i’ll never be a model

claire | 17 | libra | she/her | tw

[blackcoffeeandvanilla]

my body dysmorphia and judgment regarding eating/weight does not extend to anyone but myself

17

5’7”

gw: 100 pounds

[oreocoffee]

[like-slow-disappearing-tw]

I need to lose 5-10 lbs immediately or im gonna step into traffic

[huyandere]

this is misa amane appreciation zone

[brucesterling]

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

spring allows so many things to grow and begin again. you deserve to spend your spring growing and beginning again.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

it’s going to take some time, but that’s okay; we have the time

[yenshu-deactivated20240911]

Don't allow others to consume you. If they don't call, go to sleep. If they don't message you, put away your phone & have a good day. If they are distant and refuse to tell you what's wrong, go home and do something fun. You live for yourself first. They are secondary.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

to that child i was when i didn’t understand what was happening, when i was vulnerable, when i didn’t know i was being hurt:

you deserved the world. you will be safe someday. the good you experience isn’t erased by the bad.

[myself-when-i-am-real]

[blackcoffeeandvanilla]

my ex was so controlling. i do not know who i am. and i don’t know how to find who i am. i don’t know who she is. 4 months later and i still find myself afraid to wear certain clothes out in public, or even around my house, because he wouldn’t like them. i am afraid to listen to music because he told me my music taste was bad. i am afraid to eat certain foods. i am afraid to do things out of fear that he wouldn’t like it. and i don’t know how to stop.

[blackcoffeeandvanilla]

he picked her over me.

after two years of brushing my hair and telling me i was beautiful.

after nightly texts about how much he loved me.

after he told me he was so proud of everything i had done.

he picked her over me

after all the handmade gifts.

after all the late nights talking about what life really means to us.

after all the shared playlists filled with love songs.

after the small slips of paper saying “i love you :)”

he picked her over me.

after i sacrificed myself.

after i changed everything that made me me.

after i spent hours crying in the mirror because i knew he was using me.

after i begged and pleaded from my knees for him to just love me.

like he did

way back in the beginning.

he still picked her over me.

[blackcoffeeandvanilla]

it feels so empty without him. he was the only one i trusted. i felt so safe. but he was just using me.

[blackcoffeeandvanilla]

i just feel like no one will put effort into a relationship with me again. my ex stopped putting effort in about a year into our relationship after he became friends with another girl. now he hangs out with her 24/7. i feel so heartbroken. he picked her over me after denying he felt anything for her and loved me. he said he’d always take care of me. he lied and i am so scared i’ll never have a good relationship. he used to be so so kind but i don’t trust that actions like that are genuine anymore. he used to tie my shoes and bring me a coffee every morning and always asked before touching me. i want that in my next relationship but i don’t know how to tell if it’s genuine or a manipulation tactic. i changed so much for my ex because i wanted him to keep loving me like that and i’m so scared i’ll do it again. i just want genuine love.

[blackcoffeeandvanilla]

sorry guys i’m back. i got broken up with and forgot how to live.

[ultraviolenceismyreligion]

[ciinnamonbunn]

i want to be a model and wear pretty dresses