Blood Black As Pitch

To my everlasting shame - I did

[bloodblackaspitch]

Attention Kansas City homies - Coming to KC June 9th to play a rock show - lets get uncomfortable -cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

Check out this track that dropped from my solo stuff - band is called 'Widow of Business' out through VandalRGZ- up on soundcloud now - if you want to feel creepy and rad - give this track a shot - more to come -cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

vandalrgz put out a new track from my solo project 'Widow of 'Business' today - if your feeling introspective, give it a listen here - https://m.soundcloud.com/vandalrgz/what-this-feels-like

[bloodblackaspitch]

Tesla - Reading by the light of one of his operating transformers -cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

[bloodblackaspitch]

@QuicklySinking: Hear this Monday-I don't normally get after you with such conviction-but hold still for a bit-ima bleed money from you -cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

Broke down my Sheffield Boreal knife - (pictured left) - removed the 'blue collar' belt clip and the 'rich mans hands' wood siding - creating the far more raw and murderous 'cold blooded killer' version (pictured right) - born again powerful mean #workingpartsonlyplease -cw.xø

[plantbasedbadbitch]

[flashjump]

I think this to myself all the time

[chanel-smokes]

love this, such a great statement

[bloodblackaspitch]

#speakonit

[ozeia]

[bloodblackaspitch]

Fair enough -cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

The Not Quite Fully Functional Mind Of Mr. White - Issue #3

Selfish Vs. Selfless. - A from a selfish perspective

How often have you made decisions, either knowingly or inadvertently, at the expense of your loved ones needs, wants, or emotions? How many times have you sworn to someone that the outcome was not your intentions, knowing it may well have been? How often do you make huge, rash decisions without really thinking everything through? Does that make you whimsical or just thoughtless? 

I have found that time and time again, when push comes to shove, and I am 'creating' big changes in my life, that I am selfish every time. If I have decided that I am going to move houses or cities, switch bands or audio jobs or tours, that if you don't go along with my new plans - then I stone ice you out. It has happened many times with lovers and friends.

Now I don't think this means that I am not compassionate or empathetic, because I know for a fact that I am. It also doesn't mean that there aren't times where I would give anything or do anything for someone dear to me. But every few years ago I am reminded that I am a heartless selfish dick. And they are usually right.

I ever so badly ant to know what it feels like to be selfless. Although at times I am a nice and generous person, and also a Leo, with the habit of giving loyalty where it is not always deserved, I have never been selfless for a period long enough to be called that. I have known such people. But never could be that.

In my half assed defense I will say that I can't find out who I am or want to be. So every few years I feel backed into a corner, and feel the need to drastically alter my life. Many people have been hurt in the wake of these decisions and it just felt like the right time to say I am sorry.

I know some of you have heard Im sorry too much for it to mean anything anymore. But I promise you thats real. I get scared. And I hurt everyone close to me. SO the truth of the whole thing is, that I am, and always will be, - Selfish.

Never - Selfless

Until next time - 

I was unafraid, I was a boy, I was a tender age melic in the naked, knew a lake and drew the lofts for page hurdle all the waitings up, know it wasn’t wedded love 4 long minutes end and it was over it’d all be back and the frost took up the eyes pressed against the pane could see the veins and there was poison out resting in a raze the inner claims I hadn’t breadth to shake searching for an inner clout, may not take another bout honey in the hale could fill the pales of loving less with vain hon, it wasn’t yet the spring aiming and it sunk and we were drunk and we had fleshed it out nose up in the globes, you never know if you are passing out no it wasn’t maiden-up, the falling or the faded luck hung up in the ivory, both were climbing for a finer cause love can hardly leave the room with your heart

-Bon Iver  -cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

The Not Quite Fully Functioning Mind Of Mr. White - Issue #2

Since my first blog of this series happened at such late hour, we will call this one "today's" Which will mean not another until tomorrow. 

