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[blackjacks115a-blog]

Tianay Interview 3 - Skrillex

Male, extremely reflective, almost like he was waiting for the moment to talk about his relationship. Relationship terminated. She still goes to Stanford.

Relationship timeline:

Freshman year, end spring quarter - begin dating (it started with a special kiss).

Freshman summer - spent apart. him back home in India.

Sophomore year,

POSITIVE LONG DISTANCE EXPERIENCE:

3 mo long distance

Lived together sophomore year, and during most of summer. Transitioning from being in same space for 2 months to being alone was difficult.

How handled: She wrote me 20 letters. Goal: looked like she was writing letters with the same nuances as if she was physically there. She left 10 letters in his room by having a friend of his deliver the letters. Skrillex would walk into his room and there was a letter waiting for him. "It felt like we was still around when she wasn't. Day one there was a letter on my bed. The next day, letter on your desk. The next day another letter."

After 10 days, Skrillex went to India and there was also a significant time difference to consider. Day he landed home, there was a letter waiting for him on his bed. One day he went to a friends house, there was a letter waiting. (She would send the letters to mom and friend)

His response: Expressed appreciation, sent emails and pictures of everything (like blogging), no real talking via phone. They used Text and email and fb msg. Never really talked on phone (weird bc old girlfriend talked via phone. They had so much face time so when long distance didn't skype or call because they built comfort via technology. He only noticed because it was different from other girlfriend. He was comfy talkin on the phone, She wasnt.)

Question: Why touched? Answer: Touched by the gesture. She became home [for him], then she left, but through writing letters extended the home experience. Appreciated her thoughtfulness and effort.

NEGATIVE LONG DISTANCE EXPERIENCE

First time they were seriously far apart was during Junior year. Winter break + winter quarter.

Kissed her goodbye the same way He kissed her freshman year

Stayed up and talked for 2 nights. Kissed her on forehead before going home

Expressed home

"It's always me leaving except for the letter summer."

When leaving during winter last year he kissed her forehead

Decided before he left that they would push to use video and Skype because of the time frame and build a rhythm. BUT time difference was a problem soooo he flipped his schedule. At work by 8am India whih is ~830pm her time.

Tougher for me easier for her: designed around her schedule bc she was still in school. He had to push himself to meet that schedule since he wasn't used to waking up at 7:30am.

She was rushing a greek group (complicated her lifestyle) and couldn't meet the time frame. He woke up each day to hear her voice, was positive way to start most days. He got frustrated / crabby because it had become part of his day. 

Back and forth changed to a few days. Month of strain, toned it down some more. Then that became difficult. And S's annoyance increased. Communication lessening. Became angrier. Towards end of time physically separated he realized....communication dropped to low point. [Me: why?] Real reason: "she didn't like being in 2 places at once. She told me 'I told you it was bc of my schedule, but it's because I don't want to talk to you.' (ie you being away so long). She wanted all nothing."

Made a commitment (they promised to be together.)

Went to dinner, we want this to be longer than Stanford

Parking in Wilbur corner

Grab her hand, on one knee

Everyone stops breathing, looking up for her

Most submissive gesture felt weirdly good. Never felt so nervous.

Would you be willing to marry me in future?

How can a gesture have so much magnitude? Like getting a gun pulled on you.

Just glowing together.

Junior year determines after Stanford life. He willing to get Job in bay. She researching jobs in India. Over Thanksgiving break she took him to see parents, he passed the parent test.

He said I need to go home for a bit but I'm really committed <insert NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP>

Over winter they both realized commitment was and it freaked her out. (it was her first relationship.)

Question: How are you doing now? Answer: Commitment, promise broken. Forgive but not forget. She dealt with it by trying to say "wasn't that a crazy thing we did". It made me upset. I kept thinking don't maintain your value system [aka breaking a promise] by belittling what we did. <roommate chimed in: that was insightful of you.>