What?

[pizzapottah]

Targaryen!Reader: Father, am I ugly?

Maekar: *tears up* What nonsense! I'm looking at you right now, you're the most beautiful girl in the world!

Later on...

Aerion: Father, am I ugly?

Maekar: Very much

[emmasmoke8]

Sonar: Star Blazer, we have something really important to tell you—

*glances over at Flambae putting a bulletproof vest on, glances back at Chase standing before them with eyes almost glowing gold*

Sonar: Star Blazer—

Sonar, glances back at Flambae: are you wearing Kevlar?

Chase: Now, gentlemen, we’re not going to sit here and pretend there’s not a big-ass elephant in the room

Sonar: what the fuck is going on?

Chase, flipping over a photo of a younger him smiling beside a young boy with a chip in his ear: this is what the fuck is going on

*Sonar looks between the picture, an angry Chase, and a thousand-yard stare Flambae for several seconds, and then—*

Sonar: Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Sonar, laughing: Shit! No! That is not happening right now! No!

Sonar, running out of Chase’s office to yell at everyone in SDN: Hey, y’all, he’s fucking Star Blazer’s son! Yo!

Back in the office, Chase: Every time he says that shit—

Sonar, background: Oh, my fuck!

Chase: —that’s another foot in your ass

Sonar: Flambae, you clearly—yo, this is the best thing ever! Flambae fucked Star Blazer’s son! 🎶Flambae fucked Star Blazer’s son! Flambae fucked Star Blazer’s son!🎵

Sonar, back in the office, grabbing Flambae’s shoulder: Shit, fuck! You fucked Star Blazer’s son?! Star Blazer, what the—you bragged to him to his face. To his actual face. Star Blazer… Do you understand that this face right here, you bragged to that face?

Sonar, looking back at Chase: You actually high-fived Flambae for fucking your son! Holy shit! Oh my god! This is…

*Chase’s eyes are fully glowing*

Sonar: it’s really not that funny

[emmasmoke8]

Robert: Hey, I’m going to head back to my apartment

Malevola: Uh…no? We get you till Tuesday

Robert: …what?

Malevola: You stay with us till Tuesday, and then you got to Prism’s

Robert: But I’m not going to Prism’s on Tuesday

Sonar, peeking his head in: Yes, you are. It’s in the chart. Fucking read it sometime

Robert: Chart? What the fuck are you guys talking?

*Sonar shows him a color-coordinated calendar on his phone*

Robert: what—no, why is this a thing?

Malevola: Make sure everyone gets equal time with you

Robert: I’m not—you guys know I’m not the child of your divorce, right?

Sonar: Of course we know that. You don’t fuck the child of your divorce… unless—

Malevola: Ignore him. It’s dinner time, anyway. Just stay with us till Tuesday and you can ask Prism about the chart.

Robert: I’m not going to—

Sonar, sniffing: Oh, shit, Mal made your favorite…

Robert: I’ll stay with you tonight, but I’m leaving before Tuesday

Sonar and Malevola, sharing a look: Sure

—

Part two to this, Ig. Just Robert being the polycule’s shared custody kid lmao

[awakefor48hours]

There is no HR in Dispatch

[angy-brows]

The ideal dynamic I have between these two

[fonabun-art]

Robert giving Flambae something to look at

[lapis-infernalis]

Gay people never flirt normally its always gotta be shit like this

[emmasmoke8]

You know that prototype Flambae that was more Blonde Blazer-ish?

AU where this guy ends up in the Dispatch main universe. He’s suave, powerful, kind… oh, and he’s flirting with Robert. And for some reason, Robert seems to be falling for it

Flambae and Blonde Blazer don’t normally work together, but they both decide this guy has got to go (as in, back to his universe, they are not villains who murder people, Flambae—)

[wreegis]

go steam machine or whatever the hell their ship name is!!!!!!!

[savegalkissy]

Robert withholding any real displays of affection with the Z team not cause they aren’t his friends or found family but because bro simply doesn’t know how to act on them and also he wants to be some level of professional as their leader.

That is until he gets hit with some fuckers powers that lower inhibition and makes you really giddy and loopy and hes just all smiles and affection with the team.

Robert: You guys did wonderful out there, no casualties and you took down that weirdo so well today.

