Liaison Extraordinaire @bonbon-bonny - Tumblr Blog

“The people of the heart- the painters, the poets, the musicians, the dancers, the actors- are all irrational. They create great beauty, they are great lovers, but they are absolutely unfit in a society that is arranged by the head.

Your artists are thought by your society to be almost outcast, a little bit crazy, an insane type of people. Nobody wants his or her children to become musicians or painters or dancers. Everybody wants them to be doctors, engineers, scientists, because those professions pay. Painting, poetry, dance, are dangerous, risky - you may end up just a beggar on the street, playing on your flute… I am not against anything. I am only against disharmony, and because your head is creating the most inharmonious situation, I want your head to be put in the right place.

It is a servant, not a master.”

- Osho

Maybe this world would be better off, if I just wasn’t in it anymore. I hope that’s not true…but sometimes it very much feels like it. Sometimes I want to give up. But still I cling to that little thread of life that’s left in me. I pray that people see how hard I am trying to survive, and would rather help me then see me end it all.

All I ever wanted when I was little was to be married, to have a happy family, to be a good parent and show my kids that the world is a beautiful place.

Please, show me that kindness still exists and has virtue. Please forgive me for my part in the way my life has unfolded.

The only thing I want now, is to hope that somehow knowing me made life just a little bit more bearable. Please don’t extinguish me. I am trying so hard and I have no idea why my life had to wind up like this.

I need a protector. I know I’m just a tiny fleck in the universe, but please keep me safe. Show me that life can still be good, that it’s not just an endless maze of pain and suffering.

I have so very very little.

The one thing I try to keep close to my heart is that the world may judge you, but god doesn’t. Sometimes people mess up in big ways. But should we look at them as if they don’t deserve happiness also?

Everyone, no matter how badly they have messed up in their life’s deserves happiness. Everyone deserves the chance to wake up feeling happy about their lives.

If someone has hurt me, I really do forgive you. I just want you to be happy. And the most I can hope for is that if anyone has the power to destroy me that they have the compassion not to. I don’t think any of us thought as children we would turn into the adults we are today. Sometimes we make bad choices, we hurt people, we hurt them sometimes without ever realising the damage we’ve done.

I don’t want to wake up every morning feeling like my life, my freedom, my happiness is hanging by a thread.

At this point, all I wish for is the chance to work on my projects and hopefully be married to a man that loves me and supports me in the best way he can. I cannot keep doing this all on my own. I am tired, I am exhausted. Please just show me the right thing to do, and I’ll do it.

Please….just someone…anyone…everyone…have some compassion for me.

If anyone has a job for me, please let me know. At this point I’m pretty much ready to do anything.

It’s okay to mess up, but if we do we should try our best to amend it to the best of our ability. In whatever ways we can. Sometimes it’s a lot, sometimes it’s a little bit more than anything the important part is to try. Anyone can be a hero, as long as in their hearts they wish to be.

I cannot do this on my own. I need a protector. Whatever it is, please just keep me safe. I need your help.

To those who may ever have it in their power to crush me but choose not to. Thank you for your kindness, thank you for your compassion. Perhaps I will never see you, but I will never forget your benevolence.

I am a demisexual. It means I think that I cannot fall in love with someone unless they make an effort. I cannot get turned on, I can’t get aroused. It’s annoying for sure, especially when we live in a world where so many people can just go there but 🤦‍♀️ I can’t. Every time I made sacrifices to try and make it work, it didn’t. Do I wish I could change this part of myself? Sometimes. It certainly would make things much easier.

Sometimes I like to imagine there’s a guy out there who feels the same way I do. Maybe he’s had his heart trampled all over too in the past. Maybe he closed it off and built walls to protect himself. Whoever that person is, it could be one or it could be many…I see you 😔 and I’m sorry that happened and I know how that feels. Just remember that even if I never meet you, there is someone in this world who understands. I would never choose to break your heart if you gave it to me. A man’s heart is a very precious thing. And I promise to always do whatever I can to keep it safe to whomever gives me theirs.

I cannot control what people do, I cannot make people love me, I cannot make everyone happy as much as I would want to. All I can ask, is that there’s someone in this world who sees me too. Sees how hard I am trying to be independent, how hard I am trying to keep doing the right thing even when it feels as if I’m about to breakdown, sees my value even if my value is very little and thinks that’s important.

At the very least, I hope that whatever has transpired today, will be better by the morning, and that all of us can wake up knowing that tomorrow will be a better day than the one that came before it.