Blitz Decides to reread homestuck after leaving it for some time. Will he revive his love just in time for the finale? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z.
I just want to say sorry for the failed promises ive made in relation to post expectations/releases in the past. Im dumb and I should probably wait until I can confirm with a 100% certainty before saying anything.
Oh look, im bringing this up from the dead because why not? Going to try getting pretty far during this post. Maybe even the end of act 3.
(Note: We dont get that far obviously, but that should happen in like 2-4 more posts.)
You successfully disregard the TEA SET because it's stupid and shouldn't be in a place like this. You probe further into the lab.
Good thing mom didnt/couldnt hear this.
Looks like a little girl's room. This all strikes you as a bit odd.
No time for messing around in here though.
HEEEYYY look at what we found here! Its funny looking at this after mom/roxy was mentioned in hiveswap. God i kinda feel bad for her, especially before she become responsible for Rose and all. Back then she was just a 20something with a dirnking problem.
cant relate though.
Rose: Wear the scarf. Be the Rider.
Ok, maybe you'll do a LITTLE messing around.
OH NONONONO, we are doing this properly!
http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=pony
:O
OH GOD YES! YES YES MUTINI IS HERE FINALLY! God i fucking love Mutini so much <3<3
You are suddenly feeling apprehensive about entering your father's room. With all the scamperin' around it almost slipped your mind how much you hate his hideous clowns.
No use putting it off any longer. There is only one thing left to do.
Give me a 'D'.
Give me an 'E'.
Give me an 'S'.
Give me a 'C'...
And were back to John and his deep seeded issues with his image of his father. Poor boy :(
but that can take a moment, aperently..
oh my god that little ‘ooff’ face jade has is adorable. (No im not overexagerating for effect, let me have my emotions). That might just be because of the mouth making it look like she still has a smirk.
You scamper your heart out and bump into something. You don't know why he always insists on keeping it so dark in here.
Oh look, it was one of his dumb GLOBES. These things make it awfully difficult to navigate the foyer. We get it, granddad. You like to travel around the world going on adventures and stuff!
Lousy goddamn stupid globes
He could at least keep the outdated as fuck globes in storage or something. Like half of the americas is a deformed mess on the one on the left.
GRANDPA will surely have stern words for you if he catches you without your trusty RIFLE at the ready. That's just what you need, another one of his blustering mustachioed diatribes. You are rolling your eyes in advance, getting them warmed up.
But ideally you can evade him altogether. All you have to do is get past the FIREPLACE and out the front door, and you will be scot-free.
Do you really think it would be that easy Jade? Even if hes dead, it would never be that easy.
hese are the manor's four DISTINGUISHED HOUSEGUESTS. They like to gather here by the FIREPLACE for TEA TIME. As well as pretty much all other times. It's all very mannerly and civilized.
You know exactly what's going to happen when you try to sneak by. The FIREPLACE is going to light up and your GRANDPA'S silhouette is going to appear in front of the fire to give you a good spook. He is so predictable.
I spent a moment to think if these four dolls meant anything like symbolically. Nothing (except blue lady, because fuck blue lady) at all.
WHOOPS.
You guess an encounter with him is almost certain now.
But most likely not for a while. Time to see what someone else is up to.
Oh, let's say... Dave.
Like I said, fuck the blue lady (maybe, vriska is probably responsible).
[S] Strife!!!
Well fuck nevermind. Oh well Another bit of Jade being adorable!
(Cant exactly get visuals for this, so just enjoy the flash youself. Cute animations all around.)
YES i am going out with this gun!!! no i will not go get a bigger one!!! no i will not take yours! I can't even lift it!!!!!! oh that is so preposterous. do you even hear what youre saying? i will be fine! this is a perfectly deadly gun and it shoots lots of incredibly deadly bullets! oh will you just stop it. i am going now. Goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An adorable, deadly, and sourly abandoned on an island. We dont deserve jade.
OH FUCK SHIT RIGHT. PM was nealy deaded. Good to know shes ok at least.
Aww, good station sentry! Whos a good sentry <3
Truely weve wrongly forgotten about sentry. They are a good dog.
And we come back to Rose failing to ignore the weird kitten (skipping panel) and messing with a weird arcade machine (Appearifier)
You mess with the controls...
Hey, Jaspers is alive!!!
Or, at least he was in the past. According to the time-stamp this was almost nine years ago.
You try to move the crosshairs with the joystick, but it seems to be permanently locked on a specific target. You might be able to unlock it, but you clearly don't have much time to horse around with this thing.
That probably doesnt have anything to do with anything important.
Good thing Mom is a L33T H4X0R, or Rose might have fucked this up.
You attempt to appearify Jaspers. This would surely cause a time paradox, because you can plainly see that he has not told you his SECRET yet.
But it seems the machine has a safety mechanism to prevent such irresponsible appearification practices.
Rose, why the fuck would you try to fuck up ‘THAT’ Day. Isnt that day kinda important in the long run?
The PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Jaspers appearifies instead, and quickly settles into a mound of sludge.
(Ok to be honest this is just the tutorial for ectobiology. Ill just be skipping it on here.)
A young girl, gifted with the silent hauntings of a trusted feline’s whisper, is not left with a moment before his emediate departure. He would not come back. The next she would hear of him, he would already be dead.
[S] Rose: Fast forward to now.
A quite montage of bleak times.
IT'S JASPERS. HE'S ALIVE.
Well ok, he's still dead. But his body is intact. Turns out it wasn't some kind of DISINTEGRATIFICATOR like you thought.
It's more like...
AN ESCAPILIZER.
yes an escapilizer, and not like just a teleporter or anything. That would be dumb.
Yey Jasper is finally back! Good think Mom taxidermied him.
.... She did do that right?
Good thing you finally got all this sorted out. You only have 10 seconds to spare.
Time to stash the dead cat and amscray.
Oh yeah, immediate death and destruction. That was a thing to remember happening!
You and your CERAMIC PORKHOLLOW rejoice in the mound of wealth yielded from your meteoric ascent up the ladder.
You are still not sure what all these BOONDOLLARS can actually get you. But when pulling in such insane loot hand over fist like this, who cares?
Not you.
Holy shit, Ive come back just in time to see the money raining.
Your expanded CACHE LIMIT is more than enough to accommodate the grist windfall.
You gather up 2260 pieces of BUILD GRIST, 1040 pieces of SHALE, 490 drops of TAR, and 350 drops of MERCURY.
You can't wait to find out what amazing items this new supply of grist will be just barely insufficient to produce.
Can I note that im PRETTY SURE we never actually see all types of grists available in the kids sburb session. Like we get close to it nearing the Scratch when Jade or Dave do their alchemy party (I think). I guess its either because they just never got to the endgame re-retcon, or because some of the grist types are locked in the alpha session. I GUESS???
Oh god, there's grist littered down there too. Those stupid ogres were like huge grist pinatas.
One of those big SOUR GRAPE ELECTRIC HOLOCAUST FRUIT GUSHERS is jammed in the hole in the platform. You guess there's only one way to get it.
I swear, fucking hussies “creative” gusher names.
NANNASPRITE: John, don't forget your book!
NANNASPRITE: It is your birthright! You ought to give it a read when you have a moment. Particularly the first several pages!
JOHN: ok nanna, i will.
JOHN: hey, nanna?
NANNASPRITE: Yes, dear?
JOHN: since i am trying to get up to that gate, and since you can sort of conjure floating beds and throw me around and all...
JOHN: couldn't you just throw me up to the gate?
NANNASPRITE: Yes, of course, John!
NANNASPRITE: But that would not serve your purpose well!
NANNASPRITE: There is a very good reason why you should build up to it. And then keep building!
Im guessing shes talking about feeding the genesis frog tadpole? I mean retroactively thats probably what this is meant to point at.
JOHN: oh, ok, i guess that's what i figured.
JOHN: so just one more thing...
JOHN: do you think that instead of telling me exactly why that is with a clear explanation, you can give me a series of really coy riddles about it and then sort of giggle?
To quote literally Nanna’s next line:
NANNASPRITE: John, you are a very fresh young man!
NANNASPRITE: When you pass through the first gate, everything will change. You will find the place where the constellations dance beneath the clouds. And then your true work may begin.
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!
JOHN: i suddenly understand everything!
The sarcasm, the whit, I SUDDENLY CAN UNDERSTAND THE WHISPERING CHIRPS OF THE COSMIC HORRORS!
While Nanna and John are at home yucking it up, Dad is already breaking out of jail and teaching the Derse kingdom why you shouldnt have the generic mooks watch over important VIPs.
This also makes me question what was Mr. Crockers deal post-scratch. They guy just sorta stays pacified until rescued. I mean they are different people, but I thought maybe like Grandfather like son or something? I guess he did have a kingdom of gentlemen wannabes around him.
Graveyard stuffers.
