Nicky and His Twins: the Trial
People seem to want more of Nicky and the twins, so I figured I would deliver.
Aaron does not ask Andrew to speak at his trial. His defense attorney pressed him to ask because otherwise, the case is all unsubstantiated.
Aaron will not ask. Andrew already said he didnât want to. Aaron is not about to press him.
Nicky, of course, is freaking out. Heâs the only one (other than perhaps Katelyn) that Aaron has kept updated at all.
âYou have to ask Andrew. Are you crazy? Do you want to go to prison?â
He basically gets told to fuck off. But Nicky isnât the type to leave well enough aloneâ let alone ânot well at allâ alone.
He goes to Andrew.
Andrew is understandably pissed that Aaron hasnât told him anything. He doesnât say anything, promises Nicky nothing. But he shows up. Of course he does.
The trial is the most godawful thing Nicky has ever witnessed. Itâs almost worse than seeing Aaron cling to Andrew in that bloody bedroom. Because Nicky sees it all again. And worse. Oh, Godâ he lives it as Andrew relives it.
Nicky cries through the trial. He canât stop himself. Andrew doesnât look at him. He doesnât look at anyone. Except once. One time, Nicky sees his gaze flicker and rest on Aaron, whose head is bowed. His hands clasped in front of him. Nicky sees his shoulders shaking.
The twins do not talk on the way home. Nobody talks. Neil drives. No one else can.
Aaron stops going to Wednesday therapy sessions with Andrew. He doesnât tell Nicky whyâ he just avoids him altogether. He avoids everyone altogether. Even Matt rarely sees him.
Andrew doesnât go after him. He just⌠lets Aaron be.
Nicky canât stand it. Theyâve come so far to let it all go now, after everything. After what Andrew has confessed.
At first, Nicky is mad at Aaron on Andrewâs behalf. How can Aaron abandon Andrew knowing what they now know?
Then Nicky remembers. Remembers that quiet, withdrawn little boy with bruises covering his skin like spots.
He wants to ask Neil to help him. To fix them. But the time for Neilâs interference has come and gone. He has done all he can do for the twinsâ because he is limited by loving Andrew and not Aaron.
Nicky does not have that excuse. He loves both of them. He understands both of them. He knows he canât fix them: they have to do that. But he can damn well try to get them on track.
He goes to Andrew.
âTalk to Aaron,â he says, one day after practice. Andrew shoots him a blank look, but Nicky sees the muscle in his jaw flutter.
âIâve said all I have to say.â
Heâs angry. God, of course he is. But Nicky knows itâs out of hurtâ and out of anyone, Nicky knows Aaron the best.
âHeâs not going to be the one to talk to you. Heâs not⌠look, when he was a kid, Aunt Tilda used to pinch him when he would speak. She always shushed him. She used to say him talking gave her headaches. Thatâs all he knows, Andrew. Is how to shut up when someone is hurting. How to withdraw. Likeâ like his presence somehow makes everything worse.â
Andrew says nothing, but his face twitches. Such small tells that Nicky is only started to understand.
âHeâs not talking to Katelyn even.â
Andrew is selfishly pleased by this. Nicky knows he would be.
âI know itâs not fair to ask youâ but please try.â
Andrew again, says nothing. He might as well be a statue.
âHe loves you too, you know.â Nicky says it, because the twins probably never will. But itâs the truth.
The next day, Andrew waits outside of Aaronâs classroom. Aaron looks surprised to see him.
âFollow me.â
He doesnât wait to see if Aaron will obey. He knows he will.
They round a corner into an empty Parkin lot and Andrew turns on Aaron, his mouth thin.
âI showed you mine, you show me yours.â
âWhat?â Aaron doesnât know what the hell hes talking about and Andrew halfway wants to throttle him. He moves into Aaronâs space and his twin moves back, but not before Andrewâs hand snakes out and grasps his hair, holding him in place.
Aaron flinches but doesnât try to pull away. Aaron always used to flinch when anybody moved to touch him. It sparks a small flare of rage in Andrew. Aaron is the one person he would never, ever hurt. Aaron should not fear him. But Andrew also remembers seeing Aaron for the first time, flinching hard when one of the juvie guards moved to fast to usher him in. The ways Aaronâs face took on a shameful color, like he was embarrassed by his reaction. Andrew remembers the bruises coloring Aaronâs faceâ his own face, on someone else.
âYou do not get to freeze me out,â Andrew says in a dark voice.
âIâm not.â Aaronâs heart hammers. Looking at Andrew hurts. It hurts so bad that he wants to gasp from the pain. He can still feel the warm stickiness of Drakeâs blood on his skin. That was the last time Andrew touched him. The first time Andrew touched him at all. Bile rises high. Shame and fury and so much pain.
âIâm sorry about Cass.â
Aaron doesnât mean to say it. Itâs not what he wanted to say. Itâs stupid to allay anything at all.
âIâm not sorry about Drake. But Iâm sorry about Cass. If Iâ ruined that or whatever.â Aaron is no good with words. He never has been.
âCass can go fuck herself.â Casual, harsh words that Andrew can barely spit out.
The twins are close enough to share breath. Andrew releases Aaron suddenly and steps back.
âI donât want toââ Aaron is struggling. He canât find the stupid fucking words. âI donât want to make you take me to those sessions anymore. If you want to go alone, I donât want to⌠ruin that too.â
Ruin. Andrew stares at him. A little bit of understanding linking them now.
âCome or donât,â Andrew says. âBut you donât get to hear all of my truths without giving me yours.â
He walks away, leaving Aaron staring after him.
The next week, they go to sessions together. This time, Aaron talks.
Nicky canât help it. He cries when Neil tells him. Neil lets him hug him tight.
The twins arenât perfect. But theyâre trying to be better.
Nicky takes them both out for ice cream that nightâ just them. The twins both pretend they donât know why, that theyâre just in it for free food, but sitting together⌠it feels a lot like family to Nicky.
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