Listen up-

Issue #2

I mentioned once in a tour blog I wrote last tour about the thought of God (he/she/or what) being able to stop evil. The quote reads something like - Ask yourself - Is 'God' willing to prevent evil, but unable? If so, then he/she is omnipotent. Is She/It able but not willing? Then 'God' is malevolent. Is It/The Universe both willing and able? If that is true then when comes this evil? How is the time chosen? Are They/Annunaki neither able nor willing to prevent these evils? If that is true, then why call them 'God'?

Now this concept is certainly not new nor mine. It actually comes from Greek philosopher Epicurus, who founded the school of philosophy known as 'Epicureanism'. Dude was spitting white hot fire knowledge around 300 BC or thereabouts and in my opinion has "The RIGHT FUCKING IDEA". He truly believed that the study of philosophy, for himself and students, was purely to attain ataraxia and aponia. Also known as 'the peace and freedom from fear' and the 'absence of pain.' I think we are all looking for that no matter how caught up in the rat race we are.

Another reason Im into this dude (along with others of course) is that he believed that the Gods neither punished or rewarded people. No one was struck down for bad behavior or hand chosen for doing something great. He mainly was on some Sagan shit. Yo, the universe is violent, and even more terrifying is that its indifferent to you. Although I believe that we ourselves are very much a PART of that universe , no one wants to think that they mean nothing. But through coming to terms with the meaninglessness of life, one can achieve a new and more abstract meaning. It may not hold the same childish luster as your ignorance allowed before. But it can still be anything you make it.

I also like that homeboy (again very Unchristian) taught that the actual MEASURE of what can be called good and evil are primarily pleasure and pain. (Not to get to Anton Lavey) And that you are NOT eternal bro. Death IS THE END OF BODY AND SPIRIT. Therefore it is not to fear. You could say its a sweet release. But the main point, agree or not, is that there will be no eternal punishment or reward just because you couldn't figure out what the fuck life was all about. Anyone that says they got that down is probably selling something. Or just full of shit.

Now whether or not I agree with all of his school of thought is irrelevant. Its the first bit I mainly tend to focus on. How can an idea so liberating and progressive (while old) now sound almost 'New Age' and 'Against The Grain'. If I was asked this question I would give you the same one word answer that I have for many questions. - MONEY

But what the fuck do I know?? 

But its pretty obvious that we have always been searching. Since we could think a thought. Since we realized our own mortality. What sucks the most, is that 'what is life or death' is an important question with no right or wrong answer for anyone. I think its about what ever brings you peace of mind. A way to be your best till the bell rings. What should it matter if its the same as another's opinion.

Well Im no genius, but someone found out pretty early on that people are super fucking scared of the unknown. Namely DEATH, and people that are afraid are easily controlled. Its the largest form of control happening today. Scare you into believing in your nations warring. Scare you into believing that if you don't act or vote a certain way that you will suffer eternal damnation. Oh and by the way 'give us your fucking money while your at it' :/ The same money that has become so necessary and hard to acquire yet remains so FUCKING EVIL…

Id like to hear someone like Epicurus give a "sermon" or class once a week for my peace of mind. I wanna go to church. Bet there is no good fucking reverends though? I think another reason for that is mass organization. Thats where the big money and big fear come in anyway. Some guy on the street with a needle trying to find his vein, preacher pulls up in his caddy, walks right by like he didn't see a thing. Probably because he knows he has nothing for his collection plate. 

Now I am not saying there are not good hearted people of all religions. But don't you think if we agree to disagree things might go smoother. Just believe whatever you want as long as you feel you are acting justly and not harming others. Golden fucking rule - CASE CLOSED 

Until tomorrow-

Personally, I think music is "God". Specifically vibrations at all frequencies resulting in matter or sound. A 440 will always be A 440. Its pre human. Its pre life. You don't need an 'ear' or "eye" to KNOW the vibration is occurring. If we are here for anything, it is to act as antennas to receive and transmit it. It is in fact "Hum" - the lord of all messengers. It can carry more information and convey more emotion than any code, although it is both father and son to math. So listen up - I bet somewhere, someone, or something might be trying to tell you something. Minus the language. Put your ear to a loved ones chest...Can you hear it? I can….I will…..

