𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 - 轉

just a random kid who needs to express all her inner self. i'm trying to love myself

[bloomingdayspt2]

my granddad died

[bloomingdayspt2]

I feel so lost. I don’t know what I feel anymore

[bloomingdayspt2]

too sad

[bloomingdayspt2]

why am I crying

[bloomingdayspt2]

I just wanna feel for at least once to be like the first priority, I keep getting this feeling that I'm not the first thing they think with all the guys I start to have a relationship. and its so frustrating like I don't really know how to stop clowning so fucking much 

[bloomingdayspt2]

I don’t get why I keep getting ghosted. I mean I really don’t get it. one day they are saying the most beautiful words I wanna hear and then they forget it all

I mean im so done going behind his back to be able to talk and FaceTime and shit. I'm just exhausted to constantly worrying about people who doesn't give a shit about me

so from now on im just gonna focus with the people that really cares about me

I mean, is it that hard ?

[bloomingdayspt2]

i fucking adore stray kids

[bloomingdayspt2]

it’s hard when he says nothing’s wrong, everything is okay don’t overthink, but you keep getting the feeling like he’s no longer as into you as he was before. and it’s even harder because it’s a long distance relationship. I don’t know what to do

i’m not okay, I mean I'm not okay with myself, I'm feeling anxious and stressed with all my exams and my grandparents are not longer my grandparents because they are dying. and I keep trying to text him like nothing’s happened but I can’t do it all the time you know I don’t wanna be annoying.

it’s so hard to be me

[bloomingdayspt2]

I really never have met a person so different to me. I mean the way of seeing life and thinking and dealing with stuff... he’s so damn different to me.

but I kinda like it? I mean it’s interesting seeing how other people out of my circle of people thinks, because my friends and I have the same mentality, but he’s so damn different. 

sometimes it’s like some things don’t match with my way of seeing things, but I know he’s a good person. he worries about me and he listens to me (even though sometimes he doesn't understand me because my English is shit).

even though I'm so attracted to him, sometimes I’m scared, because he’s so far away and we are like opposite poles and that makes me think that it’s not gonna work out.

but I truly care about him

[bloomingdayspt2]

how y’all doing?

I'm feeling exhausted lately. I've been in my exams period since April and I really can’t go on anymore.

and I recommend you listen to Eternally by TXT

[bloomingdayspt2]

I'm looking for people to follow with good taste in Kpop and human rights, leave a note and let’s share thoughts and songs together

[bloomingdayspt2]

THESE IS WHAT I NEEDED TO KEEP BREATHING

why they make everything look super good and cool on them? I mean me with bangchan’s hair I would look like a f*cking lollipop (not in a good way) but he’s in another level of handsomeness.

they are in another level and y’all have to accept it

[bloomingdayspt2]

i kinda like better Tumblr, I started to post my thoughts on twitter but suddenly I found myself in a situation where I had to post everyday and I felt like obligated to be active. 

here I can write about whatever I want, without you knowing who I actually am, and without any kind of pressure

[bloomingdayspt2]

Tear

Tear, a song by BTS on Spotify

so the song I recommend today is Tear by BTS.

When I first listened to this song (and look up for the lyrics) I thought it was a romance break up, like with a sentimental partner. but one day I decided to pay more attention to the lyrics and I discovered that they are not talking about breaking up with a girl/boy. they are f*cking talking about bts break up.

at that moment my heart broke into thousand pieces. 

they have been through a lot. they have a lot on their backs, and I find the most normal they had that thought. but then I remember what they’ve did since this song was out. they kept fighting (and they are currently are). 

we all know everyone of this group by its own could be even more successful than a lot of the actual artists, but they decided to go on together, and on, and on, and on till the end. 

that makes me want to try and go forward. it gives me the strength to stand up and keep going, even though I can’t see the future clear, I'm gonna stand up again and I'm gonna keep walking and fighting.

“We walked towards the same place But this place becomes our last Although we used to talk about forever Now we break each other without mercy Although we thought that we dreamed the same dream That dream has finally become a dream My heart is torn, please burn it instead So that pain and regret, none of that would be left“

*and also want to add that in this song there’s a part of the song burn it by august d (mindblow I know)

[bloomingdayspt2]

it makes me actually so damn happy seeing them this happy.

yes, I cried 

[bloomingdayspt2]

sometimes I just can’t express how much Kpop means to me.

people think it’s just a phase (and it may be), but I'm gonna carry this forever. 

when I hear ‘bts saved my life’ or any other group, I can relate. I really do. and I know that if you are not in my position you can’t get it, but I swear on my mum that it’s 100% true. when I'm feeling so down I can’t even get up of my bed, I just with my earphones on, put my favorite Kpop songs out loud and I let myself go with the rhythm. 

they give me hope, they encourage me to love myself, and the most powerful feeling they give me is strength to go on.

i wanna thank all the groups that make me feel this way:

BTS (including Agust D), EXO, ATEEZ, Stray Kids, iKon, NCT127, Monsta X, TXT, Blackpink and Twice. (there are a lot of artist more I’m thankful)

I know they won’t read this ever, and they don’t even know who I am. but, I just needed to express myself 

[bloomingdayspt2]

sometimes I feel so lost, I don’t know what should I do. I just go on a day to another following what should I do but that makes me feel even worse.

I started to study what I study in order to help as many lifes as I can in the future. but now it’s just no blur and I can’t see it. and it scares the shit out of me.

I'm feeling anxious, stressed, nervous, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, my body is starting to run out of hope.