Edd: Is this really it? You spend your whole life studying useless things that you'll eventually forget, only to be thrown into adulthood, where it kicks you over and over again. Eventually, you find a job that overworks you and slowly steals away your will to live. Then your family comes along asking, "When are you getting married? When are you giving us grandchildren? When are you going to do something with your life?"
>> That's what I'm doing! I am doing something! Leave me alone! I try, but then what? I have a kid, keep working, keep paying bills, and go back to work so that one day I can retire old and exhausted, with just enough money for a modest life that I can't even enjoy because I'm too old and tired, until I finally die and fade into oblivion. Is that really all there is? Is that what life boils down to?
Matt: If that's all you want to do, go ahead. Nothing's stopping you from doing something else.
Tom: Or less.
Tord: Or drugs.
Edd: This is the last time I ever open up to you guys.
Tom: Well, if you'd opened your wallet instead, we'd have another game controller, and you wouldn't have to sit there with your existential crisis until it's your turn.
Matt: He's got a point.
Tord: The drugs plan is still on the table. They're legal as long as you don't get caught. Nothing eases an existential crisis quite like the constant reminder of how beautiful freedom is every time a cop walks past you.
Edd: ¿Esto es todo? Pasas la vida estudiando cosas inútiles que terminas olvidando con el tiempo, solo para ser arrojado al mundo adulto, que te patea una y otra vez. Finalmente, encuentras un trabajo que te sobreexplota y te roba, de a poco, tu deseo de vivir. Y entonces viene tu familia a preguntar: “¿Cuándo te casarás? ¿Cuándo nos darás nietos? ¿Cuándo harás algo con tu vida?”
>> ¡Eso hago! ¡Lo hago! ¡Déjenme en paz! Lo intento, pero luego, ¿qué? Tengo un hijo, sigo trabajando, sigo pagando cuentas y vuelvo a trabajar, para que finalmente pueda retirarme viejo, cansado, con solo lo suficiente para una vida modesta que no puedo disfrutar por estar demasiado viejo y cansado, hasta que finalmente muero y me desvanezco en el olvido. ¿En verdad es todo? ¿A eso se reduce la vida?
Matt: Si eso es todo lo que quieres hacer, adelante. Nada te impide hacer algo más.
Tom: O menos.
Tord: O drogas.
Edd: Esta es la última vez que les abro mi corazón.
Tom: Bueno, si hubieras abierto la cartera, tendríamos otro control de juegos y no tendrías que quedarte sentado con tu crisis existencial hasta que toque tu turno.
Matt: Tiene un punto.
Tord: El plan de las drogas sigue en pie. Son legales, a menos que te descubran. Nada como un recordatorio constante de lo hermosa que es la libertad cada que un policía pasa a tu lado para aliviar esa crisis existencial.
Edd: He doesn't hate you. He said he liked your huge ass when he was drunk.
Tord: He likes my ass?
Edd: I think the cheap booze blinded him, because I have no idea what ass he saw. Your backside is so flat that nobody can tell whether you're facing forward or backward; basically, you're Schrödinger's ass.
Edd: He doesn't hate you. He said he liked your huge ass when he was drunk.
Tord: He likes my ass?
Edd: I think the cheap booze blinded him, because I have no idea what ass he saw. Your backside is so flat that nobody can tell whether you're facing forward or backward; basically, you're Schrödinger's ass.
Edd: No te odia. Dijo que le gustaba tu enorme trasero cuando estaba borracho.
Tord: ¿Le gusta mi trasero?
Edd: Creo que el alcohol barato lo dejó ciego, porque no sé qué trasero vio. Tienes una retaguardia tan plana que nadie puede saber cuándo estás de frente o de espaldas; básicamente, eres el trasero de Schrödinger.
i think my favorite thing about the overwatch fandom back then was how i got to participate in multiple zines (most of them were genyatta) 🥺💖 this was also the time where i started using more soft colors and shading which i still like to do now ✨
Edd Doesn't Exist au but I gave it an actual plot where Matt is the main character
More about it under the cut
Basically Matt Edd Tom and Tord were all friends, childhood friends ofc and they were all pretty close. Unfortunately as time went on they grew apart and time moves forward
we follow matt as he's struggling to find his footing as he's been kinds cut off from old money, and he gets a paper and see's his old pal Laurel has gotten a job as a PI or a Lawyer and is like "Oh hey good for her"
however in the bg he see's edd, and is like "Heyy Edd!! I haven't talked to him in a while. Maybe we could help eachother out!"
He hops on "Totallynotnewgrounds" and goes to their old messages and
nothing.
matt's like "Damn must have deleted his acc. Maybe i can find him on"
- Linked in: nothing
- Facebook: nada
- Insta, you name it: He's gone.
Eventually he's going a little crazy and he straight ip searches records like school yearbooks and his own damn scrap book: Nothing. No pictures. No mentions. Nothing at all
Now matt's freaking out bc what the fuck did i mandela hallucinate an imaginary friend
Eventually he gets the idea to search up his old friend, but when he searches him up: a criminal record in norway appears and he's like "what the fuck"
so he goes to Laurel in a moment of curiosity and they chat and have a nice time but then when they reminice, she says "Oh yeah, you and your friends what scamps. You three were the funniest"
FOUR!! THERE WERE FOUR!
Laurel excuses it as she had a concussion a while back and must not be remembering. Matt is like "I KNOW!! IT WAS EDD WHO THREW THE SHOE!!!"
And shes like "Who tf is edd?"
Matt realizes that a lot of their stories don't add up. and asks laurel to get any information on Edd .
Laurel comes back and says "There is no one who goes be "Edd Venture" here. There's an Eduardo!"
"Oh your ex?"
"I never dated an Eduardo..?"
Matt's freaking out.
Eventually Laurel comes back with the papers on his old Norwegian friend, and hears that he's got a fake identity by the name of "Tord" now.
Laurel is suspicious, but says she won't touch the case unless She's paid. After all, "Tord" is very rich now.
Matt, curious, looks into "Tord N. Shields" Files and finds out that he works with Tom. Tom! His old friend Tom Arrow!
That could be a lead!
They work on-
... well matt didn't expect this but hey a lot of highschool tension makes sense now.
After plot shenanigans and more lore bits that i'm too lazy and fly-less to talk abt, Matt visits their film company and finds Tom and Tord.
Surprisingly, they are actually happy to see matt and would like to catch up in the short break time they have in-between shoots.
Matt asks about Edd and finally...
Tom and Tord remember Edd. Matt could cry with relief.
Matt tells them the whole story.
Tord snaps his fingers and he's like "Maybe he's running from something! I've erased myself before! It's not too hard!"
Matt's like "???" so Tord tells him his story.
Turns out Tord fled his country after he embezzled funds from his publishing company who bought his old comics and used it to create an army and attempted to take over norway. he was arrested and tried but before he could get incarcerated, he fled the country, changed his name, and with no other option, married Tom to get a green card to stay.
matt is looking at the camera like in the office.
But there were records of Tord still available. There was at least mentions and photos of him in yearbooks and pictures of him
But none of Edd.
That catches their suspicion. Now its weird. The only picture of Edd in existence is this newspaper that Matt keeps carrying around.
Tom and Tord tell matt about some weird phenomenons that they've seen/experienced and even felt recently.
Matt starts logging them down.
Eventually tomtord tell Matt to stay with them for a bit bc lovingly he looks like shit. Sleep bro.
Thats as far as fly and i got before we got distracted by a video essay LMK WHAT Y'ALL THINK BC IM NOT RLLY GONNA MAKE IT IM PROBABLY JUST GONNA DOODLE IT
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