A throwaway account is an account created for a single purpose that will be discarded once its purpose is fullfilled or the anonymous owner gets tired of it. Same thing as a burner account.
I am Black Swan, I write a few things here and there.
Pronouns: she/they
Age: 19
I will accept asks as long as they don't include: smut content, straight up sexual abuse and sexual violence (dub-con and non-con), incest and heavy/graphic violence. Suggestive is fine as long as it doesn't get too explicit.
Fandoms I am currently writing for: Genshin Impact, The Freak Circus.
Summary: A small headcanon list for his character, exploring his bisexuality (headcanon), grief, personality and more.
WARNING: spoilers for his story quest!
word count: 1284
first things first, the title has a touch of my headcanon that he shares fontanian blood so he LOVES well seasoned food. you can check that on his favorite food voice line.
although I still believe he enjoys feeling pain to feel alive, he very much savours every last bit of a hug, a head pat or even a shoulder bump because he isnât accustomed to affectionate physical contact.
which is, for me, why he looked so surprised in his story quest when Varka rested his hand on Lohenâs shoulder and stated that he trusted him â it feels special to the young knight to be cherished and validated, much more than he lets on.
there is a special shelf in his heart for every little moment of affection he received.
on that, Iâd say he is somewhat insecure and in dire moments in his head space he clings to a self-deprecating mindset where he believes he isnât worthy of the affection displayed to him and he hides it behind jokes that anyone with a keen eye can detect right through his mask of over-confidence at moments like this.
that or he downplays how he feels 100%... source: trust me bro.
Lohen doesn't know how to make his flirting obvious, he makes innuendos but passes it off so casually that the only person who knows the difference is him and those aware of his yearning (neurodivergent type of flirting lol).
he has been around more male knights than female knights so his admiration and attraction has always inclined more towards the masculine figure until Eula made a new cogwheel in his head turn around. he has seen Jean fight before, even Lisa and sheâs not even a knight! but something about a tall woman wielding a claymore nearly his size made his brain go wee-woo-wee-woo strong woman alert!
same lohen, same.
bisexuality is intense on this little one â also heâs a boobs guy AND a biceps guy, best of both worlds. you canât expect to win on a battlefield if you havenât experienced the full ground yet, gotta conquer both sides in the fight to declare victory.
in case he needs to flirt in order to complete a mission (imagine some situation similar to his character trailer) he could do it smoothly, but fumbles immediately when he is actually in love with someone! i bet all of my money on shy and pathetic Lohen with his loved one, fist fight me if you disagree.
heâs neuroatypical, I wonât diagnose him as anything but I can safely say he struggles with applying his empathy on social situations because his brain is so fried by being alert 24h/7 he doesnât know how to properly react to certain situations without cringing at his own try-harding surprised or shocked reaction to an announcement.
âoh, your wife is pregnant, you say? cool, congrats. but did you know that smoking during pregnancy can induce [insert traumatizing consequence here] throughout the kidâs life? I advise you to quit smoking around your spouse from now on...â cue to the poor knight at Angelâs Share staring at him with a thousand yards stare.
âthis deep cut on Guntherâs belly? oh, yeah, that. he almost got it worse had he not reacted fast enough to that ruin guard swinging arm attack. his fighting is getting better, I can pat myself on the shoulder for that.â he wipes an invisible proud tear from his left eye.
I wholeheartedly believe he was also a tad bit insecure of his appearance when growing up because he resembled dottore by a lot. it would never really go beyond an ugly stare at his mirror self by the break of dawn before the regular patrol and training with the 5th company during the expedition in Nod-Krai but it was there. on worse nights he would huff and avoid looking at it.
his eyes didnât naturally glow in the dark before the experiments with Ursaâs serum he did on himself with Theodoreâs help. now theyâre like this and honestly? he kinda likes it, gives him a creepy vibe that can be weaponized to be used against his enemies!
also, the few light streaks on his hair are his hormones not fully reaching these parts â another consequence of playing with the discontinued experiment left behind by the doctorâs segment.
body headcanons :D!! he is 168cm (5â6.1ft in hamburger measurement system), the tallest short guy in genshin even without the boots. he has a fit body type that resembles a lot of a sleeper build until he crosses his arms and his biceps stretch his sleeves just enough to remind people that this guy picks his own battles since a young age, he wouldnât be your average skinny little guy.
