[bladedflower]

NOTHING EVER GOES TO PLAN,

CARRD / MEMES / OPEN STARTERS indie oc rp blog in the hellboy universe. written by abs, 21+, she/her. multi, oc, and crossover friendly. please read rules before interacting.

BUT I'M NOT DEAD, SO IT'S A WIN.

[bladedflower]

This is probably unsurprising but I'm putting lily on a temp hiatus for about 2 months. I'm getting frustrated with writing her book resulting in me not having any muse here and with the chaos of work it's just aggravating to try to force myself to write. Gonna build it back up and I'll be back 😤😤😤

In the mean time, feel free to follow my hellboy @stonehanded <3

[bladedflower]

This is probably unsurprising but I'm putting lily on a temp hiatus for about 2 months. I'm getting frustrated with writing her book resulting in me not having any muse here and with the chaos of work it's just aggravating to try to force myself to write. Gonna build it back up and I'll be back 😤😤😤

In the mean time, feel free to follow my hellboy @stonehanded <3

[g0blin-mlm]

Incredibly touch starved but will not let anyone touch me until I trust them with my life and I hate it I want to be touched in a nice soft way so badly

[bladedflower]

"...Do I really need to explain how fucked that plan is?"

[bladedflower]

"-I'm just saying, do we absolutely need to have a stake to kill vampires anymore? Can't we just run them over with a car? If there must be a stake involved we can just jam it in the fender and put the pedal to the floor. Problem solved."

[terr1fy]

she's right to be suspicious ; phillip would not hold her caution against her. he knows what she's been through, and what she will go through in the future. and phillip is, in every aspect, dangerous. not to her ( at least not at this moment ), but inherently so. 'i have many names. apollyon. beezelbub. belial. mephistopheles. lucifer,' he preferred none of those. there was rarely a time when he needed to announce himself, others knowing he was there just by the six of their senses flaring all at once. pupils morph slowly into horizontal slits, replicating those of a goat. 'friend and foe call me phillip. it is much simpler than the other monikers, i think,' the devil stands, clasping inked hands in front of him, as he continues to hold lily's gaze. 'i am here for a conversation. that is all,'

[bladedflower]

Her expression did not change as she heard the list of names he'd been known for. She's not really going to question it, however suspicious of his intentions she may be, considering how his eyes just shifted at will and her senses going out of whack. She let a small huff out while she briefly pinched the bridge of her nose, then let her gaze meet his again. His damned unmoving, shifty gaze. With all the horrors she's been through, it's not that much of a stretch that lucifer himself would just pop up in front of her for a little chit chat. This might as well happen. "With all the damn names you just spouted, you'll have to forgive me if I'm not all that forthcoming, phillip." And yet, she doesn't move from her spot. Instead, she nodded her head to the seat across from her. "--But go on, speak your mind."

[bladedflower]

"Where did you get that-" It's a slip of paper she's all too familiar with, one of her younger visage staring back at her. She's not at all focused on the other, but the paper that all but gives her pause. The word missing emboldened above her forehead, and wanted down at the very bottom in thinned out letter. All too quickly does she snatch the paper out of the other's grasp, then shoved it down on her desk, face down to avoid looking at herself. "Did someone give you that?"

[bladedflower]

@terr1fy sent: what triggers lily the most and what calms her down when that happens?

It's rare that Lily can actually get triggered into a panic attack, a fit of rage, etc. She tends to isolate things in her head and keep them in there rather than letting them out, which can be a detriment to herself sometimes. There are, however, a few things that come to mind as immediately triggering to Lily (everything is under the cut because of child abuse mentions and also kidnapping mentions):

Sightings of her mother or father (prior to her return to Sadue to help Rose and fight them). This may be obvious, but this can be recurrent throughout her life because of them periodically stalking her for a time after she finally settled into her new life. Their attempts to get to her become more erratic and horrifying until her father's break in and she finds it really hard to keep her usual cool during this time. Around this time she is antsy, skittish, looking over her shoulder, etc. A sighting of them during this time would make her spiral and high tail it in the other direction.

Seeing any of her old wanted posters from when she was wanted as a suspect for Rose's murder. Enough said on this one.

Getting chained up, not really tied by ropes but specifically being chained up due to how she was kept in her childhood basement for a couple of years and for how (this is yet to be written in her bio here) Kent Brennan trapped her at one point.

Her nightmares, because nothing tortures her like her own mind does. She wakes up from what her mind cooks up for her and she will not be going back to sleep for days.

Anything related to Kent Brennan makes her antsy and angry all at once. This man has essentially tried to dictate every step of her life from afar as if he wrote a prophecy of how her life will go and eventually tries to take her and force her into leading his demonic cult. Lily is very pissed and scared of this demon at the same time and it can get hard to keep her cool when tracking him down.

