[dankmemeuniversity]

[babyanimalgifs]

[bluedress74]

I love dogs

[babyanimalgifs]

[bluedress74]

I'm sitting here people.

[bluedress74]

There was no Internet when I was a kid.  There was barely an Internet when I was in my mid-twenties.  I remember the first time I discovered AOL chat rooms.  I was up all night and had to force myself to go to sleep.  You had to scan a picture that you took with your polaroid in order to give someone a pic.  It was fucking hilarious.  Now social media is the thing.  Is there any other thing? 

[bluedress74]

Lisa Green (leemariegreen)

My pinning is completely out of control.  So is my drinking while pinning.  .

[bluedress74]

I only quote movies.  God forbid I should come up with something myself.  I'm hilarious with other people's ideas

[bluedress74]

Career Suicide

When I was 6, I remember going to Burger King.  I had a thing for the people that worked there.  Back then, they ordered through a long thin microphone.  I really wanted to do that for a living.  I looked at them like they were gods as they wished they were dead.

I had other wishes and dreams.  Singer, actor, Michael Jackson’s girlfriend, marine biologist, lawyer, rich housewife, shrink, writer, teacher, professional comedian, hotline answerer, radio show host, stripper, porn star, drug dealer and the winner of the Next Food Network Star.

I settled on retail assistant manager in my twenties.  I was a shiftless lush with weird hours at a record store in the local mall.  It did it’s job.  All of sudden I found myself wishing for the commute.  So I started working in the city at a sales job.  I dreaded getting up in the morning but I had money.  Money, dread, money dread…every damn morning wishing for mono.  

Office management is where I landed.  Paper shuffling, soul crushing, phone call forwarding, email writing, dream dying siege

[bluedress74]

Idiot Box

I lived my life in front of the TV.  I had this dream that if I could just get into that box, I could make my life seem less pathetic.  So I pretended to be Natalie Green from Facts of Life.  She seemed to have a good handle on what she wanted and how she wanted it and even though she had some rough times she always had a one liner to back up that cheesy grin.

WHAM!  Instant personality for me.

[bluedress74]

Addicted to Like

I started out early with the boys.  Just the wanting not the fucking.  I always had a crush on someone.  The kid from two rows down at church, the boyfrom Ecuador at school, the wayward teen who felt me up when I was thirteen, the junkie who asked for change at the deli, the dickhead who stocked the shelves at Toys R Us, the maniac who talked to the dead…good times

When I got married the first time it seemed like I was living in some else’s body like Quantum Leap. I was there to make sure things stayed in line with the fates, when I was done I would move on to another body and live their life till it was time to leap again.  I made the jump in but barely made it out.  What the fuck did I know?  I was desperate to get out of my parent’s house and so I fucked the first guy that showed interest in me that way and said yes to the isolation routine

He sold all my furniture twice to pay the dealer.  

[bluedress74]

God Damn

There is no real way to worship God.  Who is God and what the fuck does he want from me?  

Religion in my family was a big deal.  It was a way of goddamn life.  Do this, don’t ever do that and if you do it this way the whole time you might get rewarded. Not definitely.  Maybe.

What do people know about what’s really in store for them?  The old assholes in my church seemed to be pretty positive of their futures and they made certain to let me know just how much they understood mine. But lets face it…they don’t know anything.   The only thing they knew was how to let me know what they think they knew.

[bluedress74]

Killjoy

Lets start off by saying that when I was born, I diedinside…a little.

Not all the way.  Not enough to make the blood stop circulating or the heart stop beating.  Or the brain stop functioning.  Just enough.

So, I went on that way for a while.  Just existing within a timeline.  You know the drill, school, church, friends (not good ones).  The occasional “happy”moment where you say “Hey, I did that”. Graduation from school was one of those moments.

That’s  about it.  

 School was horrific for the most part.  I did okay in school.  I got by. But the social structures of elementary, middle and high school was not one I could navigate correctly.  I was always just left of the road.  

Fuck them, I always said. I march to the beat of my own drummer. But I didn’t know the tune nor did I know the fucking drummer.  I just heard noise in my head and went with that.

[bluedress74]

I've always been a morning person. I like waking up to a dark house, everyone else is still asleep and there is silence. Gives me a chance to drive myself crazy with my own thoughts. Lee

[bluedress74]

Winter silly stocks

[bluedress74]

Wanna VD with me? But to quote a great film The Women from 1939 "lamour, lamour how it can bring you down" Lee

[bluedress74]

Here I go again on my own....

I always loved this song. David Coverdale sings about sucking at love. We all suck at love. Maybe if we learned how to speak to one another and respect each other...well than the title of White Snakes to hit of the late 80s would have been more like..Here I Go Again to the store for my wife because she needs tampons Lee

[bluedress74]

Good god

[bluedress74]

Why do I love reruns of the Golden Girls?