Oh hey, its everyones favorite archagent! (Not a serious claim)
Hey look were everyones favorite postalservant! (More serious of a claim)
You are flying westward in your peculiar mobile station. You have no sense of your bearings presently. The door is blocked by a metal column which extended through the entry shaft before liftoff.
What will you do?
Oh poor PM :(, shes trapped in there until the station reaches the temple.
At least she doesnt have to get there from Michigan or Texas.
This message to Dr. Brinner looks pretty serious.
Wasnt there a theory about who Dr. Brinner was? Wasnt he supposedly one of Mr. Egberts pals? I cant remember if the theory was that he was Fedora Freak or the other person. Fedora Freak does live near the Egbert house, so it might be him.
PM: Open envelope.
NEVER.
The mail is sacred, and sacred is the trust between the Post Man and the recipients of his precious parcels. You have made a solemn pledge to deliver this letter to the doctor, just as soon as you determine where this address is, or find any sort of discernible mailing address in this wasteland, for that matter. The mail is freedom. The mail is life. The mail is the very fabric of civiliz...
Wait.
Hold that thought for one moment...
I love this, so much.
PM, youre my favorite Exile. Bar-none.
The mail is the one final hope for resurrecting a dead planet from its ashes, and the letter carriers are the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade. They are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. They are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet."
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
MAIL.
God this makes me miss when the exiles talked SO FUCKING MUCH. I want more of their rants of obsession over very specific parts of civilized societal inferstructure. I want to see Blanche Noir barking a storm over the importance of a solid system of message delivery.
GIVE THIS CHESS PIECE A PILE OF MAIL. SHE DESERVES IT.
It's the terminal you used to activate the station's homing mechanism. It looks like it has now returned control to you.
The default viewport displays commands previously entered, including your last and only command "=> HOME".
Looks like whatever carapacian responsible for checking this station before launch skimped on the procedure. if I remember correctly:
Yea-Oh wait nvm, It was room 3 that was locked, not the screen. Forget I said anything.
PM: Type => VIEW
You type another one of the previously entered commands. It switches to the view of a young girl standing alone somewhere. There is a heavy amount of video interference of some sort.
The girl seems familiar to you.
Look ill be straight with you and just say I sorta lost steam on this project. I haven't lost interest in homestuck (GOD NO, NEVER AGAIN), I just sorta lost the motivation to make posts for this blog. Thus explaining why I haven't post anything in....Holy shit almost a year. O_O
I do want to come back to this SOON (as in now). If you wanna see these posts come back, just say. That’ll probably get me more stoked to start this up again.
I can guarantee at least 2 posts in the next week. Heck I might actually get past Act 3 (FINALLY).
“Sorry sir, we are dealing with some difficulties here.”
“Windows is currently having difficulties, would you like to:
Close Program
Wait to see if program responds”
“Windows Explorer has stopped working. Would you like to Close the program?”
“Im sorry but youre going to have to call back later.”
“Would you like to download Windows 10?”
[S] Dave: Abscond.
when we last left Dave:
Yep, that seems about right.
Well shit.
Ok, thats just rude!
*Skipping over the fight that I cant really comment on.*
BroStrider used Double-team.
Oh dave, if only you knew-
HES BEEN PLAYING YOU DOG!
In all seriousness, how the FUCK has noone called child services on this guy? They brawl ON THE ROOF. They’re not even on the tallest building nearby (if you use the exterior shots from act 2).
No respect, at all.
And of course, the meme everyones been waiting for:
What does?
You don't have time to humor every random thought that pops into your head. The clock is ticking.
This looks like something of importance.
Yeah, that does look super important! Too bad we wont see it until next time. ;p
Nah, im kidding. Im not going to make posts THIS SHORT a thing.
It appears to be Skaianet's primary SESSION TERMINAL, monitoring a great number of SBURB SESSIONS in the northeastern United States and parts of Canada. Upon further investigation you draw some logical conclusions.
It looks like each SESSION consists of an IP address and a physical location. The colored dots on the map appear to be METEOR IMPACT SITES. It seems each session corresponds with a meteor, but not all meteors have sessions.
The color of the dot appears to indicate the status of the meteor's descent. The red dots indicate meteors that have already landed. Yellow dots are imminent collisions. Green will impact later, and blue will take the longest to touch down.
Ok so this is a reveal in the early acts that I kinda like. Like REALLY LIKE. It shows us so fucking much within the subtext of the page itself, and what it means with previous information.
FIRST, it expands the threat of the game drastically. Beforehand, we had an idea that the meteor was called/created by the game. What we didn’t know s TO WHAT EXTENT the threat of meteors were to not just the kids, but the world in general. Here we get to see a whole another ballpark then what was suggested by the meteor of Act 1. See the entire fucking eastern united states being CARPETED by an APOCALYPTIC HELL-FIRE. This isn’t just a threat to our main characters, but establishes that we are dealing with THE END of civilization and, outside of those lucky enough to seek respite in the medium (to loosely reference a future update), the entire extinction of the human race.
SECOND, We also get to see the workings of whats to come. Not just in the first fourth of the comic, but the entire second half of it. Its obvious by the session display that Hussie and to the same extension Sburb has plans for the kids outside their four player session. Hussie probably didn’t intend what this was turned into and just, in his usual style, picked up that Chekhov Gun after he realized this project was going to be much larger. By act 5 act 2 he had turned this little fact of an 8 player session into the end goal of the comic by introducing Jake as Jade’s penpal.
Third and Finally, theres how this ties in with previous information outside of the game. This gives hint to where and when PM and WV exist within the world. It might have been a stretch to assume “they live on post-apocalypse earth” at this point, but its a cool clue to that fact. Additionally, this hints towards Mrs. Lalonde’s relationship with the Skaianet Brand and the game itself. I distinctly remember thinking that Skaianet were probably the manufacturers of the Beta, if not creators of the game itself (even though now the later is false). Additionally, this helps cement the idea that she is a employee of Skaianet. Later subtle whispers later in the comic expand upon this by suggesting she either works for and possibly is raised by Grandpa Harley, who actually owns the Skaianet Brand.
Like I said, I like this page of the comic with what it confirms, expands upon, and suggests in the future for the comic. Its a surprisingly lore intensive and I love it.
You use the panel to center on your present location and zoom in. Surrounding the lab are of course the hundreds of smaller meteors that have been raining down steadily throughout the evening. Most of these meteor(ite)s have either landed already, or will shortly.
Centered over the lab is a significantly larger imminent collision. You can't say precisely how imminent, but you could certainly take an educated stab at it.
Just southwest of the lab, centered suspiciously near the location of your house, is an even larger looming collision. Though this one appears slightly less imminent.
The terminal looks like it can monitor any meteor or session around the world. Search filters can be applied as well, restricting results based on size, time of impact, location, and so on.
Like look, the game INTENDS for no one to survive! Even the player designated meteors are larger! The game wants to make sure those little shits dont try to run away.
Also, this page confirms how the game is ACTIVELY TARGETING the players.I guess this can be considered Rose’s ‘call to adventure’ if I wanted to be unnecessarily analytical.
You zoom way out and narrow the search based on size. The two at the top of the list appear to be the biggest by far. You examine only their coordinates.
The second biggest is centered over a U.S. city. The biggest by a landslide is, luckily for the Earth you suppose, way out in the middle of the Pacific ocean.
Oh yeah, Luck you earth!
You plug the laptop into the hub again and turn it on. It is now powered and connected to the wireless signal the hub is broadcasting.
Your Sburb session reconnects.
Time to check up on John.
No sign of John here. You wonder why the house is shaking.
Last time you saw him he was on one of the roof platforms. You will have to navigate via the Sburb interface to find him.
And unknown to Rose is how how much his ass was being handed to him earlier.
John is the only one who survived the years of bitter ass famine.
[S] Rose: Ascend.
I like the oil covered version of the Sburb logo. Slightly even prefer it.
Navigation? Do I look like a sextant?
Yeah! Johns is getting a hang on the pogo combos!
*Skipping the majority of the fight, as per usual*
Heres when we first get to see the sprites ability to manifest stuff that the player owns (in some capacity). A feature kinda forgotten about until Jasperosesprite comes into the picture. Unfortunate.
Wow. That fight really got John’s blood pumping, did it?
...Come down there a little, buddy.
TT: Good work, John!
EB: oh, hey!
EB: you're back.
TT: For now. I'll have to leave again shortly.
TT: It looks like there's another large meteor headed for...
TT: My present location.
EB: oh, so you mean dave connected with you?
TT: Not yet.
TT: I'll explain later.
TT: But I think I've determined that activating the timer in the game is not directly responsible for summoning a meteor to your location.
TT: The countdown seems merely to exist as a kind of warning to the player.
TT: As well as a strange coincidence.
EB: um, ok.
EB: i don't really think i get it.
EB: is this relevant?
TT: Probably not at the moment. And certainly not to you.