Addio Interweb

-cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

The Not Quite Fully Functioning Mind Of Mr. White - Featuring the Who Cares What He Thinks Anyway Back Up Dancers - Issue #1

Issue #1

Following some conversations on twitter I decided to write gibberish in blog form for anyone who cares waste their precious time. As I promise you I have nothing of real value or importance to say, and don't claim to know anything from which one could learn a thing or two or ten.

Tonight Id like to address the feeling of love. Particularly how it compares to other feelings that have similar effects. I was once asked in school what the opposite of love was. The teacher was looking for the answer "Hate". But being the smart ass that I am, I said "Indifference". 

To me Love overwhelms your senses. Alters your decision making. You can be so caught up in it, that the rest of the world simply disappears. I believe Hate, although in negative ways, does almost the same thing. Over powers your ability to reason. Consumes your thought process. May cause you to make choices that you would not normally make. 

So to me Indifference or just plain not caring would be the opposite of love to me. Where I have no feelings creating a rift in my ability to make rational choices. She said I was wrong, I called her a pompous mind polluting witch of a whore, and was asked kindly to leave and not return to her class again.

As I was leaving the class on my way to the park across the street to proceed to smoke an abundance of weed to "calm myself" from the evil bitch that wouldn't hear me out, I realized that she had done it to me. She had enraged me with emotion. Although I believe in fully experiencing all the emotions life has to offer, I dislike the way they can cause us to behave in ways we maybe aren't proud of. And its not just love and hate. Its almost all emotions.  

The one that helped me deal with being overwhelmed the most was fear. I decided to pull a Jack from lost and not fight the fear. Really feel the fear. Let it do what it is supposed to do. Its there for a reason. Its there to keep you sharp and frosty and in many cases hopefully not dead. But the key is to not  be 'paralyzed' by fear. Tell yourself all the ways you are afraid of what you are about to do. Envision everything that could go wrong happening. But as you do so, suck the fear down from your brain to your gut. With each fear sucked down imagine a brick of confidence being laid. And by the time you have systematically gone through all those particular fears, you will be a GOD, with a wall of confidence built so strong in your gut that the big bad wolf himself could not blow you over.

Now of course I'm not suggesting we do this exercise with love. Who doesn't enjoy the whimsical blissfulness of love. Its supposed to make you act a fool. But it does work for most emotions that cause clouded judgement.

However, complete indifference towards anything that you aren't truly passionate about, although ice cold and frowned upon, will certainly save your mind more time to experience the emotions in which you do care about. I know its easier said than done. Shit may even be a bad idea. And I certainly think it is sad. Sad that the world is so fucked, if we allowed ourselves to be crushed by every atrocity that occurs on the daily we would all be barely able to function. Instead we have to streamline our emotions to surround our personal strategy just to make it through today. At least i do. But keep in mind that I am a highly medicated, spoiled, eccentric art nerd. But I have a tough day, almost every day. And I know there are millions around the world that would trade places with me in a heartbeat. So Im going to let my own heart beat. And get through however I can. And wish everyone the best (except that brain washing succubus of sorry excuse for a teacher)

Until Tomorrow - 

When relationships and friendships are formed, it spreads the network of ideas similar to yours. It makes you realize that there are others feeling and thinking the way you do. In all walks of life. In all different situations. But we really are all in it together. Share what your thinking. Even if you think you are wrong or its dumb. Think for yourself. Question authority. Fight the power. Arm the homeless. And what ever you do, don't spit into the wind.

Ciao Bitches

-cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

We Are All Diseased

i woke up - and wished that i was dead - i laid motionless in bed - i thought of you - and where you'd gone - and the world spins madly on - all the things - that i said id do - like make the world brand new - and take the time for you - i think - i just got lost - and slept right through the dawn - but the world - spins madly - on...

- Weepies

get hip to it

-cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

Reggie and the Full Effect - NCFOM North American Tour Diary of Cory White - Enrty ?