Sonar: Who the hell are you and what did you do with Robert.

Robert: oh just take the compliment batty, bat boy, Harvard bat-chelor. Hehe

Prism: Sonar what the fuck did you give him?? Are you high?? Wait did you get hit by that fucker’s weird friendship power?

Robert: oh I think so. You’re so observant Alice, and smart, to have caught that Im so proud of you.

Prism, about to cry for some reason: BITCH THE FUCK—

Invisigal: oh my god this is hilarious. Robert you gotta stop you’re gonna short circuit everyone!

Robert: oh Visi, sweetie, Courtney you did a great job going behind that guy and tripping him!

Invisigal, suddenly flushed: sweetie?

Flambae, pushing her to the side: hey, hey do me next asshole

Robert: oh hmm. Flammy, flam, Flambae…

Flambae: yes, yes, tell me how great I am—

Robert: You’re a bitch.

[izbnart]

Dispatch animation! 👍

[ilovefruitymen]

BROTHER (g/n) WDYM JUST “Dispatch animation! 👍” LIKE IK THATS WHAT IT IS BUT ITS LIKE SOOOO GOOD!??

MORE LIKE “DISPATCH ANIMATIONNN THAT IM SUPER DUPER PROUD OF BC IT LOOKS INCREDIBLE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥👏👏👏😎😎😎👍” LIKE?????

THIS IS LIKE WAYYYY TOO INCREDIBLE

[emmasmoke8]

Any time someone says the Z-Team pass Robert around, I know they mean sexually/in a polycule way, but my brain ALWAYS conjures divorced parents dropping off the kids

And, like, they can still be doing it so sexually, but I can’t help but imagine them telling each other things

Flambae: Remember, he has to eat the meat and the vegetables. Protein and vitamins!

Prism: Bitch, I know. Did he pack his shampoo?

Flambae: I packed cause he “forgot.” Bitchass didn’t forget. Make sure he uses every last fucking drop of it

Or

Punch Up: We worked out biceps today so make sure he put the heat pad on. Make sure he stretches before you do anything

Malevola: Got it. And don’t worry, Sonar won’t give him any hard drugs

Sonar: Yup. Only weed. That medicinal kind, too

Stuff like that

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

Robert's housewarming party goes a little differently than in-game. There are no emergency calls and everyone's absolutely wasted when the topic of trauma comes up. Everyone's listing horrible things that happened in their lives to try and beat everyone else when it's Robert's turn.

"Well my dad died-"

"Eh."

"Eh? What do you mean eh?"

"Come on Bob Bob, dig a little deeper. Half of us had our dad die or dissappear."

"-or try to kill us."

"Or try to kill us. Come on, give us something unique."

It takes Robert a second to think other than the obvious when he remembers an incident from when he was eleven. He's drunk and laughing talking about how he was kidnapped and held hostage by someone who knew his father's identity. And the kicker? His dad didn't save him. He said he," knew his son could save himself on his own." And he did. After four days. And Robert's just laughing like it's the funniest thing, not noticing how everyone went dead silent before Sonar speaks up.

"Dude. That's legit fucked up."

Robert has a lot of trauma the team has only begun to scratch the surface of. What's worse is, he doesn't even seem to realize how bad it is.

[diiebu]

Flambéing this man 🥃 🔥

[cinnabarfangs]

somebody's gay uncle & a guy on suicide watch

[diiebu]

The real reason why we don't have a romance option with Flambae

[jerico3193]

[frizz01percy]

this should be the most reblogged post on tumblr before it dies

[xan-thos-blog]

We need to reblog this so much that the post breaks

[bittymoonbear-deactivated201807]

Do not like

[secret-unicorn-sierra-blog]

Keep. Reblogging.

[dawn-machine-official]

If we reblog enough we could save it

[vwidjojo]

Reblogged at 1.7 M notes

[weirdo09]

reblogged at 1.8M notes

[earhartsease]

how did this lose over 5k notes

[cybermax]

I’m glad we cost Yahoo 2 billion dollars.

[cybernetic-divinity-deactivated]

it’s like a perfectly preserved body at Pompei

[jjsbizarreadveyj]

Finding this on my normal dash is like taking a stroll through the Park and suddently stumbeling upon the Codex Hammurabi just lying there.