this headcanon is solely based on the comparison of his model with other short guys model in-game, his thigh is bigger than the others so I believe that once his parents found out he was sneaking at night to fight monsters, he was locked up for a while and to compensate that he started squatting and doing a bunch of physical exercises to pass the time (he got a few muscle strains and cramps from bad posture given that he was training all by himself).
definitely got caught squatting with some random furniture of the house in the middle of the night by one of his parents and had the most silently awkward, one minute long eye contact of his life.
his main scars are over his torso and arms, got a new one on his forehead after the encounter with Rerir but his bangs hide it pretty well. his first scar was during a fight against a lawachurl.
despite everything, he will always remain a gentleman and stand up against bullies. he cannot see injustice happening; he feels the urge to intervene because aside from being a knight on duty (that's literally his job to stop fights from breaking), heâs still human and likes to believe that doing good can give good in return. seems contradictory to his character, but i personally think it applies to ânormalâ situations such as helping an elderly with their grocery or applying ointment to a kidâs injury during playtime. we all have Adorno to thank for that small change.
he has surprised many on Dornman Port by unexpected display of chivalry that made women (and man) blush. pretty face + chivalrous? almost made them forget he is a walking one-shot.
okay, time to address the elephant in the room: the aftermath of Adornoâs passing.
he was chewing that bubblegum to distract himself from crying because he was about to until he noticed the Travelerâs presence and in his pretty but messed up little head, that would make the scene pathetic. again, he minimizes his own feelings to cope with it.
also, he dissociates a lot, even as a child he did that when he got bored at his parentsâ bow making sessions but after the kidnapping for the experiments, he used to do it as a coping mechanism, a way to get in a safe space when he physically couldnât find any â or even as a reflex, it can be both.
itâs even more frequent now after Adornoâs passing, especially during his training break or when paperwork gets too boring for him to give any ounce of care.
he gets better after some time grieving properly (thanks to Varkaâs constant intervention and invitations to drink; the grandmasterâs way of telling âyou are not alone in this, kidâ).
I like to think that he drops by his grave right before work to spend some time in silence, sitting by the graveyard curb while reading a poem or dissociating before the sun rises between the mountains.
cw: suggestive and soft/fluff, reader uses they/them and wears dresses and makeup (shoutout for my feminine enbys out there)
Reader is found drunk and napping in Lohen's room and throws themselves at him while declaring their love. Reader confesses their insecurities and asks to be his lover. Lohen reassures reader's insecurities and they promise each other indefinite love and companionship.
Itâs way past midnight when Lohen steps in his chamber, uncaring for his surroundings since he never noticed any malicious presence nearby before in the building, nor did he notice anything uncanny right now. Hence why he didnât notice them lying in his bed, bare foot beside his pillow and drooling on the uncovered part of the mattress, the black minidress revealing a little too much of their thighs to be innocent in his imagination.
By the soft âclickâ of the door he looks up to the familiarly serene figure of his beloved friendâs drunk state. Lohen sighs, closing his eyes for two seconds to mentally prepare himself for the questions he has to ask in case he wants to sleep in peace.
âHey, dummy, wake up.â He gently pokes their face with his gloved knuckles, the left hand held his cape and Vision. âWake up, you dumbass. Why are you in my room? This could get the both of us in trouble and I donât wanna hear Varka and Jeanâs same olâ nagging.â
Drowsy and slightly dizzy, the feminine figure spurs from the sleeping land and pushes their torso upwards causing a strap of the thin fabric to slide down their shoulder and look ridiculously sensual on them, the translucid black stockings marking their legs and matching perfectly with the dress. The way their hair is a beautifully messy photograph cemented in his brain from now on, thrown over the right side of the middle parted way of the scalp. Lohen gulps down to not allow his thoughts wander too far away from his chivalry. A needy groan rolls out of their lips, blinking softly to adjust the vision to the little lightning provided by the moon out and high in the skies of Teyvat.
âHmm?... Ah, hm, Lohen?â They mutter with a sweet voice. Too sweet for him. He sits down by their side â their legs draped over the messed up pillowcase â adjusting the shoulder strap with urgency. Meanwhile they didnât even realize they were being touched, his hand trained with efficiency and the swiftness of an icy blade. âSorry man, I, uh⊠What?â
The young man sighs, shaking his head with no hopes of getting a wink of sleep tonight, instinctively communicating through whispers. âI asked what you are doing in the knights' dorms? How did you pass by everyone with no verification or ID on you? Youâre wasted! You reek of wineâŠâ Lohen didnât get enough attention to his questions, he was absolutely ignored by their curiousity.
