BleppoJello

[harrowheart]

For anyone who makes their way here, I'll post a link to what I've responded to.

https://www.tumblr.com/Ugh154628

Everybody likes to sit in the peanut gallery when the circus is in town, after all. Enjoy.

[bleppojello]

There are ghosts in these walls, monsters under the bed,

The air hangs thick and foggy with the vitriol you've bled.

The demons came in falsified virtue,

Although, can't fathom what they've come to find,

More and more, boxes of their belongings

Appear day-after-day inside my mind.

Don't let them hear you-

Clammy wooden floor boards, left to tip-toe in your sorrow.

Quietly close each door, lights-out until tomorrow.

You can hear them through the ceiling,

You can feel them through the drywall.

Each vibration near the stairs sends you panicking in freefall.

A house filled with black corners of dark manifestations-

Mouth dripping, rotten claws, malformed amalgamations.

Where which you once stood upon a chair to wash your hands

Turned the creature which chose to devour all your plans.

Use a dull kitchen knife to burrow into my chest

And above all else, rest assured that mother knows best.

Open up the window in the middle of the night,

Drown it all out with the autumn rain,

Perch your chin on folded arms which rest

Upon a white, water-beaded window frame.

Twisting twinkle stars upon pearlescent finger tips

I kiss the moon goodnight with opal tinted lips.

Take my broken bones and snap them yet again-

I've given more than just a fractured backbone to a friend.

Quiet.

A break in the violence.

You can't leave, but you can rest in the midnight silence.

You hear nothing but the sound of rain meeting the earth,

Not one word from the God you've pleaded for guidance.

You learn in these moments, there is only self-reliance.

But you feel comforted.

The peace drowns out the commotion,

Head nearly out the window, water runs across your skin,

You close your eyes now, and you dream of the ocean.

🌊

[bleppojello]

[bleppojello]

💜

[bleppojello]

It is now.

💙

[bleppojello]

Aside from all the points, turning thoughts into sickness

All my stupid, blind ambitions never fit inside your vision

Maybe so, I don't know

Sure, I could've made it work

Been the necessary jerk like you wanted me to be

Aside from all the points, turning thoughts into sickness

All my stupid, blind ambitions never fit inside your vision

Maybe so, I don't know

Sure, I could've made it work

Been the necessary jerk like you wanted me to be

Aside from all the points, turning thoughts into sickness

All my stupid, blind ambitions never fit inside your vision

Maybe so, I don't know

Sure, I could've made it work

Been the necessary jerk like you wanted me to be

ASIDE FROM ALL THE REST

THERE'S A SICKNESS IN MY THOUGHTS,

WHERE THE TWIST TO EVERY THOUGHT

IS WHAT I THINK I AM, I'M NOT.

MAYBE SO, I DON'T KNOW,

I COULD NEVER MAKE IT WORK.

BUT I SURE COULD MAKE IT HURT;

DO YOU WANT THIS FROM ME?

YOU JUST STARTED YOUR ADDICTION,

I JUST STARTED MY WITHDRAWAL

IT SEEMS THE SUIT I WEAR IS

TOO TIGHT AROUND THE NECK,

BUT THE TAILOR THAT IS VANITY

IS SURE IT FITS ME BEST.

[bleppojello]

[bleppojello]

It means a lot to me that after everything he's had to deal with when it comes to past girls going through his phone, he feels comfortable and safe enough to leave his phone on our bed next to me when he takes a shower.

And his pin hasn't changed since the first time we dated.

Because he know we both just exist with no secrets, and it's so effortless he likely doesn't even give things like this a second thought, and he probably doesn't realize consciously that it was an action he did based around the trust and comfort between us.

I don't think he even realizes what it means to me that he trusts me this way, when he had a knee-jerk reaction to worry about me moving his phone, or glancing over when I picked a song in the car because he was so used to having his property breached against his wishes and hardwired to worry about his privacy being disrespected by people he dated before.

He would always have the immediate reaction of worry, and you could see it in his subconscious body queues when he had to correct his automatic response after being conditioned to expect intrusive behavior from his ex.

And as time went on, he left his devices out more.

He would tell me the PIN to his other devices casually if I wanted to play a game he had.

He wouldn't pick up his phone every time he moved to a different space anymore, after awhile.

And he started feeling more comfortable asking to see my phone to find a song in my downloads, or ask to use my laptop in my absence- and you could sense the relief wash over his voice when I'd tell him my password without needing to hesitate or give a reason against it.

Or the surprise and adoration in his expression if a random man I don't knew messages me, and I block them without needing a further explanation because it's someone he recognizes from a past experience and says casually he doesn't like doesn't like, without even needing to imply he wants me to unfriend them.

Because who the fuck is some random dude in my inbox to the man I share one soul and body with?

