(Reborn) Venomous Spade @harrowheart - Tumblr Blog

Yo, your neck is the same width as your head.

It's gross how your throat looks.

You remind me of the couple from Beetlejuice when they get mangled in claymation. That's what looking at your gross, ribbed throat feels like. Makes me gag.

Wear a turtleneck, ya freak.

Get a fuckin' scarf. Your scene appropriated pashminas, make some use of it.

Or like, I don't know, those gold rings some women wear in other cultures. Anything is better than looking at that.

Fuck your blood, sweat, and tears, bottled with a "drink me" tag

Speaking like you're danger, even you don't think you're special, just another red flag

Yeah. And I told you I'm not sorry.

Never was, yeah, never been,

I don't give a fuck if it never ends.

Sippin' on that lil white claw,

With those wrinkled, wicked paws,

Even you don't even follow your own laws.

You're at the wrong door, Alice.

That's okay, you sit over there thinking that you're Rocky.

Posing with an ugly bucket hat and a stick of pocky,

Oh my gawd you're so kawaii~

I'm over hoping you'll just die.

(Click, click) here's your poison,

You've been nothing but a bad apple.

That's the thing about magic,

Anything can happen.

Ha-ha.

Who the fuck puts checker-print with tie-dye.

What a visionary.

Yeah, we can see it's all blue, dip shit.

95% of people can match colors together, it isn't a skill.

Want a Scooby snack for that?

You can't compete with history.

I told you that in 2019.

She Made 17 Videos About Her Roommate… Then Her Roommate Posted ONE

My husband's ex (Amber) is (EK) Tyra Catastrophe.

And listen to BOZE, because she's me.

#Youtube

Johnny Depp's Marriage From Hell: The Timeline of Surviving Amber Heard

Anyone who wants a massive parallel to explain my husband's exes tactics needs only look at how Depp's ex presents herself.

Anyone with a functional brain can see it.

This is a woman who burns bridges.

#Youtube

I'm all in, too.

I made my handsome, fancy rice ball a care package because he's been working so much lately.

Followed him around the house while he was getting ready, slapping a mood patch on his arm, supplying caffeine, made him a hydration g-fuel and kept in the fridge until his alarm went off, provided him a cough drop, and handed him a box of snacks I put together for his break that has pistachios, blueberry cream savers, nutty crunch bar, peanut butter protein bar, and a few paper towels with an "I love you" note. Put his keys, wallet, g-fuel, and all the other lil trinkets and gifts in a small box next to his boots, so all he had to do was get dressed and go.

And now I'll be counting the minutes until he gets home.

Because I'm honestly so obsessed with my husband.

I could do this every day before he went to work, honestly. I love making waking up for work a less grueling experience for him. Rub lotion and oils on his back while he checks his phone when he wakes up, tell him I was thinking about him the entire time he was asleep, because I'm endearingly pathetic for this lovely man, and be silly with him and say nonsense words to each other while I follow him from room to room while he gets ready.

"Hobo pogo"

"Blowby Go-go"

"Snow low momo"

"Chokobo toe"

"Show bow oh bro"

"Do-jo mow hoe"

I could sit and incoherently babble with this man all day every day.

Heh.

It still amazes me that you thought any of this had anything to do with you.

You can't even comprehend any of what we have going on, let alone be this self-perceived motivation for what we have together from your weird point of view.

It's so self-important for you to think you even have a role in our bond or connection. To believe in your ego-centric bullshit, and honestly your severe audacity to even approach our relationship like you have any right to do so, telling yourself in your dark little corner that anything you have to say about us would shine even a birthday candle amount of light to the bond of our souls.

How dare you even think you matter that much.

We didn't even notice you for over a year.

You only exist to us in our distant history.

Not even a chapter in our story. A paragraph, if not less.

And you really thought you were somehow important in the presence of our union.

We are one body, mind, soul, heart, and spirit.

What value do you really think your pointless words should have to us? You can't really believe what you have to say to us actually matters, that would be delusional.

He and I grew up together.

You can't compete with history.

2016 - 2018

2023 - The rest of our lives.

Also, since no one told you and it's always annoyed the fuck out of me..

You let a man handle his own people and his own business.

You always let anyone manage their own friends and family if there's ever some kind of bad vibe or anything like that.

