The sun was at its brightest on the day you found me.
âThank youâ I exhaled. âI know youâre probably sick of people like me, butâŠâ
You merely blinked at me, stone faced, my expectations were matched. Â Communication would be hard at first. After all, we had only just met. âThanks in advance for listening, I mean.â I held my breath and swallowed the remaining paper-thin words clenched in my throat. Gently I found a seat on the table you sat at. I didnât mind much what otherâs thought of my unique choice of chair, though you glanced around more than a few times, checking for wandering eyes. After only a few seconds your tense shoulders relaxed, and my arms almost spread themselves in the comfort of your presence. You sighed a lungful of air, and finally locked your attention on me. Immediately, I felt the pressure of my own personal judgment day as your eyes scanned my exterior; waiting, watching, hoping for something more, perhaps someone thicker, someone more charming. I would never truly know what you desired most, though you looked curious enough to continue molding my mysterious landscape.
We sat for some time, as words trickled from my mind, and silence poured from yours. Doubt had no place as I stared back at you, imagining, marveling about your mind, and what sort of happenings occurred there. How did I look beneath your skull, and did you hate what you saw me as? Wandering through the supposed confines of your cerebral world was all available, since your voice would never reach my ears. My feet moved subconsciously beneath me as the thought of you clouded any other mental signal. The minor trance you set me in disappeared as quickly as it came when my unintelligent limbs stumbled over a blemish in the walkway. Instantly, as if by adrenaline impulse, my lips found speech again.
âYou probably want to know who I am, right?â
A response wasnât needed, though your eyes lit up at the thought.
âSorry to disappoint, my nameâs not important. Just know Iâm what you want me to be.â
That was dramatic, I thought. Clarify, clarify!
âWhat Iâm saying is, as long as you listen, Iâll be aroundâŠhere.â
A jig-sawed expression made your brows fall and your perfectly proportioned lips frown. I could only sense the steam rising within you. Like an angry teapot full of bubbling insides, you reached for your belongings, closed my reaching arms, and dragged me alongside you.
âJesus, did I say something?!â
 Silence repeated itself, though your expression was unreadable for once, as you turned your cheek. Cold.
My world changed seasons in that moment, as if the godâs were conspiring against me and high-fiving you. I laughed at my own misfortune in the most upset manner. The air was perfect that day, a balmy 80Ë, or so. Though, degree by degree the temperature dropped until my t-shirt wasnât enough to keep me warm, and friction wasnât enough to prevent my fingers from going numb. My exposed flesh turned a pale shade of blue as ice began crystalizing beneath my feet. The sun set at a speed unheard of as darkness engulfed my vision in a matter of seconds. The once lush green landscape -- littered with foliage and rolling hills -- echoed with the touch of spring, though in momentâs time, stood silent with the breath of a barren, dark winter. Time passed on as slow as snow drudged days force it to go, and through an eternity of frozen hours I waited.
Sleep must have taken me under its shadow despite my snowy bed, as light began to pour through the cracks my eyes had become. Disoriented, I rested myself on my elbow and squinted to adjust my eyes to the sudden shine. Slowly, my vision repaired itself stitching together the green span of trees and brush I had known before the freak freeze. Pools of melted ice soaked my clothing, rendering me a stick-figure canvas in oversized garments. Once to my feet, I noticed you there staring at me with those eyes. Damn, those eyes. They were the only things that could hold guilt for the warm in this place. With exceptional delight and confidence, I spoke:
âMissed me, didja?â
Then what little cloud cover still existed in the prominently blue sky faded, as you smiled a secret smile, the kind of half-smile angry souls use to stubbornly stay angry, though unwillingly humor a joke. I understood then, as the clouds parted like the seas, that you were more in control here than I ever expected you to be. My stomach sank, Iâve done it again. You took hold of my hand, reading every inch of its outline. I could tell from your solemn expression you were in deep thought. With every blink and every breath your jaw tightened, and your head sank further into your chest. Instinctively, your hand made its way under your chin. The Thinker, I thought, would be proud of such an inquisitive stance. If only I could have reached out and touched your face then, stroked your hand, cradling your chin. I remembered though, that such desire for small gestures was really what made this situation painful. I wasnât sure then, if you understood fully the implications of what was to come. I could only guess, like so many other occasions, what your thoughts were truly about, what pieces of this puzzle you had put together.
Days washed in and out, a sea of storms and sun. Times when you left were the worst as warm day turned to ominous, icy night. I could only scream in agony to myself, as negative temperatures ate at my hands and gnawed at my feet. Some blizzards lasted longer than others, some were darker, some colder. However I instilled trust in you, and you returned that trust by coming to find me each time you could. The light always returned, just like that first moment we met, the moment you brought illumination into my obscure world by accepting to listen. I hoped you took pride in your ability to pick me up, take me with you, and listen to my words without being able to return the favor, without the ability to have a rebuttal. It was an art form really, one I hadnât seen before. I often teased the idea.