â...yâknow, I always found it odd how you just⊠Donât taste any alcohol and shit. Not even the lightest wine in Dawn Winery is appealing to you. Hah, are you a lightweight or what?â They bit the tip of their thumb nail with a smirk. These two dynamics have always been like this: teasing each other, ragebaiting one another and ending up the day with a philosophic conversation just the same. A good friendship with a shared dose of existential crisis. âOr do you just hate the taste of alcohol? Weird for a mondstadtian but itâs alright, I guessâŠâ
âI donât drink because of the taste, although I find it to be wacky in general. I donât like being around drunk knights all the time.â He confesses while taking off his boots and placing them by the side of the small shoe cabinet with a steel holder to keep it in the correct shape and avoid the wrinkling effect. âYou donât understand how loud and unbearable the troops were at Nod-Krai â thanks Archons, it's over now.â He mutters the last part.
âHuhâŠâ They remain silent for a long time while Lohen stares at nothing in his room, calculating if he should give in to the exhaustion and take the bed right by your side or find a comfortable place on the armrest and have an unpleasant nightâs rest and awful back pain in the morning. âSoâŠâ They start. âDoes my company bother you?â He blinks once, surprised by the suddenness of the question asked. âAm I⊠Am I a bother?â The friendâs voice dies down in the air, their words not higher than a murmur. Gazing unsure at the opposite direction of Lohenâs gaze, they stammer a little, unable to come up with any good complement for what has been spoken out loud.
âNo, no. No way you bother me. Where is this coming from?â They didnât sound like they misunderstood his reason for distasting alcohol, but rather that it ignited a stream of thoughts they couldnât get out of. Lohen wasnât unaware of their negative thought forming process, especially when the sun dies down on the hills and the quietness of the night turns every little thought too entertaining to not give it attention. With both hands over their chest, watery eyes and trembling voice, the feminine person dares to lift their gaze in Lohen's direction although still tipsy.
âI know you enjoy challenges, pulling pranks on your crewmates and stuff but I⊠I have a feeling Iâm not enough. For some time Iâve wondered if you keep me around âcause you pity me or because you simply tend to avoid unnecessary conflict about feelings and relationships until they die out. Iâm not the best with poison either so why⊠Why do you⊠Ugh!â Tears roll down their cheeks as they do the best they can to avoid stirring up more drama. âWhy are you around me if I canât provide anything you like? I usually know how to answer those questions â you know I do â, but when I reflect on them and come up with something, am I being delusional and hyping myself up because I enjoy being around you or do I know the truth of your feelings and intentions towards me?â
They cannot control it, keep it hidden anymore and start crying pitifully yet hopefully, leaning on his shoulder with a fierce grip on the manâs biceps despite the drunk state.
âWeâre so unalike. When will you get bored of meâŠ?â
After a long pause he manages to mutter a response.
âNever, bunny.â Lohen grabs their face with an unknown gentleness, one he didnât know to possess most of the time unless he was around you. Always with you. A shame you never picked up on that clue to respond to your own insecurity. âMy amusement doesn't come solely from that, you know? Whenever you ramble about TCG tournaments, I listen to you. If you didnât like a poison of mine, I would kill myself for even daring to forget and use it on you again. You love ballads and bars, being so full of culture which I admire a lot. You have your limits and dislikes and Iâm fine with that because I couldnât care less about how different we are!â He holds their chin up, staring right into his piercing red eyes in this dark dorm room. âI like you because you donât cower. When we first met and you were a runaway bandit, you didnât scream or beg me for mercy⊠Quite the contrary. You laughed, cracked a joke and turned yourself in with the brightest smile Iâve seen so far. That alone set my mind for one goal after your release from jail: to know more of you. Damn it, I only felt my body react this way when I first spiked Varkaâs apology Dandelion Wine!â He holds their face closer, stroking his thumb against their mascara and tear stained cheek. âDonât think of yourself like that ever again. Your presence in my life is one of the most valuable miracles I still have. Please⊠I canât lose you too.â
His gaze is penetrating, unfazed and never faltered most of the time. Not even in front of the most formidable enemies in Teyvat did he show anything other than calm amusement with raw battlefield spirit. Tonight is the exception. Only him, their beloved friend and the moonâs gaze could sense the vulnerability he rarely devotes to himself to show, even to his loved ones. This emotion is dedicated to them alone and despite their drunk state, they can see that he, too, has his share of insecurity. Would it be too egotistical on their part to thank their damned hurt ego for confessing what they wanted to after such a long time just to see the light in his teary eyes?
