BoJack Horseman Quotes

Just my personal favourite quotes from the Netflix show BoJack Horseman no I said personal not personnel (This account is still active! Kinda.)

[bojack-says]

And that's when you realise, the book you've been writing in your head is never gonna be a book. So, you stop-

-Diane Nguyen, S02E09: The Shot

[bojack-says]

Diane: Hey.

BoJack: Hey. You're still here?

Diane: Yup. Still here.

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Don't. Don't you dare. If you are not out of my driveway in 30 minutes, I will call the police. And if you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.

-Charlotte Carson, S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Charlotte: Guy goes into the doctor's office. Says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." You know what the doctor says?

BoJack: "Don't do that."

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Charlotte: Can I tell you a joke?

BoJack: Is it a long joke with no punchline?

Charlotte: No.

BoJack: Then go ahead.

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

BoJack: Before you left town, you told me L.A. was a tar pit. Do you remember that?

Charlotte: Oh, God. I said so many things when I was young. I thought I was so deep.

BoJack: Well, do you still think it's true?

Charlotte: Do I think L.A. is a tar pit? No. No, I think you're the tar pit.

BoJack: Me?

Charlotte: No, not "you" you. I'm just saying...it doesn't matter where you are, it's who you are, and that's not gonna change whether you're in California, or Maine or New Mexico. You know, you can't escape...you.

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Penny: If you wanna do it, I'm ready. I have condoms in my room and I know how to put one on with my mouth.

BoJack: With your mouth??

Penny: I put one on a banana in health class.

BoJack: With your mouth? What kind of health class--?

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

BoJack: I'd say it's time to get down, time to hit the town.

Penny: Is that a lyric from that "Do the BoJack" song?

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

God, no! This is not the immediate praise I expected.

-BoJack Horseman, S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Ready for the chorus, stay on the beat, and here...we...go. Waka waka. Now boys and girls, if you wanna do the BoJack, take your hands and put them on your-

-BoJack Horseman, S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Oh, my God. I'm not in a mood. Whatever. Get bent. I hate my life. I can't wait to be dead.

-Penny Carson, S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Kyle: Does she have a name?

BoJack: The boat? It does not.

Kyle: Come on. You gotta give her a name.

Penny: You should call it the Escape from L.A.

BoJack: That actually is a good name for it, the nongendered object.

S02E11: Escape from L.A.

[bojack-says]

Princess Carolyn: Where the hell are you?

BoJack: Tesuque.

Princess Carolyn: Te-who-ka?

BoJack: Tesuque, New Mexico. Outside Santa Fe.

Princess Carolyn: Are you te-stupid? If you don't get your ass back te-set, you're gonna get te-sued.

S02E11: Escape From L.A.

[bojack-says]

Charlotte: You are at the breakfast table with your parents, your big sister and an old man. What could possibly be arousing you?

BoJack: Am I the old man?

S02E11: Escape From L.A.

[bojack-says]

Kyle and the kids? Please tell me that's the name of your band.

-BoJack Horseman, S02E11: Escape From L.A.

[bojack-says]

Charlotte: Yeah, let's get you back to my place.

BoJack: What about the store? What if somebody has an emergency and they need more...turquoise shit?

S02E11: Escape From L.A.

[bojack-says]

BoJack: So, Wanda's moving out.

Diane: Oh shit, because of me?

BoJack: No. Because of me.

S02E10: Yes And