My Adolescent Development Paper

This is my Tumblr for my Massey paper as part of my BA in Education.

[bob-bailey]

My final post: reflections of a Tumblr newbie.

The prospect of using Tumblr as part of a paper, and then being assessed on it, was quite daunting. I had never used Tumblr, and wasn’t too sure of the social protocols surrounding Tumblr posting either. My first posts were much more akin to articles than posts, but as I watched other classmates I got the rough idea.

I can see the reasoning behind using Tumblr as a tool for adolescent study, as it gets more mature students (I'm 53) using a tool that has relevance to teens. However, it lends itself much more to quick and superficial posts, or at least that is how it felt to me. For a question that I was interested in I tended to go immediately to essay mode! I did not quite get the hang of breaking my thought train up in to post sized chunks. That would have taken a little more time.

Overall, I greatly enjoyed the challenge and amy start a Tumblr of my own and migrate over from Facebook!

[krugernicole]

This photo make me sad.

Getting a divorce has become the norm in our society and majority of the time the children suffer. Although parents don’t want the divorce to have an impact on their children it still does. A broken family and being surrounded by constant arguing can have major affects on the development of an adolescent.

[caitgeorgmat-blog]

What an appalling advertisement!!  The law firm promoting couples to divorce is only thinking of themselves as it is them who are the only winners of this process.  Also the suggestive photo implying that a person’s sex life will improve with a sexier partner is shocking and makes me wonder whether the advertisement was created by men.  Marriage is sacred and seeing this picture makes a mockery of the commitment two people initially make to one another.  Furthermore, the billboard insinuates that if you are having problems within your marriage then it is better to divorce rather than work through the problems.  According to Statistics New Zealand (2013) 9.4 marriages out of every 1000 dissolved last year.  While this number has been declining annually, the number of weddings is also dropping.  This may suggest either couples no longer value the concept of marriage or are possibly afraid of becoming a divorce statistic.  With advertisements like above this is not surprising.

[bob-bailey]

Well, I've been married 30 years and can confidently say that the benefits of sorting things, and thus gaining a deeper understanding of your partner, vastly outweigh the fleeting pleasures inferred from this ad. I agree with both of you on this one. However, I do wonder if men and women who self interest is so overwhelming, and life outlook so shallow, don't actually deserve each other. Hey, I think I've just found my road to riches, a dating agency that only deals with good looking rich people, hope no-one has beat me to it!

By the way, saying the ad must of been created by men is like saying all blondes are stupid. Let's be fair on both sides of the fence!

[larasheridan-ad]

To This Day Project - Shane Koyczan

Shane Koyczan “To This Day” http://www.tothisdayproject.com Help this message have a far reaching and long lasting effect in confronting bullying. Please sha…

Honestly this is so powerful and speaks entirely for itself. I can’t preach this enough. To tackle bullying we need to attack the core element of what is causing such pain. Adolescence are particularly vulnerable. 

[briarlinklater-deactivated20141]

Thank you so much for sharing this link.  Shane Koyczan gives such a powerful performance and the insights he shares into the victims of bullying is as invaluable as it is heart-rending.  Anyone who sees this will never brush off bullying tactics with a “kids can be cruel”.  Raising awareness so that those with authority will never hesitate to step in - even if our only authority is that we are a concerned bystander.  A much repeated and mis-attributed maxim: “Evil only thrives where good men (women, children, teenagers) do nothing”.

[bob-bailey]

This is one of the toughest problems in adolescence. We have constructed a competitive society, and one in which it can be difficult to feel you personally are a winner. So, if you see someone who lower down the competitive pecking order than you, picking on them makes you feel like you are “better”. Resilience is the key to these issues, particularly in today’s society. This begins in the home setting, teaching kids to depend on their own evaluation of themselves to form a self concept. Teaching children and adolescents coping strategies in the face of adversity (be it bullying, poor grades, family breakup or whatever) is a key task of a caregiver in my opinion (Santrock, 2014).

I would not agree that we should expect those in authority to step in and sort such situations. Obviously, any compassionate adult seeing these things should step in, but it is not a substitute for teaching our children resilience for two reasons. Firstly, there may be no-one in that role around at the time. Even if there is, they may not be competent. In the video the school authorities step in, but fail to carry out basic and timely verification of how the bruising had occurred. This made matters much worse for the child being investigated. Secondly, teaching children to rely on others to resolve sticky situations teaches them to be dependent. Although it is harder to build up adolescents who are independent, it is to the long term benefit of both caregiver and teen.