âLohen⊠Donât you dare think of yourself like that.â The tables turn and itâs their voice that regained that poised confidence of always. With a swift movement, the friendâs hands are now cupping his face with more force than necessary, they sit on his lap with too much ease but does he interrupt this sudden action? They fit perfectly in the middle of his legs and itâs not like thatâs the first time they have tackled him. âI know you didnât say it with full words, but I know what youâre thinking. You still believe youâre weak, you still think youâre only for the sidelines but Iâve seen how you steal everyoneâs air from their lungs once you step in the battlefield. For Barbatosâ sake, you were blessed with a Vision! That alone tells how much you are. If not to the gods or to Teyvat, to me. You matter to me more than you realize andâ Augh, fuckâŠ!â Their head starts spinning again and Lohen resorts to stabilizing their balance with both hands on their hips, definitely settling them on his lap while their hands find sustenance on his shoulders.
âHow odd⊠I should be the one saying those words to you.â He weakly laughs, nestling his forehead against theirs, stroking their hair with his right hand. âYouâre incredible, bunny. You need to understand that once and for all. No one can steal your place in my life. Never. And I canât get enough of youâ
âIf thatâs true, then show me.â
What?
Thatâs the first thought that pops up in his mind. Itâs difficult to see in the dark, but he can definitely feel their hands slowly guiding hisâ down their body⊠Lower and lower until his right hand is forcefully squeezing their left cheek while the other is nestled on their inner thigh, parting them with his fingers unintentionally teasing under the minidress. That surprised him, he did not realize the compromising position you two were in until right now.
âWoah, woah, woah! Stop right there! Nowâs not the time for, umâŠâ He could feel when every blood cell seemed to find their way to his face, leaving him pathetic under their gaze full of desire. âHow much did you drink?!â
âDoesnât matter⊠I trust you with my honor.â They slowly slide back down the fallen strap of the dress with their thumb while undressing from the black cotton overall, making sure to smile and sigh in clear expectation.
âFor heaven's sake, chill out!â He grabs both of their shoulders and shakes them a little to see if they wake up from this state, careful enough to avoid raising his voice while scolding them or else any curious knight could witness the scene. âSnap out of it already! Youâre in no headspace to give out your full consent⊠To me nonetheless!â
âWhat the fuck are you on about?â They purposefully snap their hips down, leaning their torso closer with a smirk. At that moment he somewhat understood how menacing a smile like that can be â he felt like a prey, a helpless one at that. He understood what his enemies felt (and discovered a new thing about himself at the same time). âLohen, Iâm just tipsy. Itâs not enough for it to hinder my notion of consent!â
They were raising their voice a little and it was merely one in the morning. So, afraid someone might knock on the door looking for trouble to resolve, he covers their mouth with one gloved hand while the other finds itself on their lower back, a little more and heâll pin them down on the bed. This doesnât help in anything at all because once their mind is settled on something, they donât stop until they obtain the desired result â an admirable trait, Lohen would usually say, but not in times like this.
âOoh! Kinky~! You wanna keep me quiet so I behave like a good girl?â
âNote to self: never let you drink again.â Lohen whispered, fighting against his most formidable foe yet: the temptation to give in. âI have my honor as a knight and as a chivalrous man and, I say and repeat: I will not have sex with you while youâre drunk. End of conversation.â He squints his eyes with a scowl, serious in a way theyâve never seen before. But unfortunately, they donât give up easily especially when their mission is to annoy Lohen as much as possible.
There is a brief pause during this hard staring contest they share.
âYouâre so damn attractive when youâre commanding me like this. Makes me wanna try out the recruitment for the Knights of Favonious just so you yell at me.â
He lowers his head down in defeat and they laugh out loud, falling forward until their forehead finds rest on the curve of his neck. Sighing in relief after a heartfelt laughter, they smile with fondness never felt before. âI promise Iâll be a good lover. Iâm good at cooking rice and making chicken stuffed potatoes. Iâll put extra Jueyun Chilis just how you like âem.â
âHah⊠Is that a promise?â Lohen kisses the shell of their ear more calmly at the sound of your voice lacking the teasing remarks; both serious with each declaration spoken in the middle of the night.