âI really canât stand when you just run away for periods of time, it sends my whole mojo out of whack.â
You laughed, and bit your lip in restraint of expressing defense.
âNo use,â Iâd laugh, âI canât hear a word.â
You would sometimes slip up, throwing words into the air. I watched your mouth move, your lips shape syllables, form around sounds but couldnât pick up anything besides mumbled whispers in my own mind. Youâd stop just in time to realize what you had forgotten, a mid-sentence sadness swept across your face before it morphed into embarrassing hilarity. I never loved a sight more.
Gradually you continued to fall into me, as I had fallen into you. Though, I knew our days were getting shorter with each passing moment and there was a feeling in my gut that you knew too. We were from different places, different worlds, separated by barriers and walls and words. I experienced the pain before, as others listened and left. This apparent connection, this unspoken love could never exist past the time that remained. I couldnât bear to tell you. The courage within me failed at each attempt, your heart-felt smile appeared more often than not then, and the dreaded winter days couldnât have been farther behind. Happiness I thought, is more important now.
âGood morning sunshine, glad to see youâre still here.â
Your cheeks flushed as you nodded a sleepy nod. An impulse came over me in that instant, perhaps derived from the apparent innocence you possessed. My mouth moved without warning.
âWanna know something?â
Another bobble-headed motion cued me to proceed.
âI love you.â
Your eyes peeled open from their tired, crusted state and found their way into me, staring through my penned being. You pulled back, and glanced around, dazed. It seemed as though you had been woken up from a dream, and found yourself lying in a strangerâs bed. Your hands scaled my open arms, your eyes scanned ink. Slowly and carefully you counted the pages left, 3. I knew I was losing you.
âHey, HeyâŠâ
You shook your head in awe, disbelief. It was apparent in the beginning, from the moment you sat down to listen, that the story would eventually end. Â We both knew someday, you would come across the final sentence, final word, and have to continue living the life you lived when you left me in the cold, and I would still remain an idea locked within these pages.
âIâm sorry,â I whisper.
Your eyes began to water as the rain clouds rolled in.
âPlease, let me explainâŠâ
âI fell for you the moment you picked me up, the second you agreed to move passed the first word written, and listen. I never had a name but the one you created for me in your mind. I never held a face, or shape or frame but when I speak you give me form. When you decide to put me down, I wither without the warmth of your palms and when you return my light is restored. I told you when our story began, I would be all you wanted me to be. I told you that I would always be here, if you wanted to listenâŠâ
One more page was left.
âI have nowhere to go, Iâll always be right here where our story starts, and ends.â
I crumbled to the floor at the sound of reality; my soul was lined in letters, and pinned to pages. Leaving was never an option. Heavy sobs weighted with pain escaped through my clenched teeth, I grasped my chest in its ache. Your tears fell freer than before as you watched my agony unfold sentence by sentence, the rain in my world mimicked. I staggered to my feet, soaked in the waters of our loss. Your hands trembled against the weight of an ending, and caused surges of high wind to be born in my sky. I struggled to stay put, I struggled to find reason.
âI canât save you from your end, you canât save me from mine. You can go back, you can fall in love with these words again.â
You began shaking your head again, slow at first. With the realization of what was to come, your eyes sewed shut and the shaking increased momentum.
âNo,â you mouthed through swollen lips, âNO,â
and I heard it then, a faint echo in the distant hills. The wind carried it to my ears, pinned the sound to my heart. I heard your words, the music in them. Chills ignited through my body, a slow smile crept upon my face.
âI canât leave.â
Such a voice in that instant stole my breath, left me gasping, coughing laughter and tears while on all fours. Â My body convulsed, heaved as though sickness had trumped pain. My skin crawled as though ants were playing in my veins, and my torso ached with white hot flame. I looked up at you then, your face in a frame of gray sky. Your eyes locked on mine, just as they did on page one. I stared into you recalling every moment I thought about you, every instance you changed my world â my own mother nature. I imagined you here in those last seconds.
You choked back heavy sobs.
I closed my eyes and waited there, in the thought of your arms around me. Your tears soaked the pages, drenching me in an unfair goodbye.
Last line.
âI love you,â I whisper.
Darkness ensues and I am left to wonder if you will ever return to the penned landscape you often dreamed about. Does it even matter? Iâm merely another chapter in your life, while you will always remain an entire book in mine.