Santrock, J. W. (2014). Adolescence 15th Ed. McGraw-Hill

[nzbrendan275208-deactivated2016]

ToughLove

TOUGHLOVE NZ is a unique national organisation which focuses on parents of teenagers and provides on-going support for as long as required. It operates a nat…

www.toughlove.org.nz

The video and ‘on-line’ information indicate the reciprocal nature of the relationships between adolescents and parents/care givers.  “Do you feel trapped, guilty, betrayed, helpless or frightened?   Are you struggling to retain control of your life and your family?   Are you troubled by the unacceptable adolescent behaviour of your teenager?   TOUGHLOVE is a loving solution for families that are being torn apart by this unacceptable behaviour.  Families are lost and lives ruined by the lack of intervention and a false sense that there are no other families with …”

There is no doubt the ‘Toughlove’ provides valuable support to parents who are often in very difficult circumstance.

However the storm and stress view of adolescence is also promoted.

"We offer strategies and options for change. We work with parents, not with the kids.  It is the parents who need support to regain the confidence to cope.”

Much of the advice seems appropriate.  However is the term Tough Love Oxymoronic and a Misnomer?

[bob-bailey]

Yeah, tough love seems like a bit of a contradiction, doesn't it!

The term "tough love" comes from twelve step groups based on Alcoholics Anonymous and was developed as a no nonense way for families struggling with a problem to incrementally remove the support structures enabling the family member to continue their behaviour. Its tough to make them suffer, but the ultimate goal of forcing them to get their life back on track is loving. Hence the term "tough love".

From the Alcohol Rehab web site:

Tough love can be defined as love or affection that is expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner. The usual motivation for acting in such away is to promote good behavior. For example, if a parent speaks in angry tones to their child they are likely doing so to encourage this young person to follow the rules. With tough love the individual is treating the other person harshly out of a desire to help that person – they are not acting that way out of malice or knee-jerk anger.

[bob-bailey]

As a follow up to my last post on peer influence, a nice article for parents guiding teens to make good quality friendships.

[bob-bailey]

Peer pressure or peer influence?

The term “peer pressure” has come to have some very negative connotations. We automatically think of someone being pressured to do something they do not want to do, such as have sex. Naturally, this does happen. When it does it is an example of negative peer pressure. However, if I pressurise someone to do something positive, such as avoid drugs, it is positive peer pressure. I prefer the term “peer influence”, which is less emotive and can be either positive or negative.

This brings us to the subject of friends. Who is forming your peer group? The old adage admonishing us to choose our friends wisely would seem to apply here. If we choose friends that match our own values, we will receive positive influence, if not, negative influence may result. Peer influence can be a very important component in teen identity formation, so lets teach our children the value of good friends!

[bob-bailey]

A colourful page that encourages teens to put peers under pressure to do positive things - such as avoid drugs.

[bob-bailey]

Surviving Peer Pressure Video from US

This is a good video that presents strategies for teens to stand up to negative peer pressure. Its strength is that all the actors are teens and the action is set in environments relevant to teens  - such as school or the skate park. It deals with many topics such as bullying and stealing, and presents practical advice of how to handle such peer situations.

[nzbrendan275208-deactivated2016]

The 6 Essential Roles Parents Play in the Lives of Teens

This link from the USA provides some good advice.  Presented simply I found it to be a good to not waste the opportunity to enedavour to positively influence adolescents.

It promotes the following six stages.

1. Teacher 

2. Coach

3. Cheerleader

4. Guide

5. Advocate

6. Disciplinarian 

The term disciplinarian is not one I feel appropriate for the stage of late adolescents.  Assistance and  support  with consequential thinking is more appropriate.  In line with authoritative parenting the article promotes assisting to help make healthy choices.  This is in line with the role of guide or support person.  So perhaps Accountability is better for #6.  The process of reciprocal socialization sees accountability as an important concept for both parent and adolescent.

[bob-bailey]

I agree that “disciplinarian” has unfortunate connotations. Basically, it’s a firm hand on the Teens  life direction when they’re headed for bad things and big mistakes. I would like to encourage all parents not to overlook number 5. When my lad was about 15, he was bullied and told he was no good at his chosen craft (song writing) and became depressed. He needed someone to go into bat for him, I did, but was slow off the mark. Teens needs a variety of people to advocate for them, but need to know that the family anchors (parents) will be there for them when required.