TT: I have to go.
EB: ok, later!
TT: P.S. Try not to waste too much of that grist while I'm gone.
Rose. Come on. This is John we’re talking about. HE WOULD NEVER.
Damn, so close to being a Rumpus Buster John.
Ok, this is where the post actually ends. See you guys next time!
But years, not hours...
Under bare white branches a sentry wakens.
Holy shit! We get to meet the Apple Station Sentries!
(Edit: Sorry for the long wait...again)
You two get along ‘ya hear’. Youre going to need to work together now.
These guys are so cute!
No bad Sentry! Bad Sentry! You’re not the Iron Giant!
Rest in Peace Apple Sentry. 2009-2422.
Ok yeah no, im not going to react to the entire GameFAQs update. Ill just send a link for you guys to read it. Be foreworned, its John’s explanation of Punchcard Alchemy and the basic mechanics of it.
[Z001] some stuck about capturelog codes and punchard alchemy
Also, this is the page with the Punch Card Calculator!
PUNCH CARD CALCULATOR
[By Gankro]
“Meanwhile, at the legion of Doom.”
Rose: Look for mad scientists.
There are no scientists to be found, mad or otherwise. Or anyone for that matter. The lab appears to be deserted.
There is a KIOSK though.
Did Roxy/Mom have any coworkers at the Laboratory? I would imagine she wasn’t the soul employee responsible of the place. Yet again, shes repurposed the server room as her bedroom. It would be kinda awkward if someone came from SkaiaNet to see her sleeping.
It looks like the kiosk monitors the lab's enormous HUBGRID.
To bad the hubs would be useless after the apocalypse, this palce would be a perfect place to loot.
o-O
Am I the only person who has a LITTLE trouble seeing Jake in these rooms? Like I see a little of character here that makes sense for Jake (like the artifact and hunting collection), but something doesn’t exactly click here for me. Eh maybe its like with Bro where this is him left without ever being questioned and without restraint?
Especially with:
This is your grandfather's collection of what he refers to as his BEAUTIES. No lovely lady will be fit for his collection unless her portrait has spent at least 20 years bleaching in the front window of a beauty parlor, a sort of establishment he's plundered no less frequently than ancient tombs.
You guess they were sort of like your sisters while growing up, and you were always encouraged to look up to them. They are all awfully pretty ladies you suppose, but it was always hard to get as excited about them as grandpa.
"Jade, study hard and keep your rifle at the ready. When adventure summons, I know you will rise to the task and take your rightful place among the DAUGHTERS OF ECLECTICA."
That old coot sure is a bag of wind!
EH Alternate Selves, what can you do?
AAAAHHH, KILL IT WITH FIRE.
No, not normal fire you dolt! It has to be the cleansing fires of THE FORGE!
Purrfect!
(Warning: Bad Flashing Image! Ill totally remove/replace if requested.)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
AHH FUCK. Who would have thought trying to kill a godly entity with a volcano would be a bad idea?!
You reach the ground level. This is the stupid thing blocking the transportalizer. It is unspeakably hideous.
Down the southeast hall is the GRAND FOYER. You'll have to cross through it to leave the house.
I kinda wish we got to see more of Jade’s house. Like the full 9 yards. Maybe do something with it. Its so massive you can probably have an entire subplot/adventure with a consort getting lost in it.
.......That actually would be a fun fanventure.
Looks like someone's pestering you.
Even though you thought you logged off... ?
Oh? Who could it be? :O
God dammit.
Say Hi to Karkat everyone!
CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT.
GG: oh nooooooo
CG: SO I GUESS TODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP.
GG: >:O
CG: IS THERE NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?
GG: you can leave me alone!!!!!
GG: how can you even be talking to me after i blocked you....
GG: AND after i logged out????
CG: YOU DON'T GET THAT I AM BETTER AND SMARTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY, FOREVER.
CG: YOU DON'T GET THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE INCREDIBLY STUPID.
GG: i get that youre a jerk and you should shut up!
GG: goodbye you jerk!!!!!!!!!
gardenGnostic [GG] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 13:06
Truely Karkat, you are amazing with first introductions/impressions.
A steaming loaf of charisma, truely.
Looks like a mapping of each hub's index.
It appears one of the hubs was recently unlocked.
OOOO, someones going to get fired!
At the center, you find a little stage that looks perfect for supporting a spectacularly silly dance. Or it would if standing on it didn't make you a little nervous, and also if that didn't sound like a retarded idea given the circumstances.
It looks sort of like the various contraptions you've been deploying in John's house. You wonder what it does?
Maybe....Skaianet is invovled with the game!?! OOO
Nah, thats a stupid Idea.
And the cogs of causality are already turning.
Great, you just vaporized your dead cat. Oh well. Ashes to ashes you guess.
There's got to be a better way to deal with this lousy tree.
Rose never upgraded her Sylladex later in the story, did she? I mean, I dont remember there being a Sash upgrade that lets them ignore the Sylladex system? At least one the betas got (Excluding maybe Jade).
Looks like you can choose between picking leaves, or awkwardly uprooting the whole tree, as you've been doing.
You select LEAF. You also turn off AUTO-BALANCE, since its consequences can be a little mystifying sometimes.
I think the Tree Modus/Tree Data Structure has to be my favorite of the Beta kid’s Modi. Its not needlessly complicated like Hash, wont kill you like Fetch, and isn’t insanely broken like Pictionary.
As long as you're going to plug in your computer, you might as well find that hub.
Here it is. HUB SN_LAB0413. It is unlocked, and thus removable from the grid.
You suspect this was the same beacon transmitting the unsecured signal you were using earlier.
As a purely hypothetical idea: What if the different hubs represented the number of sessions the Pre-scratch universe created? The 413 hub simply being the one that coincides with our beta kids.
If thats the case then what about the instance of this lab in Post-Scratch? Maybe those are simply duplicates of these ones and thus still represent the beta sessions, since there can only be a single session in the alpha universe.
You pick the LAPTOP leaf from the tree.
Rose its Act 3, its not time to start pulling weird implementations of the Sylladex. You can do the weird Void/Light stuff in Act 5.
You plug your LAPTOP into the HUB, then captchalogue the HUB and then the LAPTOP.
There must be a better place around here to set up your computer. This huge grid of electronics is sort of uninviting. You look around.
Hey, what's that?
????????????????
This feels weirdly like foreshadowing to the second half of Homestuck, when Roxy starts doing weird stuff with her sylladex too.
It's another one of these ominous countdowns. You didn't notice it when you first entered the lab about a minute ago. It looks like this one may have been ticking for years.
Whatever it's ticking down to, there isn't much time. You can only hope that when you turn on your computer again, there will be a connection invitation from one Mr. Strider.
The best way to instantly add tension to a scene:
Add an ominous countdown timer. It doesn’t matter whats happening.
Still Jade, but this time with more AUGMENTED REALITY.
TG: hey
TG: oh
TG: youre asleep again arent you
TG: or do you even know if you are
TG: i still dont know how that works
TG: its like nothing means anything
TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time
TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage
Trusting Dave Elizabeth Strider anyone? Its kinda nice to see him trust Jade enough to even vaguely suggest her weird tales are true.
TG: assitant director of chumpography
TG: celebrated author ernest chumpingway
TG: wait weak
TG: chumpelstiltskin
TG: uh
TG: chumpeldipshit
TG: yeah
TG: youre asleep y/n?
TG: a/s/l?
TG: s = species
TG: baboon?
TG: kangaroo rat?
TG: if kangaroo rat yiff twice plz
Not even a minute in and already with the furry jokes. Dave doesn’t have time for bloated nonsense and goes straight to whats important. Truely.
TG: ok well youre not saying anything so i guess whether youre nonawake or unasleep or whatever youre just not around and im wasting good material
TG: even worse im wasting a killer fursona here
TG: like
TG: i dont know like a wide open v shaped leotard and a fuck ton of body paint
TG: some like sinewy back arching cirque du soleil looking motherfucker
Ok fuck me Hussie, that has to be a fucking accident. UGH.
I had to google Cirque du soleil, and guess what. Their fucking icon is of the Sun of May or at least something close to it. I swear to fucking god if this is unintentional foreshadowing to yaldabaoth (which is the gnostic false god with a sun face and lion body and caliborn’s denizen) im going to scream.
TG: always low to the ground gettin a good prowl on
TG: like i dropped my keys in the dark
TG: nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face
TG: for a reason that wasnt a joke
TG: jade hey
TG: where are you
TG: seriously im sitting here tonight with a fucking bag of kibble jacked open on my lap and primed for goddamn bear
TG: and youre gone
TG: btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk
TG: hardest buttock in the jungle
TG: tempered steel
“It all comes together”
TG: hey yeah just wanted to give you this remix i finished
TG: here
turntechGodhead [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] file "explore remix.mp3"
TG: so yeah
TG: you dont have to respond to any of that btw
TG: ill probably forget half the shit i said anyway
TG: talk to you tomorrow
All I can say is Dave is no doubt talented in remixing. I sorta wish we got more music confirmed to have been made by him during the 3 year wait.
