What A Feeling

Blaine Michael Anderson. 23. Born and raised in the Georgie Shade.

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt smirked at the other boy, taking the pants from him. “Thanks, B,” Kurt told him, making his way to Blaine’s bathroom to change, not wanting to cause Blaine to spontaneously combust.

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine crawled into bed, trying to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest as he crawled under the covers and settled down on his pillows. He would have to call Cooper tomorrow as soon as he got off. And what would Quinn say? She’d been his best friend lately--they worked together at the coffee shop Blaine found a job at and she knew all about Kurt, from what Blaine had told her. In all honesty, Blaine felt like a schoolgirl, trying not to kickyfeet and squeal into his pillow. Kurt was his. His boyfriend.

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“You can relax, I don’t think you’re a psycho cat-killer,” he said, laughing softly. “Some sweats would be nice, thanks.” Not so shyly, Kurt lifted up his shirt and laid it on a chair in the corner, smiling gently at the other boy.

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine squeaked not so subtly on seeing Kurt shirtless, in his bedroom. He turned his back immediately to try and hide his face, burning bright red. After digging around for a bit, he procured a pair of old gray sweatpants that for sure used to be Cooper’s, because they were so long. Blaine turned back around and handed the sweatpants to Kurt. “H-here!” He said, his voice cracking.

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“I can share…if you’re comfortable with it,” Kurt said, blushing a little. He took hold of  his hand and kissed the back of it gently. “I’m a heavy sleeper, I don’t care about snoring.”

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine pulled Kurt up from the couch and into his bedroom. “Do you need a change of clothes, or anything?” He asked, tracing patterns on the back of Kurt’s hand. “I might have some old sweatpants of my brother’s that I stole way back when, they might be long enough for you.” Looking around his room, Blaine smiled at Peaches, curled up on the floor. “And she might make her way into the bed at some point, but don’t worry. She was declawed when I got her--not my doing, I need you to know. I would never--so she won’t do any harm.”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“I’d like that,” he answered. “…I could…on the couch?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I can just…lay here?”

[blainemichael-blog]

Lacing their fingers together, Blaine smiled softly. “You could stay there, if you wanted,” he said, “but if you’d be more comfortable, you could take the bed? And I could sleep here? Or we could both sleep on the bed? I’m not a blanket hog, or anything. Though I do snore, if my allergies are bad, but they aren’t so bad here as they are at home, and,” Blaine babbled on and on, his lack of filter and nerves starting to set in from asking Kurt to share a bed with him.

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt smiled against the other boy’s lips, his hands falling in Blaine’s hair and gently running his fingers through his wild curls. The enthusiasm that Blaine so clearly had was endearingly beautiful. Everything about him was so gentle and sweet where it counted. He was so used to being groped in the back of the club or kissed roughly on the way up to his apartment. This was the softest he’d ever been handled, it was so strange and new, and he would not let go.

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine pulled away with a soft smack, his eyes still closed. “Oh, my,” he whispered,  and when he opened his eyes, there was a dreamy look in his eyes. Glancing over at the clock, Blaine bit his lip and giggled. “It is,” he said, giving Kurt another soft kiss. “Nearly four in the morning.” He continued to pepper Kurt’s face with kisses, dropping them over his cheeks, forehead, and jaw. “You can stay, if you’d like?”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt nodded, “It’d be my pleasure,” he said, moving in toward Blaine slowly before taking his face in his hands and kissing him tenderly, eyes fluttering shut as he leaned into him, melting against him as he opened his mouth to let Blaine’s tongue inside.

[blainemichael-blog]

Moaning softly, Blaine pushed deeper into the kiss. He nipped at Kurt’s bottom lip before sliding his tongue into Kurt’s mouth. Kurt tasted like cinnamon gum, Blaine noted. Cinnamon gum and something that reminded him of winter. Blaine's hand slipped up Kurt’s side to cup his jaw gently, maneuvering himself deeper still into their kiss.

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“There’s no one else,” Kurt said quietly, his heart quickening. There was something so adorable about Blaine’s lips brushing his palm. “There’s no one…how could there be?” He asked, genuinely unsure of how there could be anyone other than Blaine that mattered this much.

[blainemichael-blog]

“Kurt Hummel,” Blaine cooed, in awe of how gentle Kurt was in this moment. “You can kiss me, if you’d like.”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“Aren’t boys from around your parts supposed to say please?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow at him, but still taking his request seriously. “I might really be bad at it, Blaine. You don’t want any of this.”

