Bonnie's Corner

hi im Bonnie, age 19, she/her, I just started this to like do some writing as my therapist says. I have weird dreams.

[boniebellrabbit]

Hello, im Bonnie, this is my blog, my therapist thought this could help me remember what I can of my childhood and stop my night terrors that haunt me.

Im posting off mobile, sooooo its a little rough.

Just some things about me:

Age: 19, May 21st born.

Race: white (idk why im formatting this like an oc page but let's gooooo)

Education: currently in college!!!

Fav things: bunnies (french lop is my favvv), clowns, candy, and doodling

DNI: CREEPS!! Unfriendly people, those who think its okay to harm others for any reason, and judgmental people.

Dislikes: spicy food, sports, noisy places, power outages.

And here's a doodle of me (as a bunny)

[boniebellrabbit]

Went to court today for something I don't remember. Had water beforehand..

Got cute clown collectibles on my bag, going to get groceries. When I get to my place ill share what happened in my sleep last night.

It was weird it felt clear. Like fully mentally clear and it made me feel weird when I woke up. Its not about my childhood though.

[boniebellrabbit]

Didn't sleep all night but im fully packed, waiting for my dad to help me move everything to a motel.

Waiting to get picked up so I can move locations. I feel weird but I need some medicine but I'll get it when I get to my new location. I feel weird and wanna draw but I cant bc my stuff is packed up.

Hungry but i also am waiting to get to the hotel.

[boniebellrabbit]

Sorry ive been absent

Here's dinner as i keep prepping to move.

Got my medicine, which is good, and im working through therapy. Idk what to say, I keep thinking about that box I drew a while back. Like its connected to me somehow.

Also found my black pen.

I also keep finding candy scattered around my dorm?? Idk bros, but its always there. I might need to cut back on candy in the future.

But my new anti-psychs are pretty good, I realized also I need my caplyta (mood stabilizer) more than ever bc it balances my body but also like literally it stops my dreams from getting crazy nightmarish.

Like I saw a man with scary green eyes and a psychopathic grin too large for his face constantly when i closed my eyes without my meds.

Update about my disappearance though, as a kid, apparently my mom said people just believed i was at some other kids house which changed when asked to any of the mentioned kids' parents.

Also been playing video games more and watching ATLA for the first time. Enjoying ATLA a lot and im pretty far in DBD rn, sable main and Cheryl main lol.

Its still hard to talk to people so I play games alone most of the time. Might record some videos later maybe... idk.

[boniebellrabbit]

Finished therapy, got stated to have early signs of psychosis.

Have pics from my walk home.

Yeah i have geto and gojo, they showed up together with two blind boxes i got, i have two miku charms on them.

I need to catch up with jjk tbh.

I should finish the manga.

I have no doodles today bc im tired, sorgy....

[boniebellrabbit]

Heading off to therapy.

Gonna stop at a nice cafe before my time tho, had nightmares again. I think I can remember some of it.

I remember it being a small box, I was a kid again and it hurt. I was hungry and then suddenly a hand appeared. With long fingers adored with plastic rings and flower rings, an arm covered in stickers although now without countless kid accessories on it.

It was holding a green piece of food.

I dunno why but I took it and the hand rubbed my head. Its long pointed nails careful not to hurt me as I ate the candy. It was sour, like I ate a whole lime.

But I woke up when I heard something calling my name. The voice was deep and gravelly sounding, like someone gargling rocks and marbles.

Idk, am I just having really weird dreams? I woke up from this dream in a cold sweat tho.

[boniebellrabbit]

Uhhh some vent stuff, idk. I just, I feel insane. My head hurts, I cant focus on my school work and every time its quiet I hear like circus music or something. I hear laughing a lot though, genuinely I hear it so much that im gonna take my meds.

Sorry guys I just cant focus, this box keeps coming up in my memories and I remember only pain and shit but like, its hard, genuinely hard to remember what's going on.

But like I cant stop thinking about that vault my memories seem to be trapped in. Where in the world did I find my love for sour candies and fizzy soda?? I apparently never ate candy before this instance and was weirdly demanding special candy.

[boniebellrabbit]

Okay, so to start with as far back as I can remember. Or what i can remember.

I was an eight year old, messy hair that had just been dyed pink for my eighth birthday, I always had messy hair and I think i was always happy.

I grew up in Iowa, United States. I lived (from what my mom and dad say) a quiet but active life, I was overly friendly and bubbly towards all who met me.

Then apparently I went missing for two years, it didn't get very far, not many cared what happened as it happened often, kids got kidnapped or just disappeared for days.

But then when I came back I was badly injured and different, theres burn scars on my arms and I have weird scars over my body. I don't like my face a lot. (Lost my black pen tbh)

Idk what happened but all photos of me looked like this. I looked sapped... I cant quiet explain it but I look lifeless when I am compared to my 8 year old self. Idk...

I feel like this has been a lot but uhhh I'll post tomorrow, I got math to tackle.