[teeenageeeerrss]

[bob-bailey]

I must admit I think this father is abdicating his responsibility to guide his daughter. Assuming that she is of school age, he needs to incrementally guide his daughter to understand the dynamics at play in relationships. If she decided she was to date someone different every night would that be OK? I'd definitely make a rule against that! If she was attracted to "bad boys", wouldn't her father need to help her understand why and the potential outcomes? The trick is to make rules that support growth, and you can both see the need for. If you make the rukes jointly, the teen will not feel they have been "ordered around". Not making rules at all is permissive, or worse, absent parenting. The guy's shirt looks cool, but appeals to the emotion, and lacks any substance. Oh, and just letting your daughter do what she wants is NOT feminism.

 Step forward fathers, your daughters need you!

[bob-bailey]

My experience as a father has been that a secure home is vital at all stages of life. At adolescence and early adulthood, it the place you can always return to if things go wrong, or to share your triumphs! I believe that young people stepping out to run there own lives need to know they have a safety net. They may not need it, but it good to know!

[adolescentdevelopment-blog]

Should parents stay together for the sake of the children and adolescents?

No.

[2roseslisa]

Definitely not! Walking on egg shells, watching parents fight & argue is not something I want for my children and adolescent. Yes it can be unsettlig in other areas of their lives but…

[briarlinklater-deactivated20141]

I absolutely agree with this.  However, I believe the major difficulty is knowing when to call it quits.  I have a nagging suspicion that in many circumstances the final curtain may called on a relationship prematurely.  How much of the “worse” to you weather while waiting for the “good”? Anecdotally, there are many in older generations who ‘had’ to stick together, managed to work through things, and were incredibly happy… just as there were many trapped in impossible situations for whom there was no escape (and I would wish that on no-one).  I personally know a couple who were divorced after years and three children together, went their separate ways for a number of years, and were just recently remarried and could not be happier!  If only we had a crystal ball to know what the future holds, whichever road we choose, and thank goodness we live in a time and culture where we can choose.

[bob-bailey]

The consequences for children of parents staying together is going to depend on the level and type of relationship dysfunction. If it mildly “not getting on”, and the children have strong relationships with both parents, it may benefit the children for them to stay together until they are older. However, if the relationship is abusive, or worse, the children are being abused, this will result in long term psychological damage to the children and the relationship needs to end for their benefit. So, a non committal answer here, I’m afraid!

[bob-bailey]

Do modern pedagogical practices favour girls?

Way back, the delivery of education content favoured boys, and girls lagged behind. This was not because they were less bright, but because their are gender differences in learning styles. We now cater for the learning styles of girls to a much higher degree, and girls now outperform boys. I feel their is a real danger here of the pendulum swinging too far the other way, however. We need education content delivery that is sensitive to the learning styles of both genders.

[achamberlain275208]

Diana Baumrind outlined four different styles of parenting. Authoritarian parenting can be described as restrictive, and is characterised by the parent expecting adolescents to follow their directions and value work and effort. There is little opportunity for verbal exchange, with the parent wanting the teenager to do things their way with no discussion. However, this can lead to the adolescent becoming anxious regarding comparison, having difficulty initiating activity, and exhibiting poor social skills.

Authoritative parenting is associated with flexible guidelines that allow adolescents to be independent within reason. Extensive amounts of communication occur, and the parent is warm and nurturing in nature towards the teenager. Adolescents who grow up with this type of parenting are generally socially competent, self-reliant and responsible.

Uninvolved or neglectful parents are often passive and distant, and may not know where their teenage children are. Adolescents therefore grow up believing that other aspects of their parents’ lives are more important than they are, and can become socially incompetent, and lack self-control and independence.

Finally, permissive or indulgent parenting typically includes being over-involved with teenagers, but few guidelines or demands are established. Adolescents are able to do what they wish, and therefore often lack self-control as they are used to getting their own way (Santrock, 2010).

I believe that authoritative parenting is best as there is a positive balance between appropriate guidelines, independence and support. Teenagers are therefore able to explore and navigate this life stage in a safe and directed manner, and can rely on appropriate parental responsiveness when it is required.

[mattyj2014blr-deactivated201501]

I agree and like the authoritative parenting style.  This technique allows the adolescent to grow their own independence through open and forward communication with their parents.  Boundaries and expectations are still set, but these are discussed and compromises can be made from both parties.      