[blainemichael-blog]

“Did I ever say I’d be good at it?” Blaine asked, raising his eyebrows back. “And besides, I don’t think it’s your job to tell me what I can and can’t want.” He squeezed Kurt’s hand and brought it to his lips. “I want you. I want to learn everything about you, kiss your bruises, and praise your achievements.” Spreading Kurt’s hand open and pressing his lips to the palm, Blaine whispered. “All I need to know is that there’s no one else while I’m doing that.”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt looked over at Blaine, hanging on his every word, his cheeks reddening at the pure honesty that Blaine was giving him. Part of him wanted to run away, part of him wanted to lunge forward and kiss him, but all he did was tilt his chin up and look at him seriously. “I’ve never been in an open relationship, Blaine,” Kurt told him honestly, “Because I’ve never even been in a relationship.”

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine put his head between his head and groaned. He was tired, his coffee wasn’t kicking in, and he wasn’t irritated but he was definitely without his filter at this point. “Why won’t you just date me?” Blaine asked, desperation clear in his voice. “Just date me, God blessit. It’s not hard to just be with me. We hang out. It’s not any different. Just date me.”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt nodded, a little afraid of what Blaine was going to say. He was sure, however, that there was nothing Blaine could say to him that was nearly as bad as what he already thought of himself. He shook his ass for the whole of New York City for money, he wasn’t in school, and God knows his mother would not have been proud of who he was. He didn’t  think much of what made him up as a person, but he knew that no one hated him more than he did.

[blainemichael-blog]

“I’m not...I’m not very bright,” Blaine began, keeping his eyes downcast. He was afraid to look Kurt in the eye as he showed this part of himself. “But I know a few things.” He took Kurt’s hand and continued. “One,” he said. “The sunshine in Georgia is one of the best things in the entire world. Two. I can not kick the feelings that I have for you. I have tried every which way to convince myself that I’m not what you want, and I would only hold you back, but it just doesn’t seem to work. And three,” Blaine said, finally looking up into Kurt’s eyes, a tear spilling onto his cheek. “I know this may not be the case for you, but when I’m in a relationship with someone, I don’t like it to be open. I want that person to be mine, and I to be theirs.”

“Now,” Blaine sigh, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “I do not think you are a dirt bag. I do not think you are anything but brilliant--one of the most cunning, intellectual, beautiful people I have ever met. And I would like nothing else but to be yours.” There was a but hanging on his lips, but Blaine stopped there to let Kurt process what he was saying.

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“A little of both?” Kurt asked softly, jumping a little when he felt the cat jump onto his lap. “Oh, hello,” he said, looking down at her and petting her softly. “She’s so cute,” he noted, not looking up. He felt so embarrassed that his eyes were misty, and he didn’t want Blaine to judge him. He felt more comfortable being judged by this cat. He let his breathing slow, focusing only on the fur baby.

[blainemichael-blog]

After mixing the cream and sugar into their coffee cups, Blaine returned to the couch, setting the mugs on the coffee table and taking a seat gently next to Kurt. He admired Kurt petting Peaches shortly, a small smile quirking his lips on hearing her quiet purring. “She was a shelter cat,” he explained, reaching out to scratch behind her ears. “I went to volunteer, but I think she knew I was a sucker and convinced me to take her home--or, my apartment here, rather. Taking a deep breath, Blaine turned to face Kurt. “I...I need to talk now, okay?”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“Because…I really wanted to be,” Kurt admitted. “You know I wish…I wish I wasn’t such a dirt bag. Because then maybe I’d deserve your friendship, let alone your affection,” he said with a shrug, squeezing his eyes shut. I will not cry, I will not cry, he thought. “Do you want me to go?” He said, realizing that he was only making Blaine feel bad.

[blainemichael-blog]

“No, don’t--” Blaine interjected, grabbing Kurt’s wrist to keep him from going. “Come--come in, sit, let’s. We can talk, okay? I can make coffee, and we can talk,” he said, slipping into Host Mode and ushering Kurt to the couch, trying to keep his breathing even. “Don’t mind the cat if the comes through, she won’t bother you unless you step on her paw or rub her belly.”