[S] Jade: Open FreshJamz!
Ok well...hes gotten better than he was. Its cool how even this early hes showing progress in universe from before the comic.
Also holy shit! I just noticed the Showtime Remix here even shows JOHN getting better. If you listen to it, you can hear John making little mistakes with his keys. Hes improved so much! Thats amazing. Fuck I love hearing them progress musically!
One second while I die.
You open your web browser and visit MSPA.
You navigate to a random page in the middle of the latest epic.
Looks like he was just finishing up some sort of weird tangential intermission here. Whatever it was, it clearly advanced the plot in no relevant way whatsoever.
Huh, I guess Blood Spades finally finished since we visited the site with Dave. It was luckier than in our world where it never say the light of day. (If you’re unaware of Blood Spades, it was another idea for a post-problem slueth comic based around the midnight crew. All it got was a single page that you cant get unless you put in the url. Im pretty sure you can find more about it on the MSPAwikia).
Wait PFFF im stupid. That was just the intermission.
[S] MIDNIGHT CREW: ACT 1031
Ive always weirdly loved this flash. It amounts to nothing but I still adore it.
Echidna sorta seems a little too...bare bones to me. Specialized holographic screens notwithstanding.
GG: hi dave!!
TG: hey sup
GG: not much sup with you!!
GG: bro! hehehe
TG: haha
TG: good one
TG: s'alright being chill i guess you know how it goes
GG: great! feeling cool today?
GG: mr cool guy?
TG: oh man you know it
Im dieing to read Dave with his accent again.
TG: you know shit is ice cold up in here
TG: shit is wicked bananas i am telling you
GG: :D
GG: so have you talked to john today???
TG: yeah we were just talking a while ago about how he sucks at his sylladex
TG: can you believe he uses stack that kid is ridiculous
GG: lol
GG: well that doesnt sound like much fun!
...Fuck me that was 6 months ago. Huh, Ive taken my sweet old time so far.
TG: what was it you use again...
TG: wait nm
TG: i forgot whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane. what do you want with john
GG: :)
GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package!
TG: oh yeah
TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet
GG: i think it did!
TG: yeah?
GG: and i think mine came too
TG: so uh
TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something?
GG: no!!!!!!!
GG: he will not open it
GG: he will lose it!!!
Dave forgot who hes talking to, the most Cagey person on this side of the scratch (outside of John, but thats a pun of its own).
TG: oh
TG: uh
TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess?
GG: no its good actually!
GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it
GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place!
TG: see like
TG: i never get how you know these things
GG: i dont know
GG: i just know that i know!
TG: hmm alright
GG: anyway i have to go!
GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking
TG: man
TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off
Fuck, a little morbid Dave.
Also:
GG: heheheh!
GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!!
TG: yeah
Same goes to you Jade.
TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
GG: ._.
GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
GG: it is usually........
GG: intense!!!
TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
TG: but he sounds like a total badass
GG: yeah he totally is!!!
UGH PRE ABUSE-AWARE DAVE KILLS ME.
GG: anyway gotta go!
TG: see ya
GG: <3
Another nice conversation before Daves strifes with bro in the future.
[S] Dave: STRIFE.
!!ROUND 1!!
Dave is ready to use the full raoster of basic strife commands. Well, half if they are colorcoded with all the human kids.
Except Dir-BRO isn’t having any of that.
Then what follows...
Is amazing, if not a little sad in hindsight.
Remember when this wasn’t evidence for an extreme case of child abuse? Or at least, not taken seriously as such.
Times change, and I love it all the same. XD (Please dont take this out of context, I dont support CA).
TT: I require a font of frighteningly accurate yet infuriatingly nonspecific information.
TT: Do you know where I can find a wellspring of this sort?
GG: hahaha yes ok but we cant talk for long!!!
Congratulations Rose, you just explained every conversation with Jade in a nutshell.
TT: You have plans?
GG: well yes i do but its just that you will lose your internet connection soon!!!!!
GG: and we wont talk again for a pretty long time
GG: not until you enter!
TT: Enter?
GG: yeah!
TT: This is what I was talking about.
TT: This was the itch that needed scratching.
TT: My avarice for the inscrutable. It is limitless.
Do I have to even explain why I like Rose so much? This conversation is doing pretty well at doing that itself.
GG: lol what did you want to know?
TT: You've been insisting today was the big day.
TT: We would all play a game you didn't know the name of.
TT: A game you said I'd get in the mail, and did.
TT: One that would help me answer some questions.
TT: But Strider is being obtuse, I can't catch John at his computer, you don't even have the game yourself, and on top of all that, my internet is unstable.
TT: So are you sure today is the day?
Rose unfortunately doesn’t realize shes in the “Call to Adventure” part of the comic. Where the heroes are made and the conflicts arise.
GG: there sure are a lot of challenges but yes i am sure!!
GG: dave is cool, you know he will come around when the time is right
GG: he just has a lot of work to do first
GG: and so do you!
GG: youll need to keep searching for a stable signal and power source, it will be hard but dont give up!!!
GG: and dont worry about me either, focus on playing with john first
GG: it all starts with you two!
I love seeing the soothsayer part of Jade’s story. It reminds me why I loved the Inverse Theory so much.
TT: Is there nothing else you can say to prepare me for this?
TT: I'm sure you think little of blithely upsetting dark forces with Grandpa Moreau over there on Hellmurder Island, but honestly I've only read a few books on it.
GG: haha dark? thats ridiculous!
GG: i dont really know what to tell you other than its not going to be what you think it is
GG: and most importantly you will have your questions answered, but they will be the ones you havent thought to ask yet!
GG: just be patient and be brave youll see
GG: it will be fun!!!!!!
GG: uh oh looks like youve got to go
GG: take care rose! <3<3<3
Im not sure if I should take this as a nice sweet moment showing that Jade cares about Rose, or as a kinda bittersweet note because Jade’s inadvertently distancing herself from her friends.
You are now the other girl several hours in the future.
It appears a secret passage in the mausoleum has been opened.
It's getting awfully toasty in here. You gather up your belongings, including your dead cat.
Holy shit theres embers blowing in with her. Thank the gods Mom was in the house to tap the code in!
Im so fucking happy Rose isn’t on LOLAR yet, because this hall is a fucking nightmare on the eyes when she is.
You've spent enough time for now concerning yourself with the future of your friends.
John will not be available until later. By then he will have his hands full, as will you.
Im just waiting for Jade to eventually catch up to everyone else on the timeline. Shes still a few hours in the past if im not mistaken.
You pack up your LUNCHTOP and get ready to take care of some business downstairs.
[S] Jade: Descend
Huh ok, I sorta dont remember this flash??
*Quizzically clicks the arrow*
OH SHIT! Wait what???
I though the fight started on Rose: Ascend?????? Have I been dead wrong this whole time? XD
Ok, John’s Bouncing back and forth doesn’t really translate well in still images.
(Oh and just to clarify, I always watch the flash first. Then I recreate my response during said flash within the posts.) <== Unnecessary Transparency
Activate Ability: Concussionary Confectionery
or or
Activate Ability: Bane of Boucuse’s Nouvelle
This kids is why you dont run at someone whos swinging.
You'll get ‘Sassacred’.
Yeah and this is sort of when things fall apart for John.
Johns really going on a ride. Too bad the Ogres SWING that way. ;D
Ok that was a terrible pun, I apologize.
Good old Nanna is too the rescue.
Good thing John has Nanna as his sprite. He was almost KO’d there.
And he just goes right back into the fight.
See you guys NEXT TIME ON BLITZ REREADS HOMESTUCK!
These things are stupid and useless!
When the MAGIC 8 BALL isn't being frustratingly ambiguous, its forecast is always wrong! You have tested it numerous times with certain facts you know to be true. This is its reply when you ask if it is your friend John's birthday today. See? Stupid!
You guess maybe it could be used as a reverse-prediction device, and always trust the opposite of what it says. But that seems dumb to you. And anyway, the thing gives you a bad vibe. You might consider smashing it, but you are a little superstitious about whatever ominous consequences that might have, even if the occult talisman in question is a cheap piece of garbage.
I mean, its not WRONG. Im pretty sure Hussie didn’t make act 1 and 2 in one day. The guy was quick back then, but not THAT quick.
The MAGIC CUE BALL on the other hand is said to make predictions with alarming precision and specificity. Unfortunately it lacks a portal on its surface that allows you to view the prediction.
You put both of these pieces of junk back in the box.
Just give me the Seer of Light Au already.
Can we point out that Jade has part of Doc Scratch right there. Like theres never not been a cue ball that wasn’t a void in the old guys omniscience.
I wish the old coot returned in some way. It would have been interesting.
