naught the one

California

[houseofnadeen]

[sailor--ari]

[imthehuman]

[desactivemaintenant-deactivated]

[allgoodnamesrgon3]

!!!!

[free-my-mindd]

[regular-love]

[boldheartofgold]

Hearing my therapist say I don’t deserve the heartbreak I experience, especially from my dad, was a lot.

Coming to the realization that he doesn’t know how to love, no matter how much I try to model it for him, has been such a painful experience. And also learning that I basically seek out men who are the same way (avoidant, emotionally immature or unavailable) is eye-opening and very hard to deal with. I try to prove to men that they can be loving and supportive by staying around way longer than I should. Because in my mind, I want to be able to say I didn’t give up and I did all I could to help him see his potential. Only for him to redirect that potential to someone else, like my dad does with me.

I’m coming to terms with all of this while also finding my voice and speaking up for my needs, no matter if I know those words will fall on deaf ears.

Anyway, therapy is worth every penny.

[javarisx-fightingthosedemons]

[unbotheredmuse]

[9710144]

[boldheartofgold]

I haven’t boohoo cried before bed in so long I forgot this shit gives me a headache upon waking. Hate it here.

[boldheartofgold]

Dad: “Your mother sent you some money.”

Still taking care of her baby in the afterlife. Thank you, Mom. I love you to the moon and back. 🕊

[javarisx-fightingthosedemons]

[1617]

Don’t be shocked when life starts to get good. You deserve that.

[unbotheredmuse]

[if98]

“If it breaks your heart but opens your eyes, take that as a win.”

[yungdonr]

I’m only soft when I like somebody, everybody else get this gangsta shit