Watching After Others | Self Para
“When watching after yourself, you watch after others. When watching after others, you watch after yourself.”
— Gautama Buddha
The monks used to say that there was a time for everything. Even anger. Aang sits beside Zuko in silence as his friend speaks, his hands in his lap, and watches everything. He’s proud of Zuko, of how calm he is, how much he sounds like the good leader Aang knows he will be. He wants to listen to everyone, to give the representatives the space to let their voices be heard. And, now, it’s his job to be quiet. Sometimes, all you have to do is listen. Sometimes, that’s all you can do.
Aang recognises Qin Lee, when the former soldier stands up. As Qin talks about the horrors he saw -- people’s homes incinerated, their lives destroyed, their injures -- Aang keeps himself totally still, and his face impassive. That’s the hardest part. He can’t speak, or offer pity, or any apologies, or anything. Not yet. It’s not his turn. But the words are already building in his throat, the unplanned, unscripted, words. I’m so sorry for their loss -- We’ll do what we can -- But what can they do? What can he do? Qin wants Zuko to fix this, to prove that can, and to earn the people’s trust. Aang looks around at the sea of faces. So many of them are old people, just like he should be. He should be a hundred and fifteen, but he’s still just a kid. He might be a fully realised Avatar, but he still feels so young right now.
Ming, who hugged him and said that the Air Nomads lived as long as he kept their memory alive, stands up. Aang smiles a little when he sees her. It’s weirdly comforting. Ming might have been at the protest, but she has a good heart. He knows that. And her ideas are good. They’re not inflammatory, they’re not calls for violence. A vote for the Fire Nation council is a good idea. That was how they decided the Council of Elders in the Air Nation -- those who had earned their arrow tattoos, and were masters, could be voted into the Council. Monk Gyatso told him that.
It’s hardest to keep his expression ethereal and patient when he sees Teo. He hadn’t seen him for months! Aang’s face brightens when his friend moves to the front, and he smiles excitedly, but he’s not Aang right now. He has to be the Avatar. He shifts a little in his seat, and picks some dirt out from under his nails, his hands still hidden under the table, and his smile fades. Teo isn’t here as his friend right now. He’s here as a representative. And what he says is so painful that it takes all of Aang’s self control not to speak.
These men are all traitors not only to the people of the Fire Nation, but the world as a whole. Aang blinks, and sits totally still in his chair. Teo pulls out a scroll, but all Aang can think is that there’s too much. How’s Zuko supposed to respond to everything? How is everyone going to feel like they were heard? Teo starts listing off the war crimes, and every single one is like a blow to Aang’s chest. There’s been so much pain, so much suffering at the hands of the Fire Nation.
He always knew that defeating Ozai wouldn’t be the end, but a new beginning. He always knew that everything was going to get a whole lot more complicated. It’s like what the monks used to say about suffering. It was there, it had a cause, and you had to fight it by living in harmony with everything, and working through and letting go of your pain. You had to acknowledge it, but you couldn’t let it consume you. Evil is like an Unagi, Monk Gyatso had told him. Aang hadn’t understood. You know it’s there, but you don’t let it swallow you, Monk Gyatso had said, with his patient smile.
And, as Aang sit there, listening to Teo speak, he understands. There’s so much pain and suffering caused by the Fire Nation. And it would be so easy to look at his friend’s evidence, and to listen to Qin’s horrible stories about the things the Fire Nation soldiers had done to innocent people. It would be so easy to let his guilt swallow him. The guilt that he wasn’t there to stop Azulon and Ozai, that he hadn’t stopped Ozai sooner. Or he could focus on the pain of the people, and tell himself that he was helping by listening. But just listening isn’t enough. They need action. Everyone who’s spoken today needs something to be done. They all need justice, and action.
I represent the freedom fighters, a civilian militia group that defended lands from the Fire Nation, and protected innocent people during the war.
Aang blinks, and stares at the speaker. Smellerbee? She sounds angry. As she speaks, Aang feels a fire light inside him, a fire he’s been keeping dim as everyone said their piece. Zuko wasn’t going to kick change down the road! He was going to change things now. He knows why Smellerbee’s angry, and she has a right to be angry, but everyone is looking for a scapegoat. Everyone wants to blame Zuko without any cause. Even Teo had smiled when he’d read the charges against the Fire Nation. Everyone wants to be heard, because everyone wants to stand up and say Look at me, I’ve been wronged! And it’s your fault! Aang grits his teeth, and just fights to keep his expression calm. He’ll have his turn to speak, any minute now.
The last speaker is Ukano, Mai’s father, a member of the council. Aang watches him bow at Zuko, and he tries to quell his irrational anger. Everyone has a right to speak. Everyone. Even him. Aang breathes out, and imagines his anger as a red cloud, exhaling from his mouth, blowing away.