If he doesn't like them, and they mean nothing to me, I don't want them around me. And he would do the same, if I ever asked.

But I've never needed to.

It means so much to me how far we've come, and how much I've seen him heal.

[bleppojello]

a thousand stars, falling to the earth

[bleppojello]

Jaime French- Jupiter (Jewel Cover)

💜

[gothredy]

[bleppojello]

My dad told me he was proud of me today.

I needed to hear that.

[bleppojello]

Easy to love.

And what I wouldn't give to make her rain clouds go away, she is a sunflower in an open field, a blink of yellow in my gray.

A perfect doll in a world that can only hurt the kindest hearts, for people see a gentle soul and always break them into fractured parts.

I hope that one day she can come find the value in her mind, and recognize the aspect she provides has always been the real- what other people need to hear and feel.

My only recognized equal, in the sense of expression through words.

I've never needed to dumb myself down, change my vocabulary, or alter myself to communicate with this gentle, genuine soul- and she would never know.

She would never know the healing she's brought me by showing me true intention without motive, a real connection I fell into without hesitation at all, and no fear of falling into.

And I love her.

And I am not afraid when I say that I love her.

For the first time, there is never a lingering feeling of fear behind those words, there is never that hesitation that keeps me from giving her a full hug and really feeling it.

Bonding over that feeling of never fitting into the group, and I see in the reflection of her charisma, charm, and lovable personality that she did not ever belong among the blurred faces and masked guises- and in that I've seen so much of myself.

That she was too good to fit in, and I see that in her every day.

So many things set her apart from them, and she doesn't even know.

The way she is always worried about if she's overstaying her welcome.

The way she gets quiet and thinks to herself, because she feels she's being too much, when she's been nothing but polite.

She was so easy to trust for me, that it surprised my husband and family.

My dream is that someday, if I repeat it enough, she can see in herself what I see in her every day.

And if there are a dozen voices in her head being discouraging, I can be the loudest voice reminding her of just how much she's really worth. I could paint her a thousand pictures and never bore or run short of images to characterize her and represent her in my art.

Because the world needs to hear her mind, as brilliant as she is.

There could be a year of clouds and a metric mile of rain, and still just simply knowing her has healed me of so much pain.

I only hope that I can help return everything she has done for me, by planting us both in a garden and focusing on what we need.

She has always been so protective of me, ready to take on the world and fight wars for me, but the truth is that I've always felt defensive and protective feeling toward her, as I've watched the world target her genuine soul and beautiful heart- nothing upsets me more.

She always feels like she is a burden to me, like her feelings are a negative effect she has on me- but her feelings and willingness to be vulnerable and share these parts of herself with me have only ever been a gift.

She could never see it.

I see so much of myself in her spirit, I resonate with her more than she knows.

Listening to her self-awareness and overcoming her struggles little by little every day somehow makes me feel less alone. And still she doesn't know just how much simply knowing her has done to heal me.

Much more valuable than anything else, knowing her has helped me trust again, after so long of avoiding friendships with women.

And watching her, despite how many times she's been betrayed, give people chances again and again with her open and loving heart, and I try to learn from her as she trusts and opens up to people in a way I never could.

The way she can walk into a conversation with a stranger, and within ten minutes they're giggling and whispering like two girls at a slumber party.

And I asked her once, "How do you do that?"

Because she is just so easy to love.

And I'm stunned by it every time.

For her, it is just so easy, it's second nature.

So I remind her, every time I talk to her, that she is easy to love.

Because there are so many things about her that make her easy to connect to that I could never dream to be, no matter how hard I try.

I admire her in ways she could never see, but I'll still tell her.

She is easy to love.

[bleppojello]

Posting for laughs because I'm still making fun of this dude.

[bleppojello]

I'm still fucking laughing about this

[harrowheart]

Also, time stamp your posts.

You're sharing massages from 2019 while scrolling back in his message thread when he has a current profile picture.

It says a lot that you really scroll through your messages with him obsessively like that, that you really put so much effort into rereading your old messages with him over and over again.

I don't know why you think we haven't already talked about all of that already.

Amber, those messages are from years ago.

That post I made was from seven years ago.

Seven years ago, Amber.

You dated for three years, and you scrolled all the way up to messaged from 2019 to read in 2026 when that AI sun photo was his profile picture.

Do you not understand how that makes you look?

You are losing concept of how what you're doing looks to other people, Amber. It borders delusion, and it's clear you've lost perspective.

Why are you obsessively going through your text thread with your ex boyfriend, my husband, when you have a current boyfriend. Does your boyfriend know you reread your messages with my husband like this?

You know isn't healthy or normal, right?

This is scary behavior.

[bleppojello]

Dimes and nines

Back on demon time

I went through hell and back

To call you mine