Things that help her keep calm and collected when any of the above happens:

Playing the guitar that her aunt gave her. Susana gave her an old electric to blow off steam with whenever she needed to, and taught her the basics of how to play. Nowadays she'll take out the guitar and mindlessly strum at the chord, letting her mind just stop so she can focus on the hum of the strings and the placement of her fingers along the neck of it.

Motorcycle rides. Sometimes she needs to blow off steam like that as well if she's really pissed or needs to get away from people.

Cooking. Her aunt is also the source of this one, but when she was starting to get used to normality, her aunt would get her up to help clean the kitchen and with cooking. They would both prepare things in a comfortable silence that ultimately helped Lily get her mind off of things and work things out. She now finds comfort in quietly cooking something up for herself or for others.

Grounding her and getting her to claw her way out of her head. This is only for people close to her. Helping her ground herself, whether by touching her left hand (do not touch the right hand when she's freaked out that's a bad idea), or guiding her to observe the colors of something or distract herself, or just anything to get her out of the spiral going down inside her head will help her.

Touching or hugging her can sometimes get her to freak out more unless she already finds the muse's touch comforting. If that's the case, do it she will latch on and cling until she can get her breathing to even out and her thoughts to clear up. If she loves sb, there's a high chance she will automatically go up and cling to their or even try to just stay in their presence until the tension in her bones releases and she can think clearly. Bonus points if she goes up to a muse while close to panic just to hear their heartbeating and tries to even out her breathing through that.

[bladedflower]

lily stands in front of you about to cry wyd

[terr1fy]

'thou dost hold sorrow within thy eyes. blue suits them well,' phillip glances over lily's features, never blinking, only examining. he's heard of her before, both this side of her and the other side. the blade she carries with her always. intrigued, he wanted to see her for himself. she really was just a woman, on the outside, but on the inside . . . there was untapped potential. 'do you know who i am?' @bladedflower.

[bladedflower]

"Thanks, I guess." Deadpanned words were muttered under her breath. The hairs on the back of her neck had stood on end for the last few minutes, accompanied by a feeling of slight dread stuck within her head as she could feel... something nearby, and unless she's proven otherwise, she'll pin the source of that on the being infront of her. "No, but something tells me it's a bit warmer where you're from." She doesn't know him, but she could sense it; he's not at all human, like her. Her nerves were on fire, alarm bells were blaring in her mind but her face kept its cool. The mentioned blue eyes quickly flittered over the other's appearance before settling on staring back into the other's unblinking, unnerving eyes. "Who are you and why are you here?"

[bladedflower]

If I've ever been annoying in repeating these facts/musings, too damn bad, I've been thinking so much about how trust and self care are such finicky things for lily.

She grew up not being able to trust her parents, the people around her, anyone but her sister- and then ran away after rose's death thinking she (indirectly) caused it. Fuck, it took a while to be able to trust susana because for several years, anyone that's supposed to protect her wanted her dead. Like can you imagine going through all of that and then not knowing how to trust that anyone out in the world doesn't want that same fate for her?

What's most heartbreaking is she doesn't trust herself, nor does she really even care about herself. She does the bare minimum to get by and not to just up and die (she's not afraid of that, though), but Jesus Christ she has little care for her own wellbeing. Get the job done, get through the day, then hit the bed, do it all over again the next day. Get a big bruise, a wound, broken rib, get sick? So what, she'll tell herself, it doesn't hurt, keep going.

Like goddamn. God. Damn. She really doesn't know she deserves the world.

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Blue Black Permanent (Margaret Tait, 1992)

[spxnglr]

❝ I won't stay if you don't want me to. I was just checking to see if you're alright. ❞

@bladedflower || 𝚂𝙲.

[bladedflower]

"I'm alright," That's a bold faced lie, given the scratches and bruises littering her body as well as the fact she was just stuck in her head moments before, but she continues, "..But you can stay, if you want." Her head tilts to the chair next to hers as an invitation.

[acecroft]

THE FOLLOWING, 3.13

[bladedflower]

@snkts // starter call

"Fancy seeing you here, Logan," She called out, recognizing those claws anywhere. For once, they weren't meeting by chance at a bar, but in the midst of a massive supernatural scuffle- she'd gotten mixed up in it when the BPRD sent her in to see what the hell was happening, and hell was exactly that. A demonic deity was trying to overthrow the order of things and had the army to do it, to everyone else it was a once in a lifetime event, to Lily it was a Tuesday. "How'd you get thrown into this mess? Don't tell me you were just in the area." She stepped closer with a smirk, brushing off the ash and grime on her blade appendage.

[bladedflower]

semi-permanent starter call - like this and i will write us up a new starter. if i have any issues in coming up with anything i will come to you to plot.