“Excuse me, where’s the restroom?” she asked, innocently.
“We don’t have one.” I hear my Shift Lead loud and clear from the back of the kitchen, over the sizzling burgers.
“Don’t… have… one… at all?” Her voices rises incredulously, and I know my poor Lead is in for a debate.
“No, ma’am, it’s just the kitchen back here. Fryer, grill.” The fryer bubbles in the background, the scent of fresh potatoes in the air.
I glance over; the woman and her companion, date? had been here for a while already. I’d taken their order from behind the register personally: two specials, an order of loaded brisket cheesy tots, and two chocolate milkshakes.
Tonight’s special was fantastic: a quarter pound burger with bacon, anchovies, lettuce, topped with a spicy creamy Caesar dressing.
And now, it’d been nearly an hour. Surely they were finished eating and ready to go?
Their plates were still on the table, empty. I could see the majority of the appetizer and milkshakes gone, as well.
I glanced over to the woman, who was now breaking a sweat.
“Okay, where can I find a ladies room?” Her tone was urgent, almost angry.
Surprised, I focused on her again. Her hands were clasped just above her waistline, her stomach swollen and full (not unusual after a meal here!)
My team lead started giving directions to our partner bar, less than a block away. It’s an upscale place, romantic, and again, close.
“There?! I can’t ma- ok, thank you.!”
I glanced up as she crossed the street, and noticed a hand on her rear end.
About 10 minutes later, our phone rang.
It was the General Manager at the bar.
“You’ve got a Karen coming. One of your customers thinks she has food poisoning. She’s here now but she’s saying she’s got it in her head to go back to you…”
I sighed, and thanked him.
15 minutes after that, the door swung open. It was the same woman, her hair slightly mussed and her make up a bit smudged now. She was ghastly white, though even I could see the green tinge on her face in the dusk.
“Your food…I’ve been sick! It’s food poisoning!” Her voice carried through the small dining area and I was grateful only a handful of regulars were present.
“Ma’am, I’m so sorry, are you alright? This is serious to us- “
She cut me off with a wail.
“I’ve just finished my dinner here and it went right through me! I almost couldn’t make it across the street!”
I looked up to meet her gaze, bracing for her anger. And then I noticed. Her eyes were, not blazing with rage, but glazed with distressed tears.
Before I could show compassion, a guttural burp rose from her throat.
“I have to go!” she choked out, doubling over. Just then, the unmistakable whine of flatulence filled the air.
She whimpered and turned to the door.
And that’s when I saw it.
A small, rapidly growing dark spot right on the seat of her shorts.
She must have felt it, too, because she let out a wail and stumbled for the door.
I expect to get a bad review tonight….