aira @bleedsufferdie - Tumblr Blog

Nocturnal Depression, Nostalgia - Fragments of a Broken Past (2006)

I love you. (I acted like I hated you during our entire relationship to which I’m unsure how you’re going to feel better about it, every time I see you even for a second I’m filled with visceral rage and sickness but I hate to be away from you, I think about your dead body in my bed, your friends disgust me, I don’t know if I’m capable of love, I may be hallucinating your figure, I’m jealous when you aren’t alone, I think of leaving things in your house when you’re away.)

I miss you. (You gave me space to express certain parts of myself, you were a legitimate friend to me, I felt a sense of protection over you although I harmed you, I hope you’re doing okay, you let me carve my name into your body, you tried to understand me, I miss your blood on my fingers and my tongue, I felt a connection with you, I hope you miss me, I hope you’re just as sick as I am, you are my first and only true connection, my therapist brought up mood stabilizers and to see a psychiatrist if interested, sometimes I can still smell you, I get sick with alcohol only to feel warmth akin to your body next to mine.)

#dead trees #forest #nature #old house

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“Don’t let my silence wound you. I’m just tired of words.”

Manuel Bandeira, from “Rest Your Hand on My Forehead,” This Earth, That Sky

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Nymphs finding the head of Orpheus, Nicole Dollanganger (2023)

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John William Waterhouse - The Shrine (1895)

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“I believe that each of us internalizes a landscape composite of myths and stories, and we carry that psychological terrain within us as we make our way through the world, whether we are facing that green divan that Anna Akhmatova slept on in Saint Petersburg or gazing out at Stone Mountain in Georgia, an overlay by which the future is often colored and through which it is often perceived. However, like Lillian Smith—“Miss Lil”—some of us attempt to refashion that inherited landscape through consciousness. That is, we attempt to bring ourselves to an awareness of what has shaped us. Since landscape is both regional and emotional, I learned to meditate on everything around me, people and nature.”

— Yusef Komunyakaa, from “More Than a State of Mind,” Condition Red: Essays, Interviews, and Commentaries, ed. Radiclani Clytus (University of Michigan Press, 2017)