Loup Garou Detective Agency: Excerpt V
Garret drove me back to my place, and just as I got inside I heard the phone ringing. My heart sank. No one ever called me, aside from the occasional telemarketer; and it was too late in the evening for that. There were only a handful of people it could have been and no matter who it was I was not expecting the news to be good. Just as I reached the phone, it went to voicemail, and the sound of David’s voice came out of the speakers.
All he managed to say was, “Em, it’s David,” before I snatched up the phone.
“David…hi…I just got back from work,” I said, willing myself not to cry. This was it. The one conversation I was dreading more than the one I had with my mother a few weeks ago. All I heard on the other end was silence, so I asked, “How have you been?”
“Oh…you know…I keep on keepin’ on,” he answered. He sounded tired, and sad. “Your mom says you’re working for a Detective Agency now. That must be exciting. More exciting than taking pictures of dance recitals and school plays.”
“David…it was never about excitement…” I said weakly, tears springing to my eyes. “I loved you, so damn much…I just had something inside me that was making me lash out at you, and I hate that part of myself more every damn day.”
“I wasn’t good enough for you, that’s all,” he said stubbornly.
“That’s not true,” I whimpered.
“Then why have you never tried, not even once, to reach out to me? Not once, in five years Em.” I choked back a sob.
“I didn’t think you wanted me to.”
“Then you don’t know me too well, Em. You’d think you would, after 11 years together, but you don’t.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” I said bitterly. “Mum says you’re dating Carol Mackenzie. Congratulations.”
“She told you that? Jesus Christ…” I heard him suck in a breath, sniffling quietly. Was he crying too?
“Yeah…she seems to think you’re just itching to get divorce proceedings started.”
“No, Emily, Carol is itching for me to get divorce proceedings started. And I wouldn’t call what we’re doing dating.”
“I really don’t want to know,” I said coolly. “It’s none of my business any more. If you want a divorce, send me the papers with any terms you want and I’ll sign them.”
“I don’t want a divorce, Emily. I want my wife back,” he cried. I froze, tears streaming down my face. Of all the things I would have expected him to say, that was the last of them. They were both the words I wanted to hear more than anything, and the words I wanted to hear least of all. I still loved him so much, but I could feel the heat rising in me. Every day I was more angry, more ravenous. My body was growing more muscle every day, and I really didn’t think it was because of the aerobics classes. Everyone had been trying to reassure me that it was probably just psychosomatic, but I think even they knew I was going to change. They were just trying to spare me from worrying about it too much. What was the point, until it happened? But now there was a reason to worry. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how much I wanted to still be with him, but I was never going to be the girl he fell in love with again. I was always going to have trouble controlling my temper, and chances were high that some day soon I was going to have to disappear on him three days out of every month, just like Garret and Owen did.
“I…David…I…” I choked back a sob. “I’m not any different than I was when I left Fraser Lake. I’m still angry, and unstable. It’s not going to be any different than it was back then. You deserve better than that.”
“Your Mum said you were getting help though,” David said plaintively. “Em…talk to me. What’s wrong with you?”
I fell into my couch and wiped my nose on my sleeve, tears still streaming down my face. In that moment I wanted more than anything to tell him the truth. But he never would have believed me.
“I’m just…sick,” I said finally. “I’m sick in the head. Completely batshit crazy.”
“That doesn’t help me understand Emily. What, exactly, is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me is I’m turning into a fucking monster!” I cried, sobbing violently. “You wouldn’t understand even if I told you.”
“Emily,” I could hear him taking level breaths as he tried to calm himself down. He was just as upset as I was, just like he always got when we started fighting. But sweet man that he was, he never raised his voice at me. Even when I really deserved it. “You’re not a monster. There’s something wrong with you, and I’m trying to understand so we can be a family again.”
“We can never be a family again, David. The thing that’s wrong with me, it’s never going to go away. The best I can do is manage it with medicine, and even then, sometimes I’m still going to be a psycho bitch. You couldn’t handle it before and it’s never going to get any easier. Go, be with Carol. Forget you ever met me,” I said flatly.
“Wow. Just like that, huh?” David sobbed. “You don’t even want to try?”
“No, I don’t. It’s for your own good.”
“Well nice fucking knowing you I guess,” he said bitterly. “You know, you’ve hurt me before Emily, but this really takes the cake. I’ve been pining for you every damned day since you left. Every. Damned. Day. You never called me once. Then I start begging your parents to give me your number, and they won’t do it. Guess now I know why. You’re just going to keep hiding out there, away from everyone who loves you, because you’re too much of a coward to fight for yourself. For me.”
“David…that’s not fair…” I whimpered.
“No, Emily, what isn’t fair is that now I’m the one who’s fighting for you, and you’re not even going to try. You won’t even tell me what’s wrong with you. A monster, Emily? You were never a monster. You just turned so angry one day and I never even got to know why. I’d think you knew someone out there and you just wanted to be with him, but you never hid anything from me. I don’t understand, Em…please, help me understand!”
“I still don’t even understand it myself,” I said softly. That was a bald-faced lie. I knew exactly what was wrong with me. But I couldn’t ever tell him. Now I was beginning to understand what Garret had went through with Tyler’s mother. I had to break his heart to spare him from the truth. I just didn’t know if I had the strength to do it. “If I can’t understand it, I don’t know how you possibly could.”
“Oh, yeah, the dumb mechanic couldn’t possibly understand the workings of Emily DiMartino, right?”
“GOD DAMNIT DAVID!” There was an empty water glass sitting on my coffee table. I picked it up and threw it against the wall so forcefully that it shattered to dust. I heard him sobbing. There was no point in doing this any more. I was just hurting us both. “You know what? You’re right. You’re just a big dumb mechanic and you really aren’t ever going to understand me. You told me that yourself. You said I needed to figure myself out far away from you, and I did that. What I figured out is that I can never come home again because I’m just going to end up hurting the people I love. You are always going to be one of them, but our life as husband and wife is over. I want a divorce.”
David didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity. I heard him breathing heavily, choking back sobs. I bit my knuckle until it bled, holding back sobs of my own. If he heard me crying, he would keep fighting. At long last, he spoke. His voice barely a whisper.
“I’m never divorcing you. I’ll move on if you want me to, but you’re always going to be my wife. If you ever pull your head out of your ass, you give me a call.” With that he hung up, and I sat stunned, the dial tone ringing in my ear the whole time. Finally, the phone slipped out of my hand and I leaned back into my couch. I stared at the thousands of little glass shards twinkling on my carpet and thanked the heavens that Mittens was now cowering in my bedroom. If he dared to set foot out here, he was going to cut up his feet. Cradling my head in my hands, I let out a low moan and sobbed like I had never sobbed before.
