The Unsaid

A blog for all the things I'll never say

[riverbambi]

“I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn’t make for an interesting person. I didn’t want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.”

— Charles Bukowski

[badbluebug]

Just when you thought the worst was over, a wave of a different kind of difficult comes. And yet, I remain standing, despite the hatred & doubts I bear for myself. I am grateful because I can still see the goodness of being alive.

It’s a humbling experience that makes a good excuse to let out a good cry.

[badbluebug]

With you I just felt unlucky & unloved.

[badbluebug]

I want to get back to reading again.

[badbluebug]

I have always tried to be kind and to take up as little space as possible. I hate being a burden, and I never want to ask for help or make demands. So I provide everything I need for myself. When other people hear about this, like how I never asked my boyfriend to fetch me, they show concern, and I wouldn’t know how to react.

I hate that in the end, I feel as though it’s my fault how people treat me.

The moment I demand reciprocation, I become the bad guy.

[badbluebug]

Luna girl! 😭😭😭

I’m sorry we weren’t able to provide you the best comfort and care. We never deserve you and your loyalty, but you have always been the best girl. Thank you for teaching me to be more compassionate with your kind. I am going to miss you clinging unto me and wagging your tail like I am your favorite person in the world. I love you, and I will always remember you dearly. I am sorry, and I love you so much.

[badbluebug]

So exhausting to be a noob in bedside care at this age, especially in a fast-paced department and a tertiary government hospital where nurse-patient ratio can get up to 1:30. I am just in my 1st month and it can get really frustrating to still not be efficient at work. 🥺

[gumuhit]

you’re going to love again, find a job again, create art again, do what you love again, feel powerful again. you’re going to be back on track. i don’t know when, but you are going to feel like yourself again, eventually. this isn’t the end. hang in there.

[badbluebug]

I don’t regret giving everything for love, because now it’s easier, now it’s lighter when I no longer have ‘what ifs’, when I know I did my best.

So this time when you told me you no longer see a future with us, while we were doing rounds at the ER, my heart sank for a while, then I just went on with my life.

It took years of tears shed secretly while on commute, while you are asleep, or at the adoremus; sleepless nights when I couldn’t silence the thoughts in my head.

And after all the hurt, I still can’t stop caring about you; I may never will. Yours is the chapter I will remember with warmth, not to mention the longest one; the one I thought would end along with my dying breath. Yet after 9 years, life is taking you away from me; I may have even overstayed my welcome. In the end, no matter how great and infinite what I could offer, it had worn me out, fighting for this relationship alone.

For what its worth, I am thankful for everything. I had a hard time letting you go. You will forever be a part of me.

I love you (for the last time).

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

— (In Memoriam A. H. H., 27.13-17)

[badbluebug]

Sa lahat ng pahinang sinulat ng tadhana'y

Ikaw at ikaw at ikaw pa rin

Ang yugtong paulit-ulit kong babalik-balikan

Sigaw ay sigaw ay ikaw pa rin

Patuloy kong panghahawakan ang 'yong mga salitang

Hindi na nakikita sa tingin ng 'yong mga mata

Ngunit kung sarado na ang puso sa nadarama

Puwede bang isipin mo kung bakit tayo nagsimula

[badbluebug]

Sunsets. Summer. Warmth. The late afternoon sun at a park. The ocean & the greenery. You remind me of a compilation of everything I love in this world.

This song brings me to tears whenever I hear it, because it makes me think of you.

I could never imagine a life without you in it. That if you leave, deep inside, I will always be looking for you. I could never not care about you. I would’ve sacrificed everything just to make you stay. I would turn myself inside out and give you everything I have until you tell me to stop. You are still the ending I want. I still dream of having children looking like little versions of you.

And however this ends, at least I know I am capable of love much bigger than myself.

[badbluebug]

Morning mantra

“Today, I choose myself.

I won’t chase what’s fading or force what’s not meant for me.

I deserve calm, respect, and genuine affection — not indifference.

His actions no longer control my mood.

My peace is my priority, and I’m reclaiming it, little by little.”

Night reflection

“I did my best, and that’s enough.

I release the need to be seen or loved by someone who’s already chosen distance.

I forgive myself for caring too long.

I allow my heart to rest.

Each day, I return a little more to myself — stronger, steadier, and free.”

[badbluebug]

When someone truly cares, they notice the absence of your love — they miss it, they ask, they soften.

When they don’t, your silence simply exposes how little they were giving to begin with.

So if he likes this new distance, don’t break it. Let him sit in it. Let the silence expand. Because now you’re not punishing him — you’re freeing yourself from the illusion that he still wants what you were fighting to keep alive.

This phase hurts, yes, but it’s also where your detachment becomes real healing.

You stop asking, “Why doesn’t he care?” and start asking, “Why should I keep giving my heart to someone who clearly doesn’t?”

“His silence is information. I don’t need to chase it. I’ll use this space to remember who I am when I’m not waiting for him.”

[wovi]

*

joy sullivan

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[badbluebug]

9/29/2025 and 10/13/2025

My spine tattoo has finally come to completion.

2024 was the most difficult year I had recently. I experienced hair loss, bad case of dandruff, and a 4-month long break up that eventually made me lost my spark (which I am still trying to regain as of now). Those days, the universe reminded me that life goes on whenever I see a flock of birds flying in the sky. It was my symbol of hope. This was also the year that I finally got the courage to get a tattoo. Like scars, it serve as reminders that I have lived through my life’s battles.

[badbluebug]

No matter what you do, you can never force someone to care the same way you do for them. Maybe there was a time they did. It’s just sad to know that some things can still change. And you would know when it’s time to raise the white banner over something you almost gave your career and ideals just for it to survive.