Before you go out to feed BEC, you will need to prepare a meal for him.
You clear some space on your work table so you can set up your REFRIGERATOR and COOKALIZER.
Just for fun, Jade allows you to take a stab at matching the cards to use the gizmos. It doesn't present much of a challenge for her, so she figures she might as well step aside, while providing a few generous hints.
No, no... warmer. Warmer. Cooler. Cooler.
COLD.
Warmer...
Yes. NO. Cold. ICE COLD.
Warmer. Warmer...
I dont know about you guys, but the little jade at the bottom is really adorable.
Congratulations, you advance your matching skill to the new level: YUKON HERO: LEGACY OF THE FROSTBITE AMPUTEE.
Jade is beginning to regret breaking the fourth wall for this ill advised escapade.
And Jade’s Sass has also reached the next level: Proclaimed Sassassin: Infamy of the lackadaisical comedian.
“Fuck this shit. Im out!”
If it were known in advance how terrible you were going to be at this matching game, the author may have given second thought to preparing this cool interactive Flash application.
Look at all these fruits on the loose. Good luck trying to settle them down.
This reminds me of a special moment in Act 6:
Like Father like Daughter like Mother like son.
Add this to the “things you didn’t realize were self referential” list.
You take a look at the REFRIGERATOR'S rotary interface. You wonder what he is in the mood for today?
I would find it interesting if all the stuff Mr. Harley designed was a cross between Advanced and old Fashion in functionality. An advanced mirospace refrigerator that operates with a rotary dial for example.
Ok, well it's a rotary dial so there are no buttons to press, but whatever that doesn't really matter.
You dial up a thick T-BONE STEAK, which you are sure Becquerel is in the mood for because he is in the mood for steak every day and is never in the mood for anything else.
But he does like his steak well cooked.
Mickey: Oh boy.
I find it unsettling how ill proportioned this dial is. Also the fact that the green expands out to half of “cook” fuels the same response.
He does prefer his steak rare after all.
Ha
You wouldn't exactly call it an atomic bass, but it is heavily customized to accommodate a high level of musical virtuosity, the perfect instrument for the eclectically spirited.
You've tuned the strings way down of course because your stumpy arms can't reach the low notes.
Now this makes me want older Jade to make some electronic jams. Imagine Jade exploiting her semi-sprite/dreamself existence by summoning some extra arms and absolutely SHREDDING. I WANT THIS NOW.
You switch your ECLECTIC BASS to its advanced setting.
But you promptly switch it back, since obviously it's too complicated to play it in person like this. The default setting is your preferred mode for casual jamming.
And since you can't possibly waste enough time playing music, casually jam is exactly what you're gonna do.
This is what im TALKING ABOUT. She needs at minimum 6 arms.
[S] Jade: Play a hauntingly relaxing bassline.
I kinda wish the haunting music motif came back at some point. Would be a cool throwback. OH WELL, I CAN DREAM.
You like to make yourself comfy in your plushy pile before getting down to business with your computer.
Abso-fucking-lutely Adorable.
You greet John but he does not respond. He is undoubtedly gallivanting around his house in a state of barely restrained birthday mirth. He may also be retrieving the two packages and the two envelopes which you are certain came in the mail for him earlier.
You will wait a little while and see if he returns before you head out.
Another eh thing about later in the comic is that it goes pretty...straight forward with its timeline. No dumb “initiating the conversation that happened 2 acts ago” stuff. Act 6 needed more of that.
You are an avid follower of CARTOON SHOWS OF CONSIDERABLE NOSTALGIC APPEAL. You have a profound zeal for marvelous and fantastical FAUNA OF AN ANTHROPOMORPHOLOGICAL PERSUASION. You have an uncanny knack for NUCLEAR PHYSICS, and not infrequently can be found dabbling in RATHER ADVANCED GADGETRY. You enjoy sporadic fits of NARCOLEPSY; your love of GARDENING transcends the glass confines of your ATRIUM; and you are at times prone to patterns of PRECOGNITIVE PROGNOSTICATION.
You consider very briefly the question: What will you do?
But you quickly realize this is only one half of your room, and is therefore host to only half of your INTERESTS to choose from.
Jade’s opening kinda makes me wish she wasn’t shafted plot wise. Like aside from grimbark and introducing the new timeline, she didn’t get much screentime or love in Act 6. Oh well, stuff like that can be changed. ;v
Over here there are yet more articles of your aforementioned INTERESTS, and then some.
Additional telltale signs of your enthusiasm for NOSTALGIC TELEVISION mingle with your assortment of GAME HUNTING FIREARMS. You are a SKILLED MARKSWOMAN, though your cross-hairs would never settle on an innocent creature, ANTHROPOMORPHICALLY PERSUADED OR OTHERWISE.
What if Jade spend some time hunting and improving her shot during her three year excursion on the ship? Like ok we never saw wildlife on the Lands aside from the “familiars”/fireflies/hummingbirds. Heck I would assume some of the denizens would still be pumping out the underlings, or whoever make the underlings.
To think of it, that was something not elaborated on. It was suggested that Typheus was making the underlings on LOWAS, but then we saw them aiding the Black Kingdom in Act 3. Does Echidna, Hephaestus, and Cetus also make underlings? It might have just been a lore thing and the game itself just spawns them. I dont know.
You are a great admirer of his, and you are not alone. Your grandfather is a WORLD RENOWNED EXPLORER-NATURALIST-TREASURE HUNTER-ARCHEOLOGIST-SCIENTIST-ADVENTURER-BIG GAME HUNTER-BILLIONAIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE. He has taught you everything you know.
But in spite of all his lessons, it is still difficult to escape his stern lectures when you are on the way out of the house to run your errands. He spends most of his time in the GRAND FOYER, stewing in his own intensity and charisma.
Im sorry Mister Harley, but you are OVERQUALIFIED for the position. We ask that you leave the premises. Oh im sorry, “CONSTABLE” Harley.
And today will likely be no exception. Among the errands you have planned is to venture out to find your pet and best friend named BECQUEREL. This animal must be fed and he will not be happy if he is not. And if he is not happy then you will not be happy.
But first you really should dig out your COMPUTER and say hi to John!
NOW...
What will you do?
So im guessing this was around the time Hussie was about 80% done with taking audience commands. That was sort of a clunky transition.
You may contemplate which shirt design you favor the most and commit to that setting in the near future.
Vote now kids!
Just before you can grab one, the powerful ELECTROMAGNETS concealed in their underbellies become activated, and two of them get all tangled up with each other playfully.
Huh, so thats why they stopped selling these things? Im suprised Hussies cross commercial deal with Squiddles LLC let him make this joke! I dont know, maybe they see that as part of their past. I MEAN COMPANIES ARE KNOWN FOR BEING CONSUMER FRIENDLY AND HAVING A SENSE OF HUMOR.
Jade: Lose interest in fauna and never speak of it again.
Oh, but you could NEVER do that.
What marvelous creatures they are. What a daring dream, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with the elegance and nobility of the animal kingdom. How you wish you could know their world. To hear one night those muted pawpads traipse up your stairs. A low but friendly growl unsettles your slumber, and as the sopor seeps from your eyes they detect a sharp pair of ears cutting moonlight. A mysterious wolven tongue invites. Wouldn't these ears suit you? Would not this proud long snout assist you in the hunt?
No need to answer. Words slough from the busy mind like a useless dead membrane as a more visceral sapience takes over. Something simpler is in charge now, a force untouched by the concerns and burdens of the upright, that farcical yoke the bipedal tow. It now drives you through the midnight brush, your paws whisking through creepers, unearthing with each bold stomp bright odors demanding investigation. But not for long, as you and your new friend must claim the night with piercing howls moonward.
You eat a weird bug and don't even care.
You do you Jade, you do you!
Speaking of which, you pick up and admire one of your MANTHRO CHAPS. They are wonderful friends and are always cheerful and pleasant fellows.
Why dear Mr. Coxcomb, how ever will you be received at the BARNYARD GALA without the trappings of a proper gentleman?
Each MANTHRO CHAP comes with a number of accessories, including articles of FORMAL ATTIRE, a VACCINATION KIT, and a DISHWASHER-SAFE SLOP TROUGH.
Ok all I can say is that these things look like a 50s-90s toy monstrosities.
You gather all your dolls into a rather cozy looking pile.
It would probably hurt if you jumped into that pile of plush, magnets, and accessories.
Yet....the pile.
It beckons for you.
You deactivate the WARDROBIFIER'S randomization mode and set it to cycle through these three shirt designs.
The decision was tough, but you think you came to the best possible conclusion.
Oh shit, I forgot there actually was a vote for her shirt options.
It is another beautiful day in your neighborhood. It is peaceful and quiet as usual. A rather imposing VOLCANO looms over your house, which has been inactive for centuries.