Slipping into the kitchenette behind Kurt, Blaine let himself sneak out a few tears. He would never understand, would he? Kurt wasn’t a dirt bag. Blaine couldn’t keep himself from growing fonder and fonder of the boy sitting in his living room, and he was only scared because, to his knowledge, monogamy wasn’t his thing. And it was a rule breaker for Blaine.

After leaving the kitchen and making his way back to the couch with a few mugs, Blaine managed in a sniffly voice, “Any c-cream or sugar?”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt nodded nervously, “I’m fine, I’m fine…” he trailed off. “I just. I just got out of work and…I miss you and I feel really, really fucking bad about what happened,” he paused, laying his hand on Blaine’s shoulder and looking at him with regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry for kissing you when you didn’t want it. I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I’m sorry for not being what you need. I’m just sorry, and that’s all I came to say.”

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine, on seeing the sincerity of Kurt’s look, shot his eyes down to the floor. “Why did you do it?” He asked. “If you knew--if you thought you weren’t. Why did you kiss me?” Looking back up at Kurt, tears welled up in his eyes. 

[kurtalexander-blog1]

F2F 002 || “BACK FOR YOU”

Kurt couldn’t remember how long it’d been since he’d heard from Blaine. Had it been a few days? A week? He couldn’t tell through the haze of smoke that crept its way through the bar and made his vision hazy. If Blaine were here, he’d be hanging by the bar asking Kurt question after question, because that’s just how he was. By now, Kurt would pretend to chastise him for asking so many questions, even though he secretly did not mind in the least.

Kurt knew that he’d messed up. He couldn’t get the look on Blaine’s face out of his head; the one that looked a lot like disappointment that Kurt wasn’t who he wanted him to be, but even more than that - hurt. Kurt had caused Blaine harm, and now he didn’t have a hope of meaning a thing to him. The boy hadn’t realized that he’d cared to mean anything to him, he didn’t care to mean anything to anyone.

Blaine had been a wildcard from the start, though.

Kurt left work a good fifteen minutes before his shift was over at 3AM. They could fire him if he wanted, but he would be sick if he spent another moment in there. Without thinking, he was making his way to Blaine’s, hoping he was home and not lost somewhere. He took the stairs up to his place two at a time and then knocked loudly.

“It’s me,” he said breathlessly, “Let me in.”

[blainemichael-blog]

Hearing the loud knock at his door, Blaine shot up from where he had fallen asleep on his couch. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and slipping on his house shoes, Blaine toddled sleepily to the door and looked out the peephole. Kurt. It had been...gosh, how long had it been? Blaine wasn’t able to remember the last time he heard from Kurt, and he wasn’t really prepared to see him at 3AM, either. Sure, he had practiced what he would say when that day finally came, but now, his thoughts cloudy, he wasn’t sure what would happen.

Feeling a presence at his feet and hearing a gentle meow, Blaine scooped up his kitten in his arms. “Go on back to sleep, Peaches. I’ll only be a minute,” he chastised, scooting her back towards the bedroom before standing upright again. 

On opening the door, Blaine stared at Kurt awkwardly. “Kurt,” he whispered. “Come in, are you--are you okay? You’re safe, right? You’re--the time--it’s late,” he finally managed.

[blainemichael-blog]

3/18 F2F

[kurtalexander-blog1]

“I kissed you because I wanted to,” Kurt said. “Why does anyone do anything, you know? I thought you might want to kiss me, too…so I went for it,” he shrugged. “I’ve never been with just one person, Blaine. I don’t know how to answer that.”

[blainemichael-blog]

Blaine nodded, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on it. “Okay,” he said, nodding slowly. “I...I think I should go, then. I don’t think...I don’t think that answer is what I need. I can’t...I can’t do that. This. I-I’m sorry.”

[blainemichael-blog]

3/18 F2F

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt nodded, “I can do my best,” he said, a little more than afraid of what the question might be.

[blainemichael-blog]

“Why did you kiss me?” He asked. “Do you want me? Enough to not be with anyone else?”

[blainemichael-blog]

3/18 F2F

[kurtalexander-blog1]

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine, “Hey,” he said, his voice softening. “It’s okay, you don’t…you don’t have to leave…” he said quietly.

[blainemichael-blog]

In Kurt’s embrace, Blaine’s breathing slowed. The feeling came back to his fingers, and his head fit perfectly onto Kurt’s shoulder. “Kurt?” Blaine asked, voice quiet. “I...I wanna ask you a question, and you have to answer it, honest.”