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@blackjacks115a-blog
Angad squeezy prototype: the idea is that you both have this device on you and as you get closer at the airport it starts to get crazy like a hot-cold game. This builds anticipation and you're really excited to see each other. The wait is less frustrating and the rendering is more epic. We are also exploring a function where you can buzz each other long distance whenever you like.
POV for future
We chose our favorite needs and used them to create POVs. POV 1 College students in LDR’s need a way to make the remeeting experience special because - misalignment between the way you want to spend your first moments together and the way you have to spend them can make it fall short of expectations. - misalignment between the way you want to vs have to spend your first moments together makes this critical moment fall short of expectations + what is your ideal 20 mins of first being back together? + how do you satisfy the “have to” while accomplishing the “want to” POV 2 increase volume of “meaningful” communication since people in LDRs often overcompensate for their separation with lots of less fulfilling interaction POV 3 make it possible to physically see each other more often because having a trip planned leads to more meaningful interactions while apart
Interview Notes
Meet my interviewees"
User 1 Alias: Silky Johnson
User 2 Xochil
User 3 : Joe
User 4: Skrillex
User 1: Visited long distance one time via plane (SFO -> Boston)
She was a senior in high school, Silky would go visit her, but not discuss it as he was in college.
"If you don't see me having the time of the life." #letmeknow
She went to Columbia
NY Full ride
Kissed her like the firs time I took a hetreo of.
Was headed to an interview from Bass Jaosn.
Fancy Clothers ? Oil ofor inticamet
FLy Often super bay area but not engouh felt like something i as going where i ould get that?
Flew during the summer to boston
Philosophy Matt Sing doe/even when yo hi that to have street
Summer is worse, longer distance away. oe person
Emotional relationships only stink. Emotionally groups only serves my point more.
Angad's photos from Needs/POV session
brainstorming POVs
college students in long-distance relationships need to...
+ make it possible to physically see each other more often because having a trip planned leads to more meaningful interactions while apart
+ to manage emotional anticipation because it is difficult for visits to match incredibly high expectations
+ make their relationship feel more normal since people in LDRs often overcompensate for their separation
+ make the remeeting moment special because this is a time to remind the other person that the challenges of a LDR are worth it
+ share more experiences together while apart, because they need more meaningful conversation
+ savor the remeeting moment because there is such a high emotional contrast to all the time spent apart
+ revisit their memories of togetherness because they can help them feel less lonely and improve the mood during their conversations
+ make the departure at the end of the trip less painful because there is an emotional void that is created upon parting
+ make the transition from getting off the plane to seeing the other person as quick as possible because a "so close and yet so far" mentality makes every moment agonizing
user needs
College students in long-distance relationships need to...
+ communicate during travel
+ feel in touch while not able to communicate
+ enjoy/savor their first moment together in peace
+ feel intimate while traveling to the final destination
+ have the trip live up to all the expectations/anticipation
+ be closer to each other immediately after separation
+ more healthily manage emotional anticipation
+ trigger anticipation/excitement around the trip in the timeleading up to it
+ maintain communication following the trip
+ build new habits when first apart
+ be more self-sufficient when disappointed
+ positively reflect on memories of the trip
+ find activities to do together
+ not feel lonely after departure
+ grieve
+ transition back to their world
+ make it feel more like a "normal" relationship/prevent overcompensation
+ organize schedules around time difference
+ find/make gifts
+ send gifts while far apart
+ feel less restless on the plane
+ make communication more meaningful when not together/make it special
+ make "remeeting" special
+ make their relationship feel tangible
+ make it possible to see one another more often
+ make the transition from getting off the plane to seeing the other person as quick as possible
+ create shared experiences while apart
timeline
brainstorming POVs
user needs
Tianay Interview 4 - Xochitl
User: Xochitl = pronounced sorta like "so chill"
Female, Mexican, misses home
Flying home to see mommy not possible over winter break nor spring break. won't see mom until summer (9 months) :(
Why: Cost + security
Travel alone not possible. Uncle isn't going to be in Mexico City, "ad you never want to travel alone."
what would your path be? Fly to Mexico city then take a bus for 5 hrs. Next take a cab for an hour.
Problem: Who to trust? Extortion, organized crime, people kidnapping
Drive you somewhere else. People might assume you're wealthy and attack.