Though dormant on the surface, the volcanic activity deep underground provides your house with a source of GEOTHERMAL POWER. You are not sure why your grandfather decided to draw from this source of energy when he had the UNLIMITED POWER OF THE ATOM at his disposal. But it has been this way for as long as you can remember.
You have chalked it up to your family's longstanding propensity for eclectic fursuits wait you mean pursuits.
Im guessing it cost less the maintain a geothermal plant than Nuclear one. I mean if one fails it just melts, but if the other fails it explodes.
What is this nonsense about fursuits!!! You do not own a fursuit. You think ANTHROPOMORPHIC FAUNA are really cute and enchanting and all, but it has never occurred to you to dress as one. Sure, it is fun to imagine what it would be like to run wild with a pack of wolves, or purr and frolic with a litter of kittens, but dressing up as an animal just seems ridiculous. It would still just be a silly girl draped in a raggedy synthetic tufty piece of crap, and seriously who are you trying to kid with that sort of baloney!
Anyway it is not a MAGIC CHEST, it it your GADGET CHEST, which you have adapted for storing a number of USEFUL GIZMOS. It was once your ORACLE'S TRUNK, a gift from your grandfather of course, and still contains many silly FORTUNE TELLING KNICKKNACKS, all of which are completely bogus.
Hmm. This does seem like a weird thing to come out of someone who just blanked/went numb while thinking about anthropomorphic creatures. Maybe she just does see the appeal of fursuits.
Well doesn’t matter, cause shes getting the full thing later in the story.
Among the FORTUNE TELLING KNICKKNACKS are these items: a CRYSTAL BALL plus compulsory VELVET PILLOW, a TAROT DECK, a MAGIC 8 BALL, a MAGIC CUE BALL, and one of your favorite books of all time, PROBLEM SOOTH.
Among the USEFUL GIZMOS are of course your COMPUTER, which you keep inside a FUN LUNCHBOX for easy transport, and a couple of gizmos you keep handy so you don't always have to make the long trip to the kitchen. There is a COOKALIZER for preparing delicious meals, and a REFRIGERATOR, a name which clearly is a wacky variation on the much more common household item, the REFRIGIFYIFICATOR.
I kinda want to read Problem Sooth. See the tales of a soothsayer trying to escape the confines of a reality that avoids his clairvoyance.
See you guys NEXT TIME ON BLITZ REREADS HOMESTUCK!
You are no doubt reading this as a handsome and strapping young man! Why, the mangrit needed to lift the book is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of Sassacre's time-tested mischief. I am so proud of you, grandson!
How I wish I could have delivered this heirloom to you in the flesh. But I am afraid it wasn't in the cards! For you see, John, like you, this book must yet take a journey! Its journey will end on the Final Day of my life, and even then will continue some. Though I suppose that will be up to yourFather. Perhaps he will discuss it with you one day, when he and you are ready.
But it is your journey I am writing about to wish you luck! There will come a day when you will be thrust into another world. And once you arrive, that is only the beginning! You will soon delve even deeper into a realm ofWarring Royalty in a Timeless Expanse. A realm of Agents and Exiles andConsorts and Kernelsprites. Of toiling Underlings and slumbering Denizens. A realm where four will gather, the Heir of Breath and Seer of Light, theKnight of Time and Witch of Space, and together they will Ascend.
John, if only you knew how important you were! I regret my passing came so early in your life. And yet I feel in my heart we have already met. But what I know for sure is that we will meet again!
Until then, John, I do hope your Father keeps you well fed!
Oh the confusion this page caused. ‘How the fuck does she know about this stuff? What is she talking about? Is Jade the Seer of Light??’
I love Nanna and her antics!
A silly girl naps by her flowers. It is quite likely that she tired herself out with a variety of silly antics, as silly girls are often known to do. She may have a silly name too. Or maybe not. It is hard to say for sure without asking her.
But since she's slumbering peacefully, it would be a shame to wake her up. You might as well just give her a name right now.
Aww, but its rude to name someone when they cant do a disgruntled rebuttal.
Uh...
I guess...
I guess her name is Farmstink.
It would be funny if I played Madlibs with Jade’s so she IS named Farmstink.
You try to roust Farmstink from her slumber, but she is really down for the count!
It looks like she is holding some sort of NOTE.
Let Farmstink sleep! >:[
What pumpkin?
You see no pumpkin, and frankly it is hard to imagine there ever was a pumpkin, in plain sight or otherwise.
Anyway, that would be a really terrible thing to do to poor, sweet Farmstink.
I hope WV is hungry, cause hes about to get a fresh gourd.
I agree Farmstink, incredibly silly!
Ill be honest. For the kid I tend to have the most mixed feelings about, Jade can be very unintentionally adorable.
Fun fact: Apparently yellow eggplants are a thing that actually exists. Some variants turn yellow when the seeds have matured/the eggplant has ripened. The ones in the background made me curious. The more you know.
Your name is JADE. You have just woken from a restful nap, and as usual, you have no recollection of having fallen asleep. You have quite a number of INTERESTS. So many in fact, you have trouble keeping track of them all, even with an assortment of COLORFUL REMINDERS on your fingers to help you sort out everything on your mind. Nevertheless, when you spend time in your GARDEN ATRIUM, the only thing on your mind is your deep passion for HORTICULTURE.
What will you do?
Hmm. Jade can really use Dave’s cement blocks in here. They would probably hold up her gardens a bit better than a lot of clay pots. Eh ideas for a roommate AU i guess.
Jade’s introduction kinda reminds me of how hussie managed to work with characters with really simple personality types. Audience Puppet ,Cool Kid, Energetic Scamp, and .....
Ok I dont know what archetype Rose fits into. What im trying to say is he did great at making these characters into believable kids! Flaws and all.
[S] Jade: Play a silly flute refrain.
Ok im not going to screencap this one, but I recommend you have fun with this. All the cute little animations for jade and how theres one for all of the normal sized keys is just amazing! uwu
Wow, you really suck at this thing!
Maybe you should try playing an instrument you actually know how to play instead, like the one in your bedroom. Honestly you have no idea where this flute even came from. Things seem to appear and disappear around here all the time. Especially, to your unending chagrin, any sort of large orange gourd that might be lying around.
You consider throwing the flute down in disgust.
Dont be like that Jade! It was really cute.
On second thought, it was a perfectly nice flute and there is no reason to take your frustration out on it. You just need some practice.
But before you captchalogue the FLUTE you will need to set your FETCH MODUS first!
Wait. So does the Modus system still capturlogue your items even if you dont have one equipped? Does it drop it after it failed to register an acceptable modus or does it put on standby? Also I like how the whole system is apparently has a default red color to compliment the Strife Specibus’ default green color. Unless it means nothing, which is probably whats actually going on here.
I love color symmetry.
[rollover above with mouse]
You have a wide variety of FETCH MODI to choose from. You were really excited when your GRANDPA bought you this MODUS SET for Christmas. He is a total badass, even if a little strict.
You typically opt for the MEMORY MODUS when it comes to matters of day-to-day practicality.
These all would probably cool to have as physical ARG games, but horrendous to actually use (except for pictionary, the most overpowered modus). What kinda fresh hell would it be to use the MONOPOLY modus???
You set your modus to MEMORY, and captchalogue the FLUTE. You allot 9 cards to the modus from your deck, since that will be more than enough for your needs at the moment. The modus grabs 9 more cards for matching purposes.
The FLUTE is split up on two blank cards, and mixed randomly into the grid. To retrieve the item you must first pick one card, and then pick its matching card.
For the typical sylladexer this modus presents a frustrating guessing game and a lot of wasted time on mismatching. But you like it because you seem to have a knack for always guessing right on the first try!
Allotting only part of your deck to a modus sounds weird and like a 1.01 update. Imagine if your richer and have a hefty 50 card deck. That would be horrible.
I dont know, maybe Heinousbro would have more foresight than most modern game developers.
This seems like a very “Someone whos not into homestuck, try to describe whats happening here.” panel.
Apparently those weren’t yellow eggplants....they were young squash.
You tend to have a lot of things on your mind at once, and you can be a little forgetful. So you keep a variety of COLORED STRINGS on your fingers as reminders. Each one means there is something different to remember at a certain time.
In fact, looking at your index finger reminds you that there is something important to remember now! It is your friend John's birthday. The green string reminds you that John's birthday package will arrive today. The blue string ALSO reminds you that John's birthday package will arrive today, though in a way that means something slightly different.
You are further reminded that you have some things to do outside your house soon. But you should stop by your room first for some supplies, and most importantly, to see if John is online and wish him a happy birthday!
Im happy young Jade managed to find a way to organize and remember her responsibilities. Her Grandpa doesn’t seem one to have an organizer. Especially on both ends of the scratch.
Also Im im probably going to skip conversations we’ve seen before. Probably do the “We’ve already seen this conversation.” message like Hussie does in Act 5.