âYou betâŠâ Drowsiness started to drift their consciousness back to the dream realm. Lohen notices it and covers both of them with his weighted blanket, slowly adjusting his position to lie down without letting go of them.
âIf you become my lover, Iâll worship you everyday.â
âYou better⊠Or Iâll chop your head off if you donât.â
âHaha⊠Thatâs my lover, alright.â
I'm back and I'm also on ao3!! same username btw, I'll update my current works there too.
His unimaginable stamina is not as impressive as his never ending will to have a fight against any enemy or anything that imposes even the slightest strength, really. His eyes cradle the wildest thousand yard stare, the hair messy after getting roughed up by a group Fatui debt collectors with a few too many tricks up in their sleeves. Blood sliding down his chin and dirtying the worn out battle ground as he thrusts the floor with his polearm to use as a leverage. Lohen looks forward as the sun rises between the mountains.
Would you mind if he passed by your home at dawn again?
You, a humble healer who lives on their own far away from the city of Mondstadt, caught his eye for the first time while the vice captain was having a face off with a ruin guard that wouldnât surrender for nothing. Good for him, but not for your peace. The boy was getting dizzy by the blood loss that nasty head injury the ruin guard nailed, he was on the verge of passing out at any given moment. Abandoning the grocery from the port of Mond, you rushed to use your vision to impede Lohen from getting himself killed by the adrenaline rush â the only thing keeping him up at this point.
This change of heart, however, ruined your peace for the next couple months.
Knocking at your door, you take a while to get to it despite the small house. Your reaction to his devastating state will never cease to make Lohenâs smile creep up and adorn his face.
âThis is quite nostalgic, isnât it?â Heâd muse, bowing his head as he always does whenever visiting you.
You make haste, of course, concerned about your new rug but even more distressed at the sight of your inconvenience that gave you a good wake up. âWhatâs with you?! Was it another ruin guard?â You ask while guiding him to a different location of your house instead of the kitchen with the good olâ med-kit. âCome quick. And if another blood drops in my rug Iâll finish its job myself.â
First door of the corridor on the left, you open it even more and reveal it to be your bedroom with half of the med-kit lying on the dressing table. Lohen, being held by arm, halts right before entering.
âOh please, itâs notâŠâ He thinks quickly on an excuse not to make things awkward between the two of you. âHey, it wouldnât be very, you know, knightly of me to enter your chamber like that. I can wait in the kitchen.â
You stop on your track, look over your shoulder in disbelief because he is literally drying his own blood through those cuts and his first worry is to not enter your bedroom. Makes perfect sense.
If it werenât for the suddenness of the act, you might have thought it to be adorable, but your worrying plummeted your adoration.
âDude, justâ come inside! Youâre bleeding through all holes and cuts, for Barbatosâ sake! Who cares about being a gentleman or whatever right now?â
You gently grab his biceps again, careful with the cuts, and try to make him move with you but itâs to no avail. Heâs got a better grip and firms his feet on the creaking wood floor, insisting on resting in the kitchen. âNo, no, Iâll survive a few minutes while you gather your stuff. Please, I canât enterâŠâ
His voice cracks a little as he coughs saliva mixed with blood from his lips after that ridiculous punch that got him with his guard down.
âLohen!â This distressed tone almost made him feel bad for the stubbornness. With a quick âexcuse meâ he limps your way, ignoring the relieved breath and relaxing your furrowed brows.
There wasnât anything weird between you two, nothing left untold â you thought so â to escalate a confusion such as this to an awkward silence. Lohen and you had gone through this frequently: the subtle touches of your hand where he swore he âdidnât feel anythingâ, the gauze after the healing potion going right where it hurts making a small hiss come out of him, the precision of your sewing prowess to attach skin to skin back or your concentrated look on his cuts right on the lips.
The dry and fresh blood, the iron scent that reeks from him, the moss, dirt and alcohol staining his skin and clothes donât make the scenario appealing to anyone else, itâs a disgusting and messy mixture of what many tend to avoid to show to attest their glory for fighting. Lohen felt intimate with you, in a non-sexual way, because you never scoffed at his sight, you didnât hide an ugly face when in face of guts and rests of monsters still on him. You offered aid when he denied, you covered him once he asked and even put up with his asks for a spar you vehemently denied. You know him and silently accept without invading his personal life or incessantly questioning or indulging him to change his way. Most of all, you arenât scared of him. You respect him. And it goes both ways.