But Ukano just wants to save his own skin. He just wants to blame everything on Ozai and Azula. It’s easy to do that. They aren’t here to defend themselves. As Ukano speak, Aang curls his hands into fists in his lap, and didn’t let his feelings show. Everyone wants to see the Avatar right now, someone who’s above emotions, above anger. But Ukano calls Teo a liar, and says that he, himself, and the council members were just following orders, and Aang remembers Qin saying that the soldiers had caused so much pain and suffering. They were just following orders too. And the Fire Nation soldiers who’d made their way to the Air Nomad temples and destroyed them were just following orders. Ukano say he’d done it to protect his family -- that they’d all done what Ozai said to protect their families -- but it sounds like a lie. It sounds like the words of a desperate man, hiding his desperation with silky words.
I propose that their anger be avenged through the proper punishment of the Fire Lord, the root of all this evil, Ukano says. It sounds impressive, when he says it like that. Ozai and Azula are the root of all the bad, and if they’re taken care of, then all the pain and suffering that everyone’s talked about today will be avenged, and everyone will be able to move on. Ukano is talking about revenge, the two-headed rat viper. But if everything else is ignored, and if Ozai and Azula are ‘punished’, it won’t stop. Suffering and anger will just cause more suffering and anger. The cause of some of the people’s pain will have been eradicated, but not all of it. Ozai and Azula aren’t the only cause.
It’s too complicated to think about now. And Aang doesn’t have time, because it’s his turn to speak.
He stands up, and his chair scrapes behind him. He’s wearing the dark yellow robes of the Air Nomad Council, carrying a piece of them with him. And he tries to imagine what Gyatso would say if, he were here. What he would say in the face of so much suffering, and so many people out for themselves, and so many people who want revenge and retribution and change. He tries to imagine what the monks would say to the crowd. Because, like Ming said, he has to speak for them. He represents them.
“I am Avatar Aang,” he says, and he feels older than fifteen years old. He feels so much older than fifteen. He looks at Qin and Ming, and Teo and Smellerbee, and finally, at Ukano. He can feel Zuko, his friend, right next to him. And he thinks about Katara, saying that a lot of healing needs to be done. She’s right, and it has to start here. So, as he looks at Ukano, he lets his anger go. Like a red cloud, blowing away. It’s replaced with the bright blue light he saw when he opened his Air Chakra, when the love he felt for his people, and the love they felt for him, flowed through him.
“There’s been so much said today,” he says, addressing the whole audience. “I don’t want anyone to think they haven’t been heard, so I’m not going to say that everything will be fixed by tomorrow, or next week. This is going to take time. This is going to take patience.” He looks at Smellerbee, who asked for radical change. “Everyone is going to need to give Fire Lord Zuko and me, and everyone else in leadership positions, a chance to make the changes that other people have asked for.” He look for Ming and Qin Lee in the crowd, who asked for immediate change. “Everyone is going to need to be patient, but all the ideas put forward today will be discussed. Nobody went unheard.” He looks at Teo, who wants them to acknowledge the Fire Nation Council’s history. “And we need to look at where the Fire Nation has been, and what it’s done, so that mistakes aren’t repeated in the future.” He looks at Unako. “Whether all of those mistakes, and the evidence of them, is true, we’ll have to see.”
He pauses, and feels a pain in his chest. None of this was written before. He had no idea what he was going to say. He’s speaking from the heart. That’s what the people want the Avatar to do, and that’s what he wants to do. “But there is one thing the Fire Nation did that no one can deny,” he says, his gaze flickering from one face to another. “I’m not just the Avatar. I’m the last Airbender.” It doesn’t matter how many times he says that, he’ll never get used to it. It always hurts. “And I’m not speaking as the Avatar right now. I’m speaking for my people.”
He breathes slowly and steadily. “I want to restore the Air Nation Temples,” he says. “The Northern Air Temple is being used already. That can stay.” He smiles a little at Teo. “But what remains of the Southern, Eastern, and Western Air Temples,” he continues, “Is going to be restored and preserved. I know that memories aren’t held in stone, and nothing will bring my people back, but I want to preserve our homes, so that they can stand as monuments to what the Fire Nation did, and what the cost of war is.” He looks around at everyone. They’re all staring at him. He figures that they didn’t expect this. They expected the Avatar, and he gave them the Avatar, but he has to speak as himself, as Aang, the last airbender.
“The war has caused unimaginable pain and loss to so many people,” He’s careful to say the war and not the Fire Nation. He pauses. Every time he teaches his people’s beliefs, or tries to act by them, the air nomads live again. “The air nomads taught, to overcome suffering, you have to know the cause of it. But this suffering, the suffering that this war caused, is like a many-headed viper. It doesn’t have one cause. It was caused by soldiers and greed and hatred and fear, and too many things to count.” He keeps looking around, trying to make sure that everyone is seen, that everyone feels seen. “And it doesn’t have one solution either. There are going to be a lot of steps taken to heal the rifts this war caused. But we’re going to take them. Today was the first step. And I hope it was a step towards peace, tolerance, and change.”
He doesn’t know what else to say. He feels like there’s something he’s missed, or forgotten to say, or not said properly, but he doesn’t know what it is. So, he bows his head in a solemn nod, and sits down slowly.