Ok now I HAVE TO point this out:
This room previously was sealed off. Hussie forgot to put in the other stuff until now.
You make your way to the middle of the GARDEN ATRIUM, where a stairwell joins the four ATRIUM WINGS.
Upstairs is your grandfather's LABORATORY as well as your BEDROOM.
Another undocumented retcon smudge.
Your MEMORY modus is hardly any fun without much stuff in it, so you decide to stock up on fresh produce to fill some more cards.
You pick a juicy red CRAB APPLE.
Here comes the fruit buddies!
You go pick a nice looking KEY LIME.
Then a delicious MANDARIN ORANGE. Those are your favorite.
And finally a ripe yellow EUREKA LEMON.
You almost never use the stairs.
Ollies Outies.
You TRANSPORTALIZE upstairs. Just above is your room.
You enter your bedroom. On this side of the room you are immediately confronted with numerous artifacts highlighting your various INTERESTS.
Lets leave Jade’s Interests for the next Post.
As Always SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIME ON BLITZ REREADS HOMESTUCK.
I dont have much to say about Act 2 at the moment. It of course is better than Act 1 story and development wise. It also introduced WV, the favorite exile of like 60 percent of the past and current fandom.
It definitely took longer than I expected to read.
Lets finish Act 2 with WV: Ascend! The flash where we figure out what the exile station was counting down to and get a sneak peek at Jade’s Island.
We haven’t gotten to that part yet, but It turns out some buildings survived the world eclipsing explosion that Becquerel causes. Good for them!
Alright. Lets talk Exile Stations. I was confused about them until we were somewhere in Act 6′s update schedule. So I just want to talk about them to solidify the idea. We know that the station will take the appearance of the player’s entry item where they landed. For example WV’s station is where Rose’s house was and as suck is shaped like a bottle.
PM’s is shaped like an Apple because it is where John’s house was and so on. Afterwards it is taken up by the Exile associated with that player’s client player. So WV is John’s exile and goes into Rose’s Exile Station. Eventually the stations begin to in some way head towards the Frog Temple so that the Exiles can meet. I would assume that is when they’re suppose to begin building a new civilization from the ashes of the old world. Unfortunately that never happens to Earth.
I like to think/am unsure if it was confirmed canon, that the reason John’s house is on top of a pillar was so the artificial tree is able to properly grow within the ground to create the Apple Exile Station.
PM is confirmed to have just gotten to the station when the mayor is flying by on his. What was she doing all this time? Well I guess collecting mailboxes form ruins.
To bad we dont get to meet the Station Sentries yet. :(
Turns out the volcano is SUPER OLD. I know most volcanoes are, but with it being on a secluded Island you would think it would be relatively fresh.
Imagine if the temple was not the source of the game code like it is in canon. Like its some afterthought location sent to the dead Island as some oasis for new life. The exiles go there to build their civilization around it and whatnot.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL OUT HERE ROSE?
Nice youth jumps.
This scene is one of the sticking points to the theory(es) that the Guardians in some way know about the game or vaguely remember their lives from the other side of the scratch. Rose’s mom is an assumed employee of Skaianet and helps her daughter escape into the secret Skaianet base. She possibly knows her place as the guardian in the game.
Dad probably not so much. He shows not understanding of the game in any way and well...
JUST MAKE UP FOR IT BY BEING BADASS. In reality if the aware guardian theory is true, Dad in both versions of the universe is exempt because he is a purely biologically born human. So he has no reason to have memories to someone who isn’t even him post-scratch.
Meanwhile Dave is ready to finally finish this drawn out fight with his brother. Its time to kick his ass and get that game.
Bro also has some sort of idea of the game too. Though he is a confirmed abusive piece of shit, the only thing that explains his want to train Dave is that he somehow remembers or holds understanding that the game exists and that he needs to train his son to fight for his life.
Meanwhile year in the future, WV is wondering ‘Where am I?”
Well then. We are finally finished with Act 2. They only get longer from here too!
Well all I can say is SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIME ON BLITZ REREADS HOMESTUCK!
The door shuts behind you. A panel on the door becomes illuminated.
As you ponder over the marks on the panel, you hear another mechanical sound overhead.
I was going to make a gameshow joke here, but then I was reminded that the MONTY HALL problem exists and I became physically Ill. So Ill refrain from doing that.
“Its been a long time. How have you been?”
The LCD PANEL appears to have a touchscreen interface.
"Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen."
I cannot remember if we were ever actually shown the third room. Oh wait, yes we were. It was the one SS used to teleport to the troll session and complete the BEST FUCKING TIMELOOP IN THE FUCKING STORY.
Not to bring the hate train into this, but thats really what Act 6 was missing: A well designed timeloop that was the cause and result of the entire plot of the comic up to the end. That would have made things SO MUCH BETTER.
The floor rotates a full 360 degrees beneath you, while the surrounding wall seems to stay put.
Ok im pretty sure some carapacian scientist is fucking laughing in their grave at this. Like the just wanted to toy with whoever was the exile stuck in there. Why else would you have the whole station rotate 360 degrees because of an invalid entry.
Its probably the same carapacian scientist from ‘before’.
"Please proceed to the chamberlock. Mind the gap."
"Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting."
Yes im running with the Portal motif today.
Against the opposite wall is some sort of CONTROL PANEL which catches your eye.
It has two large screens, but only one appears to be active. There are fields for numbers which appear to be modifiable with the dials to the right. Some numbers are already supplied by default, perhaps entered by the previous user. There are a few buttons below, the largest one bearing the symbol marking this room.
Also it looks like there is a METER STICK propped up there for some reason.
Taking note that there is a port for the spirokey later used by WQ, I assume the station is made with the possibility of this station returning to the session at some point. This is most likely one of the multiple bread crumbs that Hussie could have used at a later time but never needed to.
You examine the perplexing contraption across the room. You of course have no idea what it could possibly do.
You adopt the only obvious course of action which is to poke and prod it with your HANDY RULER. You are quite sure this is what science is all about.
I mean, hes not wrong.
You go back to the CONTROL PANEL which probably obviously controls that gizmo and you push the big blue button which is obviously probably the most obvious thing to push.
WV being perceptive as usual. Now if you dont mind ill be punching those coordinates into something to get where Rose’s house is.
Huh......
Ok! Turns out those coordinates were for Jade’s non existent Island. NOT Rose’s designer house in the hills!
Yep right. I would know that if I looked at the next panel.
I thought they were tied to the stations location, but I guess thats later.
"Oh, you are kidding me."
It seems this mysterious gourd was transported (appearified!!!) from a specific time and location somewhere on this planet you are on. You wonder if the machine (APPEARIFIER!!!) will take any object that exists at whatever time and location you supply.
There is a symbol carved on the PUMPKIN. You don't know what it means, and you doubt it will ever prove to be relevant in any way.
"Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not."
FUCCK YOU! Your not ever trying to hide that!
Also FUCK OFF I know this panel wasn’t here before!
Ok one moment we are going to talk about something. Looking at this, It kinda pisses me off. This arm is just a half ass retcon so that to ARCHIVE READERS the retcon abilities have an overarching suggestive presence in the narrative. He changed the continuity to confirm this things existence rather than using elements of the former narrative to hint at this. Yes its all a element of Meta narrative. But unlike most of the arms in the story where they’re more of Easter Eggs, this one is one of the few which he PUT A PANEL INTO THE STORY so he could have it here. Its also out of the blue. WV obviously notices it, but it is NEVER going to be addressed! So it doesn’t act like a legitimate change.
This is less of the usual “timeline shenanigans require you to read further to understand whats going on” and more of a “I need to legitimize this plot decision so it doesn’t seem out of the nowhere.”
I don’t hate retcon powers, but I feel like this is invasive and it could have been done better that it was.
You consider dining on the ripe flesh of the plump vegetable, but your curiosity about the APPEARIFIER gets the better of you.
You try to sneak a nibble from the pumpkin nonetheless.
Yep, see? Same page and the following panel and text dont address it.
"It's eating me."
You push the button. All of the numbers change.
Perhaps these are the coordinates for the location of the center of this facility, along with the local date and time? If this is the case, it would make a useful reference point for your current bearings.
Ok now its tied to the station’s coordinates. Thanks.
One way to find out would be to attempt to appearify something from this facility.
It should be easy to zero in on a location relative to the center because you have an uncanny knack for tracking precise distances you have already traversed, in whatever units you choose.
Your HANDY RULER gives you a good clue as to the BASIC UNIT OF HUMAN MEASUREMENT. You will go with that.
I am not going to talk about it in detail now, but its interesting how carapacians and leprechauns are paralleled. Dersites and prospitians and have an innate and intuitive understanding of physical dimensions, and have excellent spacial awareness skills. Meanwhile Leprechauns seem to have a natural understanding of progression and causality. They are the in game parrellels of Space and Time.
