly again. The professor was delighted. But when, a minute later, the plumber handed him the bill, he was shocked.
“This is a third of my monthly salary!” “Yeah, I get it…” said the plumber. “Why don’t you come work for our company as a plumber? You’ll make three times more than you do as a professor. Just remember: when you apply, say you only finished seventh grade. They don’t like hiring educated people.”
So the professor got a job as a plumber, and his life really did improve. All he had to do was tighten a nut here and there every so often, and his salary was much higher.
One day, the management of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to attend evening classes to finish eighth grade. So our professor had to go too.
By chance, the very first class was math.
The evening school teacher, wanting to check what the students knew, asked for the formula for the area of a circle.
They called the professor up to the board, and he suddenly realized he’d forgotten it. He started frantically reasoning it out, covering the board with integrals, differentials, and all sorts of fancy formulas to re-derive the result. In the end, he got: S = –π r²
He didn’t like the minus sign, so he started again. Again he got a minus. No matter what he did, it kept coming out negative.
He cast a panicked look at the class, and all the plumbers were whispering:
“Swap the limits of integration!”
Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration.
When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse. "Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?" "Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver." "Please place that purse on the passenger seat, Ma'am, and don't make any sudden moves towards it. Do you have any other weapons I should know about?" "Well, there's a Colt 1911 automatic in the glove compartment..." "Okay, let's stay away from that side of the car. Anything else?" "I got a .22 Derringer in my bra, but it's just a little peashooter. Wouldn't hurt a fly." The cop sighs, and asks, "Do you have any other weapons on you?" "What do you mean by 'on me'?" "Ma'am, do you have any other weapons? Just tell me." "Okay, there's a Mossberg 12 gauge pump action and an AK-47 in the trunk." The cop pauses for a moment. "Ma'am, you have a revolver, a derringer, an automatic pistol, a shotgun, and an assault rifle, What are you so afraid of?" "Not a goddamn thing.”
