˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Your Favorite Prince ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

₊ ⊹⚜ adrian | 21 | white | he/him | queer ⚜⊹₊ .°˖✧♚ Mental Woes to Quill and Pen , I Wish to be Better Again ♚✧˖°.

[bleedbledblood]

‪˙˖✧♡ Welcome to My Precious Kingdom ‪♡✧˖˙

Beware this kingdom is full of possibly triggering topics and unhealthy self talk as this kingdom holds my personal struggles and thoughts.

Content Warnings For:

♡ - Splitting / Mentions of Splitting

♡ - Loneliness / Isolation

♡ - Negative Self Talk / Insecurites

♡ - Abandonment

♡ - Jealousy

˙˖✧˙✧‪˙˖✧♡ About My Kingdom ‪♡✧˖˙✧˙✧˖˙

I am Prince Adrian, and I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was professionally dx Borderline when I was eighteen but I have been unmedicated since then.

Many of my coping mechanisms have been self taught and I am lucky enough to have an in person support group to discuss my struggles with bpd, but unfortunately I do often split on those around me. So I post things I can not say in person here. I will often use this blog as a sounding board for many of my feelings ( almost like a junk diary if you will ), so do not be surprised if a few rawer or mean spirited posts appear here; just know that it is a way for me to let go of my feelings. If you have read everything so far, headed my warnings, and understand the purpose of my space- welcome! Please do not romanticize or condone these thoughts and feelings, and if you can, seek out recources in real life if you are struggling. Tumblr can not be your only source to cope with.

[stupid-twink-girl]

this is going somewhat viral on twitter so i’m posting it here too

[fricktic]

🍎📏ඞ 📚< lets learn our tasks

┬─┬┬─┬┬─┬┬─┬

ඞ📖 ඞ📘 ඞ📖 ඞ📝

ඞ📝 ඞ📘 ඞ📘 ඞ📖

ඞ🖍️ ඞ📘 ඞ💦📕 ඞ🍌

ඞ📱 ඞ💭 ඞ📘 ඞ💤 among us school

[bleedbledblood]

something within me is different and strange in a way i can not explain i feel as though i have 16 different fucking thought processes trying to streamline into one but it’s not working because each fucking thought process needs to be its own fucking thought process and IM SO SICK OF IT IT MAKES COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY SO MUCH HARDER

[bleedbledblood]

tbfh bpd in my experience has always felt like the “i’m not paid attention to enough” disorder and it kinda makes me feel like an entitled toddler

[bleedbledblood]

it’s starts getting pretty lonely coming home to basically nobody yet always seem to see everyone gushing and touching eachother. i’m not even mad atp i think this is just the universe telling me i will only ever be good enough to have as a background friend

[bleedbledblood]

i just get so frustrated about yearning, you know? Yearning for a connection and yearning for physical affection. I know I could do very easily just ask for these things but for some reason it feels like I have a road block truly stopping myself from getting too close to people, I feel like some self-obsessed asshole like possesses me and just. Stops me from actually being as open and vulnerable around people as I want to be. I don’t want romantic connections at this point, I just kinda wish I had someone that I can be physically affectionate with and come home to recharge with but I really. Don’t have that.

[bleedbledblood]

it’s starts getting pretty lonely coming home to basically nobody yet always seem to see everyone gushing and touching eachother. i’m not even mad atp i think this is just the universe telling me i will only ever be good enough to have as a background friend

[bleedbledblood]

i can’t be in a relationship until i do a lot of maturing and get on mood stabilizers to be honest and my autistic ass can’t tell when someone is into me anyway not only because i’m oblivious as hell but refuse to believe someone would want a fat fuck like me

[bleedbledblood]

it really is embarrassing how too much I am. I’m too loud, I’m too needy, I’m too much of fucking everything. I’m so fucking autistic and annoying it hurts it really fucking hurts knowing how insufferable I am.

[bleedbledblood]

when will i stop being a dying horrible awful person and genuinely just actually die

[bleedbledblood]

can someone put me out of my fucking misery please I swear to god I cant take it anymore I'm so fucking done with existing as a person I want to kill myself SOOOOOOOOO fucking bad

[bleedbledblood]

I don't think I'm someone anyone wants to live with. All I do is take and take and take and expect things handed to me on a silver platter because poor baby's mommy and daddy didn't love him enough and now I'm a grown ass man with the emotional control of a fucking toddler and all I do is sit and mope about how awful of a human being I am while doing absolutely jack all about it and sometimes I really do think life would have been so much better if I actually succeeded with killing myself. I don't know how anyone in this fucking world actually stands me considering my own parents can't even stand me. I'm so fucking tired and done with everything all the time and I wish I could kill myself but I'm too fucking pussy to do so because "what if it hurts!!1! I dont wanna feel pain!11!" and all I do is fucking cat strtch myself whenever I do cut myself because all I ever do is the attention seeking bullshit I'm such a fucking pussy I cant stand it

[azuremist]

I DESPERATELY needed someone to tell me this as I grew up in leftist online spaces. So now I am going to tell YOU:

If you

Check what you sent over and over to make sure you didn’t say a slur instead of “hello how are you”

Fear that someone will find you thinking not-leftist-enough thoughts and will call you out and ruin you

Feel you have to make your intentions clear and over-explain your actions

Find yourself consistently resisting the urge to engage in reassurance-seeking WRT being a good enough ally to marginalized people

Stay up late endlessly debating political ethics in your head

Have a set of actions that you take after discovering you made a morally wrong decision so that you can atone, which you rely on for reassurance that you are not a bad person

Would rather not make a decision at all than make a decision that is the lesser of two evils, but is not morally pure

then I am gently, but firmly, requesting that you look into moral scrupulosity OCD.

[bleedbledblood]

i haven’t felt this fucking lonely since middle school

[bleedbledblood]

actually the more i think about it the more i genuinely don’t think i want anything romantic because typically romantic relationships mean getting physically affectionate and as someone who doesn’t even know how to kiss i don’t think i want to go through that shame ritual 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[bleedbledblood]

“he was my boyfriend and now he acts like he doesn’t even know me!” well yeah duh you were the one who said you wanted to “break it off” to get to know me “better” since it’s different now we’re living together? I’m also learning you too??? Is that not what the fuck you were asking for??? Bro. Rolling my eyes SO FAR back into my head dude

[bleedbledblood]

god i really miss you but it’s not the same anymore. i don’t even get jealous anymore. im just grieving you like you’ve died