[bob-bailey]

In my experience, authoritative parenting will give the best guide to children and teens. But many teens actually seek permissive parents. As they start to assert their own independence, they may want to take decisions that conflict with their parents wishes. The source of this conflict is often that the teen feels equipped to make the decision for themselves, but the parent does not think they are ready yet. Therefore there is always a tension between authoritative and permissive styles. As the teen matures the style naturally drifts to the permissive end.

[chocolatefisher]

When you think of it, really there are four fundamental questions of life. You’ve asked them, I’ve asked them, every thinking person asks them. They boil down to this; origin, meaning, morality and destiny. ‘How did I come into being? What brings life meaning? How do I know right from wrong? Where am I headed after I die? Ravi Zacharias

No matter your personal views of Ravi Zacharias I think this quote holds many truths, especially for adolescents who are figuring out shades of right and wrong and asking more abstract questions about themselves and existence as postformal thought emerges.  According to Wikipedia, Ravi Zacharias has had an interesting moral and religious personal journey.  He grew up in an Anglican household, was an atheist until waking in hospital from an unsuccessful suicide attempt.  Thereafter he has become devoted to evangelism.  A supportive family and tertiary education helped him transition into adulthood.

His trajectory shows that major non-normative life events in adolescence can have a substantial impact on moral development.

http://www.rzim.org/about/ravi-zacharias/ 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravi_Zacharias

(via chocolatefisher)

[teensareunique]

As this page states, conflict can help with the transition into autonomy, an important stage of development.

[cathy-heath-deactivated20141026]

There’s an interesting article in the NZ Herald today from Sir John Kirwan about parents involvement in teenagers lives. In Italy, he perceives parents to have a much more inclusive role in what a teenager does or say, compared to Kiwi parents, who give their teens more space and think that life’s hard knocks are an important exercise in shaping resilience. Sir John’s top 5 tips for parents messages when supporting teens are:

Not necessarily about taking over or getting really bossy-it can just be listening or being reflective

About consistency, courage and faith

About being in a place where you belong

Having people who will go in to bat for you

People who are accepting and loving who you are

I was interested in his suggestion of reflection, and one that I might use more with my teen. I know that when I think about a situation, when I have the time to look at a situation dispassionately, and then describe it to someone else, it helps take the hurt, disappointment, and anger out, and makes the issue “it is what it is”. From then I can get peace, and think about how to avoid this type of thing happening again, take assertive steps forward, or just let it go. I can see how this type of thinking by me when talking with my daughter could also help with modeling different ways of handling problems, and helping avoid getting the blues.

[bob-bailey]

An interesting article. The first thing I noticed when we came to New Zealand was the way that children were not “wrapped up in cotton wool” as they are in the UK. When the school took my son on a trip to the local hills, I was aghast! In the UK, even walking two streets to the local swimming pool is deemed too dangerous! I now see it very differently. Children in Europe are given the idea that they must live their lives without risk. However, as young adults they find that is impossible. We need, as we do here, to teach our children how to identify risks worth taking as opposed those that are not.

[lk8w]

This is interesting and fun! Even if you don’t agree with the results you get, the multi choice answers make you think about your own morality! 

Will you be truthful or just tick the box that fits societies standards for morals and social conscience?? 

I got 34.5 out of a total of 44. This is what it said.

“Your score puts you in the mature category of social reasoning and the majority of people will have scores in this range. Thinking here transcends the practicalities of one’s preferences and exchanges to an emphasis upon social feeling, caring and conduct.

You take into account the consequences of actions for other people, whether for benefit or harm, as a consideration in its own right for deciding how one should act towards others. You emphasize relationships, thinking how you might feel if you were on the receiving end. Empathy is important, as well as compassion.

You are likely to expect others to conform to normally expected conduct, reflecting on “common decency” and will think of the chaos caused by laws being broken. You will value, love and respect others, and appreciate some higher values, as well as speaking of the benefits of a clean conscience or pride.”

What did you get???

[adolescentd]

I got a 36 out of 44. I really enjoyed doing this quiz. It really made me think about my morals, and I definitely wanted to choose more than one option on some of the questions. 

[275208-1402]

I scored a 31.5 out of 44. It was fun to consider why I felt things were ‘Very Important’, ‘Important’, or ‘Not Important’

[bob-bailey]

Fun and thought provoking! I got 37.5, which according to my wife's scoring rubric means I am a boring old fart! The questions were well tailored to allow people from responsible to irresponsible (selfish) to express themselves. It was a bit like sitting a citizenship exam!