Bluster the Benevolent

Bluster the Benevolent, hailed as a god! Spreading joy and love instead of bumbling like a clod. Bluster the Benevolent wins the Nobel Prize, For bringing world peace about in the blink of an eye.

[blusterthebenevolent]

Festival of Wife

[kongnextdoor]

“Alrighty then… wait, why is his number in my phone, I don’t remember ever entering it. Hmmm… must be a plot-hole…” so quickly we jump cut to the point after Tiny explains that while she is willing to marry him, she cannot have kids. She also explains the surrogate child with Candy part and most of the things we’ve just discussed, minus the secrets (obviously) that would be boring and redundant to go through again.

“Candy’s actually with me right now, so you’ll know I’m not lying.”

[blusterthebenevolent]

[blusterthebenevolent]

Festival of Wife

“@kongnextdoor, I need a Trophy wife by the next Festival of Lights. How can I explain this… have you ever seen the movie ‘The Bachelor’? Basically mumsy is going to cut me off unless I get married, and Candy has proven… difficult. So, what do ya say? There’s lots of money in it for you too! With access to the Bluster fortune you can buy all the dresses and chocolate bon-bons you want, or whatever it is girls like.

Oh, and you have to produce a grandchild within five years, and it has to be mine… but that should be easy enough, right? It’s only 2-5 minutes of work a day until you get pregnant, and then the worst is over! Oh, and it should go without saying, but you can’t ever divorce me or mumsy will hunt you down and have you secretly killed… but, now that I’ve warned you it will never happen, right?

So, anyway, think about it; convince Candy if you can, if not it’ll have to be you or Dixie. I’ll come by tomorrow for your answer.”

[kongnextdoor]

“NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE–”

[blusterthebenevolent]

“The Festival of Lights is coming up and I need a definitive answer from you, I brought along this piece of paper in case my blushing bride-to-be is too shy to answer in person.

[blusterthebenevolent]

Festival of Wife

“@kongnextdoor, I need a Trophy wife by the next Festival of Lights. How can I explain this... have you ever seen the movie ‘The Bachelor’? Basically mumsy is going to cut me off unless I get married, and Candy has proven... difficult. So, what do ya say? There’s lots of money in it for you too! With access to the Bluster fortune you can buy all the dresses and chocolate bon-bons you want, or whatever it is girls like.

Oh, and you have to produce a grandchild within five years, and it has to be mine... but that should be easy enough, right? It’s only 2-5 minutes of work a day until you get pregnant, and then the worst is over! Oh, and it should go without saying, but you can’t ever divorce me or mumsy will hunt you down and have you secretly killed... but, now that I’ve warned you it will never happen, right?

So, anyway, think about it; convince Candy if you can, if not it’ll have to be you or Dixie. I’ll come by tomorrow for your answer.”