" Intimacy in Long-Distance Relationships Over Video Chat" Summary [Complete Link to .pdf file]
Language Hump
LDR = Long Distance Relationship - partners expect to continue a close relationship but communication opportunities are restricted because of geographic distance
CMC = Computer Mediated Communication
article focuses on people in "serious" relationships, not casually dating
LDR ppl develop "idealized views" of one another. When together, LDR partners may be on their “best behavior” in order to cherish their time together. Not good medium for resolving conflict.
~1/3 of LDRs end w/in 3 months once the ppl become geographically close
Summary of Abstract
Our results show that regardless of the relationship situation, video chat affords a unique opportunity for couples to share presence over distance, which in turn provides intimacy.
Nevertheless, challenges faced in LDRs are
contextual (e.g., location of partners, time zones),
technical (e.g., mobility, audio/video quality, networking), and
personal (e.g., a lack of physicality needed by most for intimate sexual acts) challenges
Relationships deteriorate without maintenance:
positivity (e.g., being polite, avoiding criticism),
being open,
providing assurances about the relationship,
expressing one’s love physically,
managing conflicts, and
sharing tasks or chores
CMC usage (in increasing intimacy level)
SMS = short touches (ex: I love you)
Email (FB msg) = share stories (funny, reminisce), coordinate stuff
Telephone = deep conversations
Skype/GChat = "seeing" + "hang out"
Seeing - catch emotional demeanor of other person (smiles, showing off new haircut)
Timing - difficult, varied, building together
"Hanging Out - Day to Day Living" - shared activities (watching tv, meals, etc)
"Location" - usually private location, most used laptops
Getting Intimate
hugs + kisses
going to bed / falling asleep
cybersex - only for a few (most said it highlighted fact that partner wasn't present) BUT found phone sex easier
Implications for Tech Design
being able to move freely through house while video chatting and still be on camera (power issues, audio/capture)
multitask while chatting
that place where you have to basically know someone on the inside for service
mixed lighting
Sexual Intimacy - need better ways to physically interact over distance as cybersex is extremely limiting. physical acts (ie kissing, hugging and touching) separation camera is challenged
Tianay Interview 3 - Skrillex
Male, extremely reflective, almost like he was waiting for the moment to talk about his relationship. Relationship terminated. She still goes to Stanford.
Relationship timeline:
Freshman year, end spring quarter - begin dating (it started with a special kiss).
Freshman summer - spent apart. him back home in India.
Sophomore year,
POSITIVE LONG DISTANCE EXPERIENCE:
3 mo long distance
Lived together sophomore year, and during most of summer. Transitioning from being in same space for 2 months to being alone was difficult.
How handled: She wrote me 20 letters. Goal: looked like she was writing letters with the same nuances as if she was physically there. She left 10 letters in his room by having a friend of his deliver the letters. Skrillex would walk into his room and there was a letter waiting for him. "It felt like we was still around when she wasn't. Day one there was a letter on my bed. The next day, letter on your desk. The next day another letter."
After 10 days, Skrillex went to India and there was also a significant time difference to consider. Day he landed home, there was a letter waiting for him on his bed. One day he went to a friends house, there was a letter waiting. (She would send the letters to mom and friend)
His response: Expressed appreciation, sent emails and pictures of everything (like blogging), no real talking via phone. They used Text and email and fb msg. Never really talked on phone (weird bc old girlfriend talked via phone. They had so much face time so when long distance didn't skype or call because they built comfort via technology. He only noticed because it was different from other girlfriend. He was comfy talkin on the phone, She wasnt.)
Question: Why touched? Answer: Touched by the gesture. She became home [for him], then she left, but through writing letters extended the home experience. Appreciated her thoughtfulness and effort.
NEGATIVE LONG DISTANCE EXPERIENCE
First time they were seriously far apart was during Junior year. Winter break + winter quarter.
Kissed her goodbye the same way He kissed her freshman year
Stayed up and talked for 2 nights. Kissed her on forehead before going home
Expressed home
"It's always me leaving except for the letter summer."
When leaving during winter last year he kissed her forehead
Decided before he left that they would push to use video and Skype because of the time frame and build a rhythm. BUT time difference was a problem soooo he flipped his schedule. At work by 8am India whih is ~830pm her time.
Tougher for me easier for her: designed around her schedule bc she was still in school. He had to push himself to meet that schedule since he wasn't used to waking up at 7:30am.
She was rushing a greek group (complicated her lifestyle) and couldn't meet the time frame. He woke up each day to hear her voice, was positive way to start most days. He got frustrated / crabby because it had become part of his day.