Saturday February 22nd - Entry #?

About 2 and a half years ago, I rode a pony. Lets call him truth. At that time, neither of us knew the way. So it has taken us until today to get here. And once we arrived, the main truth I learned, was that I completely abandoned my son. I selfishly made poor decisions leading to me only being able to see him on a limited basis. I had a very difficult time finding myself after my divorce, and was never able to man up and find my new role in my sons life. I always have used the phrase "I lost my son." The real truth is that I abandoned him. I turned my back on the whole situation because I was afraid. I don't even know of what. But what I do know is that my cowardice has let him down forever. And to my everlasting shame, I admit that I did this. And I will forever be haunted by regret, and the consequence of endless longing.

I have spent the majority of my life traveling and having things never constantly stable. Now I yearn for something solid. The feeling is that I am making poor decisions and I no trust my judgement. I feel like much more of a child than a man and have some type of fear of responsibility. Im not a man. Im not an adult. Im scared of almost everything and I can never pay a penance big enough for what I did to my son. I am prescribed so many drugs that I feel like a walking pharmacy. The feeling is like I will never be able to actually more than a patient. Like I will always need someone to take are of me. Im ashamed of that. Plus who in their right mind would sign up for that. Have you thought much about who's gonna watch you die. I don't want to do it alone. Id love someone who really cares for me to be there with me. I really hope that works out for me.

Reggie shows are completely epic and there is only one more on this tour till break. See ya tomorrow New Jersey!

Until tomorrow - 

Being with someone as they die is the most compassionate thing you can do for someone. No one really wants to die alone. Like holding a pet as it dies. It knows your there. I think any living creature would needs to see that person there. Right as they go. I think everything would be less afraid, knowing you're there.

-cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

Reggie and the Full Effect - NCFOM North American Tour Diary of Cory White - Entry #14

Friday January 31st - Entry #14

Well, it is 5 in the morning, and we are getting ready to leave on another drive that is longer than I wish it was. It has been at least two days since my last entry and it seems like so much has happened. California left me a bit busier than I expected and I haven't had much time to write in this thing. So I figured before we set out to San Fran, Id give it a shot.

Where to start?- As we were driving from Scottsdale to San Diego we passed these epic sand dunes on the freeway. We had a little extra time, and our merch master Tomas wanted to stop and climb these fucking things. He is from Prague and likes to get pictures doing crazy shit in the states so we stopped so he could check it out. As we were getting out of the van we see these super nice dune buggies flying all over these huge dunes. Our drummer Billy, who is notorious for making friends with random strangers, goes running off towards these things. I didn't think much of it and began to walk up this 150 foot sand mountain with Tomas, Jenny, and Zach. It was way bigger than it looked, and about three quarters of the way up, I started to run out of steam in a major way. I stopped to take a break and I hear these cars revving their engines behind me. Three of these bad ass dune buggies roll up, and sure as shit there is Billy in the passenger seat of the one in front with a huge grin on his face. He somehow persuaded these people into picking us up and taking us for a little demo of sorts. We all hopped in these things and they raced us around the dunes for about 20 minutes. It was completely crazy how fast these things go. Easily over 100 miles an hour! I thought the dude was going to roll the one that I was in. He was charging these nearly impossible banks and dips in a fashion that was nothing less than suicidal. It was the most fun Ive had in a while. I don't think I will ever forget it.

All three So Cal shows were fucking amazing!! In San Diego my good friend Alex came out. We played this tiny tiny club and had a blast. We drove straight to LA after the show and got a hotel. I think the crowd in LA was probably my favorite so far. They were totally hyped and the show was sold out. The energy was super awesome. I met my Twitter friends Brenda, Jessica and her husband. We walked to the comic book store before the show and I got my Batman on. They are good people and Im glad to know them. A couple of my friends from MCR came and hung out that night. Great to see those guys and know they are all still doing well. Ray played a song with 'Disregard' with us and totally killed it. He's such a rad dude and an amazing guitar player. I had a ton of friends come out to the show and afterwards I went to a bar with my friend Jason from Shiner. I got semi intoxicated and then just crashed over at his place. It was a great night. 