I let my man handle his business unless he asks otherwise, it's fucking disrespectful and insulting that you constantly stick your nose in your men's business like you do and try to micromanage their life and personal relationships. Every time you do that, what you're saying is that you don't think your man can handle his own.

That shit is so annoying and cringe, for real.

I know mine can handle his own fucking life.

You bitch all your boyfriends, because you're literally a man in drag.

But if he ever needs somebody to get out of pocket when the situation calls for it, he knows I'm on it.

All he has to do is say the word, but until then I fuck off and respect his business.

Because that's how you give your partner respect.

But he knows anyone he cares about as a friend is always welcome and I'll always treat them with the same level of care and trust he presents toward them, and I'll always match his vibe when it comes to his people and trust his word with them because he knows them better.

Not that you would know anything about allowing your man to take the lead and have control because you respect their autonomy and know they are a fully capable equal as a partner- because you resent your partners for being better at some things than you, or being more educated in some topics, or if they're right about something and you were wrong. You have to constantly feel better than your man, you always have to make the decisions and have all the control, and you want a passive weakling who lets you without ever speaking up if they don't agree.

Nah. I don't want a pussy bitch for a team mate.

I want a man who will tell me when I'm wrong. I want a man who will speak up and tell me if he wants things a different way. I want a man who can teach me things I don't know, and my husband is constantly requesting I try new things like food, or hobbies, or shows and music, and he is so much smarter than me at all things mechanical or technical and I feel like I learn something new with him every single day.

I know mine is capable. He's incredible.

He amazes me every fucking day.

He has it under control, and for once in my life I don't need to constantly worry, and I don't have to do everything.. By myself. I can trust him to carry in the groceries without fearing he would use it as leverage. I can let him help me pay for things without the fear of being treated like a burden. I grew up that way, and all my life I didn't realize just how much I needed this angel of man to show me how to trust someone enough to let them help me, to not need to be the strong one all the time, and I can feel safe crying my eyes out with my head in his lap when I would usually hide and not allow any man or even my family to see me being vulnerable.. To see me being human.

I love that in my long life of hyper independence, I can trust him enough that I can sit back and let him handle things, let him walk in front and lead me, let him decide where we go to run errands first, let him make the call of what route we take when we're out, and I can just turn off my mind and relax because I know he has it under control.

That's how relationships are supposed to be.

There are simply some characteristics in a rare and valuable man like mine you just can't find in your average man. I spend every day trying to make myself better, so I can feel like I deserve him. So I can feel like I'm worth his time, and feel like I can give to him all the incredible gifts he's brought into my life-

And he makes it look so easy.

To be as perfect as he is.

Perfect for me.

Not me starting to cry at 5am.

I'm such a fucking baby. Ha ha ha.

Can't help but laugh at myself.

I would have never been able to feel any of this, until the day I met him back then. It scared me, the feeling of attachment, and I ran. He changed me, forever. Until I met him, relationships were just exciting and it fun to be infatuated, I didn't even have a concept of how much more it could be. He lead me and he taught me how to love. And I was not an easy student, I was shown my entire life just how hard I was to love, so I just never tried to reach a deeper level. And there he was, and he was the very first person to make me feel like I was easy to love.

But he's always been so certain about me.

He knew immediately. He's so all-in, in love.

I don't know how he ended up this fearless.

Back in the day, he turned me into a coward.

No one really knows how much I love Sam.

Sam doesn't even know how much I love Sam.

Not a single creature who afforded me no mercy will ever know me by that name.

Mercy doesn't live here anymore.

Especially not if you're the one knocking at my door.

Only God will pity you now.

Then, I would thank him again.

For there was never a time he dragged me to hell, that he wasn't right there beside me.

You didn't take me seriously when I said I would do anything for him.

Now you know I mean that when I say it.

Back in the day, I said I would follow him to hell if he led me there by the hand.

I let him drag me there by the arm, and then I thanked him for the journey when we reached the burning cinders.

And then I made it my home, like the darkness.

I swam with all the creatures and risen undead of that hateful, smoldering sea, and I did so simply for the company.

I grabbed that thorn-ridden whip meant with malice and spite to scar me, and wrapped it around my palm until I was certain it would disfigure me. I dragged myself out of the Rivr Styx and wrapped it tightly around the neck of my beholder, and I swore never to bow my head again.