You nudge the coordinates very slightly and bump up the elevation by 0.5 HUMAN MEASUREMENT UNITS. You make sure to keep the time approximately what it was to begin with.
You appearify your TRUSTY KNIFE.
"There it is."
You nudge the numbers a bit more and appearify a bunch of cans. This is so much more efficient than walking back to the other room to get them.
You are to believe that time is at a premium, after all.
"Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that."
Does this machine look like a DEAPPEARIFIER to you?? Honestly, the idea that an APPEARIFIER could both APPEARIFY and DEAPPEARIFY things is so laughably ridiculous, you would wish someone would DEAPPEARIFY your brain and REAPPEARIFY it with a brain that is more smart and less dumb.
Im surprised we never got a deappearifier in the comic. All we got was a smaller Appearifier.
WV: Use trusty knife to carve spook schema in pumpkin.
What the hell are you talking about? That idea makes no sense at all and is basically meaningless. Try using that mushy stuff in your gourd next time.
Instead you just carve off the top, exposing a decadent cache of gorgeous, seed-laden ambrosia.
Needless to say you consume all of it rather quickly. But it turns out to be too gross for us to watch.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!"
"No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
You cannot move it! It has a spirograph-shaped indentation, and possibly will require a special kind of key to turn it.
You release your blinky new friend. You will give her a name when something suitably whimsical occurs to you.
Serenity is truly the ‘LIGHT OF DEMOCRACY!’
You and SERENITY consider new ways to waste more time with the APPEARIFIER. You are assuming she is a girl firefly even though you are not really sure that fireflies can even be girls.
You target the extremely tasty ROTTEN PUMPKIN that was sitting in the other room hours ago.
My question is how has that pumpkin lasted so long? Yeah its old and mushy, but its been 413 years since this station made it to earth. Im going to assume Void Majjiks.
It seems the APPEARIFIER cannot appearify something if it will create a TIME PARADOX.
A GELATINOUS GHOST PUMPKIN appearifies and quickly dissolves into a pile of UNAPPETIZING SLUDGE.
Thank Skaia appearifiers are not allowed to cause paradoxes and split timelines. We dont need more timelines then needed.
Its finally time to escape!
[S] WV: Hasten to the exit post-haste!
Hes definitely not exiting this station empty handed. Explosion or not, little buddy is grabbing his rations.
Serenity being a voice of reason.
Ok im with serenity on this, its not the time to test out your new weapon!
(Also ignore the negative timer, side effect of how im taking screenshots.)
"Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know."
Hes close, AAAAAANNNNDD-
"You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother."
You attempt the rare and highly dangerous 5X CLIFFHANGER COMBO, and fail.
We are doing it, man.
We are making this happen.
SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIME ON BLITZ REREADS HOMESTUCK, where we’re going to finish Act 2 !
It seems you have run out of territory for your western expansion. But there is still a lot of empty wall space. Perhaps your citizens would be happier with a colorful backdrop that would make them feel more at home.
Well Guys, we did it...
Using most of your imagination and an entire piece of sky-blue chalk, you render a bright and cheerful sky full of clouds.
You have decided that very closely orbiting your city is a LUMINOUS PLANET, about which orbits a single MOON.
You switch to another shade of blue and continue rendering on the western wall.
Its interesting that he leaves Skaia physically out of this mural and instead of just drawing a sky similar to what you would see on the battlefield. Since this the end of Act 2, im guessing he might have not had thought of making Skaia into a thing.
Eh ill just put it as a little “coincidence”.
Orbiting much further from your city are FOUR PLANETS. None of these have satellites, you have decided. Yes, that makes sense, you think.
I vaguely remember dumb teenage me not understanding what they were looking at.
And on the southern wall, beyond an impenetrable veil of darkness, occupying the furthest orbit yet, there is an OMINOUS PLANET. A MOON circles this one too.
HA. Thats the kind of mural only pure vitrial could make. Its so beutiful with so much disgust. ‘Fucking just throw smear oil around this dumb dumb stupid planet.’
I fucking hate how I saw Prospit falling down as some kind of symbolism before I saw the towers of Tab Soda. UGH.
Pure.
You free the heavenly brown elixir from the jewels of pink carapace and imbibe like the wind.
It is so sweet and sugary. You wonder how so much sugar can fit in one can. Whatever mighty wizard concocted this potion is truly deserving of your fear and respect.
I do believe I have never actually drunken Tab. Its the first of the duality of sugary beverages that I didn’t know existed before Homestuck.
The TABS are naturalized as loyal new citizens of CAN TOWN. All cans are welcome and equal in your city, regardless of can content, and whether empty or full.
It's not like emptying a can kills it or anything. They are just cans after all.
That last comment sounds like a phrase from a serial killer disassociated from human existence. I dont know. My brain’s weird.
Feeling refreshed and heavily caffeinated, you go back to work on the big computer.
You hit ESCAPE, which seems to minimize the action window thingy and reveals a history of all the commands you've entered.
This is probably the most useful bit of programming in Homestuck. Especially since most others have the explicit function to KILL.
You scroll all the way up to your first command.
It looks like there are more commands above it. Maybe someone was entering commands on this thing before you?
There aren't many more. At the top of this list appears to be the very first command.
I kinda want to meet the handy carapacian scientist responsible for preforming these diagnostics before this station was sent to earth. They would probably be an interesting character.
You activate SCREEN 2.
The signal is garbled, and you have no idea what you're looking at. Some sort of filthy beggar pleading for help?
No one is around, And nothing is happening. You seem to be locked out of any sort of interaction with whatever's happening on this monitor.
Ok so the kids can only be given exile aid once they’ve entered. This is either herbert in the session in the future or on earth in the future/WV’s present.
Wait I just remembered Herbert being on LOLAR during Act 6 Act 6. Ok so this image is of something that hasn’t happened as of yet (because of weird timeline syncing since this has happened from a linear perspective), which is probably causing the interference. Rose hasn’t entered the session yet.
Question, why was there any question on what parts of the Homestuck symbol were associated with which character? This part has been available for reference since ACT 2.
It's another one of these rapscallions. This monitor is locked too. You can't tell him what to do. Not that you really want to, since it just looks like more confusing nonsense to you.
You consider switching to SCREEN 4, but decide against it. You have a feeling that whatever's there would just confuse you even more, and you don't even really care all that much anyway.
I mean, hes right. We could only have guessed on who screen 4 may or may not have focused on.
OH god, the fuck-me countdowns are back!
I honestly miss the haste these countdown gave us. They were a decent mechanic for tension builders.
WV: Type => REBOOT.
You can't! Nothing is working anymore. The timer seems to have disabled the keyboard.
See? WVs already freaking the fuck out.
You temporarily dismantle CITY HALL to free up all the canpower available to create a vigilant TOWN MILITIA. You divide them into two groups, marking them with distinct teams and ranks using the piece of white CHALK and the MOTOR OIL. You then organize them in phalanx across the countryside, preparing for a stiff training regimen. When you are through with them, your forces will be a well oiled machine. Chalk another one up to bold leadership!
But fuck tension, WV has 4 hours before he really needs to give a shit about a timer. Hes a professional procrastinator MAYOR!
[S] WV: Lead your men to victory!
(I heavly recommend you watch this flash again. Its a cute little moment with WV.)
And of course the white kingdom looses!
Your caffeinated jittering must have agitated all the little bubbles curiously hidden in the liquid, creating too much pressure in the can. You speculate this is why it exploded as you nervously eye the timer.
You are starting to wonder what will happen when it reaches zero. Maybe it would be best not to be near it when this happens.
Strongman WV. Him and John should arm wrestle. They got enough man-grit to break a fucking table between them!
Though perhaps not as few as implied by circumstance...
A PEREGRINE MENDICANT trundles precious cargo beneath the gleam of the celestially ominous.
OH MY GOD YESS WERE GOING TO MEET PM! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!
Did she fashion that cart by herself? That doesn’t look like store standards wheels.
I wonder how intuitive she is? We never really got to see her do stuff like whats suggested (especially during her rage fueled, three year long chase).
Prospitian Macgyver is my new headcanon!
You say a bittersweet goodbye to your beloved city. It is time to move on to greener pastures. By which of course you mean an arid, sandy wasteland upon which nothing green has grown in years.
Why does that remind me of Wall-E? I guess the exiles do have a similar story to Wall-E. Exiled on a dead planet where they need to clean things up enough to allow for civilization in the future.
SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIME ON BLITZ REREADS HOMESTUCK!
Hey Blitz, Dave's amber is a reference to his love of preserved dead things from his intro. Hussie never does much with it but the amber/Dave connection comes back when he does his alchemy spree.
Huh. You are definitely correct about that being a thing. I guess I was just too focused on the Imp thing to get that. It rounds things off better than some dumb Davesprite foreshadowing thing that never existed.
Thank You!
Blitz ReReads Homestuck @blitzrereadshomestuck - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
romaincrisis
2087
dededos