Then tonight we did Santa Ana. It was just as sold out and just as amazing. Jessica came out again only this time brought our mutual twitter friend Dani. Just like all my twitter friends, Dani was cool as hell.  Now I am in my room and headed for the last California show in SF. Im sure it will be fucking great! Right now Im going to try to get an hour or two of sleep and perhaps take a scalding hot shower. 7 days till we play KC and I get to spend the night with my girl. That is very exciting. I miss her very much. Also, - this tour is now halfway over. Its going so fast...

Until tomorrow - 

Remember - when its all said and done, all that you have is the relationships you have made with others. The people that we choose to share our lives with. We let them into our worlds and they let us into theres. How unexciting life would be, if we had to live it alone.

-cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

Reggie and the Full Effect - NCFOM North American Tour Diary of Cory White - Entry Lucky #13

Tuesday January 28th 2014 - Entry #13

The desert is a strange place to me. The air is so dry and the feel of the area is so unique. At times I like the way it feels to me. Other times I get an uneasy feeling from it. Like its to calm or something. Or that the climate carries no color with it. Its a stillness that feels very interesting to me. Also the way it is warm in the day but chilly at night. Like a two faced terrain. Anyway, yesterday during our day off I began to feel a bit of a sinus infection setting in. My immune system is very weak and I get sick very easily. Also once I am sick, I have a very difficult time getting rid of it. Then today after we got through load in I began to have an excruciating head ache due to sinus pressure in my forehead. I took some sinus medicine, which I can't stand taking due to the general weird feeling it gives me. But tonight I couldn't have played without it. 

We played Scottsdale, AZ tonight. The crowd was fantastic and we played very well but forcing myself through the set was like getting my insides tattooed for an hour and a half. I think I have mentioned before that I feel incredibly guilty when I don't give a full 150% while playing regardless of how I'm feeling. I feel it would let my bandmates down and all the fans that went out of there way to spend their evening with us. So what Im getting at is that as soon as I was done I was fucking wiped.

Some kickstarters came out tonight and I really hope it was everything they wanted it to be. Always feel some extra pressure there as well but Im glad to meet them and so very grateful of them helping us get this last record out. We are about 1/3rd done with the tour at this point and things are going well. I have been overwhelmed with the urge to stockpile and horde knives on this run for some reason. I bought my fourth one today and am very pleased with it. 

Tomorrow we start our run of California shows where I have a whole slew of good friends and can't wait for the shows. California is always good to us. Sinus infection or not I am determined to bring everything I have to the stage and get everything I can out of it. Im hoping to hit up some comic shops in LA and re-up my Batman fix. So I am also looking forward to that.

Tonight also marked the first of a 6 show in a row run. Like I said before I don't like days off. My mind unoccupied can quickly go to places I don't like. Besides I am here to work. I have made a great many sacrifices to be playing music professionally and I hate getting out on the road and having nights where we don't do that. Especially considering that we don't go out anymore. I don't really know what to do with myself on those days. 

Ive been missing my son very much lately. I always miss him. Its like a void in my heart. A pain in the pit of my stomach. My punishment. That void will never be filled.

Until Tomorrow - 

Believe me. I know you deserve notice. And that my distance, sweet stole flowers from his grave. And my silence……My defense. Its the tired, over tired hands. But Ill be back to pull the garden. When spring has proven winter cruel. and then all of summers beauty will lie there rotting. Stripped…..Like yours from you.

-cw.xø

[bloodblackaspitch]

What is the name of the bassist of your band "reggie and the full effect"? have a social network where I can find it? thanks, greetings! Come back soon to Austin.

Our current bass player is Zach Phillips. He is from the band Architects who is an amazing punk band from Kansas City. He is filling in for Frank Iero who unfortunately could not make it on this tour. Zach learned all our songs in 10 days and we are happy to have him out for this run.

-cw.xø