noire et de l'or @blvckenedgold - Tumblr Blog

There's always been this void. This menacingly empty feeling inside of me, moving me to tears at the most unexpected moments. This is one of those moments. I want so much to have a sense of direction. To know what I want out of life, and the right way to achieve it. I've only come to terms with myself that... I'm not okay. And, I do need help. But, to others, I come off as a know-it-all, or totally uncaring. I wish I had someone to speak to that could offer me words of wisdom. Someone who has overcome this feeling. I never was exposed to religion, and have no idea how to approach God for guidance. I want to so badly...

I've never given myself to anyone.

When I'm alone... I dance. I sing. I cry. I give myself praise, I scowl at myself. I think about the present, and what may come in the future. I drown myself in my own imagination, thinking up and re-directing scenarios. I make faces at myself in the mirror. I analyze my body and its flaws. I read. I write. I research... all without company. Without giving anyone the opportunity to see me for who I really am.