this is why we can't have nice things

blake little son of little john. hailey's big bro. gryffindor sixth year. middle name's danger. at least, that's what i tell people. really it's robin - laaaaaame!

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️☎ WAKE

Will: PSH don't try to give me second-hand grossness, I'm the least gross boy in the world. Well, maybe anyway. I like to think I'm good competition for it!

Will: EXPLAINS WHY SO MUCH OF THE WORLD IS NASTY :-P But seriously lmao bug MK about that if she's the one who's attention you want so much, it's not like I can do anything about it for you.

Will: Because then it wouldn't be garbage! It would be lobster in a can! By definition, garbage includes garbage!

Blake: BEING GROSS CAN BE FUN SOMETIMES, BRO! LET ME GROSSIFY YOU A LITTLE.

Blake: You're family! And her future king! You can totally do something about it, you just haaaaate me.

Blake: If it's in a garbage can then someone threw it away so it's GARBAGE, whether it's good garbage or not.

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️ツ BLALLY

Ally: Oh, but if you fall stilts could help you cover the distance too! I vote yay for stilts! Plus they look like a lot of fun to walk on!

Blake: For real! Let's have a stilts party, I can't believe we haven't gone rogue and towered above everyone else already.

[blakedanger]

text ✉$ bloe

Zoe: I didn't have anything left to say. You can be right to you and I can be right to me. That's how this whole different-people-different-perspectives thing works.

Blake: You can be right to you and ONLY you, because to literally the entire rest of the world you're wrong. It's not a different perspectives thing, it's a 'you're an asshole and apparently Gwen is too if she's given you this impression that Hailey's the one to blame here' thing.

[blakedanger]

text ✉ blarchie

Archie: Even to the ounce. We don't play when it comes to comics in my house lol. I'LL KNOW IT WAS YOU SO WHY ARE YOU EVEN BOTHERING WITH THE PLOTTING? I see Wolverine, so definitely betting on some Marvel in there. Dad always like Batman too, so who knows? It's probably a treasure trove of old school comics!

Blake: I LIKE TO KEEP PEOPLE ON THEIR TOES. If I tell them what I'm gonna do they're never going to suspect it if I then go and do something else. Dude, I REALLY want the Chuck Dixon Nightwing line, I hope he's got that. Ooooh, or any OG Injustices, I know those aren't that old but that series is so clutch for keeping things interesting.

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️% BLEVIE

Evie: Obvi, I'm the only one that plays with her hair though (and only when she lets me), and duh! Mal wins all of those, I'd never let her lose!

Evie: I do all those same things with Dizzy, too, you know.

Blake: YEAH BUT DIZZY'S A BABY! You guys do that stuff because she's your mini-me, not your secret girlfriend LIKE MAL TOTALLY IS, I KNOW IT!

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️☎ WAKE

Will: Well, you're good at it, so you might just be the most winningest winner of all.

Will: STOP, YOU'VE ALREADY GROSSED ME OUT TOO MUCH FOR ONE DAY.

Will: Its still garbage lobster, covered in whatever garbage fluids there are!

Blake: You can be a winner by association, best friend benefits :-p

Blake: I know, I know, MK's the grossest :-p That's what happens when SOMEONE WON'T JUST ADMIT THEY LOVE ME, THEY TURN ALL NASTY! lol

Blake: How do you know the garbage wasn't EMPTY OF ALL OTHER STUFF BUT LOBSTER? Don't be such a garbage-discriminator, dude!

[blakedanger]

text ✉$ bloe

Zoe: Do you always curse when you don't have a point?

Blake: Do you always change the subject when you won't admit you're wrong?

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️ツ BLALLY

Ally: And you can! In just three more steps! And I've got an entire box of Bertie Botts for you when you do!

Blake: What if I was TALLER? Do you think maybe stilts would get me there, or are they going to slow me down?

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️% BLEVIE

Evie: "The gay vibes?" And what exactly is considered "gay" about me hanging out with my best friend?

Blake: I don't know! Do you guys hold hands? Play with each other's hair? Get into 'you're the most beautiful girl in the world!' 'no, YOU'RE the most beautiful girl in the world' fights? BECAUSE I CAN PICTURE ALL OF THESE THINGS SO EASILY! AND THEY'rE SO GAY!

[blakedanger]

text ✉ blarchie

Archie: I know exactly how much the box weighs. I'd know if anything was missing 😒 But just looking at the top there's gotta be some good ones! And these are VINTAGE!

Blake: Even to like the ounce? That's a little obsessive, man, but good to know that if I take anything I gotta put something else in as a decoy :-p Sweet! Wanna give me a preview? What lines do you think are in there?

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️☎ WAKE

Will: If winning is making me gag? Then YES :-P

Will: She's Mary Kate, of course she's never going to change her mind when it comes to you lol. But that's okay because the superior branch of the family sees you as amazing as you and that matters, right?

Will: PFFT. You don't have to eat garbage to know that cake tastes better.

Blake: Grossing you out, seems like a win!

Blake: BRO I LOVE YOU BUT YOU KNOW IT WOULD MAKE MY DAD'S LIfE IF MK WOULD JUST LIKE... EVEN PRETEND TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES! I WANNA CAPTURE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE 'CAUSE IT WOULD BE PRICELESS!

Blake: Maybe the garbage was full of lobster, ever think of that?

[blakedanger]

text ✉$ bloe

Zoe: My feelings are based on what I see, not what I hear from Gwen. And based on what I see, I wouldn't want to go near Hailey anyway so lol very easy instructions to follow.

Blake: Good to know you're fucking blind, then.

[blakedanger]

TEXT 🎄 BLARIANA

Ariana: (You are aware that I'm the captain for Hufflepuff, correct??? I have my own practices and stuff to do. I don't know who to start with!!! 4.)

Blake: (YEAH BUT YOU AREN'T SCARY ABOUT IT! At least not that I can tell. And you don't have to practice potions for 94 hours a week because you suck at it :-p YOURSELF??? 19463353.)

[blakedanger]

TEXT 🌿 BLAKEKATE

Mary Kate: WE'RE AT A SCHOOL FOR WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY! WE'RE ALL MAGIC!

Mary Kate: Stopppppppp.

Blake: I'm a special brand of magic!

Blake: Never!

[blakedanger]

TEXT ✉️% BLEVIE

Evie: You don't even know if there's anything to know lol but what I want to know is why you think we are. Maybe if you tell me that, I'll tell you~

Blake: I'VE GOT A FEELING! The gay vibes are strong with you guys! Plus she hates most people and she likes you, that's CLASSIC.

[blakedanger]

text ✉ blarchie

Archie: [unsent] So..... would you like kill me if I asked your sister to hang out in Hogsmeade? Because like I really like her so... I wanna know my chances of survival.

Archie: My dad just sent me a box full of comic books! Wanna go through them with me?

Blake: Dude, of course! And I won't even make the good ones magically disappear before you can realize what you have in your possession 😈

[blakedanger]

TEXT 💔 LITTLE SIBS

Hails: No because Gwen would be sad and I don't want that.

Hails: Oh yay! That's even better. I just need Blake time anyway.

Blake: Gwen? Sad? Sounds fake, feels fake. She can always challenge me to a duel afterwards, then I'd finally have an excuse to hex her a little bit too.

Blake: Hey, I'm all yours, whenever you need me. Even Will can suck it and I don't say that for just anyone :-p