Back and forth changed to a few days. Month of strain, toned it down some more. Then that became difficult. And S's annoyance increased. Communication lessening. Became angrier. Towards end of time physically separated he realized....communication dropped to low point. [Me: why?] Real reason: "she didn't like being in 2 places at once. She told me 'I told you it was bc of my schedule, but it's because I don't want to talk to you.' (ie you being away so long). She wanted all nothing."
Made a commitment (they promised to be together.)
Went to dinner, we want this to be longer than Stanford
Parking in Wilbur corner
Grab her hand, on one knee
Everyone stops breathing, looking up for her
Most submissive gesture felt weirdly good. Never felt so nervous.
Would you be willing to marry me in future?
How can a gesture have so much magnitude? Like getting a gun pulled on you.
Just glowing together.
Junior year determines after Stanford life. He willing to get Job in bay. She researching jobs in India. Over Thanksgiving break she took him to see parents, he passed the parent test.
He said I need to go home for a bit but I'm really committed <insert NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP>
Over winter they both realized commitment was and it freaked her out. (it was her first relationship.)
Question: How are you doing now? Answer: Commitment, promise broken. Forgive but not forget. She dealt with it by trying to say "wasn't that a crazy thing we did". It made me upset. I kept thinking don't maintain your value system [aka breaking a promise] by belittling what we did. <roommate chimed in: that was insightful of you.>
Tianay Interview 2 - Joe Schmoe
Male, entertaining, ready to have fun at all times. Very in love with girlfriend (tattoo of her name) started dating before college. Dated almost 3 years of his college career off and on. Relationship terminated. She is on the opposite coast.
Time: Junior year, winter quarter. Towards end of their relationship. This was sorta a deal breaker.
Joe has an interview in San Fran with BlackRock ($$$). Finds out GF's granfather died about 5am that morning. On way to San Fran, decided to switch cab direction to airport. Booked one-way ticket to Boston, MA on the cab ride ~$300 (2 layovers: Phoenix then Virginia). Wearing a suit because of interview, has no bags. It's freezing cold (negative degrees celcius) and he's trying to get to Middleburry. No one wants to rent him a car because of his age.
He called her to tell her he landed and she sobbingly said"in times like this I just want to be alone." He spent 7hours at McDonald's because it was the only place that provided shelter. Question: what did you do with the time? Answer: I thought planned, played vice city.
Considered going to visit friends in NY since he was so close, but instead just took flight from Boston to San Fran.
Why did you do all this? Love her. Couldn't stand idea of her sobbing. Wanted to do something.
"I felt like I was on the tv show "Friends." You know how Ross ran and caught ticket. I was kinda like that. I even bought my plane ticket with cash. [Me: How?] I withdrew $1000 for the trip. It felt good." Spoke with pride. Claimed to have checked something off his bucket list.
During freshman year: would fly back to India on breaks (winter + summer) and see her. To maintain connection they would skype and talk.
Relationship highs/lows: freshman year they talked mostly, got a little tense. Sophomore year more off/on. By junior year somewhat distant but not enough closure.
Tianay Interview 1: Silky Johnson
Male, self assured, sense of humor, calming, reflected on experience with girlfriend of 2 years. Relationship now terminated. When she was in senior in high school, he was a freshman. Took trains from Stanford to see her almost every weekend from Vegas to Sacramento She went to Columbia next year. He flew to NY once to visit in order to spend her birthday with her: "I'm glad it was only once b my pockets woulda been hurting." doesn't remember airline he flew "I think it was Jet Blue" but was looking for a deal. Shuttle arranged beforehand, stayed in hotel. Packed fancy clothes for party. Only had a Backpack + carry on suitcase Question: Was deciding to visit a serious decision? Answer: he thought it would be nice to visit for her birthday. She was not surprised because he let her know in advance. Dated Freshman --> Sophomore year "You think ima fly to NY For a rando?" Fly in planes often, lives in Vegas. Traveled mostly to see her during December and the summer. NY + Boston. Why visit: Excited to hang out. Felt like he “hadn’t seen her in forever.” “It was annoying [that we were separate when all we] want is to be together.” She felt inaccessible. During the summer it was worse because he couldn’t travel to see her. “Long distance sucks...[because] it turns your relationship into an emotional relationship only. The physicality reinforces the emotional. When you can’t be there things get strained. It’s like when two people are pushing a car and then one person just goes off and leaves.... Yeah. like that.”
User Group: Long Distance lovers