marlboro kisses

i am bonnie and i wanna be the tattoo ink that swims down through the needle in your skin previously marlboro-kisses buy me a coffee

[bonnieternal]

the fact that it will always be you terrifies me

[bonnieternal]

are you ok? i miss you and your writing :(

i am sorry :(

[bonnieternal]

where is the content:((((

hi Ben, i love u

[bonnieternal]

Meeting the love of your life at such a young age is never easy. But I'm glad I met mine when I was 17 and at 21, I'm still madly in love with him. Every day, I find reasons to love him more than I did the day before and I don't know how it is even possible. There is a void inside me and his heart fits in there perfectly. I don't believe in many things, but I do believe in soul mates. I think I found mine. Ben, if you are reading this (and I know you are), I just want you to know that you are the love of my life and I can't wait to spend every day with you. I will tell you every day how much I love you and how happy you make me, until my very last heartbeat. I'm so lucky to have met you.

[bonnieternal]

jesus fuck he is the love of my life

[bonnieternal]

last year on my birthday he came over all dressed up in a white shirt and a bowtie and he brought me a rose and I didn't expect him to do this at all so I was just wearing sweatpants and an oversized tshirt and we laughed and I was so happy

[bonnieternal]

Happy birthday!!!! I hope that everything is really fantastic today and that things continue to improve❤❤❤ 21 is a big point in your life, I hope you can enjoy it❤❤❤

Thank you so much sweetheart! 💖💖💖

[bonnieternal]

happy birthday to me thinking about the past 8 years, I can't believe it that I actually made it to 21

[bonnieternal]

That answer really hurt because I've planed my suicide for my 17th birthday for years now. It's in 4 days. But I'm keeping hope. I can't and I won't do it. Know you're not alone and I love you and understand

Don't you ever do it. Despite how much it hurts right now, I'm glad I didn't do it. 4 years have passed and I'm still here and you will be too. You are not alone, you are loved. Take care.

[bonnieternal]

do you believe in fate?

I almost killed myself on my 17th birthday and not even a month later I met Ben. and he saved me in every way a person can be saved. so my answer is yes, i believe in fate.

[bonnieternal]

would you give Ben another chance?

my head says no, but i think my heart will always say yes.

[bonnieternal]

how old are you?

turning 21 tomorrow

[bonnieternal]

what meds are you on?

Paroxetine for depression and Clonazepamfor anxiety

[bonnieternal]

will you publish a book?

I really want to, I already started selecting poems I wanna include in a book, and I want new things too that haven’t been published on here, but since I’m not from the US, I don’t quite understand how this whole Lulu publishing and taxes, etc. works. But I’ll let you know when I’m about to publish.

[bonnieternal]

I can't deal with this pain anymore, if it wasn't for my mother I'd have already swallowed all these fucking pills

[bonnieternal]

how are you feeling today?

On this day last year we went to see Bring Me The Horizon with Ben in Vienna and it was so fucking perfect and I’ve never felt so alive before, being there with my favourite band and favourite person in the world and I have this bittersweet feeling now.

[bonnieternal]

if I publish my poetry book, I’ll send you a copy to cry over