The Unsaid

A blog for all the things I’ll never say.

[riverbambi]

“I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn’t make for an interesting person. I didn’t want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.”

— Charles Bukowski

[blackholechann]

Holy mother of art! This baby screams for attention. This baby screams commitment to productivity and demanding for a bigger screen. This baby has me spending money. I cry for my savings, but I indulge for myself.

“Money earned, but not spent, is not your money. You make money, you just put it in the bank without touching it. What does it do to you? Nothing. The reason you earn is to spend it. You cannot bring it to the grave” –Eddie Garcia

This is what I tell myself huhu. I have to make bawi to make this investment worthwhile. I need to create. And study with this. And I am veryyy excited.

[blackholechann]

Going on a 5-day trip by bus made me realize how I love to travel.

It’s not the place or the destination I’m fond of but the time it took going there. The in-between.

Planning out what my wardrobe to take with me, packing up my things, deciding on what to bring. Yes, I like this part too, and I am actually good at it. I like being prepared. There is pleasure in being able to bring the things that later on proved necessary like there is frustration when I forgot things that I would later on use.

Traveling is not just about the destination. The majority of traveling is the time it took to going there and leaving. And I seem to like it. The long bus rides, The midnight cruise, the opportunity to look at the stars and city lights on the middle of the ocean. To see sceneries at a fast pace,

[blackholechann]

It’s been months since I had been unemployed. And now I am down to June for my last budget. After that, I am broke. I haven’t bought a thing, only toiletries and personal stuff that I NEEDED and food, comfort food to be precise. I see people indulging nonsensically on overpriced things or food that I cannot afford. And I remembered there was a time I was blessed with the job and the salary for that and I have taken things for granted. I see younger people achieving a lot in their life more than I have ever achieved recently. The social media has got nothing to ask from me but, “how about you?”. And I cannot think for an answer, instead I daydream I was Piya who’s excelling in a school full of homogeneous above average students, or my cousin from Texas who graduated as Summa Cumlaude in her highschool and has been approved on a lot of her college applications. I wish I was an above average person. These kids have a bright future ahead of them, a future they will enjoy and harvest. A world that they can conquer, a voice that people will listen to. Unlike me. A below average, mediocre introvert. Making everybody around her uncomfortable with her silence, and shallow one-worded answers.

[blackholechann]

I confess… I have depended on social media for validating me. But in a way I have given it the power to also invalidate me.

I just don’t want to care that much about how many likes I get, or the attention they’ll give. I’ll post whatever dafuq I want, likes or no likes, I will express myself nonetheless.

[blackholechann]

hello. it’s valentine’s day and you are spending it inside your room, nothing to expect because you are unimportant. who have no energy to be bitter about it on anyone. in fact, the only consolation you hold unto is that those who are important to you are out there celebrating it, happy. you wanted to go out tonight and treat yourself, but found out that you cant. that youd rather seclude yourself in your room because you dont want other people to be sad for you. you think of him every second, but whenever you feel hopeful, you extinguish it with the thought that you are not important to him. and that maybe it’s for the better.

[theorydictatespractice-deactiva]

I heard something the other day that I had never really thought about before. Someone mentioned to me that whenever you catch yourself missing someone who left your life, you should remind yourself that them not being part of your present is a consistent choice they make every day. They wake up and decide to maintain the silence. They’re indifferent as to whether the space between you gets larger. And that in itself is pretty powerful closure.

[blackholechann]

Infuriating how an unemployed man in his late 30s gets away with freeloading and a whole day usage of our tv, dvd and speaker while I pay for the bills. I get to see him comfortably laying on our couch, eating our food and doing nothing. Every. Single. Day.

I already cut off the wires that connects our dvd and the tv, but he still did not get the message. He was ceaseless. It’s like he’s on a mission to have me let go of my sanity.

[blackholechann]

[shatteredjuveniledays]

You will be shocked when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

her (MIS), it’s a choice (via shatteredjuveniledays)

[blackholechann]

My Childhood Landmark.

Since July 2015, I’ve decided to take a picture whenever I visit, with the grocery and the bakery where lola always takes us when she buys goods for their Sari-Sari store. I remember all so well, in the scourging hot weather she’d take us here and lets us get what we want so she’d buy it for us. Sometimes, she’d take us to some place where they serve the nicest halo-halo in town. Oh, how I love going with her. I love this place and their place which is an hour drive long.It would always be a struggle to go there. I remember before we used to take the boat going there, and now recently, only via jeep or when we’re late, we take the motorcycle. The road used to be rough, I always feel scared that we might fall off. Now during our visit last weekend, it’s already asphalted all the way through. 

I felt lola’s sadness on our leaving. I wish I could do something that would close the gap between our daily lives and their’s. I heard it was the reason mama chose to celebrate her birthday in their place. They are lonely. They only have each other’s company. Each summer, I always request for my parents to take me here because I know my grandparents will love even my boring company. This is making me fear getting old. Feeling forgotten, and lonely. It is supposed to be enjoyed, retiring. But I guess, this is a problem we often let go of. The youth is busy building their lives, and the old feels left out. I want to ponder on this the whole year until I think of something that will bridge the gap between us and our grandparents. 

Note:

I was even unable to visit them for two years (2017 and 2018). I really have to go back this year.

[blossomfully]

“How dangerous,” she thought, “to finally have something worth losing.”

— Ten word story (via blossomfully)