I broke bread with the greatest of my demons, thankful every moment I hadn't become one of them out of the sickness and the pitiless pain of my nightmares which turned to reality before the very windows of my soul.

I would do that all again, as well.

Any time, any day.

And if given the opportunity, next time I will do so blindfolded, to fully grasp the will-bending torture of my other senses. To hear more horror, to know more misery, to feel more pain, and to take in the scent of my victory just that much sweeter when I breach the gates of my personal Lucifer, break his throne, remove his horns, and cut his tail to create the circlet which would grace the crown of my head in vallor.

And if then, you still mistake me, I will do it all thrice- and upon my return to the hellscape I climbed my way back from, I will have that blindfold yet, and this time, both hands bound behind my back with the vine from a burning rose bush.

With my chin pointed upward at my maker.

With a jagged smile, and recalcitrance, painted on my lips in the deepest, most violent red.

And then I will ask you again, with a laugh in my tone, if you mistake me a fourth time.

I don't see any choice I've made toward you to be a "mistake" or a "regret."

I can be like, yep, told you I wished you jumped off a bridge, made fun of you repeatedly because I think you're a joke, I got your ass printed on a coffee mug using images you posted publicly of your own accord, made you my Holloween costume and mocked you repeatedly, pretended I moved on and didn't still love my husband while he was dating you and I filled your head with negativity about him- knowing you would ruminate in it..

And then also not regret it, not see it as a mistake, and not be sorry at all about any of it.

I would do it all again, the exact same way, if given the opportunity to live my life twice.

I don't feel bad about it at all.

I apologize to people I feel I've wronged, and I directly address circumstances I feel I made a huge mistake about with anyone I feel I owe it to. I have no issue with doing that, even with people I don't particularly like, or people I have zero intention of being friends with.

I'm not sorry about anything I did to you, because you deserved it.

You deserved it then.

You deserve it now.

And you deserve any negativity the universe decides from now moving forward. It isn't really my problem what you deserve now, because I know you give yourself exactly the misery and suffering you know you deserve every single day, and nothing I do to you could be worse than what you do to yourself.

Now we can move past the silly notion that you continue this dialogue with us due to my lack of accountability.

There's the accountability.

I've been accountable and I've never hesitated to be up front about everything I've just said many times in the past.

What you want, is for me to admit I was wrong, or that I feel bad about it.

I wasn't wrong, I don't feel bad, and I would do it again.

Is there anything else you would like clarity on, while we're gathered here today?

I don't feel I could be any more consice, but you have a history of not being able to comprehend pretty simple things in the past, so I guess we'll see. I'm realizing the disconnect here is that you don't know what "accountability" means, that's a weird thing for you to be confused about.

My usernames, by the way, were simply signifying new eras.

Not meant to detract from anything I've said, as you've claimed.

Thus my handle becoming HarrowHeart during 2019.

Because my heart was harrowed.

Yeah.

It's never been an attempt at separating from my history.

So I'll return my username to my original, as a testament to that.

Your theory was incorrect.

I don't care who knows every era of my story.

Oh my god, how true is this, girly pop?

Oh my gawd, so us.

Enjoy your hotdog, Jennifer Coolidge. 🌭

At least a big ol' dog in your gob would make you shut the fuck uuuuuup, am I riiiiiight?

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." — Mary Oliver

You will never be my deadringer.

I will always be the mountain you watch, who is looking down on the turbulent storms- which you always wish you could be more like.

Hit the ground, in your failure.

You know, I owe you a great deal of credit for why nothing hurts or bothers me now.

I already had to face the things that I was most afraid of, in the years I was dealing with you.

Loss, reputation damage, rumors and vitriolic messages.

Betrayal. Insurmountable heartbreak.

Confronting death, even.

Having my trust broken, having one I loved most turn against me and hurt me.

There is nothing you can do to me, that I haven't already confronted head-on, and healed from with grace.

Nothing hurts me now.

I owe you credit for that, by all the pain you brought me, and every ounce of hurt I healed from, as it made me stronger each and every time.

I fear nothing.

Not even death can shake me.

Thank you for your history of miserable afflictions, as they created me as I am today. Every new start to the year, I say this:

"Happy New Year.

No resolutions.

I wouldn't change a thing."

And every year, that is absolutely true.

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(Reborn) Venomous Spade