This ugly, messy, battle maniac Lohen isnât contained in front of you.
Perhaps the bedroom door scene caused a shock because this value taught to the knights made his brain short circuit, rethink for milliseconds how he should see you. The camaraderie was more like it. Still, you are so unknown and not camaraderie-esque, he was afraid of barging in and having you take your leave.
Your place in his life was never questioned once before, you were like the familiar fragrance the passing wind blew his way, a spirit caught in the peripheral vision, a favorite spot he rarely visited to preserve its duration even if it fades in the memory land. Who are you and how should he call you?
Home. You are home. He yearns for the comfort you bring, the acceptance and the warm coffee at four in the afternoon you always have. He should drop the anxiety and formalities and stay at home at once. Until he gets better from his injuries your small inconvenience is going to be a sweet headache.
(thank you lohen for satisfying my fantasy of a crooked, fucked up, anti-hero knight in shining armor tartaglia could not fulfill)
this is my first attempt in writing after years of not writing proper fanfictions, even if they're oneshots from my favorite characters, be kind with me <3
Imagine an MC that is used to the supernatural and isn't phased or moved by the circus?
Harlequin decides to pay a small visit to the MC in their apartment. It's the middle of the night so why are the kitchen lights on? He hides in the shadow behind them waiting for them to turn around and be surprised by his presence. MC does that minus the surprise part.
"..."
"..."
"...uhh do you accept coffee? Sorry, it's the only thing I have right now to offer you."
"Of course I do, but no sugar. I can taste the sweetness off of you~"
"Oh, it's you Harley. Thank goodness you're not the doppel I saw in my dreams. That shit scared me the first time we met..." They said while pouring the coffee in two mugs. "By the way, are any of your species groups specialized in stealing human's skin to meddle in human society? That by any chance accept tea as a white flag and are particularly obsessed with the color white?"
Harlequin said nothing, but he was confused.
The next occurrance was with our beloved Pierrot. MC was moping the store with their back turned to the front door before their early shift started when they felt a presence.
"No, I don't have lapis with me. No, I haven't opened my door for a stranger in the last couple of days. Yes, I'm still a virgin, laugh about it all you want. And yes, I hang a garlic head in my front doorâ Oh, hey man, we still haven't opened. How you doing?" They asked with a tired smile (and weirdly enough smelling like fresh garlic).
Then, with Pierrot's coffee, MC sneaked a small glass bottle with dry herbs, dirt, a cracked egg shells and a paper with a random latin writing he couldn't quite catch on. He thought it was a gift, a trinket of sorts. It wasn't. It was a protection spell he later caught on by doing a quick google.
The third and last time before they started questioning MC's sanity was with the Jester. He had stopped them from exiting right after a stunning performance and he saw them constantly darting their gaze to the curtains behind the tall man.
"Jester, don't look right now but she is watching us. I mean it."
"Excuse me? Who do you think you are to order me around?"
"She's suspicious, maybe check in later?"
Jester didn't want to admit but after MC's observation, he felt a strange, dull presence too. It felt empty yet overblown with scattered emotions. Once the circus went quiet and everyone fell asleep, even Ticket Taker, Jester started investigating his suspicions. It felt foolish to trust a silly gut-feeling since his instincts, far superior to those of a human, cannot be out played or surpassed naturally. By that logic, there is nothing to worry about.
Until he saw a pink IpĂȘ flower on the ground, behind the curtain MC kept anxiously looking at.
There were no IpĂȘs around where the circus' at currently and the Fools certainly didn't break free to scatter these pink flowers on the floor. Nowhere else was dirty or messy, so Harlequin and Pierrot didn't visit during another quarrel. The Doctor would never touch his stuff and TT is too clean and organized to leave the floor like this. No trail to follow, nothing.
Pink IpĂȘ flowers, huh. Maybe someone also felt "saudades".
His unimaginable stamina is not as impressive as his never ending will to have a fight against any enemy or anything that imposes even the slightest strength, really. His eyes cradle the wildest thousand yard stare, the hair messy after getting roughed up by a group Fatui debt collectors with a few too many tricks up in their sleeves. Blood sliding down his chin and dirtying the worn out battle ground as he thrusts the floor with his polearm to use as a leverage. Lohen looks forward as the sun rises between the mountains.
Would you mind if he passed by your home at dawn again?
You, a humble healer who lives on their own far away from the city of Mondstadt, caught his eye for the first time while the vice captain was having a face off with a ruin guard that wouldnât surrender for nothing. Good for him, but not for your peace. The boy was getting dizzy by the blood loss that nasty head injury the ruin guard nailed, he was on the verge of passing out at any given moment. Abandoning the grocery from the port of Mond, you rushed to use your vision to impede Lohen from getting himself killed by the adrenaline rush â the only thing keeping him up at this point.
This change of heart, however, ruined your peace for the next couple months.
Knocking at your door, you take a while to get to it despite the small house. Your reaction to his devastating state will never cease to make Lohenâs smile creep up and adorn his face.
âThis is quite nostalgic, isnât it?â Heâd muse, bowing his head as he always does whenever visiting you.
You make haste, of course, concerned about your new rug but even more distressed at the sight of your inconvenience that gave you a good wake up. âWhatâs with you?! Was it another ruin guard?â You ask while guiding him to a different location of your house instead of the kitchen with the good olâ med-kit. âCome quick. And if another blood drops in my rug Iâll finish its job myself.â
First door of the corridor on the left, you open it even more and reveal it to be your bedroom with half of the med-kit lying on the dressing table. Lohen, being held by arm, halts right before entering.
âOh please, itâs notâŠâ He thinks quickly on an excuse not to make things awkward between the two of you. âHey, it wouldnât be very, you know, knightly of me to enter your chamber like that. I can wait in the kitchen.â
You stop on your track, look over your shoulder in disbelief because he is literally drying his own blood through those cuts and his first worry is to not enter your bedroom. Makes perfect sense.
If it werenât for the suddenness of the act, you might have thought it to be adorable, but your worrying plummeted your adoration.
âDude, justâ come inside! Youâre bleeding through all holes and cuts, for Barbatosâ sake! Who cares about being a gentleman or whatever right now?â
You gently grab his biceps again, careful with the cuts, and try to make him move with you but itâs to no avail. Heâs got a better grip and firms his feet on the creaking wood floor, insisting on resting in the kitchen. âNo, no, Iâll survive a few minutes while you gather your stuff. Please, I canât enterâŠâ
His voice cracks a little as he coughs saliva mixed with blood from his lips after that ridiculous punch that got him with his guard down.
âLohen!â This distressed tone almost made him feel bad for the stubbornness. With a quick âexcuse meâ he limps your way, ignoring the relieved breath and relaxing your furrowed brows.
There wasnât anything weird between you two, nothing left untold â you thought so â to escalate a confusion such as this to an awkward silence. Lohen and you had gone through this frequently: the subtle touches of your hand where he swore he âdidnât feel anythingâ, the gauze after the healing potion going right where it hurts making a small hiss come out of him, the precision of your sewing prowess to attach skin to skin back or your concentrated look on his cuts right on the lips.
The dry and fresh blood, the iron scent that reeks from him, the moss, dirt and alcohol staining his skin and clothes donât make the scenario appealing to anyone else, itâs a disgusting and messy mixture of what many tend to avoid to show to attest their glory for fighting. Lohen felt intimate with you, in a non-sexual way, because you never scoffed at his sight, you didnât hide an ugly face when in face of guts and rests of monsters still on him. You offered aid when he denied, you covered him once he asked and even put up with his asks for a spar you vehemently denied. You know him and silently accept without invading his personal life or incessantly questioning or indulging him to change his way. Most of all, you arenât scared of him. You respect him. And it goes both ways.
This ugly, messy, battle maniac Lohen isnât contained in front of you.
Perhaps the bedroom door scene caused a shock because this value taught to the knights made his brain short circuit, rethink for milliseconds how he should see you. The camaraderie was more like it. Still, you are so unknown and not camaraderie-esque, he was afraid of barging in and having you take your leave.
Your place in his life was never questioned once before, you were like the familiar fragrance the passing wind blew his way, a spirit caught in the peripheral vision, a favorite spot he rarely visited to preserve its duration even if it fades in the memory land. Who are you and how should he call you?
Home. You are home. He yearns for the comfort you bring, the acceptance and the warm coffee at four in the afternoon you always have. He should drop the anxiety and formalities and stay at home at once. Until he gets better from his injuries your small inconvenience is going to be a sweet headache.
(thank you lohen for satisfying my fantasy of a crooked, fucked up, anti-hero knight in shining armor tartaglia could not fulfill)
this is my first attempt in writing after years of not writing proper fanfictions, even if they're oneshots from my favorite characters, be kind with me <3
